Wednesday, December 4

At ease soldier.



It's ok. Everybody relax. It looks like the panic stations raised during my last post may have been a false alarm. Everything seems to be currently A O K. Unfortunately though, amid my terror, I stupidly changed my base template. At the time I thought that was where the problem lay. I'm not thinking that was probably not the case, but what's a girl to do now? The damage is done, and in my haste to rectify what was more than likely just a glitch in my internet preventing the pages from loading properly, I didn't even think about making a back up.

Yeah I know right. Like seriously Sharon you had one job.

Anyway,

Moving right along, because after all, all is not lost. In fact only the header of the blog is gone and hopefully only temporarily forgotten. I am sure I still have a copy of it on my old Mac that I will one day be able to get fixed.

I have 25 minutes of my lunch left.

What to do? What to do?

23:49 left now

Just under 19 minutes now. My mind is blank proper. I tried to free it with a game of solitaire but alas t'was to no avail.

I'm outta here for now. Given the lack of flowing words, perhaps eating is a better option.




Thursday, November 28

Nothing to see. Moving along

I've been wanting to try and write here for days. 

For whatever reason though I have not let myself.

 I know not why I do this. 

Prevent myself from doing what I know needs to be done. 

But that's what I do.

Not today though.

Today I'm winning the battle with my brain.

Even if only for today.

Even if only for this moment. 

Deep breath.

I guess the real thing that has been holding me back from writing is the fear of speaking my truth. Or maybe the fear of accepting my truth. Just between you and me there has been some pretty screwed up shit going down in this little old life of mine over the last three or so years. I thank the goddess each and every day that we have been able to hold it all together as well as what we have.

BUTTTTTT!!!!!!

OMFG!!!!!!

Wild subject change.

I just went and had a look at the preview for this post. I have no photos!!! Worse still I have no header on my blog. I mean sure I've been ignoring photos from photo bucket for weeks now telling my I need to carry out some urgent actions on my account, but, I was under, the obviously misguided, assumption, it only related to something else which I thought was of little to no importance. Clearly I was wrong.

Excuse me while I see what I can do.



Thursday, November 7

Lunchtime brain dump


I'm torn between trying to write some fiction or just brain dumping for a bit to see if it can clear the mind. I mean it's not like I actually have a fiction piece planned out as such I was just going to start with the old faithful She sat there staring blanking at the empty screen before her and see where I ended up. Obviously I have a rough idea of how it will at least start to go but as for the ending, well obviously that remains to be seen.

It's November and for the first time in what feels like forever my head has been thinking more of writing than anything else. I desperately want to be a NaNoWriMo winner again. Interestingly enough it is with a rewrite of my original NaNoWriMo efforts that I am inspired to try with. Not that I can easily locate the only existing copy. At least I now know that it at least still exists and can narrow it down to a room and possibly even a box. There were many a year where that were not possible.

I've got maybe 29 minutes left of my lunch break. Its debatable as to when I started so the end time is a bit hit and miss as well. Twenty nine is probably a bit of a stretch, more like a little over 20 but since I am helping out and staying later than originally rostered I have little to no qualms ensuring maximum time for my breaks.

But I digress.

I'm not sure this is really the post for too much about work. In so many ways I hate it. And on multiple levels. But. I have to work. At least for the moment. There are many aspects that are pretty fantastic about it, sadly I just let the crap overshadow this a lot more than I should.

I am however nothing but a work in progress and perfection is rarely attained.



Wednesday, August 21

15 Minutes

That's how long I've got here. After that Teapot and I are meant to be taking #Lilythedog for a walk. Based on the fact that T is currently sitting on the outside couch perusing the Bookclub catalogue there is a fairly high chance our departure is more than 15 minutes away. 
 
Especially since I have just remember some online training I'm meant to complete for work.

So this time twelve months ago things were a very different affair. I was certainly not just casually sitting on my back deck typing away. No. Not even close. My entire world felt like it had been completely shattered and was almost irreversible. I had no idea what I was going to do.

All very dramatic I know, but trust me, the shit that had just imploded in my life was fucking huge. So huge I can't even bring myself to not use sweary words.

Very few people were privy to what happened. Even now I still don't really openly discuss what occurred. Which I must admit causes some internal conflict. It is a topic that I feel should be discussed openly because it is something that affects so many people. But. In this instance it is not my story to own. While it is part of my story, it is not mine to tell. And yes, I know I could ask permission  to share from the story owner, but I don't want to. I'm not ready to have that conversation yet and I am not sure they are ready to tell it anyway.

