Snapshots of Us - Week 16

In my head I have the tune of The Platters hit The Great Pretender going round and round, only the words have been changed to say the great procrastinator. I have even gone so far as google the lyrics to see if I could actually rewrite the whole song. Because I am, without a doubt a great procrastinator.

There is a uni assignment patiently waiting for me to do it. It is a critical analysis of a journal article. My brain keeps freezing up at the mere thought of it all and sending my mind into a panic wondering why on earth I thought returning to study was a viable option. Hence  I have taken my procrastination to all kinds of new levels and done anything but actually study.

Sigh.

So what has happened in the last week I here you ask?

Well in my last Snapshot update I mentioned that we had gone for a wee drive to see if we had found our new home for #ouradventureofalife. Turns out we had.

The drive out there was all kinds of awesome and even involved passing through some water. Which was made even cooler by the fact we had just had a new snorkel put on the day before.

While we were out that way, and by out that way I mean Kakadu National Park, we thought we would take the opportunity to do a bit of rock climbing. Ubirr Rock is one of Mr Awesome's favourite places.

And with views like that you can totally understand why.

It was also a great chance to get the girls posing for a few shots in amongst the rocks. In this one they were just pleased to be in the shade. Unfortunately we were out and about in the hottest part of the day but it was unavoidable and most definitely worth it.

Originally we had planned to head west on for #ouradventureofalifetime but now it appears as if we will do a dash down the middle, check out Ayres Rock, Devils Marbles and Kings Canyon before seeking out some snow. We will then head back to Darwin for my specialist appointment and a few test and then head west.

Which has given my mum the perfect opportunity to get her needles out and get her knit on. Teapot is just in love with her scarf, beanie and mittens. They almost need to be forcibly removed when she tested them out.

Oh and this happened

I became the mother of a teenager.

This was taken on her last day of being twelve. It amazes me sometimes just how grown up she not only looks but actually is. Seems like only yesterday she was cradled in my arms.

The difference of a year

This time last year I had just come to the end of the first real extended "me time" in nearly twelve whole years. I had selfishly abandoned my duties as a mother for an entire week. Leaving the children in the more than capable hands of their father. During my time away I had taken part in activities that were of benefit to no one other than myself.

I honestly couldn't even recall the last time I did such a thing. If in fact I ever had, well at least since becoming a mother.

So what was it that I was doing?

I had jumped on a plane and flown pretty much to the other end of the country to attend a conference. Specifically the Digital Parents Conference.

Looking back now I can't quite recall why I thought it was so important that I was there, but I did. And as such I pretty much moved heaven and earth to make it happen.

Perhaps it was because I expected it to be a life changing event?

One in which I saw my blog being discovered for all the wonders that I believed it to hold. Of course I am not saying it was not a life changing event, because even in the smallest of ways I think it was. It was not however the moment that launched me, or my blog into stardom.

Which to start with I must say I was a little disappointed about. Now however, not so much. Now with the passage of time and experience behind me I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that my blog reaching stardom is not the be all and end all I once thought it was.

The best thing about travelling so far and putting myself in a lot of rather uncomfortable situations, despite my stardom not being reached, was getting to met some rather love people. Particularly this one. As much as I love living in my tropical paradise there are not nearly enough wonderful people like her in it. Or maybe there are and I haven't found them, though I doubt it, because she really is a one of kind, kind of awesome chick.

While I would still love for my awesomeness to be discovered by the world at large, I realise that it probably won't. And in so many ways I am ok with that. Sure I am disappointed but I can accept it for what it is. I can also see how far I have come. Which, in case you were wondering is a bloody long way.

When I first started this whole blogging gig I never got any comments. Not one. Though I also didn't have any readers, so that quite possibly had something to do with it. It was all so incredibly disheartening. Being so certain I had words of wisdom to share with the world at large yet my voice remained unheard. Now at least I know that for the most part someone somewhere reads whatever I spew forth here. Which is incredibly nice.

However I also know that whether anyone reads or not I just need to write. Whether the words are full of wisdom or not, I need to free them from inside me.

I don't need to travel to the other end of the country to be surrounded by people I am too intimidated to talk to. I don't need to worry about what every one else is doing or how they are doing it. I don't need to know what is seen as the way to do things.

The best way to do it, is my way. Always has been, I just possibly never realised it till now.

The First Date

This time eleven years ago I was a twenty four year old single mum waking up from what was quite possibly the most wonderful night of my life. Some eighteen hours early I had nervously been awaiting what was really one of my first ever real dates. 

Image credit: Jasmaine Mathews

A blind date it was not, yet in many ways that was exactly how it felt. It had almost been like a lifetime since our paths had last crossed. We were as good as strangers in so many ways.

My mother had agreed to care for Lovely, who at the time was not yet two. Since Mum lived with us at the time it was no real inconvenience for her have her for the night. I greatly appreciated it though and it was by no means something I did often or took real advantage of.

Even though I was a single mum I had not really been so for very long. Lovely's father and I had gone our separate ways the previous April. A week after Lovely's first birthday. I had followed him out in a last ditch effort to save our very flawed relationship. I received the message loud and clear there was nothing to salvage.

The following eight months were incredibly tumultuous for me as I tried to find my way in life once more.

