Monday morning ramble

I started writing this post about five minutes ago.

It began as a bit of a ramble about how this was the start of the last week of the school holidays and this made me both happy and sad. Blah blah blah.

Then I deleted it and checked my email. Seeing those little red notification icons on my apps drives me batty I must rid them instantaneously. Lucky for me I don't get a whole lot of emails so it is quite easy to stay on top of. This particular one was a weekly newsletter from a fellow blogger.

But now I am just starting to ramble (again)

It is not long after 8am and once again the house is filled with quiet as children catch up on sleep from excessive late nights. Which to me is one of the joys of school holidays. A chance to break free from routines and rules and just do whatever the hell we please.

I had hoped to use this time alone to transcribe the next chapter of my novel but I am too scared of making noise and waking the baby (who is actually a five year old). I have a groovy headset and program that means I can read the hard copy that I have out loud and my computer will magically type it out for me.

Unfortunately a month or so ago I did something to my back which has resulted in it being rather sore since then. Especially after sitting in front of the computer for more than five minutes. Which as you can imagine makes sitting down to write even more difficult than what I was already finding it.

All the sighs.

I feel like a bit of a fraud complaining about it because as always I think of all the other people out there with real problems and pain they have been battling with for much longer and harder than mine. I don't know why I always seem to think my issues are not as justified as everyone else's but I do.

More big sighs.

Anyways moving right along.

I feel I must apologise for the disjointedness of my writing at this point. Having been away from it for so long it feels like I don't know how to do it any more. I am constantly battling inside my own head that all the ideas and words I have are just not worth sharing. It is hard to ignore but trying I am. Fingers crossed that if I keep persevering before too long something of worth will come.

I hope you stick around and keep coming back till then.

joining in with Alicia 

Day 43 (Aug 31)

Unlike my early rise of yesterday, today saw me sleep in much later. Well till nearly ten o’clock, which these days is well and truly a late sleep in. All of this was much to my mother’s disappointment though as it meant we were unable to walk to the local markets. Not that I was in anyway heart broken by this and nor had she previously mentioned to me her desire to go there.

As much as my run the day before had been awesome I couldn’t help but feel my sneakers were on their last legs. Mum’s printer needed a new cartridge so I could print out my group certificate so a quick trip to the local shopping centre was soon underway.

The rest of the day was then spent with me staring blankly at tax forms while making new CD’s to listen to in the car. Actually only the early afternoon was because the late afternoon was spent at the park with a bottle of wine and friends.

The real highlight of the day though was returning to Mum’s where a three course meal was waiting for me to devour it. Mum had gone all out and cooked seafood crepes with a creamy sauce, followed by roast beef and all the trimmings and a creme brûlée type thing for dessert. Yum, yum, yum.

Again though sleep eluded me.

As much as a knew I needed to get a good night’s rest for the big day that was to come I couldn’t help but worry exactly what that might entail.

Not the celebration I was hoping for

Wow! One hundred days just like that. Crazy really to think how time flies. 

I wish that I could say we did something incredibly exciting to mark the event, but we didn’t. 

Both the little girls had a terrible night’s sleep last night. Which means I too experienced minimal rest.

Zany woke up just after midnight and proclaimed her desire to puke. Thankfully she was able to wait until I was able to locate a container to catch the contents of her stomach. After a drink of water she laid back down and drifted off to sleep. I cautiously returned to my bed and tried to do the same.

Between the poor little boy screaming a few van spaces over and a yapping dog down the road somewhere sleep felt rather elusive. It must have come at some point though because the next thing I knew I was moving at the speed of light (or at least as close to it as one can be when still half asleep) to help Teapot find the spew bowl that Zany was cradling. Luckily they share the same bed and Teapot had managed to locate it herself.

After another dash outside to empty the bowl and wash it out, along with another drink of water and a difficult search in the dark for tissues to wipe her mouth with I decided to squeeze myself in the double bed with the girls just in case there was another wake up call.

By this stage I realised that both the child and dog noise from earlier had stopped. Which I found rather comforting. Unfortunately it was short lived and once again I tried to head to the land of nod with my pillow over my head  in a bid to block it all out.

Once again I somehow managed to doze off for a while.

Once again it was all rather short lived and before I knew it the dreaded sound of a child vomiting was all I could here. Sadly this time her aim for the spew bowl was not as good and I was now faced with a small mess on the sheets that needed cleaning.

It was about this time that Zany woke and preceded to tell me not to worry about it all I could just put the spew bowl over the spew and we could all just go back to sleep because she was now feeling much better and wouldn’t be spewing any more tonight.

Uhm how about thanks but no thanks?

From here I sent Zany to my bed and Teapot and I head outside to lay in one of the reclining camp chairs that I was suddenly incredibly thankful to have. 

