Now handing over the reins is not something that I do easily. Well not normally anyway. I can be a control freak just like anyone. Today however I have handed over blogging on a Tuesday, and I have done so with great pleasure.
Last week as I was trying to avoid actually doing something constructive with my time, I turned to my Facebook page with a whine of how exhausted I was feeling after a hard day of community building at the school. The reality of my day was that I had actually held someone else's baby (with glee mind you) while she (the mother, not the baby) actually did all the work serving the kids at the Father's Day stall.
Anyways, a loyal liker, who also just happens to an old high school bestie, shared that she had sat an exam that day. Knowing her like I do, I assured her that she probably had little to fear from the exam and passed with flying colours (or words to that effect). Which being the super modest chick she is, Angela politely deflected which then resulted in a brief epiphany on the topic of confidence.
Now I am not sure who said what, but before we both knew it, Angela had agreed to sharing a few of her thoughts on confidence in the shape of a blog post.
So without further adieu I give to you the wonderful words of Ms Angela.
|Image from here|
Having just finished a semester exam I decided to check out what was happening in the land of Facebook. Scrolling through my feed I saw an update from A Parenting Life, asking what I had been up to. When Rhianna heard of my exam she complimented me on my skills as a student. Which I instictively went to deflect.
I’d carried out the weekly work all semester and felt confident going into the exam, but instead of simply thanking Rhianna for her compliment I deflected it with the modesty that most women are trained to display from a young age.
After I had written my response though I realised that I might be onto something: maybe confidence does stem from putting the groundwork in?
Academics has always been my forte; I do not have to ‘make’ myself put the work in, I just do it. That said, I can still fail the course if I don’t put the work in each week. I was confident about doing well in the exam because I did the necessary work.
Confidence comes from knowing your strengths, but it also comes from knowing your weaknesses and how to work around them.
A person might prefer to plan ahead for a particular situation and might not like surprises or sudden changes of plan. In this case she can consider various scenarios that might derail her plans and plan for or visualise how she is going to deal with them.
Someone else may be going somewhere new but is uncertain in new places. She can improve her confidence in various ways, such as asking someone who has been there, researching it online, or asking staff for assistance on arrival.
Your preferred style of preparation may vary from mine; I prefer to do basic research and then plan what I am going to do. I like to limit the amount of input because I get ‘paralysis by analysis’, ending up with so much information that I can’t make a decision. You might like to talk to people whose opinion you trust. I prefer to keep positive thoughts running through my head, while you may prefer to get a pep talk from a friend or family member.
Obviously there are some people who are easy-going enough to walk into most situations with confidence, and I say that their confidence still stems from having put groundwork in, just in a less intensive way. These people are able to quickly draw on previous experiences, and it’s this that gives them confidence.
Embrace your strengths and understand your weaknesses. Know how to work around your weaknesses.
Research and plan ahead in the way that you find most useful, but beware of ‘paralysis by analysis’.
Draw on previous experiences – preferably positive. If an experience is negative, focus on what you’ve learned, rather than on what went wrong.
Confidence doesn’t always just happen, so don’t beat yourself up if you have to work at it!
A wise friend you have! Indeed confidence is about being prepared and understanding your strengths and weaknesses!ReplyDelete
It most certainly is all about being prepared and knowing yourself you are right. And yes a super wise friendDelete
I have to do the things you have listed or I would never go anywhere! When going somewhere new, my hubby usually does a drive to get me acquainted with the route and I look it up on Google. I also suffer from analysis paralysis :)ReplyDelete
I guess I have learned a thing or two over the last 42 years on how to find a little confidence.
OMG analysis paralysis can be a killer for me as well. Sometimes it is so much better to just do instead of thinkDelete
Confidence is definitely a work in progress for me, but I'm getting better. Agree that putting the ground work in is important.ReplyDelete
Yes I had never thought much of the ground work till I read this. Glad to hear that it is something you feel you are getting better inDelete
I have fleeting moments when my confidence is rattled but then I realise that life is too short to worry - your friend writes very wise words! And go you Rhi for being brave enough to hand over reins, hope to see you in two weeks???ReplyDelete
Yes life is too short to worry and yes Angela does write very wise words, hence my comfort in sharing them. Sadly though I don't think we will be seeing each other thoughDelete
I think I am confident and then one little comment or someone doesn't return my phone call and I am reduced to the girl that hides in the corner - only to need to build the confidence again. Lovely words from you friend Angela.ReplyDelete
Yes as confident as we may be at times it is so easy to have it all come crashing down.Delete
There's so much truth in that. Confidence, particularly when you have worked towards it, is a good thing, and knowing when your weaknesses is also quite empowering. I like Angela!ReplyDelete
I like her as well. She has a wonderful way of looking at things.Delete
Wise words on confidence. I agree with embracing your strengths and understanding your weaknesses, that confidence is something we have to work on.ReplyDelete
It sure is RitaDelete
Your friend is very wise. Going to new places is one of the places I lack confidence in but I am now at the point where I feel ok asking for help if I don't know what I am doing. It's much better to feel silly for 30 seconds while you ask for directions than to feel even worse because I have worked myself up about being lost.ReplyDelete
Yes Tegan she is indeed. Good on you for knowing it is better to ask than get lost or worked up.Delete
I agree very wise words , it resonates with me in running right now.ReplyDelete
Yes very wise indeedDelete
Thanks for this post. I think confidence really related to self-esteem - there are some things I feel confident in, and yet I can feel an underlying sense of not being enough. I agree that confidences comes from both recognising strengths and weaknesses, but something else underneath too - that regardless whether your strengths or weaknesses are to the fore, you are enough.ReplyDelete
Yes I must agree Kathy, confidence and self-esteem are related and yes what ever we are we need to accept it is enoughDelete
I relate to this with my photography. People always have such lovely compliments and comments on my photos and I have such a hard time just saying "Thanks!" I just think, given they had the equipment, anyone can do it. I am slowly starting to believe that maybe I do actually have a talent for it.ReplyDelete
You most certainly do have a talent for it lovely lady there is no doubt about that! But I do get what you mean thinking anyone with a good camera can take a good photo. I have thought the same myself. And yes perhaps they are right, but you take better than good!Delete
Great ideas in this post. I am super-organised, and always plan routes to new places, or what I should bring to things, etc - but thinking about it, I guess it's a reflection of my confidence or perhaps lack of confidence, and need to control it. Interestingly, regarding deflecting compliments, my dad gave me some good advice once as a kid, when I was in the habit of responding to a compliment with a blatant denial - "no I'm not!" if told I was pretty, for example. He said he understood why I did it (e.g., shyness) but that all I had to do was say "thank you" - and from that moment I did, even if I disagreed with the person. Even now, when someone compliments me and I feel uncomfortable, I remember what he said, and say "thank you."ReplyDelete