Tuesday, July 26

The start of something

This is another of those sitting in my inbox since forever posts that I am not sure what to do with other than just publish.

The title is so fitting to so many aspects of my life though. I am always aware that I am at the 'start of something'. Sometimes I don't think I even know what that something is, I just know that it is something.

Anyway I am starting to ramble and since I have already done that once today I will refrain from any more. It is Tuesday and I have blogged and while I haven't for a while I am a bit excited to be joining in with #IBOT

It was hot and sticky.  The air thick and heavy.  The weather man said it might rain but what would he know?  He was only guessing anyway.  They all were. No one could predict the weather on a regular basis nor any other of life's daily events.  Apparently that was half the fun.  The unpredictability and uncertainty of it all, that was what was meant to keep people going.  Sure spontaneity and surprise had it's advantages but sometimes there was nothing better than a guarantee in life.  Of course these are few and far between but that is what makes them so great.  They are worth the wait.

If you waited long enough even the weather can be guaranteed.

In early October it is only guaranteed to rain if your car windows are down or your washing out.  This becomes void though if it is done on purpose.  Mind you the way the air hung so still there was no chance of rain tonight even if she had forgotten to get the washing in. Assuming of course she had actually managed to put a load on and hung it out.

It had been another long day.  Yet nothing was really accomplished.  She seemed to wade through life without ever touching the bottom or even the sides for that matter.  She certainly wasn't complaining though.  After all no one but herself was the master of her destiny.  Not even the fairies.  Sure they could lead her in the right direction but the choices to make were all her own.

Time and time again she had wished for them to just be able to tell her which choice to make but they never did. Nor would they ever.  It was always the same old answer.  "You must choose yourself, follow your heart"

How was she ever supposed to follow her heart when quite often her head was in disagreeance?

She got up.  Peeling her back from the plastic chair as she did.  How was it possible to sweat so much in such a short period of time?  She had only been sitting outside a few moments and already the sweat was pouring out of her like a leaky tap.

It had been nearly 170 days since it last rained.  Her body longed to feel the cool wet drops rain again.  Surely it wouldn't be to far away now.  It was a little late this year but not yet long overdue. They had gone much longer without rain before.  The year of '73 saw 203 days without rain.  When it did finally come though it didn't stop for a week.

 photo fwbksignature_zps702ebc7d.jpg

Friday, July 22

Three days ago

That's how long ago I sat down to start this post, three days.

I mean obviously I haven't been sitting here all that time because I am a mother and as such in that time I have had to feed and tend to the family, not to mention working on top of that as well.

Ok scratch that.

It is now some nine days since this post first sprung into creation, yet failed to actually grow into anything of publishable worth. Though it feels like so very much longer. This whole working nights thing is really cutting into my writing time and ability. Still it must be done.

Anyway here is what I managed to get out when I first sat to write this.

I swear not just two minutes ago my head was filled with a thousand different thoughts. All of them totally amazing and ready to drastically change the world as we know it. Or at least my world and how I know it.

Of course by the time I manage to open a browser and get to the insert-a-post page on Blogger, my brain has suddenly become void of any coherent thought pattern and is instead filled with a thousand. or possibly even more, distractions. I am not to sure why this surprises me because I have always said that I have the attention span of a gnat. If of course you assume a gnat has an incredibly short attention span.

Easily distracted is certainly an understatement when referring to me.

There just always seems to be so much on the go at one time that I feel the need to do it all at once. Clearly prioritising may not be a strong point of mine.

big breath.

And bang fast forward some three months till today. That's how long this draft has been sitting in my inbox. I don't like having drafts. I like to just put it out there as quick as I can. Raw and unedited, straight from brain to screen.

In reality little has changed between then and now. Well apart from it getting colder. The cold is so consuming. I just constantly feel numb and frozen.

At least when you are sweltering in the heat you can go and jump in the pool and cool down. The cold just makes me want to curl up and hibernate till spring. Just over one more month. It is my constant mantra. Soon the sun will really start to shine.

