Wednesday, September 8

Catching Up


 It's so weird to think that this little space was once such a big part of my life and yet now it sits here so dormant and unloved.  I don't even want to stop and think about how long it was since I last shared here....

So it's currently 2021.

The world  is in the most craziest of places with Covid-19 completely changing the norm of life as we once knew it. We are still living in the  south west of Western Australia and compared to the rest of the world and even the county, we  are  relatively unscathed from the perils that it brings. Well  apart from wanting to spend time with those that we love from the eastern states.

Essentially  there is no foreseeable future in  which I will  be able to see my sister and her beautiful family. Which yes  in heartbreaking.  However even if there was no international  pandemic  there is no  guarantee  we would  be hanging out together because I am still way too poor to be able to afford a visa over to her. It's so hard to really comprehend though.  My poor little  brain  can only  cope with so much  and right now there is just so much to try and get one's head around.


SO MANY DEEP SIGHS


I feel that there are so many explanations owed for my lack of entires. Yet I also feel that there is no need to explain anything. 

I question whether anyone even notices. Actually I don't question that. The internet is such a busy  place there days that deep down I know that there are  probably next to no people aware of whether or not I am spewing words out in this space.

I'm not going to lie, last few years have probably been  some of the toughest I've faced.  Only I've been both too scared and stupid to both realise and accept it.

Hard to believe I know, but there was actually a time during the past few years, when Mr Awesome and I were nearly no more. I am   beyond thankful that things never  panned out this way.  He really is my one and only. I still can't believe that he is the one that I get to spend my life with #dreamsdocometrue

Moving along though.

I've recently received a highly anticipated position  at work. Customer Service Manager. A position  that I applied for some three  years ago and was told I  was not the best fit for. 

Heartbreaking  at the time. Especially since the role  was given to some early twenty  something old who only lasted two minutes in the  role. But  live and learn I guess.







Friday, December 13

My head hurts

Well not really but kinda.

I'm trying to read about the plight of Australian drill rappers OneFour.

My mother however, would rather I interact with her. Which I guess is understandable.
We are nearly at the end of the first of five and a half weeks.

I never like speaking ill of people.

Especially those that I love dearly.

I always like to focus on the positive. But, sometimes. sometimes, I just need to...

...at least think I think I need to...

Even now, when I so dearly know that I need to release the intensely twisted emotions that currently consume my every being, I can't help but wonder if it would be better to keep it to myself?

Hence the sore head I guess.


I'm now sitting seam immersed in a tub of cold water. I have a glass of red wine and the hiccups. Obviously one is more favourable than the other. This is the second, perhaps even third bought of the hiccups that I have endured today. My confusion of the exact number relates to the debatable duration between the time one thinks they are cured and then randomly return.

Unfortunately though this precious me time activity that I have tried to gift myself must be short lived. Zany, who should perhaps be known as Miss 13.5 for context sake of new readers, needs to be escorted home from her friends house in approximately 10 minutes. Part of me wants to believe that we live in a world where she would be able to make the trip home unaccompanied but there is also a part of me that likes having her around and doesn't want to take the risk.

So on that note I will bid you adieu.

Until I next find a moment to right



Wednesday, December 4

At ease soldier.



It's ok. Everybody relax. It looks like the panic stations raised during my last post may have been a false alarm. Everything seems to be currently A O K. Unfortunately though, amid my terror, I stupidly changed my base template. At the time I thought that was where the problem lay. I'm not thinking that was probably not the case, but what's a girl to do now? The damage is done, and in my haste to rectify what was more than likely just a glitch in my internet preventing the pages from loading properly, I didn't even think about making a back up.

Yeah I know right. Like seriously Sharon you had one job.

Anyway,

Moving right along, because after all, all is not lost. In fact only the header of the blog is gone and hopefully only temporarily forgotten. I am sure I still have a copy of it on my old Mac that I will one day be able to get fixed.

I have 25 minutes of my lunch left.

What to do? What to do?

23:49 left now

Just under 19 minutes now. My mind is blank proper. I tried to free it with a game of solitaire but alas t'was to no avail.

I'm outta here for now. Given the lack of flowing words, perhaps eating is a better option.




Thursday, November 28

Nothing to see. Moving along

I've been wanting to try and write here for days. 

For whatever reason though I have not let myself.

 I know not why I do this. 

Prevent myself from doing what I know needs to be done. 

But that's what I do.

Not today though.

Today I'm winning the battle with my brain.

Even if only for today.

Even if only for this moment. 

Deep breath.

I guess the real thing that has been holding me back from writing is the fear of speaking my truth. Or maybe the fear of accepting my truth. Just between you and me there has been some pretty screwed up shit going down in this little old life of mine over the last three or so years. I thank the goddess each and every day that we have been able to hold it all together as well as what we have.

BUTTTTTT!!!!!!

OMFG!!!!!!

Wild subject change.

I just went and had a look at the preview for this post. I have no photos!!! Worse still I have no header on my blog. I mean sure I've been ignoring photos from photo bucket for weeks now telling my I need to carry out some urgent actions on my account, but, I was under, the obviously misguided, assumption, it only related to something else which I thought was of little to no importance. Clearly I was wrong.

Excuse me while I see what I can do.



Thursday, November 7

Lunchtime brain dump


I'm torn between trying to write some fiction or just brain dumping for a bit to see if it can clear the mind. I mean it's not like I actually have a fiction piece planned out as such I was just going to start with the old faithful She sat there staring blanking at the empty screen before her and see where I ended up. Obviously I have a rough idea of how it will at least start to go but as for the ending, well obviously that remains to be seen.

It's November and for the first time in what feels like forever my head has been thinking more of writing than anything else. I desperately want to be a NaNoWriMo winner again. Interestingly enough it is with a rewrite of my original NaNoWriMo efforts that I am inspired to try with. Not that I can easily locate the only existing copy. At least I now know that it at least still exists and can narrow it down to a room and possibly even a box. There were many a year where that were not possible.

I've got maybe 29 minutes left of my lunch break. Its debatable as to when I started so the end time is a bit hit and miss as well. Twenty nine is probably a bit of a stretch, more like a little over 20 but since I am helping out and staying later than originally rostered I have little to no qualms ensuring maximum time for my breaks.

But I digress.

I'm not sure this is really the post for too much about work. In so many ways I hate it. And on multiple levels. But. I have to work. At least for the moment. There are many aspects that are pretty fantastic about it, sadly I just let the crap overshadow this a lot more than I should.

I am however nothing but a work in progress and perfection is rarely attained.