Friday, October 28

Things I Know - This and That

In terms of blogging it has been a less than quiet week.  Though not completely from lack of effort.  This morning I spent nearly an hour sharing some really really (in my opinion of course) awesome words.  I had been planning on linking up with Kate for Thankful Thursday but apparently Blogger had other ideas as when I hit publish it kindly disappeared.

I know that blogging on the iPad is not always easier than going to the effort of actually just turning the computer on.

In addition to my failed iPad post I also have a draft post I am contemplating that probably won't get published, well at least not this week.  I have been in a pretty dark place of late.  Full of an almost self loathing (ouch) that included some pretty serious self beating over what should have been something small and unimportant as that is all it was.  No harm was ever meant.

I know that because of some actions in the real world I feel censored,  even here.  I know that at the end of the day I can post what I like and all that but there are some things best left unsaid.  Deep deep down I do know that.

This post has so far taken way too long to write.  Perhaps I don't know much after all? (I must admit I have had my suspicions)

Actually the slowness of words is possibly due to Outsourced being on.  Have you seen it?  Some serious funny stuff though it does need a certain type of humour.  I know that I was just terribly disappointed to read it never made it to a season two.  I guess that certain type of humour is more specific than I realised.

A few weeks ago hubs got all excited in setting up the iPad for our pending trip in January (eight glorious days in Sydney to see my sister and her new baby)  Apparently that entailed downloading a few movies which not only blew the monthly iTunes budget but also our download limit.  Thankfully that does not mean any excess charges just a slower connection speed.  I know I resented using the word speed just then as there is no speed in it whatsoever.  It is ridiculous.  On the upside any addiction that I may have been developing to any facebook games has been cured as the connection is so slow that none will load.  Major GRRRRRRRRR.  Bring on the new month for the reset.

Speaking of the new month means it is nearly time for NaNoWriMo.  Yep that's right I am going back again and this time I know I will finish it.  I know that I have come up with some great reasons as to why I haven't completed the last two years but that was then and this is now.  I know that I can do it, I know I have done it.

While I was blog reading earlier today I can across this which got me thinking maybe I should try NaBloPoMo.  Not really catchy and possibly not as challenging as 50,000 words in a month but certainly worth giving a go.  I know I am up for it.  Are you?

The final thing I know for today's link up with Yay For Home is that I should have gone to bed hours ago!  What about you? What do you know?  

Monday, October 24

Me and...Oh that's right

There is no Me and YOU weekly link up any more. (insert sad face) Instead Karlee has wisely decided to move it to a monthly link up. The first being on November 1st so stay tuned for that one as I am sure it is going to be awesome.

Anyway after reading last week would be the last weekly link up, I have spent this last week wondering what I would about today.

See I really liked the regularity that I had built up with my Monday posts.  The weekly round up and focus for the next week worked quite well for me, even if I hadn't done much or set many goals to achieve.  At least it was something.  At least it kept me thinking about what I wanted, where I was going and a possible way of getting there.

I did think that I could just keep weekly posts in draft form for the month and then somehow pull it all together but I fear that this would not work for me.  I am a rather instant kind of person.  I may have already mentioned this once or twice but patience is not my strong point.  I even thought about trying to maintain a daily draft post that I would add to as I go but that didn't really pan out well either.

So here I am.

A little lost, a little distressed and surrounded by a lot of mess.

It hasn't been a good week to say the least.  Actually that is not true.  It started out as a great week, once I got over the shock of Me & YOU going monthly.  I managed to keep a fairly ok standard of housekeeping.  The washing was under control, the dishes never towered, life seemed pretty good.

Till I spent a bit longer at the school a few days in a row.  Then I had a morning shopping, plus I spent some time catching up with a friend.  By the middle of the week the house was not looking great.  The washing baskets were filling and the quest for underwear was beginning to no longer be at the fun stage.  Not to mention the dishes that seemed to once again be doing their best to multiply as rapidly as possible.

By the end of the week it was all out of control.  Worsened only by my delicate mental state which I gladly shared with my beloved readers.  I cried more on Friday than I have since I don't know when.  I honestly can not remember the last time I felt so gut wrenchingly heartbroken.  I actually intend on doing an entire post about it as I think that I actually got quite a lot out of my sadness.

Despite hubs working incredibly hard all weekend and removing an entire ute load of crap from our tiny little home the place is still a slight shambles.  There are dishes to be done, washing to not only be washed but also folded and put away.  At some point last week I started sorting out the girls room.  That actually translates into I completely trashed their already partially trashed area and it is currently unusable.

Though all is not lost.

I got out some really great posts.  Well maybe a better way of saying it is the posts that I got out last week have been read a lot more than other posts of late so I am feeling all awesome and inspired to keep writing.  Either way there is a lot of positivity around APL at the moment so I am going to use the buzz from that to create an energy to bring back the domestic goddessness I was slowly uncovering.

So onward I will go, even if it may be slow, little by little I'll get there, free from worry and without a care.

Sunday, October 23

Sunday Session - Music that makes me smile

Today for the first time ever I am joining in with Thea over at Do I Really Wanna Blog? with a collection of some of the tunes that have helped me through the last few days.  Regular readers will know that the last few days have been filled with some turmoil for me as I have battled through trying to help those that I love.  As it turned out I was just sticking my big unwanted nose in their business.  Lessons have been learnt and I am moving on, slightly wounded, but stronger than ever before on many levels.