May saw me with a 13 month old, a broken arm and homeless. Returning to Mum and Dad's house really was the most sensible option and reluctantly I took it.

By July I was nearly back on my own feet and settled into my very own rented accommodation. An old weather beaten fibro built house that had some how managed to remain standing when most of the city had been destroyed by a cyclone some twenty five years ago. 

It had three bedrooms, a stainless steel kitchen and a massive yard. All that I needed and a whole lot more. Apparently it was best for me not to be alone. Not that I was alone because I had Lovely but it was a handy excuse for those that wanted to be alone. 

My parents were well and truly entrapped in a can't live with or without them scenario. They would take turns in coming to stay for extended periods of time. Having one with me gave them the space they both needed at the time. 

Dad had gone on another road trip, which mum had to be at her house. For a few moments I was alone. 

Then a friend need a place to stay. In many ways I felt responsible for his lack of accommodation. I had the room so gave returned the generosity he had shown to me when I needed it most a few months prior.

A few days turned to weeks, which went to a month, and then longer. Somewhere along the way, we stopped being just friends. We were both so lonely at the time it seemed to make perfect sense.

Only it wasn't really.

Deep down I knew my heart wasn't in it. 

I had spent the last few years doing things that my heart wasn't in. I had vowed never to do that again. Never. 

By this time my dad had returned and mum was looking for some space of her own again. The what would have been empty room was again empty no more as  mum quickly entered the vacated space left by my friend come lover who would eventually become but a stranger.

Life seemed to be rolling along nicely. 

With the new year upon me I was filled with hope and possibility. I had a casual job and was studying. I had found a wonderful day care option for Lovely. Life felt like it was coming together. Sure there was something missing but for the most part all the pieces were slowly falling into places.

Then the dreams started.

So real and vivid. Even in waking hours they would begin to invade my every thought.

A face. A person. Someone from what felt like a lifetime ago.

When I won a double pass to a local nightclub exclusive party there was no doubt on who I would offer the other pass to. Provided of course I could actually make the call. My hand would waver over the phone for so long before I would actually have the courage to pick it up.

Even thinking about it all these years on my stomach still starts to tighten and swirl all at the one time. My heart had never beat faster and it amazes me how I actually managed to get the words out.

"Hello it's Rhianna, is Mr Awesome there?" I somehow stammer

"No of course he is not here" his mother curtly replies

I am suddenly thrown back to the early nineties where I was an awkward and nervous teenager when it came to boys. My heart sinks and I am engulfed with disappointment. What ever was I thinking?

"He doesn't finish work till five, should be home by five thirty" a slightly softer voices continues.

Of course work. Why didn't I think of that? 

Feeling more than slightly stupid I leave my number and begin counting down the hours till I can at least begin expecting a return call.

to be continued...

joining in with Kerri

Welcome 2014

Yep, that's right 2014 is here as planned and scheduled. 

image from here

What is not here (not surprisingly mind you) is a plan or schedule for me to hold in my hand as I enter the new year slightly unprepared and unsure of how to reach my desired destination.

Come July this year we are supposed to be embarking on the adventure of a life time. We are packing up, hitting the road and exploring this great nation in which we live. All sounds very surreal and exciting really. I skipped through most of 2013 with the belief if I just acted as if we had it all under control then the trip would just manifest itself somehow.

With our departure date now a mere six months away I go into a little flurry of panic wondering if that really will be the case. There is so much we wanted to do before we left. So much we thought we needed to do before we could leave. So much that we just haven't even really tried to make happen because it is just too overwhelming and we don't know how to start.

In order to rent out The Shoebox it probably needs a new kitchen and bathroom. A few running repairs on cupboard doors in the bedrooms and new flooring probably wouldn't go astray either. Oh and then there is the minor detail of what we will live in while we are on the road. Is it really feasible to think  a standard cheap as chips tent from K Mart is adequate housing for twelve months?

It's all about the money though. 

Or rather the lack of.

At this point we have maybe just enough to do the absolute bare essentials to the house or get the absolute bare essentials to travel with.

I need to get a job. One that involves writing from home would be beyond perfect. I would happily take anything that involved a computer and working from home though. That's not too much to ask is it? And that's all I have to do isn't it?

Alas, if only it were all that simple.

Much like last year, and unlike almost every other blogger I have come across, I enter this year without a word or phrase to guide me through. My Happiness Jar managed to only accumulate forty two entries. Which when you divide between the five of us means it didn't last for very long. Since we still have all the post it notes we will try again this year. 

Every one was a fan of the idea, it's just was are so lackadaisical about most things they often tend so just slide on by the wayside. All of which is amplified by my ability to make excuses for absolutely every thing.

However, 

It never is as far as I am concerned because for all my faults and shortcomings that I may internally beat myself up with there is but one thing that I know and hold onto at all times with both my hands. 

And that my friends is,

So much so I didn't even need to create the above images because I did so way back in November 2012 for this post. I am now trying not to obsess over the fact how much in life has not changed since then, for of course there is so much that has. 

Right now as I type there is no washing on the couch. There are no overflowing baskets of washing waiting to be washed, folded or put away. There is one load sitting scrunched up in the dryer waiting for me to iron and put away and there is a folded basket that also needs to just be placed in the appropriate cupboards. 

