An admission

I've been sitting here for over half an hour with the intention of writing. I no sooner opened the laptop and my procrastination went into overdrive. There were emails to be read, government agencies to check in with and old posts that kept grabbing my attention.

Thankfully I became aware of my predicament and was able to swiftly take action.

It is not easy mind you.

My mind, as always, is racing all over the place.

In a bid to avoid going completely numb as the early stages of what feels like hyperthermia set my body has taken shivering to Olympic Games levels. 

Which if I were to be sitting outside in the middle of winter I could understand. 

But I am not. 

I am sitting outside as the first month of summer draws to an end. Since when did 13.3 degrees and dropping become an approved summer's night temperature?

So why am I sitting outside when it is ridiculously cold I hear you ask.

Well that is a very good question, sadly with not the greatest of answers. 

About this time last year I started smoking again.

Yeah, terrible I know. It was only meant to be one, and then only one packet and then only for one month and now only for one year. I have to do whatever it takes to stop. 

Getting out there

Earlier today I was out wandering the streets and somehow managed to write a rather long Instagram post. Which I must admit, it felt rather cool. My brain felt like it was slowly returning to life as I once knew it. Where I only had to think about starting a new blog post and before I knew it words would spew forth at knots seen only on the stormiest of seas.

I had more ideas in that half hour walk to school and back than I have had in a whole year. Or at least that was how it felt. Mind you fitting all them into one little Instagram post was beyond impossible.

Oh hi there! I'm Rhianna and it is so nice to see you stop by. 

Though I know heaps of you already know that but I just wanted to introduce 

myself to any newbies that might have joined me. 

Anyways I am currently locked out of my house and therefore roaming the streets in the search of keys. 

Not that I really need to search as such because I pretty much know exactly where they are. 

Hiding in Zany's school bag (which is naturally with her at school). 

Which is exactly where I told her to put them this morning. I just didn't realise I would be going home this early. 

It's all good though because I was meant to get up early and go for a run but I didn't. So this will kind of make up for that. 

I would have run down here had it not been for the fact I was wearing old crappy sneakers 

that hurt last time I wore them running. 

My particularly #awesome #pt #fishlockedjo has given me a little workout session to do so 

I will bang that out as soon as I get home. 

Changing the topic slightly, can you see that white van in the background? Looks suspiciously dodge to me. Agree? Originally this post was supposed to be about that van 

but I got so busy rambling away I am now totally side tracked. 

On another side note hands up who knew I once had a blog called Rhianna's Random Rambles 

but I changed it because I thought it was to long and ramble?

 Anyways for a micro blogging platform I am pretty sure this post has gone on for far too long. 

Which is kind of a good thing because it means words are finally flowing for me which has not happened for a while now. Maybe it's time for a(nother) new name?

For example I never got to explain how uncomfortable I was sharing that particular image of myself because I didn't like the look of my chin and neck. But it was the only photo in which I would have had the white van in there as I didn't think of having it photo bomb my photo until it was nearly out of sight.

So I stuck with the photo that made me slightly uncomfortable to look at because I knew no one other than me would think ill of it. Plus I really wanted to show off my pretty braids. I was expecting to be doing some grubby yucky work today so I thought it best to keep my hair neatly out the way. I didn't think anything of it till I bumped into a man I met early last year. He was with some mutual friends who went to introduce us but I told them there was no need. Turns out there was though because apparently having my hair done in such a fancy way made me unrecognisable from last year.

Having the white van in the image was important because I wanted to talk about how judgey I felt thinking it was up to no good or perhaps even watching someone who was up to no good. Because obviously a white van like that is either an undercover surveillance or criminals. People don't just have big white vans with super dark tint because they like it.

Everything happens for a reason

It is no secret that I am a bit of a fairy believer and comfortably put faith in higher powers taking care of everything. I am constantly looking for messages from the universe, signs from above and all kinds of crazy things to confirm that things are as they are meant to be. Sometimes the faith is easy to find and others I wonder how I could possibly believe such ridiculous notions.