In the meantime I just need to remember to make the most of it when it is here.

 photo fwbksignature_zps702ebc7d.jpg

Tuesday, July 5

Getting out there

Earlier today I was out wandering the streets and somehow managed to write a rather long Instagram post. Which I must admit, it felt rather cool. My brain felt like it was slowly returning to life as I once knew it. Where I only had to think about starting a new blog post and before I knew it words would spew forth at knots seen only on the stormiest of seas.

I had more ideas in that half hour walk to school and back than I have had in a whole year. Or at least that was how it felt. Mind you fitting all them into one little Instagram post was beyond impossible.

Oh hi there! I'm Rhianna and it is so nice to see you stop by. 
Though I know heaps of you already know that but I just wanted to introduce 
myself to any newbies that might have joined me. 
Anyways I am currently locked out of my house and therefore roaming the streets in the search of keys. 
Not that I really need to search as such because I pretty much know exactly where they are. 
Hiding in Zany's school bag (which is naturally with her at school). 
Which is exactly where I told her to put them this morning. I just didn't realise I would be going home this early. 
It's all good though because I was meant to get up early and go for a run but I didn't. So this will kind of make up for that. 
I would have run down here had it not been for the fact I was wearing old crappy sneakers 
that hurt last time I wore them running. 
My particularly #awesome #pt #fishlockedjo has given me a little workout session to do so 
I will bang that out as soon as I get home. 
Changing the topic slightly, can you see that white van in the background? Looks suspiciously dodge to me. Agree? Originally this post was supposed to be about that van 
but I got so busy rambling away I am now totally side tracked. 
On another side note hands up who knew I once had a blog called Rhianna's Random Rambles 
but I changed it because I thought it was to long and ramble?
 Anyways for a micro blogging platform I am pretty sure this post has gone on for far too long. 
Which is kind of a good thing because it means words are finally flowing for me which has not happened for a while now. Maybe it's time for a(nother) new name?

For example I never got to explain how uncomfortable I was sharing that particular image of myself because I didn't like the look of my chin and neck. But it was the only photo in which I would have had the white van in there as I didn't think of having it photo bomb my photo until it was nearly out of sight.

So I stuck with the photo that made me slightly uncomfortable to look at because I knew no one other than me would think ill of it. Plus I really wanted to show off my pretty braids. I was expecting to be doing some grubby yucky work today so I thought it best to keep my hair neatly out the way. I didn't think anything of it till I bumped into a man I met early last year. He was with some mutual friends who went to introduce us but I told them there was no need. Turns out there was though because apparently having my hair done in such a fancy way made me unrecognisable from last year.

Having the white van in the image was important because I wanted to talk about how judgey I felt thinking it was up to no good or perhaps even watching someone who was up to no good. Because obviously a white van like that is either an undercover surveillance or criminals. People don't just have big white vans with super dark tint because they like it.

 photo fwbksignature_zps702ebc7d.jpg

Friday, April 1

Grumble, Whinge

It was the Easter Sunday eve and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.

Oh wait, wrong holiday.

Waves of exhaustion continued to sweep both through and over her body. Yet sleep still seemed to elude her. Or perhaps she just resisted the temptation to sleep? Either way, she was awake, a circumstance that did not appear to be changing anytime soon.

There was a part of her that longed so dearly to go and find comforting solace between the sheets of her bed, to rest her weary bones and shut down from the enfeeblement the consumed her, but it was just not to be. Her mind was filled with thoughts that were so busy jostling for attention that she feared it's neverending over analysing of ever little detail would never end. Ever.

Of course in reality there was never really a chance of that actually happening. The reality is that her mind was so good at distracting itself that it never did anything all the time. Sometimes she could get so distracted that things that needed doing would never actually get done. Often that which was started would not make it to being finished.

Much like these written words.

When I found myself in the early hours of Sunday morning actually managing to coherently string words together I was so incredibly excited that I just couldn't help but share my joy with my lovely followers on Facebook.

It is twenty to one on Easter Sunday morning. I should either be sleeping or hiding eggs. Instead I am writing. Like...
Posted by Rhianna Writes about A Parenting Life on Saturday, 26 March 2016
Only you know what?

By the time I had finished sharing that and returned to my words, they were gone.

Well the ones that I had actually managed to write weren't, I just suddenly had no new ones to add to them.

So so much sighing.