There are also cupboards that are currently holding some ironed garments and just between you and me it is a kind of nice feeling. And yes I can't believe I really just said that. Since I am the proud wonder of a rather cool iron I feel obliged to take it for a spin every now and then.

It's all about perspective. Which if I was going to choose a word for 2014 I think that is the one that I would go with. But by now that is a whole other post.

Where the heck is 1992?

Yesterday while writing my first kiss post I had the overwhelming desire to rummage through boxes of storage and drag out my old diaries from days gone by. Though specifically the one pertaining to the events in 1992. As much as I feared entering the room due to the mountainous washing ranges I just had to see how I had described the kiss at that time.

With great fear and trepidation I boldly decided to go where clearly I had not been for quite some time. Over the mountain ranges of washing and into the top of the wardrobe where all my most prized possessions of memories are carefully tucked away.

Only as I started to go through the artefacts of days gone by I quickly realised that the book I so desired was no where to be seen. Which left me less than impressed I can tell you.

The year 1992 was memorable for oh so many things other than just my first kiss. There was also disco dancing and muscly swimming billets that came to stay for a week and somehow swept me of my feet. There was also heart ache and pain and some constant nagging from my mum. All of which I remember writing at the time and thinking one day I will need this.

Well hello, apparently that day is now and the blasted book is no where to be found!

It is nothing flash, just a standard exercise book of the era. Dark blue in colour, with a splash of pink on it somewhere I think. It really is all that is inside that matters. You see as much as I may have started it in 1992 I know there are entries from years much later in life as well. Years I may not be quite ready for everyone in the house to read just yet.

I know it must be here somewhere.

The hoarder that I am makes it almost impossible for me to part with anything, especially when it comes to words I have written. Given the importance of some of the events in life which have been documented in this exercise book come diary of a life time, I am guessing I must have already dragged it out to reminisce and in my ever so absent minded way just not put it back where it belongs.

Clearly this is part of the undeniable gold section
Love hearts from Miss 12 when she was 4
Bob was my dad.
What is really beautiful about this though is that it was
done one year and one day before she became a big sister

All is not lost though. (And rarely ever is)

I may not have found the wonders of 1992 and beyond but I did uncover some beauties from 2005.

For the most part this once rather nice leather bound, but now a bit mouldy corporate sponsored diary is awash with empty pages. There are however a few pages filled with the chicken scrawl that was my writing at the time. Some are utter crap while other bits are undeniable gold.

Flicking through it I was hit hard with the sense of some things never change. A thought that has actually been running around inside me for a while lately. Looking through this just made it feel a little lot stronger.

Aside from the cute drawings from a then Miss Four (now Miss 12) there were also lots of motivational quotes. Well I am guessing there were meant to be motivational quotes.

Sometimes the curve of the ball life throws you is very steep. 

It is always important to remember that everyone has their own 'best' and together that's what makes a team

Remember it is always important to love and smile

I particularly liked the page that had a list of weekend goals that went a little something like this

1. Have a clean house
2. Washing
3. Kitchen
4. Lounge Room
5. Outside
6. Bedroom
7. Bathroom
8. Exercise

There is then a line put through the entire list with the words CYCLONE - TRY AGAIN NEXT WEEK

Followed by countless blank pages until Pay Day arrives. I really am all kinds of awesome.

Do you still have old diaries? 

Are they as riveting as mine?

Joining in the fun and laughter of #IBOT with Essentially Jess. Also don't forget to pop back to A Parenting Life on Thursday for a bit of thankfulness.

Some thoughts on confidence

Now handing over the reins is not something that I do easily. Well not normally anyway. I can be a control freak just like anyone. Today however I have handed over blogging on a Tuesday, and I have done so with great pleasure.

Last week as I was trying to avoid actually doing something constructive with my time, I turned to my Facebook page with a whine of how exhausted I was feeling after a hard day of community building at the school. The reality of my day was that I had actually held someone else's baby (with glee mind you) while she (the mother, not the baby) actually did all the work serving the kids at the Father's Day stall.

Anyways, a loyal liker, who also just happens to an old high school bestie, shared that she had sat an exam that day. Knowing her like I do, I assured her that she probably had little to fear from the exam and passed with flying colours (or words to that effect). Which being the super modest chick she is, Angela politely deflected which then resulted in a brief epiphany on the topic of confidence.

Now I am not sure who said what, but before we both knew it, Angela had agreed to sharing a few of her thoughts on confidence in the shape of a blog post.

So without further adieu I give to you the wonderful words of Ms Angela.

Image from here

Having just finished a semester exam I decided to check out what was happening in the land of Facebook. Scrolling through my feed I saw an update from A Parenting Life, asking what I had been up to. When Rhianna heard of my exam she complimented me on my skills as a student. Which I instictively went to deflect.

I’d carried out the weekly work all semester and felt confident going into the exam, but instead of simply thanking Rhianna for her compliment I deflected it with the modesty that most women are trained to display from a young age. 

After I had written my response though I realised that I might be onto something: maybe confidence does stem from putting the groundwork in?

Academics has always been my forte; I do not have to ‘make’ myself put the work in, I just do it. That said, I can still fail the course if I don’t put the work in each week. I was confident about doing well in the exam because I did the necessary work.

Confidence comes from knowing your strengths, but it also comes from knowing your weaknesses and how to work around them. 

