Saturday, November 12

Beginning Here and Ending There

I just don't know where to begin.  Naturally the beginning seems like a logical place to start.  But life doesn't always go with logical.  For all it's worth and use at times, logic doesn't always have a place in the world. There are many parts of my life that fail to reach the reasons of logic.  Sometimes I am fine with that, others I am not.

See the brilliance of logic is that it makes everything all make sense.  That is what logic does.  So without logic you can at times be left with a whole bunch of stuff that just doesn't make sense.  Which in terms of one's life is not really all that great.  I don't know about you but I tend to find some comfort when I know my life is making sense.  It might only be making sense to me, myself and I but I don't mind.  After all I am the one that needs to live with it.

Moving on though.

Earlier tonight I stumbled across this post over at My Mummy Daze For those too lazy (or time poor as I sometimes prefer) it is all about how blogging could easily be likened to high school.  Strangely enough I had been thinking of something similar a little while ago.  I still haven't found a way to share exactly what it is I have been thinking but it went along the lines of how I suddenly had feelings of inadequacy reminiscent of feelings I had at high school.

You see at high school I never really felt like I belonged.  The cool people didn't want me and dare I say it aloud (please don't hate me) I wanted to think I was too cool for the nerds.  Little did I know.  The nerds were probably the ones that were too cool for me.  At least they had the courage to be a lot truer to themselves than I was.

Whenever I started to feel comfortable with my place in the school and perhaps even myself something would happen to stuff it all up.  I would say something that someone would take the wrong way.  I would wear the wrong thing or I would think in a way different to the majority.  Don't feel too sorry for me though as for as much as I let other make me feel out of place I still managed to make others feel the same way.  All just a vicious circle really.  One where deep down we are actually all the same just for some reason to scared to admit it.

Lately I have felt similar about blogging.  Well sort of.  At times I feel like there is a cool crowd.  Blogs with lots of readers and followers and owners who constantly write the most awesome stuff that I really have thought of just never got around to sharing.  I read lots of other blogs and look at them with blog envy.  Be it design, content, or even a combination of both.  They all seem to have something that I do not.  I am not even sure I am close to the esteem I perceive others to have or if I even want to be.  I just don't feel like I fit though.  Much like my memories of high school. I just didn't feel like I fitted in anywhere.

What I find particularly interesting though is that this is how many other people feel as well.  In fact lately it feels like every blog post I go to is something that talks straight to me.  It leaves me sitting there wondering if perhaps I have actually found others on a similar (if not the same) wavelength. Which i must say is a bit nice.  You see my feelings of not fitting are not just limited to high school and blogging.  It is a feeling that has plagued me my entire life.  Thankfully with age I have learnt to not let it worry me so much.