Though sadly the woes did not end here. However I will refrain from going into too much more detail.

Let’s just say it involved cups of water being worn rather than drunk and over active imaginations thinking that a tree trunk in the distance was actually someone hiding. Eventually all was sorted and sleep was found by everyone. Though given I was outside in a chair with a child on top of me it was not exactly a rejuvenating kind of sleep.

Needless to say today was one filled with tired grumpy people. Which is just perfect for a 40 degree heat day.

The girls spent most of the morning inside watching screens while I baked some cupcakes for the kind lady who had the girls for a few hours yesterday and some egg and bacon pies for us for lunch. Teapot managed to score a few hours sleep and woke five seconds after I lay down to do the same. From there the rest of the day was spent in the air conditioned rec room playing Uno. 

Which was not really as enjoyable as it sounds due to the over tired Zany having a melt down every time she got card she didn’t like.

Bedtime could not come quick enough.

Happy one hundred days!

A late night ramble

The machines are all quietly whirring away doing my chores for me, allowing me a few moments to sit with my own whirring mind.

Today (Friday, which is now actually yesterday) has felt like a never ending rush from here to there and back again. I am quite certain that I passed myself coming and going on more than one occasion.

If I was a sensible as I sometimes claim to be be I would not be here right now. Instead I would be snuggled up alongside Mr Awesome in the comfort of our bed. Allowing my poor weary body some much need rest. The opportunity to sit alone with my thoughts though was to good to pass up.

Thoughts and words have been floating around my head all evening.

As I wiped the harden breakfast cereal from the morning, off the table I had written the start of this post in my head at least five times over. Naturally, all of which sound better than what I have managed to produce right now.

That is always the way though.

It is easy to claim something which is not actually here is better than what really is. Much like it is easier to complain about oneself than give the praise which is more often than not more deserved.

I have been particularly harsh on myself of late. Some of which is possibly quite deserved, though all of is most definitely not. Deep down I do know that, but for the most part I am far to easy on myself, I let myself get away with far too much.

There are times when toughness is called for and that time for me is probably now. The tricky thing about being tough on yourself though is it must be done in a manner in which incites action. It is pointless to label all one's faults and not do anything about them.

For now though I am going to stop fighting sleep and get some of the rest I complain of lacking.

Snapshots of Us - Weeks 10 & 11

When I started this whole Snapshots of Us idea I was adamant that I would be able to maintain the weekly update thing. After all how hard could it be to make sure that I took a snapshots of us all every week?

Apparently the answer is very.

Last week again saw me with out a post, though I did have a few photos of myself that I could have used. This week saw me madly rushing out to where the girls were just playing to get a few snaps of them. Which is fine enough I guess but not really the true spirit of things. Lucky I am not a stickler for rules.

As always it has been an actioned packed few weeks.

In my last Snapshot update I mentioned that I finally had the long awaited specialist appointment. Turned out that the appointment at the hospital was with the same doctor I had the private appointment with. So I only ended going to the first one. Which was great because it introduced me to my new GP. Who in case you missed it earlier is very McDreamy. Handy since I have to seem him rather regularly for the next few months.

Sadly I still need to be injecting myself though hopefully Tuesday will see the end of that. Leaving me taking daily doses of wafrin till September.

Yesterday we looked at our first caravan to take away on our trip of a life time. I don't think it was the one for us as the price was a little high for what it was but it was certainly fun to start looking.

We did however make one purchase in preparation for the trip. A lovely new Macbook. I am not sure yet whether it is mine as an early birthday present or whether I have to share it with Mr A. either it is lovely and super inspirational for getting some writing done.

Speaking of our trip of a life time, I have been trying to think of a great hashtag for it. Any suggestions?

Last weekend saw Mr Awesome and I escape our parenting responsibilities for the night and spend the night in a hotel room. All thanks to his company I might add. I made the most of the child free time with

a run, followed by

a bath with a glass of wine

Me all dolled up.
It's a shame I didn't think to take a full body selfie, in the dress I got when I was 21!

The past week has seen me enter the perils joys of full time work. I am beyond thankful that it is only for two weeks. To say we are not coping is somewhat of an understatement. I can't help but wonder if it is the mindnumbingness of the job that is driving me up the wall more than the inability to create enough organisation for everything to run smoothly at home. Either way it made for a long week.

Once again Lovely has had all her electronic connections removed. An email from the school and a letter in the mail let me know her behaviour has been leaving a lot to be desired. On the upside though the free time she now finds herself with allows her more time to play with her sisters. Which apparently involves exercising.

Though Teapot was more interested in trying to get into the pool than playing over on the grass. And given the heat of the day, who can really blame her?

I think that is about it for now. Well actually it has to be about it for now. Mr A has just taken the girls  to trade in some old PS3 games and then to Bunnings for some new door handles. Which is more trip preparation.