Anyway long story short my inspiration to write dwindled quicker than it had appeared. It has taken till now (Friday), nearly a week, for me to have once again found myself in a position to sit and write.

This makes me terribly sad.

I really do want to be a writer. I do.

Why I never make the time to sit and actually write though eludes me in the same way I can't find what it is to make me go and exercise.

Grumble, grumble, grumble, whinge, whinge, whinge.

 photo fwbksignature_zps702ebc7d.jpg

Wednesday, March 16

And breath and sigh and...

There are a million if not trillion things that I want to try and spit out right now. They are all vying for the opening in my brain that allows them to become thought out enough to form the right words to be able to then form coherent sentences. The fact that I have to type on the world's most slowest responding bluetooth keyboard does nothing to assist in this matter either. There is no denying that I am a bit of a fast typer. It comes with sitting in front of a computer and writing as many words as what I have written over the years I guess, anyways, as a fast typing touch typer it makes for very hard writing when the letters you are pressing are not actually the ones that are being displayed on the screen in front of me because the stupid $10 fluro keyboard (that was better than having no keyboard at all) can't seem to keep up with the speed at which fingertips are tapped upon it. Grrrrr....

Now where was I?

Oh yes that's right, madly trying to get out a post because school pick up time is fast approaching which means the peace and quiet I am currently experiencing will immediately becoming demolished. (Just for the record the majority of this post was written at this point, only it took some 11 days till I actually managed to get it ready to hit publish. I back dated though)


So much sighing actually.

I was writing an email to one of Lovely's teachers today and wanted to put in sighing but somehow managed to refrain. Actually I know exactly how I refrained. I often wonder if readers here actually feel my sigh when I use it, it is certainly not something I can just assume a HASS (Health and Social Science) teacher would feel with me.

yes even more sighing.

Possibly even a bit of an eyebrow furrow and face rub with one hand.

That dear child really does my head in some days. It is fair to say that I am not finding parenting a teen smooth sailing. Which kinda makes me feel like a bit of a failure. Not a complete one yet, but part of me feels there could still be time for that to change. Some days she shows so much potential for making it in life and then others...

deep breath out.

I know, I shouldn't be talking about such things out here in the public eye, but trust me there is so much more not being said that if I don't let just a little bit out I may well explode. And nobody want's that do they?

A couple of months back now I discovered that in her refusal to sleep at night she was passing the time by trawling through my old posts. I guess that is one of the reasons I haven't been here much.

Well that and the fact that working nights requires a lot more energy than I first realised. As much as it means I have my days free, it is in fact impossible to navigate through life without any sleep. Trust me I have tried.

Again with lots of deep breaths and sighs.

 photo fwbksignature_zps702ebc7d.jpg

Tuesday, February 23

The me day that wasn't

Today was supposed to be a me day.

A most perfect place for a bit of me time.

I had thought that I was on top of everything. You know, all the housework was out the way, washing under control and the majority of the dishes done and dusted. Leaving little old me free to do as I please. Free to write, or crochet, or sleep or whatever my little heart desires.

Sure there were more useful things I could have done, like clean out the pantry, the floors always need sweeping and all the rest of it. But all such things didn't have to be done if I didn't want to do them. I had thought that there was enough general order and things done, that I could let a few things slide and take the time to focus on me.

Only somewhere along the line I have somehow found endless crappy things to do. Turns out the only the way the washing was under control was if that meant spread all over the laundry floor with what appears to be half the local beach or school sand pit. Hard to tell the difference really, all I know is that there is sand everywhere and there shouldn't be.

From there I got asked to work later which made me start prepping dinner super early which meant I was alerted to the fact that the kitchen is almost in a state of disrepair. Apparently the aftermath of breakfast was more severe than I realised.

And then...

As if this wasn't all enough, I remember the play date that Teapot has lined up with a new friend who's mother I don't really know and will therefore invite in for coffee which means really I should make a bit of an effort to hide my lack of housekeeping enthusiasm.

Oh the sighing.

 photo fwbksignature_zps702ebc7d.jpg

Monday, January 25

Monday morning ramble

I started writing this post about five minutes ago.

It began as a bit of a ramble about how this was the start of the last week of the school holidays and this made me both happy and sad. Blah blah blah.

