January 12 2019. Or day three

It’s been so long since I’ve been here I wonder if I even remember what to do. Trying to sign in on my phone rather than laptop only adds to my procrastination. Thankfully all the passwords are saved in some browser memory iCloud somewhere so there is no need to me to rely on my own abilities.

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Apparently by the time I had managed to get started on my phone, even with the assistance of the magic cloud, the idea to write had dissipated before I actually managed to.

Not today though Josephine.

This is actually the second garbled junk I am going to hit publish on for today. Though it will not actually be published till tomorrow so if you are reading this your today is not the same as mine.

There is no real relevance to this photo.
Old skool blogging me had a rule about always
including a photo so here's a photo.
It was taken up in the Kimberly's on
#ouradventureofalifetime

The whole today and tomorrow concept has always intrigued me. Unfortunately though not in a way I can clearly articulate to others. The whole time continuum thing has always messed with me head though. As much as time is so measured I also feel it is somewhat subjective. You know when hours feel like minutes and hours fly by like seconds? That kind of thing.

Whenever I start thinking about time in any sort of depth I am always thrown back in time to when my lover at the time smashed his had through our wall clock.  We were young and dumb and tripping on some sort of acid tab. It was this thing that dissolved on your tongue and altered your mind and perception and all kinds of things. It was pretty much the first and last time I ever did such a thing.

If you were into that kind of thing though I'm pretty sure that this was the type of trip that many desired. I had numerous out of body experiences, hallucinations and just generally way out there stuff going on. Some of which was actually quite emotionally traumatic for me. As it turned out it was a time in my life when I was on the cusp of some of my most dramatic life changes, I just hadn't quite realised it at the time.

I do wish I kept better memories of those years.

I know that I feel the same about the last three or so years.

That was one of the things I have always loved about this little space. The way it has always so perfectly captured my moments of time. For as long as I can remember I have worried about not being able to remember moments. It was my biggest inspiration for keeping journals and diaries in my teenage years as well as the foundation of this space.

There as so many moments in our life that at the time could appear so insignificant but at a later point in time could well fill us with the warm and fuzzies.

Mind you these years that have flown by undocumented are filled with anything but warm and fuzzy feelings. Perhaps that is why I have avoided writing them down?

Life's all about learning from mistakes though?

Man have I made some doozie's at times though.

Oh well. Live and learn right?

Poor woe is me

It's late afternoon. The sun is well and truly on her descent for the day. I'm sitting on a chair in the garden trying to soak the last of her diminishing rays. The gentle breeze blowing by does not aid in my quest.

My eyes are red and burning. The residual sting of earlier tears lingering longer than I care for.

One dear customer left me with this today

I cried at work today.

On the checkouts.

While serving customers.

It took nearly four customers till I could pull myself together. I wasn't a complete blubbering mess but I know there was pain in my eyes that they could not help but to see.

My mind was doing the cruelest of things to me. It was so mean and hurtful, yet I know that in a bizarre twisted way it was meant with kindness and love.

Not that, that really makes it ok.

As much as I always hope for the best, I often prepare for the worst. A kind of safety net I guess. That's what was happening today.

I'm waiting to hear the outcome of a job interview from last week. It's still with the same company, just a different position and most definitely a promotion. I hate hearing myself say it, but if I'm brutally honest there is a part of me that thinks I deserve this. Actually brutal honesty is to admit that I think I should have just been offered the position.

So you see my quandary?

To not be given this will be devastating. I have worked hard and I know I am the right person for the job. To be told I'm not will be akin to being told I am useless. It's like I'm already mourning because my stupid head got sick of waiting for the outcome to be revealed. On the upside though at least I now feel like I might be able to cope with the direst of outcomes. Nothing could be worse than what I have put myself through today.

An admission

I've been sitting here for over half an hour with the intention of writing. I no sooner opened the laptop and my procrastination went into overdrive. There were emails to be read, government agencies to check in with and old posts that kept grabbing my attention.

