Happy Dead Day Dad

It’s been fourteen long years since we said goodbye to you dad. 

Which works out to be roughly 122724 hours. 

I can still offer no explanation as to why I must always work out the hours, nor why I insist on referring to it as your dead day. I guess the shock value of the second is a possibility, but really I think it’s just because Dad’s Dead Day just has a certain ring to it. 

I’ve pretty much spent the entire week thinking about this day. Mainly because it is the first day of my 2 week holiday, but also because I hate the reminder that this is the day that we finally had to say goodbye.

There is still so much of it I remember as if it were only yesterday. 

There was a lot happening in the days leading up to today all those years ago. 

We had not long returned from a short little getaway to Mataranka. It was our last as family of four. I was at the start of my second trimester with Teapot. One of the many things I am truly thankful is that we had shared the news of my pregnancy with you not long after we ourselves knew. Even now I still wonder whether you had held off for our return.

I remember driving to the hospital on the first night you were admitted. It as a ‘Super Moon’. I had never seen such a big silver shining ball like that before. There was something unnervingly eerie about it. I was certain it was going to be the last time I saw you.

When I arrived though, you gave me so much hope. You didn’t look nearly as sick as you had on other admissions. Swine Flu was running rife through the world at this point in time so I was cautious as to how long I was there, given the precious cargo I was carrying and all. I didn’t stay as long as what I normally would have. Because you just seemed so fine.

It would still be another couple of days before you left. Each visit still didn’t seem like you really needed to be there. Until that last day.

I arrived to visit with the morning paper not long after school drop off was completed. I was a little later than normal, but not terribly so. I remember you being a little upset with me but nothing too terrible.

We sat and chatted for a bit and you drifted off for a bit of a nap. Then before I knew it the nurses were telling me to gather family.I dutifully did as I was told and bit by bit the family started to arrive, none of us really sure what to expect next.

The next few hours become a bit of a blur.

We sit around your bed, you drifting in and out. The nurses carefully providing us privacy for what was to come. Lovely was still in school and Zany was only a few years old. The kind nurses took her off for a while, they could tell the end was nigh.

One of my favourite photos of Dad with baby Zany

So much has happened since you left, I don’t think I would even know where to start to tell you all about it all.

I know though you’d be so proud of us all. The girls are all kind and considerate, with quirky senses of humours that would maybe sometimes make you wonder but always leave you smiling. I do so wish you could meet them now. In fact I think that is what breaks my heart most about you not being here, the fact that you don’t get to know them and more importantly they don’t get the chance to know you.

I like you a bit.

Sunday afternoon

I’m just here, sitting on my front porch on a sunny early Sunday afternoon.

It’s not long after 1. SO what if I am still in my sleepwear. It is Sunday.

Mr Awesome has just finished mowing the lawns. Two other neighbours have recently began tending to their own grass needs. 

Our nearest neighbours, and by that I mean the only people we share a boundary line with are currently outside sitting on said boundary line. They are both very close to 100 and are waiting for some family member to return with a car so they can go to some place. 

This was all ascertained moments ago when plans were just made with said family member moments before they walked off down the street. I am just trying to look incredibly busy so that the possibility of interaction is minimised if not avoided.

Mr Awesome is now returning the cars to their preferred parking arrangements in front of the house. We don’t actually have a driveway as such. The cars are just parked on the lawn in front of the house.

I refuse to move mine as it means the contact with the elderly neighbours will be definite. 

And really I just can’t.

.

I know that on the surface that sounds terrible but I spend my entire working day interacting with people I would perhaps prefer not to. It just gets a little exhausting after awhile.

As usual Mr A has taken one for the team and engaged in the awkward interactions. 

He appears to have escaped relatively unscathed. He was given the details as to why they are outside as well as some generally old person small talk.. I remain in my position as I still fear that any movement will lead to conversations I just don’t have the energy to have

        **************************************

It’s now much later in the afternoon, perhaps even early evening now. (For clarity it’s nearl quarter to six), make your own mind up!)

I am not longer sitting on the front porch. Which can I just say I love being able to do. There is something I find quite appealing about the concept of a front porch. Anyways for now I am Oort the back. My chair is incredibly uncomfortable and it is probably well past time to move Mr A has just (finally) returned from inside with bottle of wine. Heavens knows what else he was doing in there because it felt like he was in there for an eternity.

Mr A is currently giving an explanation of his absence. He has apparently prepped dinner, which means he took something out the fridge and turned the heater on.

Yesterday Mr A and I went for a walk. Well actually we took Lily the Dog for a walk before we took her for a wash. It was all quite a delightful experience and left us both wondering why it was not something that we did on a more regular basis.

I mean, naturally I have a few suspicions as to why that occurs but here is probably not really the place and now is most definitely not the time to go into all of that.

It did however also present we with a n opportunity to take some random photos whic I did delight in

Just killing time

 As I just shared to Insta, I’m currently sitting at the airport with the worlds most expensive chips and wine.

