Frustration peaking

Based on the ridiculous effort it just took to get to this page *(I’ll explain later) it’s no wonder I haven’t written anything for around four months. Interestingly though it is again a Sunday morning that sees me dropping by. As always it’s been a big couple of months where both nothing and everything has taken place.

In a nut shell though

There was a joint family trip with my sister and her tribe back to Darwin. It’s been ten whole years since we drove out expecting to return twelve months later. While Mr A and I had a quick visit five years ago to sell The Shoebox it was the first time back for The Not So Little Two. Teapot remember a few little details, Zany quite a few more. While we were there Zany and Mr A swam with a crocodile and we all went to Bass in the Grass. All of which should be spoken about in posts of their own.

I quit my job again. While there were some parts that I loved, like the customer interaction and improving sales there was a lot that was just not worth it. Mainly being the pay and hours. I was offered a new career path of which I can not discuss and decided that this was the change I had been searching for back when I left supermarket life. I am loving it though and it has a pay that makes life a little easier combined with fantastic hours.

Oh and Zany become an adult. Which again, probs deserves its own discussion.

So that’s enough catching up for now. My train of thought is quickly departing and I fear I may have been left at the station.

Spotted while out walking with Mr A and Lily Dog last weekend

*So the trouble with accessing this page revolved around initially trying to open in safari, which I always do I might add. I thought it was maybe because I had too many tabs open, which I’d been wanting to deal with for a while but had never gotten around to. I now know why. Saving tabs on an iPad is apparently nearly beyond my skill set. I did get there in the end though only to discover it made no difference to me being able to get blogger to work. Turns out it recommends using chrome.  Which would have been fine had it not had a hissy fit over trying to sign in with an old work account which obviously no longer exists. Anyways I got there in the end and if you’re still reading you’ve made it too the end of this frustrating post. I’ve been reminded of how I struggle with the formatting features on the iPad and nothing looks as pretty as I want it to and I don’t know how to fix it. Worlds worst excuse for not writing.

More Sunday Morning Musings

So here we are again. Sunday morning with not much happening other than large amounts of procrastination. And even that might be delayed in preference to something else. 

Last week I was on the front porch, this week I’m sitting out the back. Turns out the sun shines just a bit to brightly out the front. And while it may be relatively cool right now direct sun contact is a little harsh for extended periods of time.

It’s been a relatively uneventful week I suppose. Thursday was Anzac Day. Mr Awesome and I got up before the crack of dawn to drink out coffee outside, listening to the radio dawn service staring at the beautifully decorated front lawn across the road. Of which I have no photos of because just between you and me the owners are somewhat intimidating and I wanted to avoid any chance of interaction with them. It was such a wonderful display that trying to take sneaky photos of it would not have done it justice.

The starting block of #3’s birthday cake
last month 

Work is going ok still. While I know there is so much I still don’t know, obviously I don’t know what that is though. Thankfully there is quite a bit of support, it is some training that I would really like but I guess it is just a case of on the job learning. 

I finally got the balls to put my leave form in for our family holiday to Darwin next month. I was very upfront about it in the interview however have been too scared to put my leave form in. Which saying it out loud like that sounds stupid because as a 46 year old person I should not be ‘scared’ to put in a form requesting time off for something that was known about before the decision to employ me was even made. 

Changing the subject though, mainly because I was just rudely interrupted by the sudden arrival of child number three (formally known as Teapot). They had unexpectedly shown up to drop a bag off on their way to the shops with their friend.

So moving right along, or not because my train of thought is all over the place. Thankfully my fingers are able to nearly keep up. The wonders of modern technology and being able to use it I guess.

The other night, about eight, I decided to pick up a book the child number one (formally Lovely) had sent me for my birthday last month. Naturally it was never my intention to read the whole thing, after all I had work the following morning with a five am wake up. I was even in bed, so my intentions were clear, I thought I was doing the right thing by being off my phone and devices.

Suddenly though it was a little after eleven. With a little over a hundred pages to go I figured I was as well get to the end now. It was just before one when I read the last word and turned off the light.

That day was longer than most. My eyeballs felt like they were on fire. Surprisingly though I felt incredibly good. I had the idea of a creating a meme that went along the lines of ‘you’ll never regret staying up all night with a book’ I never got the chance to write it down exactly at the time. I can even remember thinking it will be ok, it is such a good line you’ll never forget it. Yet here we are.