Thankfully I became aware of my predicament and was able to swiftly take action.

It is not easy mind you.

My mind, as always, is racing all over the place.

In a bid to avoid going completely numb as the early stages of what feels like hyperthermia set my body has taken shivering to Olympic Games levels. 

Which if I were to be sitting outside in the middle of winter I could understand. 

But I am not. 

I am sitting outside as the first month of summer draws to an end. Since when did 13.3 degrees and dropping become an approved summer's night temperature?

So why am I sitting outside when it is ridiculously cold I hear you ask.

Well that is a very good question, sadly with not the greatest of answers. 

About this time last year I started smoking again.

Yeah, terrible I know. It was only meant to be one, and then only one packet and then only for one month and now only for one year. I have to do whatever it takes to stop. 

Well I'm till trying.

I mean I'm here so that is a start I guess.

The wind is blowing just a little to hard for my liking. It is probably only a strong breeze really, but there is an icy chill to it harshly reminding me just how close to Antartica I am. Which if you are new here I am not actually close to as such just closer than the tropical paradise I grew up in.

It turns out that the novelty of experiencing spring quickly wore off when I discovered that spring doesn't actually just magically appear because the calendar said she should. You would not believe how disappointed I was.

Though the sun is actually shining today so I shouldn't complain too much. Her appearances round here can be a very half hearted effort at times. Can you tell I love the sunshine?

Back in the Territory I just assumed that when the sun got up she always went at full pelt and tried to make it as hot as possible. Give it her all to send as much warmth as possible our way. Turns out down in the South West the sun is a little more lazy.

It's like she goes fine I'll get up and shine but I'm not going to put any energy into.

That's probably all of got for today. The chill is just too much for me to deal with. And besides that I'm starving and I only have 90 minutes before I leave to pick up Lovely, watch Teapot's school assembly and get myself to work. Naturally there are 5 million things I need to do in that time

Three days ago

That's how long ago I sat down to start this post, three days.

I mean obviously I haven't been sitting here all that time because I am a mother and as such in that time I have had to feed and tend to the family, not to mention working on top of that as well.

Ok scratch that.

It is now some nine days since this post first sprung into creation, yet failed to actually grow into anything of publishable worth. Though it feels like so very much longer. This whole working nights thing is really cutting into my writing time and ability. Still it must be done.

Anyway here is what I managed to get out when I first sat to write this.

I swear not just two minutes ago my head was filled with a thousand different thoughts. All of them totally amazing and ready to drastically change the world as we know it. Or at least my world and how I know it.

Of course by the time I manage to open a browser and get to the insert-a-post page on Blogger, my brain has suddenly become void of any coherent thought pattern and is instead filled with a thousand. or possibly even more, distractions. I am not to sure why this surprises me because I have always said that I have the attention span of a gnat. If of course you assume a gnat has an incredibly short attention span.

Easily distracted is certainly an understatement when referring to me.

There just always seems to be so much on the go at one time that I feel the need to do it all at once. Clearly prioritising may not be a strong point of mine.

big breath.

And bang fast forward some three months till today. That's how long this draft has been sitting in my inbox. I don't like having drafts. I like to just put it out there as quick as I can. Raw and unedited, straight from brain to screen.

In reality little has changed between then and now. Well apart from it getting colder. The cold is so consuming. I just constantly feel numb and frozen.

At least when you are sweltering in the heat you can go and jump in the pool and cool down. The cold just makes me want to curl up and hibernate till spring. Just over one more month. It is my constant mantra. Soon the sun will really start to shine.

In the meantime I just need to remember to make the most of it when it is here.

Don't wake the baby!

Despite being nearly the end of the second last week of school holidays I somehow managed to force myself out of the comfort of my bed at a ridiculously early and ungodly hour of the morn. Well actually it was only a little after six but given the fact it is school holidays and all it does feel incredibly early. Especially given that it is overcast and cold. Summer hear has a lot to answer for but I will get to that later.