To be honest the chips, while not bad, were also not great and I’m probably going to waste most of them. I haven’t eaten all day and since it is currently 11.30pm I figured that maybe some sort of food might not be a bad idea. Also turns out I might have been wrong about that given how few chips I could actually stomach. I had hoped for a burger but apparently the kitchen was closed for anything but overpriced chips with sauce and mayo that tasted a little funky. I guess that’s what you get on the big jobs sometimes.

Mind you, not gunna lie, totally loving myself sick at the moment. Sitting at a bar with wine and writing while wearing a very cool rainbow beanie I whipped up the other day.

Side note, it is not easy to take a good selfie while trying to look inconspicuous and like you are in fact not taking a selfie, but how cool is that beanie?

Airports sure are an interesting place to spend some time though. People watching at it’s finest, that’s for sure.

So why am I sitting at the airport? I hear you ask. 

Well I am making a mad dash to Sydney to help my sister out while she recovers from some rather intense knee surgery. I popped down last month for nearly a week as a surprise visit for her not long after she had surgery and it was just the most amazing time. We hadn’t seen each other for nearly 7 years.

It felt pretty surreal when I went the first time but now it seems even more some.

The fact that just a few days ago I spoke to her and she said she need some help and now I am on my way to actually be that help is just fantastic. I seriously feel so blessed to have this opportunity to be there for her. After missing so many milestone events in the past to be able to jut drop everything and go to her now is pretty bloody special. And I must at this point give a huge shout out to my amazing boss who when I told him yesterday I would be out for most of the week because I needed to be with my sister, didn’t even bat an eyelid, but simply said, “yes Rhi, family first” I mean I don’t necessarily love the way his default setting is to call me Rhi, it just feels so strange, but I do also love that after all these years people finally feel comfortable to just shorten my name.

Boarding time is now approximately 20 minutes away, technically though I should actually be 10 minutes away from departure but I guess you can’t win them all. I should probably use some of this time though to go to the ladies and head towards the gate. The was a misfortunes incident upon arrival at the airport (after a 2 hour drive and 3 energy drinis) I was in desperate need of a toilet. Long story short I ended up having to do a wee in the car park as there was just no way I was going to make it to the terminal toilets in time.

Boarding time is fast approaching now Hough so I’m gunna go get myself a little closer to the gate, Burt please remind me to tell you the story of the guy and the lost phone

What! Again?

 I like the way that this title has duel meaning. Not only does it refer to my frequency of posting lately, but also the fact I am returning to see my sister again.

The finer details of which are probably not necessary to go through right now but it is all really the most sensible decision to be made.

I mean I feel somewhat tied to my responsibilities at work but also in reality it is only for a few day and if we want to know whether m ADM is up for the game then surely me not being there is the best chance to give him the opportunity to shine. (Shrug emoji if I were on SM)

And besides I spend a lot of time thinking about the work life balance of many other people that it only make sense that I do the same for myself when I know that it is above and beyond necessary.

I guess that you might be wondering how and why there has been a sudden influx of posts here in this little old space? And then perhaps maybe you have not because according to my statistical information, no one has actually read any of my recent words of wisdom (fml emoji)

There is the slightest of chances that this low data information is due to the fact that there is change in the analytics recording systems in the Google/Blogger system that I have not yet been able to get my head around and actually action but this is possibly just a minor details also (not really lol)

Yesterday would have been my dad’s 94th birthday. Only you know it’s been nearly 14 years since he died so also not really. It’s all a little weird really. There is grief but also an indescribable celebration of the fact he lived at all. 

I know my mum would have disappointed because she did get the opportunity to speak to me. I mean had he not passed away, this year would have been their 45th wedding anniversary. Which lets face it, is a very long time to spend loving one persons. Even if one them has been dead for nearly fourteen years. But also it was a day to celebrate all that he was, not validate whatever emotions someone else might have felt.

I would almost kill for a smoke right now.

Teapot’s birthday fell on Good Friday this year. Which also coincided with us not really being in the most finically stable position a the time. Nothing really new there I guess. When don’t I find myself in the ace of a birthday celebration and not nearly enough funds to support what was needed to be done.

Anyways, given the severe state of financial affairs, Mr A and I immediately stopped smoking.

Just like that.

No more cigarettes.

It was amazing and lasted nearly a week.

At which point I discovered that Mr A had invested in a vape and I then decided to stop trying. I thought I could have gotten away with only smoking at work, only that proved to be far from the case.

Yeah, I know right.

Ok so it is now the following morning, I’ve opened up my little ipad to discover that while waiting for the photo to upload I appear to have been distracted and never actually got around to hitting the publish button (fml emoji)

Whatever is going on??

 I mean another post?

Already?

So soon after the last massive dump a mere three days ago?

I KNOW!!

I’m as shocked as you are to be honest, but here we are.

It’s a Saturday night, the night before my beloved Zany will turn 17 actually. They are currently returning home with Noodle Box for dinner. Pure madness to think that they can have a friend who is able to drive but again, here we are. Mr Awesome is inside frantically trying to get through The Leaning Tower so that there are enough bowls for everyone…

….Mr Awesome has just come out and informed me that the food has been dropped off and all young people are off to help the driver get out of their work clothes and then return at an unspecified time. Of course I already know based on where said driver lives that this will be at least an hour away.