Then I deleted it and checked my email. Seeing those little red notification icons on my apps drives me batty I must rid them instantaneously. Lucky for me I don't get a whole lot of emails so it is quite easy to stay on top of. This particular one was a weekly newsletter from a fellow blogger.

But now I am just starting to ramble (again)

It is not long after 8am and once again the house is filled with quiet as children catch up on sleep from excessive late nights. Which to me is one of the joys of school holidays. A chance to break free from routines and rules and just do whatever the hell we please.

I had hoped to use this time alone to transcribe the next chapter of my novel but I am too scared of making noise and waking the baby (who is actually a five year old). I have a groovy headset and program that means I can read the hard copy that I have out loud and my computer will magically type it out for me.

Unfortunately a month or so ago I did something to my back which has resulted in it being rather sore since then. Especially after sitting in front of the computer for more than five minutes. Which as you can imagine makes sitting down to write even more difficult than what I was already finding it.

All the sighs.

I feel like a bit of a fraud complaining about it because as always I think of all the other people out there with real problems and pain they have been battling with for much longer and harder than mine. I don't know why I always seem to think my issues are not as justified as everyone else's but I do.

More big sighs.

Anyways moving right along.

I feel I must apologise for the disjointedness of my writing at this point. Having been away from it for so long it feels like I don't know how to do it any more. I am constantly battling inside my own head that all the ideas and words I have are just not worth sharing. It is hard to ignore but trying I am. Fingers crossed that if I keep persevering before too long something of worth will come.

I hope you stick around and keep coming back till then.

joining in with Alicia 

 photo fwbksignature_zps702ebc7d.jpg

Saturday, January 23

Interview with a Blogger

Well actually it is an interview with me. Which I guess doesn't make the title inaccurate, just a little  weird because I imagine you are wondering why on earth I would interview myself. Well I haven't. I have however been going through some old files on Mac and the following just happened to be uncovered. For the life of my I can't recall who was so kind to be interviewing me but I am sure it would have made my day.

Because I have nothing better to do
(bahahaha yeah right there are a thousand other things I should be doing right now)
it made perfect sense to create a collage of me from July 2013

The file was last modified on 7pm 9th July 2013. Even though it is only two and a half years ago it feels like a lifetime ago. We would have still been back in Darwin, somehow managing to squeeze into a two bedroom townhouse. Our adventure of a lifetime (which fyi I struggle to write without a #) was still just a pipe dream that was edging closer with every day. With 376 days till our actual departure day I am pretty sure that on this particular day it was still just that, a pipe dream.

But I am digressing.

As I am furiously procrastinating at the moment as well as desperate from some blog fodder, turning the interview into a blog post seemed like a natural progression.

So with out further ado here is an interview with 2013 me.

Name: Rhianna

Blog: A Parenting Life

Blurb about you/your blog: 
Sharing the ups and downs on the road of life as one mother dreams of writing fame. Hoping for the best, forgetting the worst and making the best of come what may. A light hearted look into being a SAHM that wants to fill the world with fairy wishes and butterfly kisses

If you could have named yourself when you were born, what would youhave called yourself? Uhmmm, probably Rhianna, because seriously it is one of the coolest names ever. I have always loved my name. I was 26 before I met another Rhianna and that just makes me feel all kinds of special.

You have won 1 million dollars, but you can only buy ONEthing with it – yes a single item- the rest has to be given away to ONEcharity…. What ONE thing would you buy, and what ONE charity would you donate the rest of the funds to? 
A house and if there were by chance any left over I would donate it to the Love Your Sister campaign. I wish that I could be selfless and say I would just buy a chocolate bar and donate the rest but a house really would be wonderful. I am fairly certain I could find something to live in for around $750,00 and then donate the rest.

Show us the messiest bit of your house as it looks right now 
Seriously! That would mean getting up getting my phone then waiting for the photo to upload to the photo stream and in between all of that I will more than likely get distracted and forget what I am doing and never send this back. I

Could you live the rest of your life never eating your favourite food again… ever? Yep. I can't even think what my favourite food is right now. I am of the opinion that any and all food is good food and if it is in front of me it is my favourite.