As a regular reader you have probably heard me harp on a bit lately about having some health issues recently. Namely a rather large blood clot in the basilic vein of my left arm. I have been waiting nearly a month to see a specialist so that I can find a way forward and get my body to sort itself out.

Last week saw me melting down and demanding that my doctor give me another referral this time to see a private specialist in the hope that I would be seen sooner. It worked a treat because not only did the private specialist give me an appointment for a week's time but when I got home I found a letter from the hospital saying I finally had an appointment the day before my appointment with the private guy.

I did contemplate only taking the private appointment but then decided that the smart thing to do was to see them both. It was not like I had anything to lose and the thought of waiting an extra didn't set well with me at all.

Yesterday was appointment day at the hospital.

As it turned out the Doctor was the same guy that I had the private appointment with the following day. Which I found rather reassuring. It also turns out that he has a Registrar who doubles up as a GP at a clinic in the city.

Right from the onset of discovering the whole blood clot thing I knew that I would be needing to have regular doctor appointments. While my GP is ok, he is not actually someone I was keen on regularly seeing, despite the attractiveness of his bulk billing clinic. This new Registrar/GP dude though, well, I could quite happily see him daily, despite him not being in a bulk billing clinic.

Yes that's right I now have my very own McDreamy doctor
Image found here

I left the hospital feeling as if everything were as it were supposed to and I was right where I needed to be.

I needed to get that appointment with the private specialist so that when I saw him at the public hospital I had that little bit of extra confidence in him. And I needed to have the appointment at the public hospital so I could find this wonderful new GP who has a lot more knowledge on the whole blood clot thing than what my last GP did.

Crazy as it is I have even rationalised a reason behind the whole clot as well. As a result of the clot I am now in the process of looking after myself in a whole new way and ensuring I am taking the best care of my body possible. Without being too dramatic it has all been a bit of a wake up call to make sure I am making the most of my life.

And the reason behind this post? Well, that is easy, so I can join in the joys of IBOT

What about you? 

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? 

(Even if sometimes the reasons aren't so clear at first)

Things I Know About Being Grumpy and Growly

 Now it is more than fair to say that things have been a little on the down side here of late. Which I must say I do kinda hate. Actually hate is not really a word I like to use all that often but the rhymer in me couldn't let that opportunity slip on by.

I know that I tried yesterday to not be so grumpy when I did my Thankful Thursday Post but I do kinda get the feeling that the grumps still shone through a little more than I would have liked

I know that the rational side of my brain, albeit a very small part, is telling me that my grumps are as justified as grumps can be.

I know that there is are much larger part of me that doesn't think grumps are ever really justified, even if they are caused by ridiculous amounts of stress and nearly thirteen year olds that make you question why you ever thought mothering was a great idea.

I know that said nearly thirteen year old is probably reacting to her own levels of stress and worry based on my current moods but it would be nice if she could just let up for a teeny tiny bit.

I know that nearly thirteen year olds are meant to buck the system, try your patiences, test the boundaries and all the rest of it, but do they really need to do it every waking minute of every single day?

I know that there has been far too much growling and grumping in this house of late.

I know that for it too change I must be the first to do so.

I know that is easier said than done.

I know that it is hard for me not to beat myself black and blue.

I know that I don't really deserve a black and blue beating, maybe just a small kick up the backside.

I know that I wish some rather inspirational words on a beautiful picture would just appear before my eyes to include in this post.

I know that I did actually see some great words earlier today on Facebook, something about holding onto anger hurt only yourself. Or words to that effect.

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured"
- Mark Twain

I know that is not  the quote I saw this morning but I still like it. A lot.

I know that Mark Twain fellow had some very wise words in him. Though I can't help but wonder if he had children when he wrote this. Because I am pretty sure the anger poured upon children does more damage to them than the mother doing the storing and pouring. Shit I am terrible. I must be I just swore on the blog and so hardly ever do that...

I know that the text on the picture is probably going to be to small to read if you are on a mobile device. Sorry. I am quickly running out of time to get this up before I must reluctantly return to the real world as opposed the blissfulness I have found inside the blogosphere today.

