Saturday, November 27

Jab, jab, jabbity, jab


I’m currently sitting waiting to discover if the Covid vaccination is going to kill me in the first 15 minutes of having it. It’s a bit of a family excursion really. Mr Awesome and Zany are getting the same thing done. Only I had registered online in the carpark before coming in so I got to jump the cue, so to speak. I started my 15 minute wait and they were still filling the details in. 

Honestly I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the whole thing. I trust and respect modern medicine and feel that it has the utmost importance role to play in life. The same is to be said about science. It’s just that they don’t always get it right first time and I don’t always like feeling like a Guinea Pig. 

Still no sight of the other two. I have approximately 3 minutes of my wait time to go and so far so good. It’s probably wrong, but there is a tiny little part of me that would kinda like to see someone have a reaction. I am surprised at how many people are here. That and how many people they could have here at anyone time.

The other two just arrived. 

Monday, November 15

Left unpublished 6 November

This post was actually written back on the 6/11/21 (Just over a week ago) I never hit publish because as you’ll discover I get distracted with T. Anyways no point letting the words go to waste so I’m just adding this note and a photo and setting my words (feelings?) free


I had an experience today that kinda made me a little sad. 

Actually it made me a lot sad. 

My feelings were incredibly hurt and I struggle to find a way to reconcile what I heard and an appropriate reaction.

The worst part of this all is that there were many lovely moments throughout the day yet my head keeps going back to those few awful ones. The rational side does understand that it is futile to dwell on these points, there's just this other rascally side that won't let it go. I guess it's the side that just only wants the best for everyone and is disappointed that is not what everyone is necessarily feeling they are getting.

Clearly the writing of words is not working out well for me. I have tried a little more than usual which I will take as a win, because I really do always want to be as positive as possible. Perspective is everything.

Teapot is currently going through a draw of my old writings. I was hoping that she could find my manuscript. Though just quietly I always feel like a bit of a fraud calling it that. So far she hasn't had any luck  but she has delighted in going through pages of old words. There was a tone of delight as she explained to her father what I was doing (writing about my day)

A discovery is made

 After some five minutes at the App Store looking for an app to allow me to blog on the go from my mobile, it suddenly dawned on me that with all the updates to the interwebs  since I was last regularly blogging that it was probably more than possible my phone was more than capable of just blogging from the browser. And low and behold here we are. 

Being able to quickly and easily drop a line in when I get a chance means I’ll no longer have the excuse of not having a laptop for not writing. Though things at work have been pretty heckers this past week or two and just between you and me I can’t see that changing in the coming days. But those stories are not ones to tell here. Especially not when it is actually my day off. Today is the final day of my three day weekend. It feels weird having the first day of the week off. There is some major brain rewriting needed. I currently feel like I’m starting the week a day behind. I’m not though. That’s the beauty of continuous seven day trading. There is no day 1 of the week. All days are equal so to speak. 

Truth be told there are many parts of my brain that I feel need a bit of tweaking and rewriting. Having the right mindset is one of the keys to life. The trick is that sometimes the right mindset requires constant maintenance. It’s all a part of growing I guess. Something I feel I am about to be forced to do. Which is not a bad thing by want means, it’s just not always easy. But alas it must be done. 

On another note, Teapot and I went to watch a dance studio’s end of year concert. Her bestie was performing and it was beautiful that Teapot wanted to support her. It was also a nice excuse for us to spend some time together, not something we really do enough of. 

I’m left so drained at the end of the week that when I finally get a day off I have no energy to do anything. Leaving the house is the last thing I feel like doing as the effort required is just ridiculous. Not to mention the fact that leaving the house means getting dressed who in then means more washing to deal with. Why go through that when I can just sit on my fat butt and zone out to the world for a while?