You have passed over into the afterlife, you have no choice but to be reincarnated…. You get to choose between two things, unfortunately the choice is between being a flea or a cockroach. Which one would you choose? 
A cockroach for sure. Those things have more lives than cats and can get into anything. Oh the fun you could have.

Show us your favourite pair of shoes 
Favourite pair of what? I live in the tropics, it is thongs or barefoot. Having said that I love my runners

What song can you not help but sing every single time you hear it? 
Dumb ways to way

If aliens do exist, and if they are watching the human race right now, what do you think they’d be thinking about us? 
Not a lot.

Would you wear a onsie out in public? 
Why not?

And lastly, but not at all leastly… Does the tooth fairy really exist? 
Of course she does. In fact my seven year old told me just the other day that when she grows up she is going to be the tooth fairy.


And there you have it. An insight into what I was like way back in 2013. This procrastination post has given me all kinds of adventures and taken me to all sorts of places on my blog. It made for quite a rabbit hole experience which made me think I should probably go and join in with Ultimate Rabbit Hole gals

 photo fwbksignature_zps702ebc7d.jpg

Thursday, January 21

Don't wake the baby!

Despite being nearly the end of the second last week of school holidays I somehow managed to force myself out of the comfort of my bed at a ridiculously early and ungodly hour of the morn. Well actually it was only a little after six but given the fact it is school holidays and all it does feel incredibly early. Especially given that it is overcast and cold. Summer hear has a lot to answer for but I will get to that later.

The reasons for my early rise are many, though mainly revolve around the need for housework to be done. That shit is never-ending isn't it?

So I had planned to make a nice early start on the dishes and washing and all manner of things that a super mum needs to take care of in-between ensuring the children are adequately fed, watered and entertained. Only Teapot decided that today would be the day that she elected to forgo her crack of dawn awakening and sleep in. As such I am too scared to do anything in case I make a noise and wake her.

After a few later than normal late nights combined with the fun and frivolity of school holiday freedoms she is quite possibly on the brink of exhaustion and in dire need of some catch up sleep. Her obedience is most certainly commendable though because as I was tucking her and Zany into bed last night I strongly suggested that they aim for staying asleep for at least ten hours and she has done exactly that. Bless her little cotton socks. I guess third time is a charm because the other two are by no means so compliant to some of my wishes as what she is.

Sigh. The joy of parenting.

Though naturally as I was bragging of her sleep in she has now awoken.

Oh well at least now I can get the washing on and and the dishes done. Oh yay! Said no one ever.

In further procrastination against what needed to be done (because let's face it the whole sleeping child thing really was nothing more than an excuse to sit in front of the computer rather than do chores, I stumbled across a link up hosted by Finding Myself Young and Life Behind the Purple Door. It is called #thisparentinglife and I think this post is just perfect to join in with it.
 photo fwbksignature_zps702ebc7d.jpg

Thursday, January 14

Trying to get it all worked out

Two weeks ago I made the impulsive decision to return to writing over at A Parenting Life. Without a second to spare I had changed my Facebook page name to Rhianna Writes about A Parenting Life and was ready to rock and roll. Or at least write and write.

It was the last day of 2015 and it seemed only fitting to start the new year with a return to the past with a bit of a fresh new twist.

Ok, perhaps when it is worded like that it doesn't seem as fitting but the decision was made nonetheless and off I went.

So here I am, two weeks into 2016 and still none the wiser as to how I am going to make myself write more.

All the sighing.

When Mr Awesome returned from Darwin, complete with my beloved iMac carefully wrapped in his suitcase complete with a voice to text program I have been waiting some twelve months to try I was adamant that words would begin to flow from me like much like the monsoonal downpour on a topical island. 

Obviously that is not quite how things have panned.

Sure I could easily blame school holidays or work or an endless list of dismal excuses, but really they are just that. Pathetic dismal excuses that are just a cop out for being lazy or scared or whatever it is that is making me hold myself back. 

My brain is currently in overdrive trying to balance out the quandary of desperately wanting to be a writer yet constantly putting the effort to write in the too hard basket.

It just makes no sense. At all.

More sighing.

 photo fwbksignature_zps702ebc7d.jpg