I know there were a few times I didn't find blissful peace in the blogosphere, like when I have to go through captcha to leave a comment. Or worse still I visit a blog that joined in with a linky and didn't leave a link back to the owner. Oh my hairs and whiskers.

I know that I shouldn't let the whole no link back thing get to me. I don't know why it does, it just does. Etiquette peoples, please have some.

I know that having said that I must point out that I am joining in all the fun and games of Things I Know hosted by the one and only Miss Cinders. And you should too!

Ten Things You Wouldn't Know By Looking At Me

When I saw the prompt for this week's Listmania I was more than just a little excited. It feels like forever since I last wrote a post filled with riveting bits of information about yours truly. In fact it appears as if I may have gone the whole of 2013 without one Ten Things You Probably Didn't Need To Know About Me type of post.

Oh the horror!

Not wanting to make the same mistake in 2014 I present to you

1. I have only ever lived in the same one horse town. Ironically I grew up with the strongest desire to leave as soon as I could. When push came to shove though the time just didn't feel right and I have been here ever since.
   
2. I like to go running. As a regular reader you are probably well aware of that, but the list is all about things you can't tell by looking at me. There are certainly no visible physical signs of my love of running at the moment. I hope that one day that will change.
   
3. I struggle to think of interesting things about myself. After sharing 30 awesome things about myself and 10 things you probably didn't need to know about me, coming up with another 10 interesting points is proving to be more than just a little tricky.
   
4. I am often a lot harder on myself than I need to be. Point three is a prime example.
   
5. I love to cut corners whenever possible. In fact sometimes I spend so much time and effort thinking about an easier way to do something that it probably would have been easier to have gone and just do it in the first place.
   
6. I have tried studying for two different degrees. I am still without a degree. I am thinking of giving it one more go. Third time lucky and all that.
   
7. I am rather superstitious. There is no way I will willingly walk under a ladder, however Friday the 13th and black cats are a bit lucky as far as I am concerned.
   
8. Stuck for ideas for the list I asked Mr Awesome for a suggestions. Apparently, according to him, I like to feed people. Which in some ways is a bit true. Making food for people for special occasions, does thrill me, what does not, is feeding children dinner each and every night.
   
9. I love Hugh Grant. Particularly in Love Actually and About A Boy. But then find me someone who doesn't.
   
10. I am easily distracted and often bore easily. As evidenced by the lack of detail in the last few points on any list I make.

This post is also joining in with the fun of The Lounge, hosted by Tegan

The First Date

This time eleven years ago I was a twenty four year old single mum waking up from what was quite possibly the most wonderful night of my life. Some eighteen hours early I had nervously been awaiting what was really one of my first ever real dates. 

Image credit: Jasmaine Mathews

A blind date it was not, yet in many ways that was exactly how it felt. It had almost been like a lifetime since our paths had last crossed. We were as good as strangers in so many ways.

My mother had agreed to care for Lovely, who at the time was not yet two. Since Mum lived with us at the time it was no real inconvenience for her have her for the night. I greatly appreciated it though and it was by no means something I did often or took real advantage of.

Even though I was a single mum I had not really been so for very long. Lovely's father and I had gone our separate ways the previous April. A week after Lovely's first birthday. I had followed him out in a last ditch effort to save our very flawed relationship. I received the message loud and clear there was nothing to salvage.

The following eight months were incredibly tumultuous for me as I tried to find my way in life once more.

May saw me with a 13 month old, a broken arm and homeless. Returning to Mum and Dad's house really was the most sensible option and reluctantly I took it.

By July I was nearly back on my own feet and settled into my very own rented accommodation. An old weather beaten fibro built house that had some how managed to remain standing when most of the city had been destroyed by a cyclone some twenty five years ago. 

It had three bedrooms, a stainless steel kitchen and a massive yard. All that I needed and a whole lot more. Apparently it was best for me not to be alone. Not that I was alone because I had Lovely but it was a handy excuse for those that wanted to be alone. 