A person might prefer to plan ahead for a particular situation and might not like surprises or sudden changes of plan. In this case she can consider various scenarios that might derail her plans and plan for or visualise how she is going to deal with them. 

Someone else may be going somewhere new but is uncertain in new places. She can improve her confidence in various ways, such as asking someone who has been there, researching it online, or asking staff for assistance on arrival. 

Your preferred style of preparation may vary from mine; I prefer to do basic research and then plan what I am going to do. I like to limit the amount of input because I get ‘paralysis by analysis’, ending up with so much information that I can’t make a decision. You might like to talk to people whose opinion you trust. I prefer to keep positive thoughts running through my head, while you may prefer to get a pep talk from a friend or family member.

Obviously there are some people who are easy-going enough to walk into most situations with confidence, and I say that their confidence still stems from having put groundwork in, just in a less intensive way. These people are able to quickly draw on previous experiences, and it’s this that gives them confidence.

The takeaway:

Embrace your strengths and understand your weaknesses. Know how to work around your weaknesses.

Research and plan ahead in the way that you find most useful, but beware of ‘paralysis by analysis’.

Draw on previous experiences – preferably positive. If an experience is negative, focus on what you’ve learned, rather than on what went wrong.

And finally:

Confidence doesn’t always just happen, so don’t beat yourself up if you have to work at it!

How to throw a fun, easy and stress free birthday party. At the last minute no less.

As I mentioned yesterday, birthday parties can be exhausting.

In my mind a birthday party should be fun, easy and stress free. This weekend just gone saw the first of our birthday party holding for the year. Thankfully it went off like a frog in a sock. 

Not only was it a huge success but it was incredibly simple and did not break the bank. Talk about winning hey?

Being the awesome caring sharing blogger that I am, I am going to share with you how I managed to throw a stress free, yet totally fun birthday party for a three year old.

My Top Tips For Stress Free Birthday Parties

1. Keep It Simple. Never let go of the K.I.S principle.
   Know your limitations and don't feel the need to push past them. Not every party has to look like it would send Pinterest users into overdrive. In fact it is probably best to forget that the evils of Pinterest even exist. (Unless of course you are going there to pin my photos/posts to let others know of how easy a party can be)
   The food was incredibly simple.
   
   Sausages cooked on the barbie, complete with sauce and rolls or bread
   Fairy bread cut into fun shapes
   Chocolate crackles and honey joys
   Dip with celery, carrot and capsicum strips
   Celery with peanut butter
   Kabana & cheese
   Chips
   
   Most of which can be prepared ahead of time and popped in the fridge till party time. I think it took me all of an hour to cut up what was needed.
   
   
2. Don't go overboard with the invites.
   Especially if it is a party for little ones. My mum has a great rule that you only invite as many children as the age of the birthday.
   
   With that in mind Miss Three choose three friends (one of whom couldn't make it). By the time we invited our besties, who have three children, and two children from the complex we live in (it seemed wrong to have a pool party at the complex pool and not invite them), we suddenly had a total of twelve children. Since they were all manner of ages though it was quite manageable. Particularly since there were some older children that were able to entertain younger ones. Winning right there I tell you.
   
   
3. Accept help when it is offered.
   There was a time when I mistakenly thought I had to do it all myself. Not this year though. Mum offered to make chocolate crackles and honey joys. My instinct was to say no it's fine I'll do it but thankfully common sense won through and before she even finished the sentence I was gratefully accepting.
   
   
4. Remember that children don't need a lot to have fun.
   Being blessed with a large pool makes last minute parties easy because who doesn't want to spend a lazy afternoon by the pool. Throw in a few water balloons or even some water guns and you have just found hours of entertainment for rowdy kids.
   
   I also did a very simple rigged game of pass the parcel. When I say rigged I mean it was one of those ones where everyone got something, be it a lolly, sticker or balloon. The end prize was a pack of textas picked up from the local $2 shop. Everyone walked away with a smile on their face.
   
   
5. Any cake is good cake.
   Seriously it is. Especially if you are a child. Store bought or homemade, at the end of the day it makes no difference. A cake is a cake.
   
   I did give the birthday girl a cake book to flick through and choose from but she couldn't decide on one and quite frankly neither could I. As much as I like the whole homemade cake thing, it is also a rather stressful and time consuming affair.
   
   Thanks to the cute little creatures you can pick up from the local supermarket I was able to create a simple masterpiece. I don't mind baking the odd cake every now and then so I just whipped up a simple chocolate orange mud cake type thing, slapped on a bit of butter cream icing, stuck some cute little creatures and hundreds and thousands on it and Bob's your uncle birthday cake complete.

One last minute cake, complete with dodgy icing.

Joining in with Jess and the IBOT gang

About Me Update.

So it is that time of year again when I have felt the need to update my about me page. The fact that competition judges are popping by at this time of year, has nothing, well not much, to do with it I am sure.

While I can't actually locate them right this very moment I am sure that I have preserved all my previous about me updates. It kinda feels like another way of persevering my growth and development both as a person and writer over time.

Anyway I hope that you will agree with me that the newly revised version is the best so far. Mind you I have just realised that I failed to really introduce the children. Minor detail I know.

So without further ado I give to you for the sake of prosperity my old about me.

Now according to my research all the good bloggers take the time to create an about me page.  So here is mine.