The reasons for my early rise are many, though mainly revolve around the need for housework to be done. That shit is never-ending isn't it?

So I had planned to make a nice early start on the dishes and washing and all manner of things that a super mum needs to take care of in-between ensuring the children are adequately fed, watered and entertained. Only Teapot decided that today would be the day that she elected to forgo her crack of dawn awakening and sleep in. As such I am too scared to do anything in case I make a noise and wake her.

After a few later than normal late nights combined with the fun and frivolity of school holiday freedoms she is quite possibly on the brink of exhaustion and in dire need of some catch up sleep. Her obedience is most certainly commendable though because as I was tucking her and Zany into bed last night I strongly suggested that they aim for staying asleep for at least ten hours and she has done exactly that. Bless her little cotton socks. I guess third time is a charm because the other two are by no means so compliant to some of my wishes as what she is.

Sigh. The joy of parenting.

Though naturally as I was bragging of her sleep in she has now awoken.

Oh well at least now I can get the washing on and and the dishes done. Oh yay! Said no one ever.

In further procrastination against what needed to be done (because let's face it the whole sleeping child thing really was nothing more than an excuse to sit in front of the computer rather than do chores, I stumbled across a link up hosted by Finding Myself Young and Life Behind the Purple Door. It is called #thisparentinglife and I think this post is just perfect to join in with it.

Words fail me

At nearly two weeks between posts this feels somewhat like the longest hiatus my dear little blog has been on in quite some time. I wish that there was some super exciting reason for my absence but there is not. At all.

The fact of the matter is that I just haven't been able to find they words. Sure for some of it I haven't even been able to find the time to look for the words but I haven't looked all that hard because I have known they are just not there.

It is fair to say that it makes me pretty sad as well.

It is also fair to say I don't really know what to do about it all which is why I am here now slowly dribbling away in the hope that I may just be able to put an end to it all.

The problem I think, is comparison and self doubt. There are a lot great and amazing writers out there that are kicking all kinds of goals with their great posts. They are funny, hard hitting, inspiring, heart moving, well written posts that are everything I feel mine are not, and possibly never were.

Excuse me while I go and have a mini tantrum complete with foot stamping and screaming much like a two year old who was just told ice cream was not a breakfast option.

image found here thanks to J Miller

Right that feels better, now where was I?

Since beginning this post I have been privy to approximately 52 arguments between Teapot and Zany, made more coffee, helped Mother with a computer issue and seen to breakfast orders. Not to mention supervising the clean up operation of the half gallon of orange juice that was conveniently tipped all over the place by a child insisting they were capable of pouring their own drink.

No wonder I lost my train of thought.

Procrastination and whining at it's best

My Mum arrives this afternoon, which really  means the last thing I should be doing is sitting here trying to write. Which naturally just makes me want to write even more. There are still floors to mop, washing to fold and put away, beds to make, teenagers to convince to give up their bedroom for a bit. You know all the usual stuff.

Before I had the brilliant idea to write I had the even more ingenious idea to start a little blanket for the bird. Because, well, it is cold here and surely she must be feeling it as much as us. The fact that she keeps trying to crawl inside socks the girls so kindly leave laying all over the place is possibly testament to that.

Unfortunately though I when I walked away from my ball of wool to see to whatever child was having a problem five minutes ago the bird saw it as a prime opportunity to run off with my ball of wall. She deftly managed to drag it under the couch before I returned. I didn’t have the heart to pull it away from her.

After three months of not being on the road I guess life is well and truly settled into a new normality. I am still not exactly how much I like it. Not necessarily because we are here, I think I would feel the same regardless of where we are. It is just the whole being stopped thing that I am not a fan of.

Sigh.

Oh so much sighing.

I have just discovered that my coffee cup is empty. 

Oh the tragedy!!!

In my current apathetic state of mind I feel completely unable to do anything about it as well. I may also have made a promise to myself that I the moment I leave the comfort and safety of my arm chair I will actually do something productive. A promise I really don’t want to break.