My parents were well and truly entrapped in a can't live with or without them scenario. They would take turns in coming to stay for extended periods of time. Having one with me gave them the space they both needed at the time. 

Dad had gone on another road trip, which mum had to be at her house. For a few moments I was alone. 

Then a friend need a place to stay. In many ways I felt responsible for his lack of accommodation. I had the room so gave returned the generosity he had shown to me when I needed it most a few months prior.

A few days turned to weeks, which went to a month, and then longer. Somewhere along the way, we stopped being just friends. We were both so lonely at the time it seemed to make perfect sense.

Only it wasn't really.

Deep down I knew my heart wasn't in it. 

I had spent the last few years doing things that my heart wasn't in. I had vowed never to do that again. Never. 

By this time my dad had returned and mum was looking for some space of her own again. The what would have been empty room was again empty no more as  mum quickly entered the vacated space left by my friend come lover who would eventually become but a stranger.

Life seemed to be rolling along nicely. 

With the new year upon me I was filled with hope and possibility. I had a casual job and was studying. I had found a wonderful day care option for Lovely. Life felt like it was coming together. Sure there was something missing but for the most part all the pieces were slowly falling into places.

Then the dreams started.

So real and vivid. Even in waking hours they would begin to invade my every thought.

A face. A person. Someone from what felt like a lifetime ago.

When I won a double pass to a local nightclub exclusive party there was no doubt on who I would offer the other pass to. Provided of course I could actually make the call. My hand would waver over the phone for so long before I would actually have the courage to pick it up.

Even thinking about it all these years on my stomach still starts to tighten and swirl all at the one time. My heart had never beat faster and it amazes me how I actually managed to get the words out.

"Hello it's Rhianna, is Mr Awesome there?" I somehow stammer

"No of course he is not here" his mother curtly replies

I am suddenly thrown back to the early nineties where I was an awkward and nervous teenager when it came to boys. My heart sinks and I am engulfed with disappointment. What ever was I thinking?

"He doesn't finish work till five, should be home by five thirty" a slightly softer voices continues.

Of course work. Why didn't I think of that? 

Feeling more than slightly stupid I leave my number and begin counting down the hours till I can at least begin expecting a return call.

to be continued...

joining in with Kerri

Hi, I'm Rhianna

For those that didn't already know, I am Rhianna and this is my blog. 

I guess that is a bit of a strange thing to announce some six hundered and seventy three posts in but there you go. 

The lovely Kate from Kate Says Stuff announced on Monday that she was starting a new linky could the Blogfast Club. A way to encourage and prompt those interested to write a little more. Which if you don't know me, is right up my alley.

The way it works is each week Kate gives a prompt, thouse interested go back and write away and return the following week with an awesome post to share. Win win win. Especially since 

Since this is the first week of it all Kate thought it might be nice for a bit on an intorduction of ourselves. Hence the Hi, I'm Rhianna title.

Sure I could have just linked up my About Me page or the Inside Me tag or even the very riverting post titled 10 Things You Probably Didn't Know and Possibly Didn't Need to Know but where is the fun in that? 

Plus I may or may not have anything else to write about today (ok I actually have plenty of other deep and meaningful things I want to write about, as well of plenty of things I should be doing in the real world but this was a nice easy way to feel like I was being busy without having to think too much)

So in a nutshell I am a mother to three wonderful girls who likes to think that one day she will be come a famous writer. 

There was a time when I described myself as a nonwriting writer. Always having been a bit of an oxymoron fan it really tickled my fancy. And who doesnt like having their fancy tickled? But then I realised I did actually write sometimes so it wasn't really accurate. It also wasn't a particularly very positive light to shine upon myself and I began to worry that perhaps it would hold me back from actually becoming the famous writer I dreamed of being. 

When I am not mothering or writing chances are I am running, crocheting or hanging watching the birds fly by. I am a bit of a bird girl you see. 

Having only ever lived in the same small town (which is actually a capital city just a bit behind the times compared to most other capital cities) my whole life, change is not something I necessarily embrace wholeheartedly. Rather than it to occur instantly I much prefer a slow gradual change with lots of notice. Well at least until my lack of patience kicks and I decided it is needed NOW!