In a nutshell I am mum to three beautiful girls.  For the purpose of this blog they shall be known as Miss 11, Miss 6 and my baby Miss 2. Not exactly the most original of names I know but it does at least provide the illusion of some anonymity.

I am also wife to a wonderful and much loved husband.  He is my rock, my everything, including my childhood sweetheart.  Though I still had the pleasure of many a toad before my knight in shinning armour and I were able to get our act together. Without him I would be lost and without sounding to cliché he completes me.

We have decided to make ends meet on a single income.  I am rather pleased with the fact that I get to be the one that stays at home and gets to do the kid thing. Traditional full time paid employment is something I hope I never have to go back to.

I have always dreamed of being a famous writer and in recent years I have been taking steps (albeit small ones) towards making that dream come into fruition.  I still have a rather long way to go, but apparently getting there is half the fun.

I tend to blog about almost anything but mostly it is just about my day and the thoughts that have fluttered around my head at some point.

I believe in fairies, being kind and appreciating all that you have.  I love breastfeeding and cloth nappies.  I would like to say I am crafty but that would be a slight distortion of reality.  I still try on a regular basis though and every now and then I get lucky and something comes out not looking too bad.

Thanks for stopping by.  Make sure you have a good poke around and read lots! If you are interested in looking further inside me you should have a read through here

May in every way this be a special day, filled with fairy wishes and butterfly kisses

In case you are curious to see what the new one is like go here

I must confess I acted like a baby, but did I mention I have fabulous hair?

Oh me oh my have I got a doozey (? possibly not a word but in my head it sounds ok so I am going to run with it) of a post for you today.

Which is both good and bad I guess.

Good that my life can continue to give me rather interesting bloggy fodder. Bad in that I sometimes make a bit of an ass of myself in the process.

As a regular reader you would know that on the weekend Mr Awesome and I absconded from our parenting life and pretended that we were real people and when I say real people I actually mean people without the responsibilities of children. What makes them more real than parents I am not sure but there is certainly no dispute that it is a whole different kettle of fish.

Anyways, as I was saying the mister and I went out into the big city to celebrate a friends birthday. Last year, when I stood down from my sixth consecutive year on school council I was presented with a little voucher at the local casino complete with a food and beverage package. Talk about feeling the love. Sadly the voucher expires soon so this seemed like the perfect opportunity to make a real night of being child free.

Oh and boy did we make a night of it.

Dinner started to wind up by about ten thirty. Which for us oldies was well past our normal curfew and while we could have kicked up our heels a bit longer if the truth be told the idea of relaxing on a hotel balcony was just too good to pass up. So we hot tailed it back to our hotel room.

Sitting there, squashed up on the smallest balconies in the history of balconies, with just Mr Awesome and a drink of choice was beyond blissful. It was just the quiet wind down time that we both needed.

Perhaps someone should have
put one of these in our room
image from here

Now judge not, but we mutually agreed to have some quiet time with our phones. It is something neither of us get to do all that. Well at least not without a thousand interruptions and we all know how cruddy that is.

Sadly but not really surprisingly this is where things start to go horribly wrong.

So there I am on top of the world, feeling all la-ti-da with myself and how great both me, myself and all that I do are. As I swipe my finger down my newsfeed every blogger that I have subscribed to (or so it feels) is declaring their gratitude at being nominated for some top blogging list.

One that I could have easily nominated myself for but didn't.

I did last year. And every time that I got into a conversation with someone about it I seemed to be the only one that didn't get nominated by someone else. I didn't want to go through that again.

Last year I could justify no one knowing me well enough to nominate me, I very much kept my writing to myself back then. Over the last year though, especially the last few months I feel that I have put myself out there a whole lot more. I was sure someone somewhere would nominate me.

To be on the safe side I even casually mentioned to a fellow blogger how strange it was I hadn't received a nomination. Knowing full well she would then go and nominate me, which apparently she did, but the powers that be have for some reason kept my nomination email away.

Turns out after a few drinks I should stay away from things like status updates

Not one, but two dodgy less than adult like status updates regarding my bitterness.
The second, which I scheduled for 3 o'clock in the morning because as much as I wanted to put it out there
I realised how terrible it made me look and didn't really want many to see it.
Turns out my readers seem to be around at such a time.

Now thankfully these are not as bad as they could be, but they are still not exactly my finest moments either. Especially as I have since found out there are a whole range of more worthy than I who have also somehow been overlooked. The worst part is that I know that I am not even really in the running if I were nominated. And I am fine with that.

As awesome as I am there is still so much more I could and possibly should be doing that right now I just don't plain deserve to be offended about not getting a nomination.

So there you have I confess to acting like a big baby in a drunken stupor. 

I would also like to add that I really do have fabulous hair as well.

If you have something you need to get off your chest, head to  My Home Truths and join on in.

A letter to my daughter

Dearest Miss Eleven,

Source

It is only four more sleeps till you will be safely back under my wing. It can not come quickly enough. It feels like forever since you left here. Though the reality is that it has barely been twelve days. Twelve long lingering days where your sisters and I have constantly worn ourselves out to exhaustion. Between long deep sleeps and plenty of activity time seems less of a burden. It starts to pass with more ease in days that are filled with laughter to mask all else.