A lovely new air conditioning unit was installed in the girls bedrooms yesterday which means they need to be able to close their door properly. Which they haven't been able to do for a while since constant slamming broke the handle quite some time ago. As we will be renting the unit out while we are away we need to make sure everything is in tip top shape.

I escaped the trip under the pre tense of needing to do food shopping. Which is not really a pre tense because I really do need to go food shopping. Which just quietly I am less than excited about because every man and his dog seem to need to do the same on a Sunday afternoon.

Sigh.

When do you do your food shopping?

Snapshots of Us Weeks 5-9

It always amazes me how quickly time flies. The whole idea of Snapshots of Us was so that I could keep track of time a little more and record how it had passed. Instead all it has done is rudely remind me that the weeks can easily slip away before my very eyes if I am not careful.

Oh and how terrible I am at taking regular photos of us all.

So here are the few photos that I did manage to snap of the last month.

Zany and Teapot had a measles scare. Thankfully it was all totally unfounded and nothing to worry about. However not so thankfully it just so happened to take place on my first day of work. Thankfully though Mr Awesome has plenty of sick leave up his sleeve and was able to take on the caring duties.

There are five years between Lovely and Zany and then four between Zany and Teapot. While they all get along (most of the time) the three of them actually playing together is a rare occurrence. On this particular day they weren't necessarily playing together so much as watching Lovely create stuff on Minecraft. There was lots of laughter and giggling that I just couldn't help but take a snap.

Sadly though Miss Teapot was only in her knickers, which for tropical born children is not exactly a rare thing but not really something I am comfortable sharing on here. As such I have blurred her out in this copy.

A dear friend launched his second book and it went without saying that we were in attendance at the launch. As it were a Sunday (they day I had earmarked for sharing Snapshots of Us) I made a point of taking some photos. I think that poor Teapot was facing the sun in this one, hence the funny look.

Miss Lovely the wanna be model however just about always has her pose ready when there is a camera about. Unlike her sisters. (Which is why there is not a shot of Zany, her eyes were closed in every shot I took)

I know you are probably sick of this photo by now but it was taken for such a good cause I can't help but share it again. I really wanted to do something with fairies or butterflies but so far the right idea has eluded me. My thinking cap is still on though so stay tuned.

So what else was there?

The working thing is going well. I am surprisingly enjoy all the human contact, though it does take a lot out of me. The main thing to suffer has been the housework (naturally). Though  blogging has been put on the back burner as well (sadly). I have really only been able to get out a post for IBOT and of course Thankful Thursday Not being able to comment on my on blog from my Mac is frustrating me no end as well. On the upside though commenting from my phone has suddenly become a lot easier. Go figure.

Uni starts this week, thank goodness for the joys of online learning because I do not know how I would possibly be able to fit in going to actual classes. I already feel a bit behind the eight ball because I am yet to have opened the course outline or read a few of the emails that have been sent my way.

Sigh.

After daily injections (for a month) of some blood thinner that you should really only be on for a week, I finally have an appointment with a specialist today. I also have one tomorrow because the public system was taking so long that looked for a private option. The private option gave me an appointment a week after I asked for one. I naturally then got word from the hospital they finally had an appointment for me as well.

Double sigh.

And that my friends I think is it for now.

Yay I am back on track!

Man oh man oh man!

Talk about chasing your tail.

Image found here

I guess it all really started this time last week. I had the most perfect post idea in my head but I just couldn't seem to get it out and nor could I get anything else out till this was done. Oh the drama of writer's block.

It is no secret that I am huge #IBOT fan. I just love blogging on a Tuesday (and let's face it who doesn't). Only being all prepared with scheduled post seems to have eluded me of late. And only made worse by the fact I decided to test myself with a little let's blog everyday challenge. Which in case you were wondering isn't exactly going to plan.

However thanks to some blog post cramming and back dating (I will spare you all the gory details, you're welcome) this post will now see me back on track and able to at least portray the perception I blogged every day for a while. 

Why this is important to me I do not know but it is. And one thing I have come to realise about this little old blog is that at the end of the day I do it all for me. So while most other bloggers are turning to the slow blogging movement I am here punching out post after post in the hope it will somehow make me a better writer. 

Practise makes perfect right?

Having said that though it has been a big morning at the office with these two little beauties already being published 

Top 5 Road Tripping Songs

I must confess it is not Sunday

leaving me somewhat drained of inspiration for this post. 

But that is ok because I feel all kinds of awesome for still being able to pretend I have written every day. The fact that I have shared my failings and back dating palaver means I am able to continue on because I have been all open and transparent. I am nothing if not honest. And perhaps just a little crazy.

So what about you? 

Any crazy new year's ideas you are trying to live up to or did you let it slide by the way side like I most possibly should have?

Do you blog on Tuesdays with Jess?