All that really matters now though is that at the end of the day the number one rule* was adhered to. 

The number one rule, in case you were wondering is 'Don't die' When we were living #ouradventureofalifetime, we met the most wonderful of families. They had two children around the same age as The Little Two and a set up that was eerily similar to Edna and Patty. I can't recall at this point whether I've ever mentioned them here before, I'm sure I must has as this family felt like kindred spirits to us. We spent many a wonderful night with them as our paths continued to coincidently cross.

Teapot has just appeared, ready for our walk so my time here is up.



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Monday, August 19

....uhm.....

Yeah.....

So I managed to somewhat dubiously write three posts in a row out and then returned to the radio silence. I didn't want to say it out loud for fear of cursing myself but I had intended to write a post every day...

Look how well that worked out.

Anyways I am here now and that is all that matters is it not? I may only have a dismal 13% of battery life on the old lappy but you can't win them all no can you? Besides the added pressure of an imminent shut down is just the incentive I need to not be distracted by all the shiny things on the internets.

What to say though.

I'm still trying to unwind from the day that was. I have been home approximately forty minutes.

And fu.....

.....I just remembered my food delivery for the week was still sitting in the car from when I got home. Lucky I swapped my once tropical lifestyle for the current arctic version hey?

As much as locals here may say winter of 2019 was in fact on of Mother Nature's more kinder winter's I have felt nothing but frozen for far too long now. I just want to feel the golden sun's beaming rays penetrate through to my soul. Is that too much to ask?

But back to my food delivery. (Mainly because it is something easy to talk about and honestly I feel like I am kinda scrapping the bottom of the barrel as far as topics to write about go. 

Anyways.

I have momentarily become one of those people, who rather than drive their self crazy with the endless barrage of what to cook for dinner every f*&king night, opt for the just have it all sent to you in a box option. Today's box is only the second delivery and it came with a hundred dollar wine voucher so it's hard not to be a bit in love.

Sure it is a little more expensive than what I would normally spend. If I was one of those domestic goddess/totally organised and meal plan type of person. 

But I'm not. 

I'm much more of a buy whatever crap is cheapest each and every night because the thought of cooking dinner does my head in and I hate it because how hard is it to have something that everyone will enjoy when you are cooking for more than one person?

Well I just got my final I'm about to shut down warning from the laptop and I daren't push my luck to far is I'll just hit publish for now

x


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Wednesday, August 14

January 12 2019. Or day three

It’s been so long since I’ve been here I wonder if I even remember what to do. Trying to sign in on my phone rather than laptop only adds to my procrastination. Thankfully all the passwords are saved in some browser memory iCloud somewhere so there is no need to me to rely on my own abilities.

----------------------------

Apparently by the time I had managed to get started on my phone, even with the assistance of the magic cloud, the idea to write had dissipated before I actually managed to.

Not today though Josephine.

This is actually the second garbled junk I am going to hit publish on for today. Though it will not actually be published till tomorrow so if you are reading this your today is not the same as mine.

There is no real relevance to this photo.
Old skool blogging me had a rule about always
including a photo so here's a photo.
It was taken up in the Kimberly's on
#ouradventureofalifetime
The whole today and tomorrow concept has always intrigued me. Unfortunately though not in a way I can clearly articulate to others. The whole time continuum thing has always messed with me head though. As much as time is so measured I also feel it is somewhat subjective. You know when hours feel like minutes and hours fly by like seconds? That kind of thing.

Whenever I start thinking about time in any sort of depth I am always thrown back in time to when my lover at the time smashed his had through our wall clock.  We were young and dumb and tripping on some sort of acid tab. It was this thing that dissolved on your tongue and altered your mind and perception and all kinds of things. It was pretty much the first and last time I ever did such a thing.

If you were into that kind of thing though I'm pretty sure that this was the type of trip that many desired. I had numerous out of body experiences, hallucinations and just generally way out there stuff going on. Some of which was actually quite emotionally traumatic for me. As it turned out it was a time in my life when I was on the cusp of some of my most dramatic life changes, I just hadn't quite realised it at the time.

I do wish I kept better memories of those years.

I know that I feel the same about the last three or so years.