Mid morning mid autumn morning musing

I was sure I had written this year, not much mind you but at least I thought there was something. I couldn’t really believe that my last words to come out were on Dad’s Dead Day some six months ago. And then I remembered. At the start of the year this journal app just appeared on my phone (and by that I mean it was part of whatever the latest update from Apple was) and started prompting me to write about moments of my day.

No relevance to anything being written about
Just a cool photo of the ocean
taken in Dunsbrough
On my birthday 

Initially I responded instantly. I would stop whatever I was doing and write about whatever it was prompting me to recall. All in all it was pretty cool. Creepy but cool. Sure it was pinging my location and reminding me of phone calls I had had with people but I thought it was great to actually be writing and recording my life again. Diary keeping has always been an on again off again love affair of mine. My lack of regularity and consistency means it is as sporadic as everything else in my life.

Anyway I’m here now and at the end of the day that is all that really matters.

It is mid morning on a mid autumn morning. I am sitting on a couch on my front porch quietly watching the world pass by as I bask in the gently sun’s rays on my lily white, relatively dry and hairy legs. I only noticed this morning how they had mild snake like appearance. But then this morning is the first time in I don’t know how long that I have had the chance to actually sit and notice what is around me.

The new job is going well. I’m at the end of my first month in my own site now. It has been a whirlwind and a half. Of course this little space knows not what I’m talking about as the whole quitting my eight year career and starting a fresh was capture on the above mentioned journaling app on my phone. The one that I stopped responding to when I had a few tough days I didn’t want to relive and couldn’t be bothered. Besides my phone now seems to small and difficult to really express myself on.

The other week I had the brilliant idea of swapping my iPad for Zany’s laptop. She agreed it could be a good deal. I felt that if I had a laptop then I would have no choice but to write and design stuff again. The iPad with the keyboard is not the worst thing to use, but it is no laptop either. Only over the nest few days I realised how that meant I would have to give up playing my game. And I really do love it. Farming, city building and mindless matching 3 colours all combined into one. What more could one as for?!?

Speaking of which I must just about have some lives regrown…

Happy Dead Day Dad

It’s been fourteen long years since we said goodbye to you dad. 

Which works out to be roughly 122724 hours. 

I can still offer no explanation as to why I must always work out the hours, nor why I insist on referring to it as your dead day. I guess the shock value of the second is a possibility, but really I think it’s just because Dad’s Dead Day just has a certain ring to it. 

I’ve pretty much spent the entire week thinking about this day. Mainly because it is the first day of my 2 week holiday, but also because I hate the reminder that this is the day that we finally had to say goodbye.

There is still so much of it I remember as if it were only yesterday. 

There was a lot happening in the days leading up to today all those years ago. 

We had not long returned from a short little getaway to Mataranka. It was our last as family of four. I was at the start of my second trimester with Teapot. One of the many things I am truly thankful is that we had shared the news of my pregnancy with you not long after we ourselves knew. Even now I still wonder whether you had held off for our return.

I remember driving to the hospital on the first night you were admitted. It as a ‘Super Moon’. I had never seen such a big silver shining ball like that before. There was something unnervingly eerie about it. I was certain it was going to be the last time I saw you.

When I arrived though, you gave me so much hope. You didn’t look nearly as sick as you had on other admissions. Swine Flu was running rife through the world at this point in time so I was cautious as to how long I was there, given the precious cargo I was carrying and all. I didn’t stay as long as what I normally would have. Because you just seemed so fine.

It would still be another couple of days before you left. Each visit still didn’t seem like you really needed to be there. Until that last day.

I arrived to visit with the morning paper not long after school drop off was completed. I was a little later than normal, but not terribly so. I remember you being a little upset with me but nothing too terrible.

We sat and chatted for a bit and you drifted off for a bit of a nap. Then before I knew it the nurses were telling me to gather family.I dutifully did as I was told and bit by bit the family started to arrive, none of us really sure what to expect next.

The next few hours become a bit of a blur.

We sit around your bed, you drifting in and out. The nurses carefully providing us privacy for what was to come. Lovely was still in school and Zany was only a few years old. The kind nurses took her off for a while, they could tell the end was nigh.

One of my favourite photos of Dad with baby Zany

So much has happened since you left, I don’t think I would even know where to start to tell you all about it all.

I know though you’d be so proud of us all. The girls are all kind and considerate, with quirky senses of humours that would maybe sometimes make you wonder but always leave you smiling. I do so wish you could meet them now. In fact I think that is what breaks my heart most about you not being here, the fact that you don’t get to know them and more importantly they don’t get the chance to know you.

I like you a bit.