These times apart are hard for me, your sisters too, but we know that it is just the way it is. In the early days I wondered whether it really was the right thing to do and I must thank your father for being as understanding as what he was about it all. He mostly listened to my worries. I still worry about all kinds of things, I guess it is just what parents do though. Worry about whether or not they have done the right thing and according to who.

Who is to really know or say what is right or wrong about anything these days? All we can do is look into our hearts and trust our gut, cross our fingers and toes and hope for the very best. That is pretty much what gets me by most of the time. I hope it works out the same for you as well.

This is a super big year for you. A super big year for us. This journey that you are on, it is one that we still need to be on together for a long time yet. Please don't shut down and exclude me. I might not get it right all the time but I mean well, my heart is in the right place and I only want the best for you. More than anything, that is always all I am aiming for. The best for you and your interests.

As much as we have missed you though, we have noticed something about your absence. There is a quiet and calm around that we are not sure how often we have seen before. In many ways it is a bit lovely. There has been less yelling and screaming from everyone. I really hope it can stay this way with you here.

There have been some changes while you were gone and they will stay when you come back. Changes to things like screen times and jobs. There is to be less of one and more of the other. Though there are no real surprises there, you were warned before you left of what to expect upon your return. My mind has not changed.

Like I said before, I know this is a big year, and I am here to keep you company and help out where need be. I want to be there for you. Always. I know you think I smoother you, but it is only natural that I want to protect you. As exciting as the world may seem it is not always roses. There are too many nasties out there for one as precious as you.

While middle school may not sound the same as high school, it will certainly have a lot of similarities. I still can't believe that this is the door currently waiting to open. If only there was some way to make you understand the importance of education. What you learn now is actually important. Seriously.

I know that it might be hard to believe but it is true, as rubbish as what you might think they are speaking, you can never learn to much. It is important to stop and listen. Always stop and listen to what is being said around you. There may be times when you don't need to take it on board but always make sure you listen before running away.

Unless it is about boys. Then run away at top speed as fast as you can without listening to a word that is said. There will be plenty of time of boys when you are all grown up and they on their way to being men. For now just have as many wonderful friends as you can and forget totally about kissing, sex or anything of the like.

You are only eleven, yes, yes that's right, I mean nearly twelve.

There is no need to wish you life away. Stop and smell the flowers, blow some bubbles and laugh as much as you can. These really should be some of the best years of your life. Carefree and without worry. Not without study though. You can study and learn but without worry or stress. I know it is cliche but you should try hard at school. In fact you should try hard in all that you do. Always give everything you best go.

My dearest darling first born, there is so much that I want to say. So much that for one reason or another I can't just yet. All in good time I know. For now however rest assured that you are loved and greatly missed when not here with us. Your coming home can not come soon enough.

Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses

Mum

#IBOT 

Oh and by the way I have a giveaway 

for a personal planner over here. 

You should enter.

What to do, what to do?

I know the beginning is always the best place to start but sometimes the beginning is not always that easy to find. Now is one of those times. My poor mind is in such turmoil it doesn't know if it wants to implode, explode or try and do both at once. Not exactly what you want at nearly 10 pm. Especially when the night before saw you sitting up to all hours. Followed by the broken sleep that comes with being a mother.

Deep breath

Miss Eleven left on her school camp on Monday. She is gone till Friday. I guess that makes this the midway point. While her absence brings a slightly calmer air to the place I naturally still miss her. Well actually we all do. Miss Six has been beside herself from the moment I picked her up from school on Monday.

As she opened the car door to climb in the tears started and have hardly stopped since. Which is crazy because let's face it Miss Eleven is not always the picture perfect big sister. In fact at times she is the polar opposite. She has little patience for her little sister.

This is not the first time she has been away from us for an extended period of time. Though it is the first time she has been away without any family members with her. I had wanted to go as a parent helper but was told by the little madam that I was not welcome. Apparently in her eyes I am too involved with the school and I should let others have a turn.

Given I wouldn't have like leaving Miss Two behind and I am not sure it would have been fair (or easy) to take her, not to mention what it would have done to Miss Six, I didn't put up much resistance to her pleas. Only right now I wish I had of.

The school was rather keen for me to attend, knowing the rapport I have with a lot of the other students already. Miss Eleven was right when she said I am too involved with the school. Right now though I wish I hadn't of listened to her.

The students were allowed to take a mobile phone with them, though it has to be in the hands of the adults apart from the ten minutes they are allowed to call home each day. Only Miss Eleven's phone is with the wrong carrier and doesn't work at the camp ground. Naturally.

Thankfully one of the lovely teachers let her send me a text this evening asking if I could call. After waiting all night last night to hear from here I didn't bother keeping my phone close to me tonight. It took nearly an hour till I saw the message.

Tonight was movie night at the campground so they were still up. I was so pleased to speak to her. Until she told me her tent mate had moved out. Apparently there had been a disagreement. She didn't really go into details. Luckily though another girl in a different tent wanted to move out.

Mind you as lovely as it was to be asked if I would go and visit her (a three hour drive) it also broke my heart. It means she is feeling very vulnerable. It means I am left with a rather hard decision.

Technically speaking I could go out there tomorrow. I don't have much on. It is however a three hour drive just to get there. It also defies the point of the independence that is supposed to come with the experience of a school camp. Especially after she fought so hard to convince me it would be better if she got to do this alone.