The carols are a rockin' and I'm a bloggin'

Yes I am well aware of the fact that it is Christmas Eve and that the rest of the world is busy running around like a headless chook with no time to read idle blog posts but it is Tuesday and I really do like to blog so here I am. And yes I know that Essentially Jess said we shouldn't blog on Christmas Eve but there is so much I should be doing blogging seems to make the most sense right now.

image found here

Ideally the computer shouldn't even be on, but for a whole range of reasons it is. Everywhere I turn on social media I find people turning off and saying goodbye for a few days. Given some mediums are lucky to see me every few days at the best of times I haven't really worried about any down time. Which I guess is probably why the computer is on and I am here.

There are other reasons though. Like the fact that the computer is the only music playing device that can play Christmas carols. Given that it is Christmas Eve (and I love carols) I feel kind of compelled to listen to have a few belting out. We have even managed to find a few rather modern renditions with quite the techno beat behind them so it is not as painful on the ears as one might expect carols to be. 

The other reason that brought me to the computer is a bit secret squirrel for a friends birthday next week. Something I was meant to have done weeks ago MUST get done today. It just must, else I will be sent to the bad friend list forever and a day.

So the carols are a rocking' and I am a blogging, trying not to get overwhelmed by the three hundred and seventy five million things that still need to be done. Some within the hour as by then it will be time to collect my beautiful sister and nephew from the airport. So much excitement about being able to have them spend the big day with us.

I guess on that note I should go and get on with all that needs to be done. Or at least some of it. There will always be plenty of time later to share the many wonders inside my head at the moment.

For now I wish you all a very Merry Christmas, filled with lots of love and laughter and plenty of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses

Thankful Thursday - Another random and non connected edition

As another week draws to a close it is time to stop and take stock of all that there is to be thankful for. I have spent much of the week tossing up which theme I was going to run with this week for Thankful Thursday. Having every good intention of writing this post well in advance so that Wednesday night was not one that saw me suddenly flipping into a frenzy because I still was without post for today. 

Which of course was not what happened, but that probably is not surprising for anyone.

Last week saw three lovely bloggers join and for that I am of course incredibly thankful. It also saw me lose a few likers over on my Facebook page which I was not exactly thankful for. In fact I may have had a little public outcry about it all. The incredibly kind words that came my way after I had my little (metaphorical) cry about it all however I am greatly thankful for. As I am for the beautiful new peeps that have jumped on board since them. I know that really at the end of the day it shouldn't matter too much how many likers I do or don't have but I would be lying if I said that sometimes there is no denying this whole blogging game isn't a bit like a popularity contest. 

So without further adieu here are some more of the things that have made me go thanks, this past week

• Winning a book about some PR Queen in Sydney
• A beautiful friend that offered her time and scrapbooking supplies to Lovely and I in a bid to help some of that teenage angst be removed
• A teachers strike that enabled us to spend the day with said friend in the middle of the week. 
• Being invited to a morning tea and dinner as recognition of some of the help I have given the school over the year
• Mr Awesome not having to be the Chairperson for the Body Corp for another year
• Wonderfully cool and wet weather
• A cyclone that didn't eventuate
• Almost more time alone than I knew what to do with. Well not really I still could have found plenty of things to do if I had more time, but I am most certainly thankful for the time alone I did get.
• A slight glimmer of hope that Lovely is not going to be a moody teen all the time, or rather signs that some of the moods experienced as a moody teen are in fact on the happy scale.
• Having a lovely lunch with my mother, brother and the girls.
• That there are only two weeks of school left
• Being able to go on excursion with Zany's class

Now you. What has made you go thanks this week?

Love in an Apple Orchard.

Is probably what I should have called my entry for the first round of the #flashfictionchallenge. But I didn't and there is probably little point worrying about it now. Actually there is no point worrying about it at all because it is far too late to do anything about it now. As it was I only just managed to scrape in with mere moments before the deadline anyway.

Being the silver lining lover that I am though all is not lost and even if I don't progress in the competition I am super glad I decided to take part. The upside to having a looming deadline is that I manage to get lots of other stuff done. Especially when it comes to writing.

I took the opinion that as long as I was writing, something, anything, then I would be getting that little bit closer to the story that needed to be told for the competition. This essentially meant that at every opportunity I had to be writing.

On Sunday I found myself at an indoor play centre with no one to talk to. Oh the hardship I know 

Here are some of the thoughts that passed through my head in that time.

Sitting inside a play centre may not be the most quiet environment, yet somehow it still manages to create a space conducive for me to write in. As noisy as it may be the noise is not actually directed toward me. Instead it just surrounds me, leaving me feel not unlike an island. Which in many ways is quite nice.