Already I can feel my heart starting to race a little (lot, well more than is should).

It feels like the perfect storm for a story of tragedy. The night before a birthday. Young drivers at night. Wet roads. Intermittent (heavy) rain…

I’m asking all the powers that be to be protecting them tonight.

But that’s not what I came here for. 

I mean sure, I don’t entirely know what I was coming to share but I don’t really want it to be that. Tricky tough when I’m pretty much a train of thought writer and they are the only thoughts I am having at the moment.

I guess that’s why I am here, to try and come up with a different train of thought if you will.

Hard to believe that Zany turns 17 tomorrow. They truly are one of a kind. And honestly I could’ve be prouder of the person they are becoming and the things they have been able to help me see.

While they should have been graduating from year 12 at the end of this school year, school pretty much ceased for Zany when Covid hit. Initially it was because of exposure risks and then it was actual lock down and the home learning options provided weren’t great and then, well, it was all just too hard. School hadn’t been great before and the time away just made it all seems worse so we decided it just wasn’t worth it.

Formal/traditional education is not for everyone and there were some pretty terrible people in Zany’s learning environment so I can completely understand their reluctance to partake in such an activity. They instead completed some Certifications via other areas so was not just bumming around so to speak.

Well it appears as if the words have now failed me. I guess my brain is having a meltdown trying to not worry about the car load of fun loving birthday celebrating teenagers driving around dark bush roads on a wet and windy night….

Words, words, words

 Sure it might look like I’ve had a busy day writing posts but in actuality I have just hit publish on two rather old posts and am now hoping to just get this one actually published on the same day I started it!

A lot to ask I know.

So recently I hinted at having a secret I couldn’t tell. Well I was debating on whether to tell it or not. I opted not to. I had held onto it for that long

Beanies I made for my nephews 

what would another day or so matter as I was only a day away from the reveal.

So what prey tell was this closely kept secret?

A visit to my sister while she was recovering from crazy knee surgery. I say crazy because she had her leg broken by the surgeon who then wedged a piece of bone from a bone bank into the break and held it altogether with a ton of plates and screws. Needless to say the pain levels were high and recovery process long.

My sister and I have not seen each other for seven years. This means that essentially we are new people as all our cells have regenerated during that time. That is almost crazier than the surgery she underwent.

The brilliant idea of the visit was thanks to her amazing husband who also organised the whole thing. If I wasn’t already married to Mr Awesome I would quite possibly consider absconding with my BIL. I think it is incredibly cool that I managed to snag Mr Awesome and my sister found Mr Amazing.

Time is always of the essence.

I have a very short amount of time before I need to be getting myself ready for work. Wednesday is my late start day. Which is fabulous in that I can have a relaxed and lazy morning but not so great wen I won’t be home till 9pm

We are Geelong

  We are Geelong, the greatest  team of  all

We are Geelong, the greatest  team  of  all ...

I won't bore you with the rest of the song as  it is all essentially summed up  in  those  opening two  lines. Today, for the first time in 11 years, the Geelong football club won  the AFl Premiership Grand  Final.

And yes I am well aware that some of the above used words my seem redundant but the fact that the winning margin was  as high as what it was I am more than entitled to use such language. (Geelong  won by 81 points)

But I feel I'm digressing...

Which I guess, if you're a regular reader would not really surprise you...

Though given how non regularly I write, I do actually wonder if I could possibly even have what you would call a regular reader...

Again digressing...

So...

...what to say??...

I shared this earlier  today on my Instagram and Facebok page 

Things I  neglected to mention were that a beautiful team member bought  me a 6 pack of my  favourite drink  and while there was a part of me that desperately wanted to be at home to 'watch the  game' there was a  part of me that was much  more greatly relieved to  not  get caught up in the emotion of the game should we have been losers.

I know that to most  these   ridiculous rambles mean nothing. But to me, they are the  slightest of  signs that may there is hope for me after all as a writer.This was originally started back in September 2022 

I've got a secret

It's not easy, given the time between drinks so to speak, to know how to start the conversation again. I mean it was September last year since I took/made the time to stop by and spill my inner thoughts here. I can't even begin to imagine how heartbreaking that must have been for all my avid readers. Thankfully they probably only exist in my head anyway. I mean even at the peak of my blogging prowess (if you will) my readership was pretty much a handful of friends and fellow bloggers who stopped by in the hope I would reciprocate as was courtesy back in the day. 

I don't by any means intend to sound as cynical and self deprecating as what that sounds when I just reread it. They are essentially the cold hard facts of what my readership entailed. Sure they many return visitors that I had did mean that I had made some connection with a wider community but lets not forget that I could also physical see the statistics of my readers and I was certainly far from hugely popular. Much as I am in real life really. And again, the words would sound differently if you could hear them in my voice. There is a kindness to myself attached as I my brain speaks to my fingertips.

Of course none of that is why I am here.

I am here because I've got a secret. And while I may have been told today that I can tell it. I am torn as to whether that is really the way to go. So where else would I turn to than this trusty little old blog.

This post was originally started in the middle of May.