I just want to cry.

These are the times that being a mother really bites. Actually it might even be the time that being a mother sucks big hairy dog balls as well.

Wordless Wednesday - Smile

Joining in for Wordless Wednesday with

Sometimes I Forget to Remember

Sometimes I forget to remember to breathe.  To take the time to stop and gather my thoughts.  To look at what is where and what needs to be done.

Sometimes I forget to remember that my children are only little and they need deserve the patience of a saint.  There is so much for them to learn, so much for them to know.  Societies accepted norms, trends, beliefs and expectations

Sometimes I forget to remember that there are lots of people who love and care for me.  People who have stood by me for a very long time, despite my unintentional attempts at shutting them out.  As well as some newbies that have shown they are interested in the test of time.

Sometimes I forget to remember that there was once a time when I wasn't a mother.  In fact I wasn't lots of things then that I am now.  Shy. Reserved.  Totally about to hit it big in the world of blogging. (I have always been full of confidence a dreamer)

Sometimes I forget to remember that this is the life that I want to live.  It has all that I need and a whole lot more.  It has the potential to be what ever I want it to be.  I just need to put in the effort.

Sometimes I forget to remember to tell those close to me just how special they are and what they mean to me.  The whole emotion thing gets a bit tricky for me at times.  I don't know why.  I can't help but wonder if that is why I the whole friend thing doesn't seem to work so well for me.  Life is not one sided.

Sometimes I forget to remember to trust in the powers that be.  They have worked well for me in the past and I am sure they will continue to do so in the future, I just need to believe.

Sometimes I forget to remember to ask for help when I need it.  Or take it when it is freely offered.  Accepting, or needing help is not a sign of weakness.  Help is a wonderful thing.  It makes things better for those being helped as well as leaving those offering with a rather good feeling.

Sometimes I forget to remember just how much I know.  While I might not have a fancy degree I have actually spent quite a bit of time studying various subjects.  Stuff like sociology, marketing, accounting, psychology.  Stuff that is at times a little handy for this whole mothering gig.

Sometimes I forget to remember just how much I don't know.  There is so much that I need to go and discover.  So much to learn, share and discover.  And this I must remember to never forget.

Like all the cool bloggers I am linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT .

Also doing a double whammy and joining in
with the lovely Sif over at At the Bottom of the Garden Ten Things Tuesday

Beginning Here and Ending There

I just don't know where to begin.  Naturally the beginning seems like a logical place to start.  But life doesn't always go with logical.  For all it's worth and use at times, logic doesn't always have a place in the world. There are many parts of my life that fail to reach the reasons of logic.  Sometimes I am fine with that, others I am not.

See the brilliance of logic is that it makes everything all make sense.  That is what logic does.  So without logic you can at times be left with a whole bunch of stuff that just doesn't make sense.  Which in terms of one's life is not really all that great.  I don't know about you but I tend to find some comfort when I know my life is making sense.  It might only be making sense to me, myself and I but I don't mind.  After all I am the one that needs to live with it.

Moving on though.

Earlier tonight I stumbled across this post over at My Mummy Daze For those too lazy (or time poor as I sometimes prefer) it is all about how blogging could easily be likened to high school.  Strangely enough I had been thinking of something similar a little while ago.  I still haven't found a way to share exactly what it is I have been thinking but it went along the lines of how I suddenly had feelings of inadequacy reminiscent of feelings I had at high school.

You see at high school I never really felt like I belonged.  The cool people didn't want me and dare I say it aloud (please don't hate me) I wanted to think I was too cool for the nerds.  Little did I know.  The nerds were probably the ones that were too cool for me.  At least they had the courage to be a lot truer to themselves than I was.

Whenever I started to feel comfortable with my place in the school and perhaps even myself something would happen to stuff it all up.  I would say something that someone would take the wrong way.  I would wear the wrong thing or I would think in a way different to the majority.  Don't feel too sorry for me though as for as much as I let other make me feel out of place I still managed to make others feel the same way.  All just a vicious circle really.  One where deep down we are actually all the same just for some reason to scared to admit it.

Lately I have felt similar about blogging.  Well sort of.  At times I feel like there is a cool crowd.  Blogs with lots of readers and followers and owners who constantly write the most awesome stuff that I really have thought of just never got around to sharing.  I read lots of other blogs and look at them with blog envy.  Be it design, content, or even a combination of both.  They all seem to have something that I do not.  I am not even sure I am close to the esteem I perceive others to have or if I even want to be.  I just don't feel like I fit though.  Much like my memories of high school. I just didn't feel like I fitted in anywhere.

What I find particularly interesting though is that this is how many other people feel as well.  In fact lately it feels like every blog post I go to is something that talks straight to me.  It leaves me sitting there wondering if perhaps I have actually found others on a similar (if not the same) wavelength. Which i must say is a bit nice.  You see my feelings of not fitting are not just limited to high school and blogging.  It is a feeling that has plagued me my entire life.  Thankfully with age I have learnt to not let it worry me so much.

Barbie?

The wonderful Nicole from Highlights to Housework often poses some thoughtful questions. Many a time I have read one of her posts and thought yes that is very true, I should write about that as well. Today however I have finally been compelled to actually do so.