Love is everywhere if you take
the time to look

There are a few large gatherings of various families and their friends. Birthday parties I imagine. Chatter and laughter filling the centre, intermittently pierced by screams and screeches of excitement, as it all becomes to much for some of the young participants.

Me - I just sit here oblivious to it all. Twelve years of parenting has taught me how to switch off even in the noisiest of times. 

I have only the middle child with me today. I marvel at her self confidence and ability to just go and play, despite not actually knowing anyone.  A friend from school asked if we could meet here to use the vouchers that the girls received from hockey. I couldn't say no. No matter how much I may have wanted to.

It is always with great reluctance that I venture away from the man I love when he is not at work. There could never be too much time spent with him as far as I am concerned. Never, ever, never.

This playdate however has been requested on numerous occasions. Each time I have managed to find some excuse not to go. Why that is I do not know. I think it is just so often I don't want to leave the house regardless of how much fun I think may or may not be had. 

With the voucher expiration date looming it could no longer logically be postponed. I took the silver lining as being some quality writing time.

Twenty for hours into the competition and not a word of a story has been written. Leaving twenty four hours for a thousand words to be found.  A romance, in an apple orchard, with mention of a fake moustache...

Sharing with Essentially Jess for IBOT

A raining linky ramble

I have just spent the better part of the morning travelling around the blogosphere catching up on my blog commenting. Even though I said a few months ago I would be trying to cut down on my linking up to it really only lasted a week or two. I just couldn't seem to help myself.

image from here

As much as I wanted to see just how many people would stop by if I didn't go linking up all over the place, the practice just seemed to be a little harder than expected. What can I say it is just who I am.

Someone once asked me why I always attend whatever community event is happening at the school. I replied with "well if the school can go to the trouble of putting an event on the least I can do is attend." It is pretty much the same with the linky parties.

You see I figure if a blog I like goes to the trouble of hosting a linky it is the least I can do join in. Especially if I have noticed previously that not many people tend to. Yes folks I am still scared from my linking hosting experiences over at Making Time To Make It Matter. I had thought that with time I might have recovered more but apparently not yet. Sigh.

Aside from that I just love all the comment love that a good linky can bring.

Anyways I don't really want to write about all the linkies that I may or may not join in with because quite frankly that sounds a bit boring. What I do want to do though is just to write.

The kids are playing quitely, most of the housework is under control, well I have done the job here and there, everything is lining up perfectly for me to write. Except for the fact that my little brain is not really ready to come to the party. Apparently it is all blank and what have you.

Always the way though isn't it.

Just like it was the way last night when we went here, and it rained. An outdoor cinema where the seats are deck chairs. It is all kinds of awesome and on Thursdays they open the venue up to local community groups to fundraise. Last night Lovely's old basketball club was hosting the evening. They were screening Dispicible Me 3. Which most of the family had not seen yet.

At $30 for a family ticket we couldn't not go.

Even though the weather man has being saying all week that it would rain on Thursday I didn't believe him. After all the median rainfall for August is 0.0mm. It has not rained for months here. Which is nothing unusal given it is the dry season and all. Even if it is nearly the end of said dry season it still technically is the dry season. As such I expect to go out of an evening and not come home soaking wet.

As you can well imagine there is very little shelter at an outdoor cinema. Some people had the sense to take cover at the very first sign of a rain drop. Not I though. No. I sat there with a little mantra of please don't really rain going round and round my pretty little head. Tightly holding onto Teapot who was sitting on my lap who may or may not have been a somewhat of a shield from the rain.

Before you run off and report me for worst mother of the year, she was wrapped up in a few jumpers so not get *too* wet and I knew she had a dry change of clothes in the car. All good tropical mothers have changes of clothes in the car when the wet season is around. This was just a timely reminded that I need to make sure there are clothes for everyone.

Once it was evident that the rain was not going to dissipate my mantra changed to "A true territorian can sit out a bit of rain" I really wanted to keep watching the movie sitting down and the dry shelter was standing room only. Thankfully there is something quite lovely about the first tropical rains. There is a certain warmth to them that stops you from completely freezing like you would elsewhere.

But enough of the tropical rains because now that I have no more evening plans for the next few weeks I am sure that it will remain as dry as the bone it was supposed to. Always the way.

Are you patiently waiting for the weather to change?

Do you like linkies?

Joining in with Maxabella because I just couldn't resisit

Secret Subject Swap Reveal - 1

Astute and observant regular readers would have noticed a little badge appear in my side bar the other week.

In case you missed it it looks a little like this

Ok so it looks a lot like that, because that is it.

Secret Subject Swap is the brain child of Emily who can be found here and here. She asked myself and a bunch of other uber cool bloggers, (a full list is at the end of the post) if we were interested in setting some secret writing prompts for each other and all publishing on the same day. Given my desire to challenge myself as a writer whenever possible I jumped at the chance. Plus I am always a fan of anything secret, but who isn't?