Hmmmmm.... I wonder what else a first timer that doesn't know me would need to know?

I love fairies and have great faith that they keep their eye on me. I also like to send out fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to anyone who may need them. Which is pretty much everyone because who doesn't need fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to be sent to them?

I am late to most things though this is something I am trying to change. 

I hold on to hope and always look to make the best of whatever is before me. 

Oh and I ramble and tend to get easily distracted. Which may possible be happening right this very moment. Since I am typing this from my phone it is hard to actually know how long this post really is. Something is telling me though it is probably more than long enough. So with that in mind if you want to know more about me you are going to have to have a bit sticky beak around and find it out for yourself. Apparently the masses need feeding. 

Becoming A Runner

image source

Running has always been something I liked the idea of but never thought it was something I could really do. Which is a bit crazy really because all you do is get out there and, well, run. Which really is just an extension of walking just a bit faster.

Turns out though, I wasn't alone in my doubting my ability to run.

Some eighteen months or so ago now, a few of my most favourite bloggers at the time began to learn how to run if you will. They uploaded some fang dangled app onto their iPhones and away they went. 

Before long my Twitter feed seemed filled with excited newbie runners sharing how far they had run and at what pace. They went on about endorphins and feeling fabulous and all kinds of wonderful things. The buzz they created was electrifying and inspiring.

I would read each tweet with envy, wishing that I too could find it in me to become a runner. I wanted to feel the awesome these ladies were speaking (tweeting) of.

Then it dawned on me the only thing stopping me from being a runner, or anything else my heart desired for that matter, was me. Without a second more I downloaded an app called Ease into 5km, and before I knew it I was out the door huffing and puffing my way to become a runner.

The app was an interval training program. One that I could not recommend highly enough. Over the course of six short weeks I went from barely being able to keep going for more than a minute to lasting thirty whole minutes and travelling nearly 5kms. 

I felt beyond awesome. The tweets had did not even begin to explain just how amazing getting out there and being active could make you feel.

From there I got the next app, Bridge to 10km. I wasn't satisfied at stopping at 5km, I wanted to see just how far I could push my body. The running bug had bitten me and I didn't want to let it go. 

Sadly though life got in the way and I never quite got around to completing the 10km program. All was not lost though. Running had changed my life in ways that I could not even imagine and I didn't ever want to go back to my pre running self.

While I may not have been running every other day, like I was when I first started I still made an effort to get out at least once a week as much as possible. Running regularly had somehow made me feel like a better person. Somehow when I would regularly run I noticed that life would feel better, problems smaller and patience much greater. 

I also felt a surge in my confidence. 

It began to feel like there wasn't anything I couldn't do. If I could get out there and run for longer than I ever expected possible, then perhaps there was a whole new world of possibilities opening up for me?

On Sunday our local City to Surf Fun Run was held. 

It is with more than great pride I share with you this photo

Yep, that is me crossing the finish line after running some 12.2km

Given that it was only a little over two short weeks since I decided to enter I am absolutely over the moon with the fact that I did this. Only not only did I do this, but it turns out I ran a lot faster than I have ever run before.

I am still waiting to see my official race time but according to my app I didn't do too badly. In fact apparently my first three kilometres were all well under 6 min/km. One was even closer to 5 min/km than what it was 6 minutes. 

To give you some perspective I generally average at least 7 min/km. A pace I didn't reach on Sunday till about the 8km mark. Have I mentioned how pleased with myself I am?

Mind you my app also tells me that I ran slightly longer than what the course stated it was. And when I say slightly longer I mean about 2km so I am taking it all with a grain of salt. Kinda. 

I still think I am pretty darn awesome.

A medal, hat and bib to prove just how awesome I am

Speaking of awesome, it is Tuesday and I have blogged and joined in all the fun that is IBOT

Behind the Camera (aka Photos of Me)

It is with great pleasure, that for the first time, I am joining in with fellow #TeamIBOT member iSophie's  groovy new linky.