That was one of the things I have always loved about this little space. The way it has always so perfectly captured my moments of time. For as long as I can remember I have worried about not being able to remember moments. It was my biggest inspiration for keeping journals and diaries in my teenage years as well as the foundation of this space.

There as so many moments in our life that at the time could appear so insignificant but at a later point in time could well fill us with the warm and fuzzies.

Mind you these years that have flown by undocumented are filled with anything but warm and fuzzy feelings. Perhaps that is why I have avoided writing them down?

Life's all about learning from mistakes though?

Man have I made some doozie's at times though.

Oh well. Live and learn right?



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Tuesday, August 13

February 9 2019. Alternatively two days in a row.

I'm not sure what scares me most. The blank white screen, or the flashing cursor patiently anticipating my first tentative click. 

It has been so long since I've let the words flow that I am not sure I even know how to do it any more.

I'm...

God...

Do I even know what I am any more??

I doubt it.

Do any of us really know what it is that we want these days?

I don't think so.

How can we??? When the opportunities are so apparently boundless....

I started this post way back in February. Weirdly the birthdate of my first kiss.

Oh be still my beating heart. Even after all these years (41-14 if you want to do the maths)

He was my Italian Stallion. Sadly I didn't treat him as well as I should have. A few months after this magical moment I found myself in the arms of a rather dashingly gorgeous blonde swimmer who was staying at our house so he could attend a major sporting event in my home town.

On a side note you gotta love the eighties where is was perfectly fine to send you child to the other side of the country to stay with another family that you had never met so they could attend a sporting event. This particular event was the Pacific School Games and was actually quite a big deal as it was actually an international event. Over the years as I was growing up we were forever having different kids coming and staying with us for various exchange programs. Sadly I never actually got to be exchanged though.

Now where was I?

Who knows???

Desperately trying to get some words on the screen.

The dying days of winter here in the south west have been an unusual mix. It would be unfair to call the cold bitter as such, even though I am currently sitting here shivering away as I type. I guess it has been more relentless than anything. The sun just has no warmth to it.

Our new home has a fireplace in it. Oh how I love thee.

It did not take long for me to work out how to have it constantly burning. I don't think the inside temperature has fallen below 24 degrees, and it has at times solidly sat just above 26. I take great pride in my lack of need for firelighters.



This was pretty much one of our first fires here. I know it wasn't our first night here I just cant remember if we had a fire the first night or not. I cant see how we wouldn't have mind you.

Of course now I am just rambling. Filling in the blank space.

Essentially I am just showing up. Sometimes showing up is all you can do. Even if you don't know what you should be doing or you don't want to be there. Sometimes showing up is enough. At least showing up is a start and a start is always better than nothing right?

And on that deep and not so meaningful note I am going to love and leave this post. There are still three other golden oldie drafts that I am determined to post regardless of how little sense they may make

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Monday, August 12

Ok then

You would be forgiven for thinking that this little space on the inter webs had been given up for dead. After all it is well over a year since anything was last posted and even back then the possibility of this remaining as a growing space was incredibly doubtful. 

But yet here I still am.

For whatever the reason I just can't seem to let go of this little space. I can vaguely recall when it held  so much promise and possibility. It really did make me feel like there was at least some small slither of hope that I could maybe, just maybe be able to be a real live writer. Rather than one who just spent their whole existence dreaming that in some parallel universe words flowed from them imparted on to the world for deep contemplation.

Dreams hey? 

I feel like I should catch you up on all that has happened in my absence but honestly, and without sounding too cliche, I don't really know where to begin. I guess that could mainly be because I'm not really sure where I left off. I know I could trail through the archives but I don't want to waste any precious writing time right now.

So in a nutshell here is where I am currently at. In bullet form so a) I don't get too off topic and b) just for shiggles (shits & giggles)

  • Still incredibly happily married to Mr Awesome 
  • Currently living in the Southwest of Western Australia
  • Lovely turned 18 and spread her wings. Which took her to the other side of the country.
  • Gainfully employed at the local supermarket learning how life can be fulfilling without any sort of career or career prospects
  • The Little Two, are no longer quite so little at the tender ages of 9 & 13
  • Furry friends include, Lily the Dog, Lexi the Cat and of course Summer the Bird

Some things that have not really changed include

  • the fact I am not and quite possibly never be a domestic goddess
  • Mount Washmore is in fat never ending
  • I am the Queen of Procrastination.




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