Sunday afternoon

I’m just here, sitting on my front porch on a sunny early Sunday afternoon.

It’s not long after 1. SO what if I am still in my sleepwear. It is Sunday.

Mr Awesome has just finished mowing the lawns. Two other neighbours have recently began tending to their own grass needs. 

Our nearest neighbours, and by that I mean the only people we share a boundary line with are currently outside sitting on said boundary line. They are both very close to 100 and are waiting for some family member to return with a car so they can go to some place. 

This was all ascertained moments ago when plans were just made with said family member moments before they walked off down the street. I am just trying to look incredibly busy so that the possibility of interaction is minimised if not avoided.

Mr Awesome is now returning the cars to their preferred parking arrangements in front of the house. We don’t actually have a driveway as such. The cars are just parked on the lawn in front of the house.

I refuse to move mine as it means the contact with the elderly neighbours will be definite. 

And really I just can’t.

.

I know that on the surface that sounds terrible but I spend my entire working day interacting with people I would perhaps prefer not to. It just gets a little exhausting after awhile.

As usual Mr A has taken one for the team and engaged in the awkward interactions. 

He appears to have escaped relatively unscathed. He was given the details as to why they are outside as well as some generally old person small talk.. I remain in my position as I still fear that any movement will lead to conversations I just don’t have the energy to have

        **************************************

It’s now much later in the afternoon, perhaps even early evening now. (For clarity it’s nearl quarter to six), make your own mind up!)

I am not longer sitting on the front porch. Which can I just say I love being able to do. There is something I find quite appealing about the concept of a front porch. Anyways for now I am Oort the back. My chair is incredibly uncomfortable and it is probably well past time to move Mr A has just (finally) returned from inside with bottle of wine. Heavens knows what else he was doing in there because it felt like he was in there for an eternity.

Mr A is currently giving an explanation of his absence. He has apparently prepped dinner, which means he took something out the fridge and turned the heater on.

Yesterday Mr A and I went for a walk. Well actually we took Lily the Dog for a walk before we took her for a wash. It was all quite a delightful experience and left us both wondering why it was not something that we did on a more regular basis.

I mean, naturally I have a few suspicions as to why that occurs but here is probably not really the place and now is most definitely not the time to go into all of that.

It did however also present we with a n opportunity to take some random photos whic I did delight in

Just killing time

 As I just shared to Insta, I’m currently sitting at the airport with the worlds most expensive chips and wine.

To be honest the chips, while not bad, were also not great and I’m probably going to waste most of them. I haven’t eaten all day and since it is currently 11.30pm I figured that maybe some sort of food might not be a bad idea. Also turns out I might have been wrong about that given how few chips I could actually stomach. I had hoped for a burger but apparently the kitchen was closed for anything but overpriced chips with sauce and mayo that tasted a little funky. I guess that’s what you get on the big jobs sometimes.

Mind you, not gunna lie, totally loving myself sick at the moment. Sitting at a bar with wine and writing while wearing a very cool rainbow beanie I whipped up the other day.

Side note, it is not easy to take a good selfie while trying to look inconspicuous and like you are in fact not taking a selfie, but how cool is that beanie?

Airports sure are an interesting place to spend some time though. People watching at it’s finest, that’s for sure.

So why am I sitting at the airport? I hear you ask. 

Well I am making a mad dash to Sydney to help my sister out while she recovers from some rather intense knee surgery. I popped down last month for nearly a week as a surprise visit for her not long after she had surgery and it was just the most amazing time. We hadn’t seen each other for nearly 7 years.

It felt pretty surreal when I went the first time but now it seems even more some.

The fact that just a few days ago I spoke to her and she said she need some help and now I am on my way to actually be that help is just fantastic. I seriously feel so blessed to have this opportunity to be there for her. After missing so many milestone events in the past to be able to jut drop everything and go to her now is pretty bloody special. And I must at this point give a huge shout out to my amazing boss who when I told him yesterday I would be out for most of the week because I needed to be with my sister, didn’t even bat an eyelid, but simply said, “yes Rhi, family first” I mean I don’t necessarily love the way his default setting is to call me Rhi, it just feels so strange, but I do also love that after all these years people finally feel comfortable to just shorten my name.

Boarding time is now approximately 20 minutes away, technically though I should actually be 10 minutes away from departure but I guess you can’t win them all. I should probably use some of this time though to go to the ladies and head towards the gate. The was a misfortunes incident upon arrival at the airport (after a 2 hour drive and 3 energy drinis) I was in desperate need of a toilet. Long story short I ended up having to do a wee in the car park as there was just no way I was going to make it to the terminal toilets in time.