So today is the day on which we are all to unveil our secret prompts. Mine was given to me by the ever lovely Josefa from always Josefa. 

Image from here
Painted by Craig Orback

“His talent was as natural as the pattern that was made by the dust on a butterfly's wings. At one time he understood it no more than the butterfly did and he did not know when it was brushed or marred. Later he became conscious of his damaged wings and of their construction and he learned to think and could not fly any more because the love of flight was gone and he could only remember when it had been effortless.”

This quote was said by Ernest Hemingway in reference to Scott Fitzgerald. I encourage you to interpret, write, prose, describe or philosophise in any way you like as a response to this quote.

Deep huh?

Now full credit to Josefa because she gave me this some what complex prompt with plenty of time to think it all over and come up with something truly wonderful. Which I promise I had every intention of doing. Honest, I did.

When I first read it I was totally excited because I thought it was just the excuse I was looking for to re-read The Great Gatsby. I fondly recall devouring the pages back when I was a university student. With the recent release of the latest movie version I had been thinking of doing so anyway but had just not quite got around to it. Surprisingly, or not, I still haven't managed to pull it off the book shelf.

Nor did I get around to researching what else old Ernest had to say. Or anyone else for that matter. Technically I could get up and turn the internet on and have a look now but I lost interest at the getting up part. It is the end of another long day after all. Plus with the internet on I am not likely to be able to resist the time void that is Facebook (but please come and like my page). Tragic I know but in my defence I have been resisting the temptations of evil ALL. DAY. LONG.

I have however pondered greatly on how Josefa came across the quote and what prompted her to pass it on to me. Did she simply Google butterfly and go from there? I mean that makes sense because I like butterflies (but again who doesn't?) Or is there more to it than that? Was it perhaps a prompt that she herself was given at some point in time. Such a crafter writer as her is bound to have completed at least a course or two at some point. 

Needless to say I then question all that I am. Wonder whether the prompt I passed onto Ashely cut the mustard. Did she struggle with it as much as I with mine? Did she curse me and my stupid prompt like I may or may not have? Was it completely off the mark and not what was expected? Should I even be a part of such a group?

Nothing like a dose of self doubt to get the creative juices flowing. Or not.

The distracted procrastinator in me then kicks in and the original train of thought is completely gone and long forgotten. My post still a blank canvas and my mind in much the same state.

I go back and read the quote again. For the umpteenth time I might add. Desperate to try and find something, anything that I make into a worthy post and hold onto the hope there is a chance for me and this writing gig.

“His talent was as natural as the pattern that was made by the dust on a butterfly's wings. At one time he understood it no more than the butterfly did and he did not know when it was brushed or marred. Later he became conscious of his damaged wings and of their construction and he learned to think and could not fly any more because the love of flight was gone and he could only remember when it had been effortless.”

I can't help but wonder if my own wings are perhaps a little damaged. Only if they are, I hope the dust can once again be brushed on to them and I can go back to it being effortless. Life in general of late has been far from effortless, but that is not what I want to get caught up in now.Right now I want to get caught up on dissecting all the different ways Hemmingway's words could be interpreted regarding his friend. 

But alas 'tis now late and this post long enough for now.

Other Secret Subject Swappers include

Melissa Writes

JFGibson

The Wolfe's Den

Imagine Create Write

always Josefa

Ghostnapped

My Little Sunshine House

Nothing like a little drivel to get the juices a flowing

There approximately five thousand, seven hundred and sixty three billion things that I should either have done or actually be doing at this precise time. Deciding which one needs to be done first is no easy task and is possibly why nothing actually gets done.

The current silence is almost deafening, though complaining I am not, just surprised. But then it always surprises me how things can change in an absolute instant. A mere ten minutes ago there was all kinds of ruckus which so me drafting a very different start to this post.

With the fist week of the school holidays behind us, there are still three weeks to fill with fun and laughter. Lovely has gone to hang with some family on the east coast for the better part of three weeks leaving Zany, Teapot and myself to make the most of the wonderful weather and free time at home.

Mr Awesome has taken the last week of the holidays so we can hopefully escape to Umbrawarra Gorge for a few days. To say I am looking forward to that is an understatement. There is nothing more soul soothing for me, than hanging out in the bush with the ones I love.

In the meantime though there so many post that I keep thinking I want to write yet for some reason just never actually get to do. A story that I am positive will be never ending, particularly if I continue to write fluff such as this all the time, despite it all actually being part of the process.

As I try harder and harder to be more serious about this writing gig I am discovering a few interesting points about myself. For example I have found that my brain likes to drivel for some time about nothing before getting to the point at hand. Therefore when I really want to do some serious writing I need to allow and extra half hour or so to get the lead up  drivel out the way so as to free my mind for the important words to flow from it.