Back to sighing.

Thankful Thursday

The brain is a funny thing sometimes. Like how all week long as various things happen to me, my brain thinks "Oh that would be a great inclusion for Thankful Thursday this week" Then when it actually comes time to write the post it goes blank.

Completely and utterly blank. Unable to think of a single thing that could make the post readable. Which then sends me into a bit of a tizz because the reality of life is that I have an abundance of things to be thankful for.

My life is an incredibly blessed one.

I get to spend each and every day with the man of my dreams, the love of my life, my one and only. We have three amazing daughters who are beautiful inside and out. We are somehow able to survive (some would say comfortably) on only one wage in one of the most beautiful places in Australia. I could not be more happier about our decision to stop and stay in the South West for a bit.

And while all of that is something to be incredibly thankful for, and I most certainly am, it is not something that makes for great reading week in and week out.

So what else am I thankful for?

This week I am thankful that Zany did such a great job in her class performance at assembly. After just five weeks of ukulele lessons she was able to play two songs. One of which is right up there on my most favourite songs list. Mind you I can't help but wonder if Tom Dooley is really the most appropriate song for nine year olds to sing given it is all about a man who will soon be hanging from a tree. The other song, Mary Mack, made my heart swell as well as it took me straight back to my own school days.

I am thankful that this school has so many opportunities for the girls. There is a music teacher, a performing arts teacher, sports teachers, specialised language teachers, art teacher, as well as class the classroom teachers. All of whom seem to be talented, kind and caring.

Monday is a public holiday here and I am super thankful for that. Hopefully the weather will be lovely and we will get to go camping for a night or two. As freezing as it may be I love the idea of sleeping out under the stars. I do miss it so.

Last night was game one of State of Origin. I am thankful that it was shown live on free to air here, given this is quite possibly the least rugby league state in Australia I wondered whether it would be shown. Not only am I thankful it was but thankfully my team was the winner and great game was had.

My final thanks for today is for the fact that Lovely realises the importance of being a part of a team and being committed to that team. Her hockey team played last night meaning that she would miss most of the big game, much to her disappointment I might add. Despite this she still went and played.

So what about you? What are you thankful for?

An InLinkz Link-up

I should have known better

Remember how on Tuesday I wrote about the fact that even though Mount Foldme was slowly engulfing my kitchen table on the surface it appeared that in some ways I was feeling more together than I had ever felt? I should have known better

Yeah well it turns out if you are going to brag on the internet how awesome it is that your children are finally sleeping through the night they will immediately stop sleeping through the night and you will suddenly find yourself incredibly sleep deprived.

That's right folks sleep has become a thing of the past in this house. Well at least for me and The Little Two. The first night Teapot woke up screaming not long after midnight.  Some how I managed to squeeze myself into her single bed. Actually there was no somehow about it, I spent the entire time laying in my left side which meant I greeted the morning not just bleary eyed but also with pins and needles in my left arm. Which of course then meant I would spend the entire day worrying that I had somehow caused my blood clot to return because there was a chance that was how the original clot was caused.

Sigh. It is exhausting just dealing with my thoughts some days.

The next night Zany felt left out of the night time shenanigans so she thought she would join in. Teapot stuck to slightly after midnight for her first wake up and not two hours later Zany started to call out. The rest of the night was spent alternating between their two beds as apparently it was the night of the never ending bad dreams.

After two nights of next to no sleep facing the days suddenly seem less than appealing. Thankfully I live in a worlds where Netflix exists and suddenly having all day with no children around seems a little more appealing than it previously has. Yes that's right I miss having the kids around all day.

Sigh.

So two nights of no sleep have lead to two days of back to back episodes of How I Met Your Mother. Which I must say for someone who doesn't normally watch TV feels kind of strange.

Then in my half dazed TV induced coma a passing comment in a text message suddenly made me come alive and I flew into a flurry of activity madly making some rather dramatic changes that halfway through suddenly became a lot trickier than my not quite awake self could comprehend. Which with the dawning of a new day I am now wondering if I should actually keep going with it or not.