Boarding time is fast approaching now Hough so I’m gunna go get myself a little closer to the gate, Burt please remind me to tell you the story of the guy and the lost phone

What! Again?

 I like the way that this title has duel meaning. Not only does it refer to my frequency of posting lately, but also the fact I am returning to see my sister again.

The finer details of which are probably not necessary to go through right now but it is all really the most sensible decision to be made.

I mean I feel somewhat tied to my responsibilities at work but also in reality it is only for a few day and if we want to know whether m ADM is up for the game then surely me not being there is the best chance to give him the opportunity to shine. (Shrug emoji if I were on SM)

And besides I spend a lot of time thinking about the work life balance of many other people that it only make sense that I do the same for myself when I know that it is above and beyond necessary.

I guess that you might be wondering how and why there has been a sudden influx of posts here in this little old space? And then perhaps maybe you have not because according to my statistical information, no one has actually read any of my recent words of wisdom (fml emoji)

There is the slightest of chances that this low data information is due to the fact that there is change in the analytics recording systems in the Google/Blogger system that I have not yet been able to get my head around and actually action but this is possibly just a minor details also (not really lol)

Yesterday would have been my dad’s 94th birthday. Only you know it’s been nearly 14 years since he died so also not really. It’s all a little weird really. There is grief but also an indescribable celebration of the fact he lived at all. 

I know my mum would have disappointed because she did get the opportunity to speak to me. I mean had he not passed away, this year would have been their 45th wedding anniversary. Which lets face it, is a very long time to spend loving one persons. Even if one them has been dead for nearly fourteen years. But also it was a day to celebrate all that he was, not validate whatever emotions someone else might have felt.

I would almost kill for a smoke right now.

Teapot’s birthday fell on Good Friday this year. Which also coincided with us not really being in the most finically stable position a the time. Nothing really new there I guess. When don’t I find myself in the ace of a birthday celebration and not nearly enough funds to support what was needed to be done.

Anyways, given the severe state of financial affairs, Mr A and I immediately stopped smoking.

Just like that.

No more cigarettes.

It was amazing and lasted nearly a week.

At which point I discovered that Mr A had invested in a vape and I then decided to stop trying. I thought I could have gotten away with only smoking at work, only that proved to be far from the case.

Yeah, I know right.

Ok so it is now the following morning, I’ve opened up my little ipad to discover that while waiting for the photo to upload I appear to have been distracted and never actually got around to hitting the publish button (fml emoji)

Whatever is going on??

 I mean another post?

Already?

So soon after the last massive dump a mere three days ago?

I KNOW!!

I’m as shocked as you are to be honest, but here we are.

It’s a Saturday night, the night before my beloved Zany will turn 17 actually. They are currently returning home with Noodle Box for dinner. Pure madness to think that they can have a friend who is able to drive but again, here we are. Mr Awesome is inside frantically trying to get through The Leaning Tower so that there are enough bowls for everyone…

….Mr Awesome has just come out and informed me that the food has been dropped off and all young people are off to help the driver get out of their work clothes and then return at an unspecified time. Of course I already know based on where said driver lives that this will be at least an hour away.

Already I can feel my heart starting to race a little (lot, well more than is should).

It feels like the perfect storm for a story of tragedy. The night before a birthday. Young drivers at night. Wet roads. Intermittent (heavy) rain…

I’m asking all the powers that be to be protecting them tonight.

But that’s not what I came here for. 

I mean sure, I don’t entirely know what I was coming to share but I don’t really want it to be that. Tricky tough when I’m pretty much a train of thought writer and they are the only thoughts I am having at the moment.

I guess that’s why I am here, to try and come up with a different train of thought if you will.

Hard to believe that Zany turns 17 tomorrow. They truly are one of a kind. And honestly I could’ve be prouder of the person they are becoming and the things they have been able to help me see.

While they should have been graduating from year 12 at the end of this school year, school pretty much ceased for Zany when Covid hit. Initially it was because of exposure risks and then it was actual lock down and the home learning options provided weren’t great and then, well, it was all just too hard. School hadn’t been great before and the time away just made it all seems worse so we decided it just wasn’t worth it.

Formal/traditional education is not for everyone and there were some pretty terrible people in Zany’s learning environment so I can completely understand their reluctance to partake in such an activity. They instead completed some Certifications via other areas so was not just bumming around so to speak.