So what did she say that managed to fill me with so much motivation?

Head over here to find out.

In short though she raises the question of whether Barbie dolls are an appropriate toy for young girls.

As the mother of young girls you can understand my interest. I too am torn between my adult beliefs and childhood memories.

As a child I had an interest in Barbie and her friends. I think the most my collection ever totaled was five, possibly six. I had two Ken's (one of whom was a cowboy who I had the hots for! I can clearly remember thinking I am going to marry a big strong man like him), the other was some jungle explorer or something. He had straight arms and was not nearly as buff as the cowboy. To keep them company there were a couple of different ladies. Including a lovely Spanish dancer who had shiny jet black hair that I just adored.

Unfortunately though my Barbies felt that the grass was greener so to speak. My friends seemed to have much more glamourous dolls, clothes and accessories than what mine where. You see their Barbie got to keep up to date with all the latest trends and fashions while my poor little crew had to make the best of what they had.

Despite this I still spent many an hour playing the with my little Barbie world.

As a women of the late nineties and a mother in the noughties Barbie is not someone that I actually rush out to encourage. After all she is blonde, has big boobs, a small waist and seems to get handed everything on a silver platter.

My eldest daughter managed to escape her early childhood without the Barbie influence. She was given a few here and there but never really developed much of an interest. Number two has shown a stronger inclination to the blonde bombshell only her preferences have been for the Fairytopia range of doll that comes with scented coloured hair.

Sure she has stood the test of time and survived this and that but still does that make her an appropriate toy for the next generation of women to lead the world? Though if she is to be rendered null and void and out dated, then who shall replace her? Polly Pocket? Bratz? I think not! Perhaps after all it is a case of better the devil you know.

Slowly, slowly ever so slowly

That is about the pace at which this blog is growing. Not overly surprising since that is pretty much how I progress at anything. Actually it is more like a slowly slowly ever so slowly, then a leap and bound before resuming the slowly slowly.

I think the biggest problem is the fact that I am not really sure what I want this creation to be. I have become so used to writing about parenting stuff that on the one hand it seems only natural to continue. On the other hand of course it feels slightly stale and boring and maybe time for something new. Then again the comfort of what I know makes it hard to break away...

Where to go? What to do?

I guess for the time being I will just plod away, post by post, come what may and see what grows. So far I have only shared the blog with one other person...I think it is nearly ready to be publicly unveiled... a few more posts first I think

Introducing....ME!

I am a mother of three wonderful girls. The eldest of which is nine years old and the youngest is only a tender five months old. The gem in the middle recently turned four.

Heading towards my mid thirties I am a stay at home mum who dreams of being an accomplished writer. While waiting for this dream to reach fruition I dote on my girls. Mothering was never something I thought would be part of my life and yet now it is the most natural path for me to have taken. I am a mother for life and my life is mothering.

Like many teenage girls my dreams were of a corporate domination that yielded great power and responsibility. Essentially I guess you could say I dreamed of a power so amazing that if I wanted to I could take over the world. I never had any idea how this would actually occur or the form in which my success would take or any of the other finer details. I was just certain life would awesome. The kind of awesome they make on TV. Ok maybe not many shared that same dream but I am sure you know what I mean...

It took a while for the dream to actually fade and before it did I found myself questioning whether, even if I could, would I really want to rule the world? After all that kind of thing takes hard work and dedication. The hard work is not so much of the problem as hard work is what makes the world go round. It is essential that we work hard so to ensure we are fully appreciative when life is not so hard, but I digress... well sort of... as I was trying to say I am not very dedicated...I am let's just say easily distracted...oooooooohhhhhhhh shiny.... If you know what I mean.

As a result of my short attention span and to a certain extent laziness I have come to the realisation that the corporate world need not worry about any impending take over from me.


So moving right along...

The world of parenting has always been exceptionally kind to me. I never struggled with sleepless nights of crying or a failure to bond or anything like that really. In fact the first year of a baby's life to me is by far the easiest. Most problems during that initial year are easily fixed with a cuddle, nappy change and a boob not necessarily in that order but that is pretty much all it takes. Of course if you are and EC'er then the nappy change is replaced with a trip to the toilet.

In fact the first nine years of being a mum have been relatively easy for me. The actions required have varied a little but It has only been recent months...actually maybe even only a couple of weeks (time, as you will learn, is something of a blur at times to me) that I have began to question exactly what it is that my parenting instinct is supposed to be saying. As a rule I guess you could say my parenting style is basically instinctive. I take each and every matter on it's own and assess on a case by case basis follow what my gut tells me too.

Sounds good in theory but does not really assist with issues of consistency which according to many "experts" is rather necessary and also another post further down the line...

I am not sure what has gone wrong or which part of the universe has shifted but suddenly I seem to be unable to find what is needed to guide child number one. Part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, she is experiencing the start of hormonal changes, but then this other part yells NOOOOOOOOOOOO, not yet she is still to little. Despite being the oldest of my loins she is still my baby.

So in an effort to maintain a clear head as I wade through this new phase of life I am here. For the first time ever, baring my parental soul with both fear and trepidation plus a whole lot more. There are many reasons, that only time will reveal, for my anxiety to share, and by share I mean truly share in an open frank and honest manner but I hope you stay with me and enjoy the roller coaster that is my life.