Sigh.

Change. So exciting yet so daunting as well.

But enough of me for now. Joining in with all the Weekend Rewinders

Rise and shine

Today has not got off to the start that I was anticipating for it. My silver lining attitude has been thrown into overdrive as I try to look for all the good in being out of bed on a Sunday morning as early as the sparrow farts. 

Not this morning's sunrise but a shot taken on another
morning I was out of bed when I thought bed was
were I wanted to be. You can read all about here.
I thought about that morning a lot this morning.

Well actually there were no sparrows farting, at least not any that I heard. Though I do wonder if you would ever actually hear a sparrow fart given they are such a small bird and all. 

There was however a beautiful songbird belting out a sweet tune. We are yet to confirm whether it is a magpie or a butcherbird but it is here every morning and I think most evenings. I saw it the first night we were here. Sitting on the street light outside our house looking into our garden. It made my heart swell and was another confirmation that this was all the right thing to do.

Mind you if my feathered friend wants to keep waking the girls up at such ridiculous times I am not sure I will be able to remain such a fan.

At least there is also coffee. Good coffee as well, from my fancy machine that I scored second hand for the bargain price of $15. 

 It is starting to feel like maybe this whole crack of dawn start to the day is not so bad after all. The children are quietly amused by the dreaded box leaving me to tap away on the keyboard and enjoy my coffee outside watching the sun rise over the fence. If it weren’t so crazily cold it would perfect really. Though I must keep reminding myself this is not crazy cold yet. For the locals this is mildly cool. Crazy cold is yet to come. Something this little tropical sun loving girl waits for with great trepidation.

I guess in many ways today is officially the last day of #ouradventureofalifetime. Tomorrow Mr Awesome starts his new job and the day after that the girls start their new schools. Well The Little Two do, Lovely has an interview with her school and will hopefully start on Wednesday. And me, well still not sure what is in store for this little black duck.

Ideally I would like to remain in the lifestyle of which I have been accustomed to for so many years. Being a stay at home mum really is the greatest occupation ever. Only the wages down here are ridiculously lower than what they were back in Darwin. Which I guess is only to be expected when every thing else is so much cheaper. Only there will not be enough for us to save for our next leg of adventuring so employment is on my horizon. Especially given that Teapot is going into full time school.

Sigh.

My mind boggles at the fact that she will not be with me all day every day any more. 

She is slightly nervous about the whole thing and really who can blame her. For five years she has safely been by my side and now I am just throwing her out into the unknown. Well not the complete unknown because she did watch her two big sisters go off to school every day but all of that seems like such a long time ago now.

Deep down I think I know she will be fine. 

Good coffee most definitely means a good Friday

It's Good Friday today. A day that has seen the Little Two and Mr A make very good friends with the couch and television. Excitement levels may have hit a new high when they realised that there was a Shaun the Sheep marathon on. Personally Shaun and his buddies do little for me. I need dialogue when I am watching television. Namely because when I am watching television I am actually doing something else and merely just listening to the dreaded box. A show without words is no good to a listener.

For me the day has pretty much involved sitting in front of the laptop. Firstly helping Mr A get his resume to a point where he could send it off to prospective employers. Then creating my own and doing the same. Job searching is a hard nerve wracking pastime. I hope that the powers that be send us employment sooner rather than later.

Too much of the good life has me suddenly worrying that our funds are in too short a supply. I keep trying to trust that all will be okay but I would much rather have some firm confirmation for my beliefs.

Sigh.

Of course now I worry about every word I write here. Being a "Top Blogger" is one of my most long standing jobs. Though of course it is not really a job, much more of a hobby. I include it mainly to show that I have been doing something in recent years, not just sitting around twiddling my thumbs. Not that being a mother is really sitting around twiddling my thumbs but since it is not paid employment either I wonder how I can make myself sound employable.

