I am a mother of three wonderful girls. The eldest of which is nine years old and the youngest is only a tender five months old. The gem in the middle recently turned four.
Heading towards my mid thirties I am a stay at home mum who dreams of being an accomplished writer. While waiting for this dream to reach fruition I dote on my girls. Mothering was never something I thought would be part of my life and yet now it is the most natural path for me to have taken. I am a mother for life and my life is mothering.
Like many teenage girls my dreams were of a corporate domination that yielded great power and responsibility. Essentially I guess you could say I dreamed of a power so amazing that if I wanted to I could take over the world. I never had any idea how this would actually occur or the form in which my success would take or any of the other finer details. I was just certain life would awesome. The kind of awesome they make on TV. Ok maybe not many shared that same dream but I am sure you know what I mean...
It took a while for the dream to actually fade and before it did I found myself questioning whether, even if I could, would I really want to rule the world? After all that kind of thing takes hard work and dedication. The hard work is not so much of the problem as hard work is what makes the world go round. It is essential that we work hard so to ensure we are fully appreciative when life is not so hard, but I digress... well sort of... as I was trying to say I am not very dedicated...I am let's just say easily distracted...oooooooohhhhhhhh shiny.... If you know what I mean.
As a result of my short attention span and to a certain extent laziness I have come to the realisation that the corporate world need not worry about any impending take over from me.
So moving right along...
The world of parenting has always been exceptionally kind to me. I never struggled with sleepless nights of crying or a failure to bond or anything like that really. In fact the first year of a baby's life to me is by far the easiest. Most problems during that initial year are easily fixed with a cuddle, nappy change and a boob not necessarily in that order but that is pretty much all it takes. Of course if you are and EC'er then the nappy change is replaced with a trip to the toilet.
In fact the first nine years of being a mum have been relatively easy for me. The actions required have varied a little but It has only been recent months...actually maybe even only a couple of weeks (time, as you will learn, is something of a blur at times to me) that I have began to question exactly what it is that my parenting instinct is supposed to be saying. As a rule I guess you could say my parenting style is basically instinctive. I take each and every matter on it's own and assess on a case by case basis follow what my gut tells me too.
Sounds good in theory but does not really assist with issues of consistency which according to many "experts" is rather necessary and also another post further down the line...
I am not sure what has gone wrong or which part of the universe has shifted but suddenly I seem to be unable to find what is needed to guide child number one. Part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, she is experiencing the start of hormonal changes, but then this other part yells NOOOOOOOOOOOO, not yet she is still to little. Despite being the oldest of my loins she is still my baby.
So in an effort to maintain a clear head as I wade through this new phase of life I am here. For the first time ever, baring my parental soul with both fear and trepidation plus a whole lot more. There are many reasons, that only time will reveal, for my anxiety to share, and by share I mean truly share in an open frank and honest manner but I hope you stay with me and enjoy the roller coaster that is my life.