This is the second month it has been running for however last month I didn't quite have my act last month so I couldn't participate. This month however I am on fire with having my act together.

Kinda, sorta, at least I have something right?

Though I am wondering if this was really what Sophie had in mind?

Probably not, but I am a bit fond of shadow photos. I am wondering if perhaps it could make for a good coffee table book? Shadows of Me. Or maybe Me and My Shadow. Obviously still all very much a work in progress but then what isn't?

Back to the post at hand though. Photos of me, rather than just of my shadow on some nice rocks.

Yours truly with the ever lovely Samuel
Someone has commented that I look as if all my Christmas'
had come at once. HELLO!! That is Samuel Johnston I am
standing next to darn straight it was beyond awesome!!

Regular readers will recall that back in April I got the opportunity to catch up with Samuel Johnson as he swung by on his unicycle. In case you are not a regular reader and have not heard of him before his sister has been diagnosed with terminal breast cancer and this is his way of sending her off with a bang.

Not only that if all goes to plan Sam will also have raised a million bucks for cancer research and goodness knows how much awareness for the cause. If detected earlier Connie (Sam's sister) would more than likely have received a different diagnosis. Be breast aware and don't fall into a booby trap.

To donate or find out more information about Sam's adventure check out loveyoursister.org 

Me with the One Mob Dancers. 

Still on the Love Your Sister topic, I caught up with the One Mob Dancers who performed for Connie and Sam when they were in town.

I know that I have already post this photo (and the one above for that matter) but just quietly, for me it really was all a pretty big deal. After all it was *swoon* Samuel Johnson. 

Not only that but actually asking these guys if I could have my photo taken with them took a whole heap of courage on my part. There is no doubt that I had my big girl pants on that day. Which by the way felt rather awesome and I was inspired to do all manner of things. Which I may or may not have actually done...

One thing I did do recently was run away to the bush for the weekend. It was just the escape from the drudges of reality that I needed. It turns out it was also the perfect opportunity for others to take a few snaps of my.

Patiently waiting for Miss 3 to adjust her socks

Photo credits for this one go to Miss 12

Me! In all my glory so to speak. This is what two days of camping does for me

And a close up.

A walking we will go.
Though the path doesn't really look very bush like does it now?

Smiling for the camera.

Apparently this was the only photo Mr Awesome could find to post to
Facebook on Mother's Day wishing me a happy day.
Could I look less impressed with the world?

Literally behind the camera.

Hot and sweaty after a run.
Didn't want you to think I was only about glamour shots

So there you have it, a whole bunch of photos of me stepping out from behind the camera. In many ways it feels really lovely to have a bunch of photos of me. Generally speaking I often struggle to appreciate my appearance in photos. Which is strange because looking in the mirror I love what I see much more often than not.

There is still plenty of time for you to set the self timer on your camera or ask the kids or heck even ask a stranger in a park and join on in over at iSophie

Well at least I didn't break my arm..

That is my stock standard reply to any questions regarding Mother's Day. Though occasionally I like to add something about being doped up to the eyeballs on morphine. 

image from here

In what is not exactly some of my finest moments, my second Mother's s Day, as an actual mother, will forever provide the bench mark for rating Mother's Day. Without getting to caught up in the details let's just say I may have been demonstrating my kung fu ability (or perhaps lack of) in an incredibly slightly intoxicated state, lost my balance toppled over and snapped my wrist.

Man how it hurt.

I knew instantly how much damage was done. Mind you thinking back to it now it was probably also a sign that something had to change or it would be more than my wrist that snapped. It was a super tough time in my life. I was a newly singly mum. Who was also relatively homeless (save for my parents, though pride initially prevented me from turning there). All of which can be saved for another day (not anytime soon).

For now all that matters is I have spent Mother's Day doped up to the eyeballs on morphine which combined nicely with my hangover and broken bones. As such all subsequent Mother's Days can easily equate to sunshine and roses for me.

image from here

Regardless of how crap it may or may not actually have been.