Incase you hadn’t noticed I like snails  

A lot

I’m not really sure what the attraction is  I just think they are cool  they just cruise around leaving their slimey trail behind them with absolutely no fucks to give  their life is just one big travelling adventure hoping not to get squashed or eaten by a bird. Growing up in The Territory meant we rarely saw snails like this. Down here in the South West they plagued gardens and eat vegetables. The still make me smile when I see them though. 

Wednesday, November 3

Back again

Due to a publishing malfunction (in that I neglected to hit publish) it now appears as if today is some magical day where I managed to sit down to write not once but twice. So before subscribers hyperventilate from the shock of multiple posts showing in their inbox, take a breath, it's ok, I have yet not become some writing crazed fiend. 

I am making an effort though. 

I am still torn by being disappointed in myself for not being prepared to even try NaNoWriMo this year and pleased with my ability to recognise realistic challenges. 

So here I am with a blessed moment of peace and quiet trying to reignite my dream of being a writer.

If only I knew where to begin.

The blankness I spoke of on Monday is kinda hitting me hard right about now. My poor little fried brain can think of nothing to be deemed as worthy of writing about. Perhaps that is because it is trying not to think of all the things I should be doing. I have a late start and finish today in true procrastination style I choose pretending to write over cleaning or getting a jump start on the rostering hell that is currently the Bain of my existence.

There are currently a range of different sirens coming from all types of directions. I can't work out if they are all part of the same emergency or if there is multiple crisis occurring. They are gone now. Here but for a floating moment destroying the tranquility which has now returned. The gentle breeze gently tickling the wind chime to create a delicate musical tinkle.

Deep sigh.

In two hours I'll be on my way to work. Where I'll have the pleasure of spending the next nine hours. I do say with pleasure in a relatively non sarcastic tone. I really do enjoy my job and the people I spend my time with there. I feel valued and more importantly I have the ability to make other people feel the same. The way I see it, is that one of the biggest aspects of my position is creating an atmosphere where people want to come to work to help create a space people want to shop in.

But I digress. 

So far in fact, I can't even remember what point I was hoping to make.


I wonder if typing out my old story would be a good compromise? I don't like that I only have a very old typed copy of the text. I feel that there should be multiple ways for me to access it. Over the years it has been on a few computers and USB sticks but they are all now either lost or broken.

The  only think about typing it in here is that it would mean creating a link to the beginning of the story for when a new reader stops by. Which I guess isn't the biggest of deals but given the little amount of time I have spent on the inter webs lately and how quickly sites change and develop, I am not sure how efficiently I will be able to create one.

As it is whenever I look at the blog I cringe with all it's faults because of template and coding changes I no longer understand or have the time (inclination) to look into. I was secretly hoping that one of the girls might have had a desire to be a website creator but so far no luck there!

So between Monday and today's little effort I am sitting at just under 1400 words. Which is about 200 words short of the daily total. Did I mention that we are on day 3 of the month?

It's November!


I haven't really given much thought to NaNoWriMo for quiet a few years now. A  few weeks ago an email popped into my inbox from some regional moderator trying to get us all  enthusiastic about the  prospect of smashing out a  50000 word novel in the month of November. A feat  which many moons ago I somehow managed to scrape together.

I've tried again over time however it's just never really worked  out. I've even  changed the rules and just tried to get out that many words in blog posts over the month. After all it''s only 1600 words each and every day. It's not actually technically that difficult to do. Realistically very achievable. 

Until of course you actually go to type the words out and there is nothing but complete and utter blankness. Your brain has suddenly become void of all coherent thoughts and ideas, instead filled with a nothingness that is of no use to anybody. The curse of writers block. It is both real and terrifying. 

You want nothing more than to share your words with the world. Giving you the ability to leave a lasting impression that  will  hopefully somehow find it's way to be experienced by as many as  possible.  Only when  you go to start the  process there is no idea waiting to be written about. The blank screen before you is unable to be filled and the more you try to think of something to fill it with the harder the task becomes.