The downside to this is that I can barely get the time to write anything, let alone something that needs a half hour lead up time. First world problem I know. One that I am sure would be fixed with a bit of successful time management and organisation. If only you could just duck down to the local super market and pick that  up?

Sigh.

Anyway with that in mind I might leave you here for now and go and see if I can't get something out, because clearly I got the drivel part sorted for today!

Words, writing, and what not

It is around six years since I first started to seriously consider the possibility of actually being a writer. With great conviction I convinced Mr Awesome that if we purchased a computer I would be able to somehow generate an income through writing on the world wide web. Surely there wasn't that much too it was there?

Ah yeah. About that. Little did I know. 

Apparently every man, woman and their respective dog was also under the same misguided notion. 

While I did actually manage to make some money over at Helium it wasn't enough to even come close to living on or even making much of a difference to our weekly budgeting. In fact all it really did was easily justify some eBay shopping. Which is not exactly a bad thing I know, but was still not paying the bills.

The good thing about Helium, at least back then, was that I didn't have to think about what to write. They provided the topic headings to choose from and away I went. There was also the thrill of competitions and the instancy of self publication. There is of course all of that still but the set up for topic selection has changed and I struggle a little to find something that takes my fancy. Well that and about a thousand other excuses that I make for most things I never end up doing.

I have held onto the notion of being a writer for as long as I can remember, though really probably only since my early teenage years. 

Back when anything seemed possible. 

Back when I was certain I was destined to go onto a life the wielded great power and responsibility. Back when all manner of things were going to take place.

Back when life was simple and I had little idea about most things.

Sigh. 

Deep, deep, let it all out sigh.

While I do still hold onto hope that one day I will see my name in real print, as opposed to my blog or some other internet based thing that will essentially take anyone, I am not exactly holding my breath. I also take comfort in the fact that in some ways I can already consider myself to be a writer. 

Given I try to write something at least nearly every day surely I have something in common with being a writer?

The lovely Alison over at Life In A Pink Fibro (who by the way is a real writer) has brought back the Weekend Rewind linky, where bloggers are able to link in a post from the past. This week the theme is writing. Right up my alley really.

While I was certain I had a post to share I wasn't sure which post would be the winner winner chicken dinner. A quick search of the blog brought up some 25 posts that had the word writing in them. 

Selecting the best one was no easy feat. Which is why I am here writing now as opposed to doing the housework. Much to Mr A's disappointment I can tell you. I did however manage to narrow it down to a few and eventually just the one. However it seemed a travesty for those other gems not to get a chance at seeing the light of day again so without further adieu here are a few for you to read through.

From An insight into why I write (October 31 2012)

Writing it all out was supposed to make me feel better. So far it hasn't.

Writing is like my best friend. It listens quietly and patiently to whatever drama my head is trying to comes to terms with. It lets me say things I wouldn't ordinarily say in person. Words that if I said out loud I fear I may choke on so I don't even try to say them, instead bottling it all up waiting to explode under the pressure of it all.

Writing lets it all out. It stops me from exploding and keeps me together. Read more

From The Blank Screen (July 10 2012)

Staring into the screen she didn't know where to begin.  Her fingers hovering over the keys, trying to decipher which ones should be pressed in which order.  Pen and paper was so passe these days. 

Any real writing that had to be done was always typed.  Mind you she had little choice.  Handwriting had always been too slow when it came to getting the words processed at the high speed that her brain would send words gushing out at.  She just couldn't write fast enough and it would turn out to be one big jumbled mess of nonsense. Read more

From On being a writer

One of the toughest things about trying to be a writer is getting started.  The coming up with ideas not a problem.  I have more ideas floating around my pretty little head than I know what to do with.  Actually getting those ideas out of said pretty little head and transferred through my fingertips to the keyboard and appear on the screen is another things altogether.

Writing is a process there is no doubt about that.  A process that is both different and alike for writers the world over.  Or at least I imagine it to be like that.  Having never really conversed much with writers the world over I am actually only guessing, but I am pretty sure I am on the money (or at least close to it). Read more

From Writing dreams with coffee (Feb 1, 2013)

Sitting there in front of the computer screen, her mind was blank.

Totally void of any and all thoughts or ideas. 

But then that was nothing new. It was like the screen, or the keyboard or maybe even the chair, something anyway, seemed to suck every sensible consciousness out of her being when she sat to write.

Letting out a deep sigh she got up and walked away. Maybe a coffee would help.

Maybe letting go of that crazy notion that there was indeed a writer within her just waiting to be unleashed would help. Though she had held onto that crazy notion for so long now that she doubted whether letting go of it was really possible. It felt like it was ingrained upon her soul. Her destiny if you will. Read more

Ok well that is probably enough for now. If you really want to read more of my thoughts involving the word writing, feel free to use the search bar to the right. If you are after reading some more of what other people think about writing then head here

Which post do you think I should include?