This year Mother's day was nothing overly special. Which I was really quite fine about. After two days selling gifts to children followed by the breakfast at the school I was a bit done with the whole Mother's Day thing actually. 

It began with Mr Awesome literally jumping out of bed at the first sound Miss Three made. Quickly whisking her and Miss Six downstairs before they had a chance to disturb me any more than what they already had. 

To show my appreciation for his efforts I refrained from jumping up and racing to the bathroom to relieve my bursting bladder. Which was made not exactly easier by the fact we were sleeping in the air conditioning. Turned on by Mr A the night before in light of the impending special occasion.

Some how, despite three pregnancies and only minimal kegel exercises I was able to drift back to sleep with my seal unbroken. I suspect probably thanks to years of excessive drinking and a dislike for public toilets. But I digress.

When I could finally hold on no longer, and having ensured enough time for Mr A and the girls to whip up a card or two I headed to the loo. Hearing my movement my beloved called out asking if I was up. Confirming that I was up by yelling 'yep' down the stairs, I then headed back to bed eagerly awaiting the gifts I had sold to the girls at the school Mother's Day stall earlier in the week.

If you look hard enough you can
see the new necklace

We always do presents in bed. Or so I thought. 

Apparently not this year.

After about twenty five painful minutes of morning TV due to there being little else to do in the room I texted asking if I was meant to come down stairs or where they on their way up?

I couldn't yell on account of being in the air conditioning and I couldn't play on my phone while I waited on account of my battery being flatter than flat. Totally first world problems I know.

Eventually everybody rambled in with their rushed cards, kind words and best of thoughts. Not to mention a rather cool travel coffee mug and a necklace. As well as a ham and cheese sandwich made with cold toast that I would actually really rather not mention.

From here the morning took a slight turn for the worse which involved tears, frustration and too much love. Again though no need for the details right now. Thankfully this all passed relatively quickly and before long we were picking up Mr Awesome's mum and on route to a caravan and camping expo. 

Cos you know, mum's are all over that stuff. 

They went all out at the expo for mums

All in all the expo wasn't too bad, especially given the fact if all goes to plan next year will see us leading a much more nomadic life. After the expo we caught up with my mum, brother and his wife and child. Followed by some swimming fun and a poolside dinner. 

Tis a blessed life that I lead. 

Best of all there were no broken bones.

How was your Mother's Day?

joining EssentiallyJess for IBOT 

I Love Your Blog -As you blog through adversity #DPCON13

This week's inspiration for the blogs I love comes from experiences at DPCON13. In fact so much experience has come from these three blogs that I have actually had to break it all up into two posts.

One of the discussion panels at the conference was on blogging through adversity. It was moderated by Grace from withsomegrace.com who by the way, did so wonderfully.

The discussion created by these amazingly strong and resilient women is one that is both heart breaking and warming. There strength, determination and pure ability to just keep on keeping on is of endless inspiration to me.

On the panel was

Lori from  Random Ramblings of a SAHM (RRSAHM), 

Tiff from My Three Ring Circus, 

and

Rachel from Mummy Muddles. 

Three amazing women, each with their own heartbreaking story to tell. Each doing so with beauty, poise and an honest openness that touches my heart in the most deepest of ways.

My Three Ring Circus and RRSAHM were both blogs that were already on my totally love list prior to the conference. In fact there is actually a whole other post about them here. Mummy Muddles however was one I had not before read. Upon returning home and having a read through a few posts, it didn't take me long to decide that it was on the totally love list.

Actually just hearing Rachel read one of her posts later on that evening I knew I would love her blog.

The rawness of Rachel's pain and grief is very confronting, and I will be honest, I can't stop in there all the time, I am an emotional reader at the best of times. It is like I absorb the sadness and sometimes it can be hard to shake. Which I feel terrible saying because I am sure that is how Rachel must feel only she doesn't get the chance to click away or not go and read...Through all of this though Rachel's words are penned in such a beautiful way that it is a criminal for them not to be read. By everyone.

Have you got a blog you love to read? 