So then it's pushed aside for a bit. After all writing is supposed to be fun. A  release from the worries of the real world. Not a reminder of one's failures and unfulfilled desires.

It is all such a vicious cycle. The  block becomes so strong that you start to wonder if you should even bother to try anymore. Or rather you stop making the time to try just one more time. You give up on the possibility of a different outcome. So you leave it. A once burning desire becomes a smouldering pit of disappointment.

Such is life though. 

Dealing with smouldering  pits of disappointments. Some much larger than others. And some still with the  slightest possibility of being re-ignited.

But I digress. Obviously writer's block is not too much of a concern today. In fact it is almost the opposite. I have so many ideas that I want to get out it is difficult to decide which one comes out first. Which granted is not worthy of high levels of complaints, it still doesn't' lend itself to fast flowing writing.

Now where was?

That's right, the age old November question for writers around the globe, to NaNoWrimo or not?

Heartbreakingly it's a solid no from me. The craziness of work in the lead up to Christmas will be more than enough for me to handle. Especially since there is already a lot of stuff still waiting for me to handle. More on that later though. Given how little I've actually been able to write over recent years there is just know way that I am going to put that kind of crazy pressure on myself.

I am however going to challenge myself to some daily writing here for the month of November. Ideally I would like it to be around the 1600 word mark as my ego could really do with that kind of boost. 

After a couple of really tough years it feels as if things might actually be coming together for  little old me and maybe this is my time to really start to shine.

I just did a word count check. It's at 600. Not a bad start I guess, but I was expecting a little more. So only another 1000 words to string together for today's daily target! Easy Peasy Right?

Just between you and me there was a stage where I was thinking I was going to be so free from writers block that I envisaged even getting a good head start on my word count. 


As much as I want to be writing every day I'm still not sure of what it is I'll write about. It's like I'm inspired but I don't know what about. I can see lots of opportunities and hope but not exactly how they pan out or what is the best path to get there.

(side note I have already thought about checking the word  count 3 times)

I  need to find a way so as to write but not have any expectations and just be happy for whatever comes out. It has to be better than nothing write?

Wednesday, September 8

Catching Up

 It's so weird to think that this little space was once such a big part of my life and yet now it sits here so dormant and unloved.  I don't even want to stop and think about how long it was since I last shared here....

So it's currently 2021.

The world  is in the most craziest of places with Covid-19 completely changing the norm of life as we once knew it. We are still living in the  south west of Western Australia and compared to the rest of the world and even the county, we  are  relatively unscathed from the perils that it brings. Well  apart from wanting to spend time with those that we love from the eastern states.

Essentially  there is no foreseeable future in  which I will  be able to see my sister and her beautiful family. Which yes  in heartbreaking.  However even if there was no international  pandemic  there is no  guarantee  we would  be hanging out together because I am still way too poor to be able to afford a visa over to her. It's so hard to really comprehend though.  My poor little  brain  can only  cope with so much  and right now there is just so much to try and get one's head around.


I feel that there are so many explanations owed for my lack of entires. Yet I also feel that there is no need to explain anything. 

I question whether anyone even notices. Actually I don't question that. The internet is such a busy  place there days that deep down I know that there are  probably next to no people aware of whether or not I am spewing words out in this space.

I'm not going to lie, last few years have probably been  some of the toughest I've faced.  Only I've been both too scared and stupid to both realise and accept it.

Hard to believe I know, but there was actually a time during the past few years, when Mr Awesome and I were nearly no more. I am   beyond thankful that things never  panned out this way.  He really is my one and only. I still can't believe that he is the one that I get to spend my life with #dreamsdocometrue

Moving along though.

I've recently received a highly anticipated position  at work. Customer Service Manager. A position  that I applied for some three  years ago and was told I  was not the best fit for. 

Heartbreaking  at the time. Especially since the role  was given to some early twenty  something old who only lasted two minutes in the  role. But  live and learn I guess.