Double sigh.

On the up side it does feel nice to be writing again. With #ouradventureofalifetime coming to a temporary end life has been beyond hectic. I have missed just randomly sharing my thoughts and feeling here.

Thankfully we have a house sorted. Sadly we are unable to move in for just over a week still. We have one bed, a fridge and washing machine sorted though so it feels like all the big stuff is taken care of. Most importantly though a coffee machine has been sorted.

Coffee and creatures

Sadly we had to say goodbye to our wonderful company from yesterday. I think they may well have liked to have stuck around a bit longer but since they had to meet someone in Broome later this afternoon their hands were pretty much tied. Nonetheless the kids made the most of the time they did have and came over for one last play while mum and dad did the packing. 

We were then given cups of fresh hot pod coffee for our child entertainment efforts and I was even more distraught to see these lovely people bid us farewell. Decent coffee is really the only thing that I am longing for while on #ouadventureofalifetime.

As the day went on we took a walk along the beach and found a few little creatures along the way. Mainly of the insect variety. I do love how the girls are not adverse to playing with creepy crawlies. As much as they can be girly girls and get ridiculously excited about all things pink and Barbie, they are equally at home catching grasshoppers, ladybugs and whatever beetle happens to cross their path.

Thankfully one creature we didn’t encounter today was the little sandpiper that Zany was so certain she was rescuing from a life of solitude and despair.

Yesterday, while walking along the beach with another family, the eldest child of which she befriended the day before, she returned with a somewhat stunned sandpiper in hand. Adamant that the poor creature was in need of care and she was just the person to do so she began pleading for me to let her keep it as her new pet and create a home for it.

Instead I convinced her to put it under a tree with a bowl of water in case it was thirsty.

After an hour or so the bird began to look visibly stronger and began walking around a little more. Much to Zany’s disappointment I told her that it was now time to return the bird to the beach. Rather reluctantly she agreed and found a perfect little hideaway for it amongst some rocks. 

It was with great relief to discover it was no longer there today. The real highlight of the whole sandpiper incident though was learning that many sandpipers on the Western Australian coast migrate from places afar afield as Russia. I do love it when our learning is to visible and stimulated from things that interest the kids.

There had been some record high tides in the days leading up to our arrival which had meant that there were a few pools of water left higher up on the beach. Which naturally the girls delighted in laying in. Which would have not been a probably had they not been wearing lovely brand new white rash shirts. (Related who in their right mind would buy their children white rash shirts when you are living in the bush?)

While the children sat in the water I took the opportunity to try my photography skills out for a bit. I couldn’t help but be inspired by all the beauty around me. I also couldn’t help but continually be amazed at just how lucky we are to be out here doing things like this.

Snapshots of Us - Weeks 50 & 51

It's hard to believe it has only been two weeks since I last shared a Snapshot of Us. As always there has been plenty of things going on. For the most part though I was without my good camera because my card reader decided to stop reading. Which I found  somewhat heartbreaking because there were some killer shots on there.

Since my camera card is an almost antique compact flash card I worried I might not be able to find a new reader and therefore until I did so my *professional* photo taking was put on hold. Thankfully when we arrived in the big smoke I was finally able to locate a new reader. Though by that time my camera was safely stored at the back of a cupboard in the depths of Edna.

But enough of my camera woes.

Here are a few snaps from my trusty old phone.

Lovely and Zany at the Pink Lake

Mr Awesome and I at the cliffs in Kalbarri

The three musketeers at Kalbarri National Park

The five of us in front of Nature's Windo

The two little ones were transfixed by this big goanna next to the path. 

I loved how they wanted to walk by so slowly and carefully so as not to disturb it.

At Willowbrook Farm, Gingin

Aussie summer Santa in Perth Mall

Zany and the big Christmas Tree

Teapot and Mr Awesome at Carols by Candlelight

Did you know Ikea has cafe? 

With a make your own sundae station?

It is all kinds of smiley awesome