Well it appears as if the words have now failed me. I guess my brain is having a meltdown trying to not worry about the car load of fun loving birthday celebrating teenagers driving around dark bush roads on a wet and windy night….

Words, words, words

 Sure it might look like I’ve had a busy day writing posts but in actuality I have just hit publish on two rather old posts and am now hoping to just get this one actually published on the same day I started it!

A lot to ask I know.

So recently I hinted at having a secret I couldn’t tell. Well I was debating on whether to tell it or not. I opted not to. I had held onto it for that long

Beanies I made for my nephews 

what would another day or so matter as I was only a day away from the reveal.

So what prey tell was this closely kept secret?

A visit to my sister while she was recovering from crazy knee surgery. I say crazy because she had her leg broken by the surgeon who then wedged a piece of bone from a bone bank into the break and held it altogether with a ton of plates and screws. Needless to say the pain levels were high and recovery process long.

My sister and I have not seen each other for seven years. This means that essentially we are new people as all our cells have regenerated during that time. That is almost crazier than the surgery she underwent.

The brilliant idea of the visit was thanks to her amazing husband who also organised the whole thing. If I wasn’t already married to Mr Awesome I would quite possibly consider absconding with my BIL. I think it is incredibly cool that I managed to snag Mr Awesome and my sister found Mr Amazing.

Time is always of the essence.

I have a very short amount of time before I need to be getting myself ready for work. Wednesday is my late start day. Which is fabulous in that I can have a relaxed and lazy morning but not so great wen I won’t be home till 9pm

We are Geelong

  We are Geelong, the greatest  team of  all

We are Geelong, the greatest  team  of  all ...

I won't bore you with the rest of the song as  it is all essentially summed up  in  those  opening two  lines. Today, for the first time in 11 years, the Geelong football club won  the AFl Premiership Grand  Final.

And yes I am well aware that some of the above used words my seem redundant but the fact that the winning margin was  as high as what it was I am more than entitled to use such language. (Geelong  won by 81 points)

But I feel I'm digressing...

Which I guess, if you're a regular reader would not really surprise you...

Though given how non regularly I write, I do actually wonder if I could possibly even have what you would call a regular reader...

Again digressing...

So...

...what to say??...

I shared this earlier  today on my Instagram and Facebok page 

Things I  neglected to mention were that a beautiful team member bought  me a 6 pack of my  favourite drink  and while there was a part of me that desperately wanted to be at home to 'watch the  game' there was a  part of me that was much  more greatly relieved to  not  get caught up in the emotion of the game should we have been losers.

I know that to most  these   ridiculous rambles mean nothing. But to me, they are the  slightest of  signs that may there is hope for me after all as a writer.This was originally started back in September 2022 

I've got a secret

It's not easy, given the time between drinks so to speak, to know how to start the conversation again. I mean it was September last year since I took/made the time to stop by and spill my inner thoughts here. I can't even begin to imagine how heartbreaking that must have been for all my avid readers. Thankfully they probably only exist in my head anyway. I mean even at the peak of my blogging prowess (if you will) my readership was pretty much a handful of friends and fellow bloggers who stopped by in the hope I would reciprocate as was courtesy back in the day. 

I don't by any means intend to sound as cynical and self deprecating as what that sounds when I just reread it. They are essentially the cold hard facts of what my readership entailed. Sure they many return visitors that I had did mean that I had made some connection with a wider community but lets not forget that I could also physical see the statistics of my readers and I was certainly far from hugely popular. Much as I am in real life really. And again, the words would sound differently if you could hear them in my voice. There is a kindness to myself attached as I my brain speaks to my fingertips.

Of course none of that is why I am here.

I am here because I've got a secret. And while I may have been told today that I can tell it. I am torn as to whether that is really the way to go. So where else would I turn to than this trusty little old blog.

This post was originally started in the middle of May.

Just killing time and getting words out

 Not gunna lie, not really sure what it is I have to say right now. 

In all honestly I'm here purely because my phone has gone flat and I'm not really sure what else to do. 

Sure there's dishes and washing and all that regular mundane shit of life that is patiently waiting to be tended t,o but its the dying moments of my time off so there is Buckley's chance of me actually tending to it.

We have just had Mr Awesome's family come and visit. It was the best ten days I've had in a long time.  It's weird how I've never really missed being with family, until they have come to visit.

Since it has been so long since we have had family with us we decided to take the entire time off and make it a holiday for us all. We spent a few nights up in the big smoke of Perth and then headed south down to Denmark for the majority of the trip. It really was the best time ever.