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A Birthday and a Sister

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Sitting on the swing gently swaying back and forth it all seemed like a dream. Brushing my toes over the blades of grass below my feet I would try and stretch them to touch the ground. My little legs just not quite long enough. My little mind was just a buzz of activity trying to make sense of what I had just heard. Despite being so certain that it would happen the way it did, I still couldn't believe it was really real.

Just over a year earlier my mum had asked me what I might like for my upcoming birthday. I was about a week or two away from turning six at the time. While a new Barbie, or doll would have been nice, I had my heart set on something much bigger.

As much as I loved playing with my younger brother he just didn't quite cut the mustard when it came to helping dress my beloved dolls and rearranging the furniture in the Barbie mansion I had a acquired a few months earlier for Christmas. Likewise the thrill of backyard cricket, car racing and GI Joe explosions had a limited appeal to myself.

For the most part, my brother and I got along famously. With two and a bit years between us, we were able to most things together and love every minute of it. However when I wanted to plait hair or play dress ups he was more than a little reluctant. There was no doubt in my mind that a sister would solve all my problems.

Apparently though a week before your birthday is not enough lead up time for your mother to organise a baby sister as a present. While I thought this was a little disappointing I was understanding on the premise that there would be one sorted for next year.

My birthday came and went and I was overjoyed with the new additions to my Barbie clan. The thoughts my next birthday and a baby sister as a present were soon put to the deepest depths of my mind. After all there is a lot of other things to take in when you are only six.

In September I noticed that mum started to look just a little bit fatter than what she normally did. Turns out that the reason for this was because she was busy growing a little baby. Back then the whole checking of the sex was not really done. Not that it mattered. I knew that the baby growing was a girl. Just like I knew that she would be born on my birthday.

Day in and day out my mother, and everyone else I shared my excitement with, gently tried to tell me that there was no guarantee that the baby would be a girl. They would also try and convince me that it probably wouldn't be born on the required day. I refused to give heed to either notion. I would be getting a baby sister on my birthday and that as they saw was that.

'Babies are unpredictable and come when they want' they would try and tell me. Not that I would have a bar of mind you. The fact that the doctors predicted her to be born over a week earlier would also not sway my conviction. My heart of hearts just knew that I would get my baby sister for my seventh birthday and that's all there was to it.

The morning of my birthday finally arrived. They always seem to take forever, but this one seemed to take even longer. I guess that is just what happens when you are expecting the best present ever.

When I awoke to see that my mum was still just as fat as the day before and there was no little baby in her arms I was a bit disappointed. Actually I was a lot disappointed. When she explained that she would just have something to eat and then get Daddy to take her down to the hospital my disappointment quickly dissipated.

Once mum had eaten, dad had cut the grass and the two Debbies (Mum's besties) arrived to hold the fort, mum and dad went off to get that baby out of mum's tummy. It felt a little strange not having my parents at my birthday party but given they were getting my baby sister sorted I didn't mind so much.

By the time guests arrived and presents started flowing in I had totally forgotten what my parents were doing and had one of the best parties ever. There was a lovely sewing basket cake and plenty of fun and games. We had a rather flash swing and jungle gym activity thing in the front garden which always kept us amused for hours on end. Though I can recall an incident on the slide at this party that ended in tears...

As the guests started to leave I began to think of my mum and when she would return with my present. She given me a few things to open before she left but I was still waiting for the big one. Turns out I didn't have to wait too much longer. Shortly after the last guest arrived dad came home to take my brother and I to meet our new baby sister. 

Even now, the memory of that day is one of my strongest. Sitting there on that swing waiting to go and see my dream come true of a sister. Words can not explain the special bond and love that we have for each other. Even now.

Some twenty eight birthdays later I still love the fact that I share my special day with my special sister. In fact there have only been a handful of birthdays where we have not been together. They are absolutely awful. Though I am slowly getting better at dealing with them. With us both having families now and living at opposite ends of the country, it is just not going to be as feasible as it once was.

Happy birthday little sister, you will always be the best present I will ever receive.