From the beginning to rubbish

While the beginning is generally recognised as the best place to start, sometimes finding where the beginning actually begins is easier said than done. But then chances are you already knew that. It is not exactly a startling revelation and aside from all of that I am fairly certain that I have already started at least one post like this before.

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I was going to go and search the blog for the word beginning and see how many posts showed up but I didn't want to lose my train of thought. (We all know how easily that can happen) There is a search bar just to the right though so feel free to go and have a look yourself.

For me finding the beginning is often tricky. It must be, how else can I explain my constant delay in starting anything and everything. If there were ever to be a procrastination championships, and providing I could be bothered to enter, I am quietly confident I would be the winner. I take procrastination to soaring new heights.

Thankfully I am acutely aware of my ways, and as much as possible I try to trick myself into getting things done. And when I say trick I guess I actually mean bribe. In much the same way as I reward the girls screen time for doing jobs (at least when I am the pro active super mum that has the energy to limit screen time which is probably not as often as it should be) I try to reward myself the same way. Only I have a credit account that I have kinda been abusing of late.

With my big race only a few days away now I have pretty much spent the last week and a half running, cycling or thinking about running. Giving up the car for much of last week was a great experience but also took a lot of time. And energy. There were also a lot of things that didn't get done.

The first of which was blogging. 

At the start of the month I was all guns a blazing. One particular day saw me post something on all three blogs. I was on top of the world and in my mind on top of the game. Looking back I was obviously delusional to say the least.

Not surprisingly the attempted revival of Making Time to Make it Matter with the #BlogEveryDayInMay challenge was a total flop. I think that was the main reason I didn't do it here. Much better to have the failures hiding in the corner, a little out of sight rather than in full view. 

But then again maybe that is what I need? A more constant reminder of what I need to do.

Or perhaps I just need to work out what it is I need to do and get on with it? I am such an over thinker at times that often nothing ever ends up actually getting done. Who ever said that it was the thought that counts was a big fat liar. Thoughts do not always count when it comes to action. 

Right now though the pungent fumes wafting from the rubbish bin tell me the thing I need to do most is take out the trash.

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Who empties the bin at your house?

The post that was supposed to be "On Being A Crier" but turned out to be a ramble about Lovely's schooling

Sitting here, warm tears gently rolling down my cheeks, a slight sniffle stuck in my nose, there is no denying that I am a crier. A big fat sucky la-la one at that.

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I have just gotten off the phone with the Assistant Principal from Lovely's school. 

My head hurts and my nose is now snuffy more than sniffy and the tears have all but gone. Leaving behind red puffy eyes that look like they could do with a week of sleep. Or perhaps that is given away by the black bags underneath them. Either way I feel both drained and relieved. 

Hopefully the right thing has been done.

Lovely (formerly Miss 12 because I couldn't think of anything else, until it suddenly dawned on me that Lovely might work, Miss 3 is now Teapot and Miss 6 is still TBC but more on that later) started a new school this year. Middle School if you will. Which is years 7-9. The final years 10-12 are completed at another school which I think is High School but who really knows and right now who really cares? It is hard enough coming to terms with the fact she is no longer in Primary School (Trans-6) But I am digressing.

Last night Lovely told me how she felt about a particular teacher. Without going into all the details now it was not exactly a glowing report. I assured her that today I would call the school and discuss some of what she had brought up, but she needed to remember that it was not always possible to get exactly what you want.

At that stage what she wanted was to change schools or at the very least never have to go to this particular's teacher's classes ever again. Both not the most reasonable of requests given there is a part of me that questions how much the teacher really is at fault.

Don't get me wrong I am not dismissing her claims, but she is a child and she is prone to exaggeration. So all that is said must be taken with a grain of salt, at least till other information is available.

Anyways I am actually quite concerned about her learning. Or rather lack there of. 

Without too much mother bias coming into play, I do believe she is quite a bright child. Sadly though, and perhaps with too much mother honesty she is also incredibly lazy and getting her to do the bare minimum somedays is a mammoth task. 

As someone that often struggles with motivation and procrastination in epic proportions I understand her desire to take the easy way out. Who doesn't want the easy way out? 

As a mother though I know that the easy way out is not always the best option. I know that sometimes hard work and determination are what is needed to get you through. As is doing things you may not necessarily want to or understand why you need to.

I never applied all of myself to my learning and with hindsight I wish I had of. Sure I got good grades but if I had of worked just a little bit harder I could have gotten great grades. At this point Lovely isn't even bring in the good grades.

Naturally I want the most for my girl in life, what mother doesn't? Only I know it does not come down to only me. They need to follow instructions and try their best, give it their all and all that. And that is where the biggest problems are here.

How do you create the love of learning? Or even an interest in learning?