I really wanted to insert some photos of our trip in here now but technology has gotten the better of me and I can't. Obviously all my photos are on my phone and while I have iCloud and shared Apple ID's the photos are for whatever reason not available on the laptop on which I am currently using. FML

I remember a time when I was a technical superstar and could sort all this type of stuff out. Apparently though those days of yesteryear have left me behind and it is now all neatly parcelled in the 'too hard basket'. Again FML

This was again brutally bought to my attention when Google kindly informed me that some part of my website is not indexed properly and therefore needs my attention. Given they said this was a non critical issue and I have no idea what they are talking about, I'm currently walking around going la-la-la and paying it no attention. Which means if you are actually reading this, kudos to you.

Unfortunately I am now getting notifications from the laptop saying my battery is about to run out, if only it knew on how many levels that was appropriate.

So much I want to say but for whatever reason the words are just not coming.

I've added some random photo because according to my old blogging days all posts must have a photo.

Who's story is it any way?

 The concept of being in the story as opposed to owning is a tough one to navigate. 

Where is the line between owning the story as yours to tell and merely being a supportive actor playing their role?

I think that perhaps this is the reason, or at least one of them, as to why I feel like I have lost my voice, so to speak, or rather why my blogging days have somewhat ceased to exist. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still desperately want to be a writer. It’s just I no longer feel to be able to… you know… actually… write…

I don’t necessarily subscribe to the I can’t write about my children because they are people in their own right ideology but I have certainly become more conscious of how I portray people, not just my children, when I write. Who’s story am I actually telling?

There was a time where I never stopped to think about the fact that sometimes the story I wanted to tell was not my story to tell. 

Sometimes you might think you are part of the story, and maybe you are…

…but that still doesn’t make it your story to tell.

It has been a hard lesson to learn and not one that was quick and easy to learn. Even now I’m not sure how to navigate it and decipher what should and shouldn’t be shared. After all, being on the internet in any shape or form is not without it’s own conflicts. 

For those playing along at home who have been regular readers over my 10 plus years here, the young whipper snappers are now 21, 16 and 12. 

Pretty crazy really when you think about it. 

We are currently up in Perth for a few days enjoying the joy of having family visit. 

Somehow I managed to convince the not so little girls to come for a midnight swim on the beach. Sure it was only for a total of 2 minutes but is was invigorating and fun. And cold. After all spring has only just sprung. 

But I’m so so so glad we did it. 

After all life is about memories…and what better memory is there than a midnight beach swim???

Jab, jab, jabbity, jab

 

I’m currently sitting waiting to discover if the Covid vaccination is going to kill me in the first 15 minutes of having it. It’s a bit of a family excursion really. Mr Awesome and Zany are getting the same thing done. Only I had registered online in the carpark before coming in so I got to jump the cue, so to speak. I started my 15 minute wait and they were still filling the details in. 

Honestly I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the whole thing. I trust and respect modern medicine and feel that it has the utmost importance role to play in life. The same is to be said about science. It’s just that they don’t always get it right first time and I don’t always like feeling like a Guinea Pig. 

Still no sight of the other two. I have approximately 3 minutes of my wait time to go and so far so good. It’s probably wrong, but there is a tiny little part of me that would kinda like to see someone have a reaction. I am surprised at how many people are here. That and how many people they could have here at anyone time.

The other two just arrived. 

Left unpublished 6 November

This post was actually written back on the 6/11/21 (Just over a week ago) I never hit publish because as you’ll discover I get distracted with T. Anyways no point letting the words go to waste so I’m just adding this note and a photo and setting my words (feelings?) free

 

I had an experience today that kinda made me a little sad. 

Actually it made me a lot sad. 

My feelings were incredibly hurt and I struggle to find a way to reconcile what I heard and an appropriate reaction.

The worst part of this all is that there were many lovely moments throughout the day yet my head keeps going back to those few awful ones. The rational side does understand that it is futile to dwell on these points, there's just this other rascally side that won't let it go. I guess it's the side that just only wants the best for everyone and is disappointed that is not what everyone is necessarily feeling they are getting.

Clearly the writing of words is not working out well for me. I have tried a little more than usual which I will take as a win, because I really do always want to be as positive as possible. Perspective is everything.

Teapot is currently going through a draw of my old writings. I was hoping that she could find my manuscript. Though just quietly I always feel like a bit of a fraud calling it that. So far she hasn't had any luck  but she has delighted in going through pages of old words. There was a tone of delight as she explained to her father what I was doing (writing about my day)