First cap off the rank is an oldie but more than a goodie.  There is just something in the beat that just picks me right on up no matter how large the doldrums might be.



Now I am not really sure what the attraction is but for some reason old Johnny (Cash) really has a way of cheering me up.  As next on the play list is




Again it is just the rhythm and beat of this one that just gets inside my soul and shakes out any sadness that may be there.

Finally when all else fails this always leaves me with a smile

Friday, October 21

Things I Know - A very mixed bag

OMG!  What a week that I know!

As I sit here rather late on Friday night there is so much I know and even more I don't.

I know I missed being a part of TIK last week.  I had been concerned that I was being consumed by memes rather than actual writing.  I thought that perhaps a break was in order and I feel I may have been on the money.

I know that I have written some posts this week that I am particularly proud of.  Oh alright if you really want to know which ones they are go here, here and here.  The last few days have been rather emotional for me and it felt good to get some of it out into words.

I know that I have made a few recent discoveries about myself and I feel somewhat positive and motivated about what life has to offer if I want to go out in search of it.

I know that I need to remember that at the end of the day I am not really responsible for the way people interpret what I say or write.  As long as I know my intentions were honourable and in my own mind I am doing the right thing nothing else matters.

I know that my heart is always in the right place.

I know that I loved not leaving the house at all today.  Well apart from when I went swimming.  Which is at home but not in the house if you know what I mean.  I also know that I could happily not leave my house until 8am Monday morning.  I know that I love the fact that may well be a possibility.  I feel rather vulnerable at the moment and the safety within these walls is so comforting.

I know that when I wake tomorrow I will feel refreshed and recharged.  There is much to be done around here and getting it done gives me the perfect justification for fulfilling my desire to stay at home.

I know that with time, patience, understanding and open communication anything can be resolved.

I know that this is all I have to share for now.  If you want to know more stuff that other people know then head over and click the things I know box at the top of the post.
 

Please just make it go away.

Or all better.  Just rewind the past twenty four hours back to when things were fine.  Back to when I hadn't opened my big mouth.  Back to when I hadn't spent the day in tears resulting in a near head exploding thump that will. just. not. stop.

If you know me personally you will know with what skill and consistency I can beat my self up with.  I right now let me tell you I am taking a battering.  I think the fury that I have unleashed within myself today were to be translated into cyclonic terms we would be talking a category five storm.  If I don't let go of this soon it may well even be capable of destroying the measuring equipment.

So what has happened I hear you ask?

Well sadly I must keep the majority of the details to myself.  Actually what I mean is I can't share them here as that would not be a positive step forward as some of the people involved are not really on board with the whole share your life with the world thing and I do actually respect their wishes.

So here is what I can share.  Hopefully it will be enough to ease my burden without escalating the disaster further should those involved ever happen to have nothing better to do than read my blog.

Deep breath in, slow release out. Look at empty glass and realise a refill is in order, if yours is too you should go and do something about it.  As I am.  Which is unusual for me as I only ever have a drink if hubs makes one for me, but since he has a small part to play in my current state of affair I will not give him the pleasure of seeing to my needs. (Storms off to fridge to fix drink)

I must pause for a minute to point out that this will actually only be my second drink, I would hate for my dear reader to feel like I would ever drink and write as we all know the danger in that.  Thankfully the drinking/writing levels are much the same as the drinking/driving ones so I am still under the limit at this point.

Ok so I did have my second drink (some hours ago now but still not on to the third).  Dinner is now done and children are sleeping.  More tears have been shed and my head has eased a little.  Sort of.  It may actually have just moved round to a less sensitive side of my head where I can't feel it as much.  Either way I am glad for the current reprieve.

So where was I?

That's right I was just about to share some of the drama with you.

In a nutshell someone I love has been expressing their concern over the state of their feelings.  They are in a slightly messy state as a result of some actions (or lack of) by other people I also love.  Being the caring concerned person that I am (who is also at times slightly delusional at times) I thought I could make amends and fix the whole problem by sticking my unwanted nose in the middle of it all.

Even as the words were leaving my mouth I wished that I had of just stayed away.  Kept my mouth shut.  After all it had nothing to do with me.  Nothing. At. All.  Sure my feelings were also a little tender due to a variety of reasons but really I didn't need to say anything when I did.  If at all.  I have nurtured these feelings for a while now, I could have kept them for a little longer (ever)?

Anyway what is done is done.

Things got blown out of proportion and it all spiraled out of control, plunging quicker than a downward slope on a roller coaster ride.  All so dramatically portrayed and felt that you could have easily mistaken it for some prime time soap opera.

My head hurts again.  So many tears.  So much said.  So much to say.  So much left unsaid.

Shut up stupid, just shut up

That is what someone should have said to me earlier tonight.
That way my foot would not currently be planted so firmly in my mouth.
Words that shouldn't have been said wouldn't have and all these tears would not be here

This horrible feeling,
 in the darkest pit of my stomach,
Would not be here if someone, anyone, had of just said

Shut up stupid, please shut up.

I thought I was helping, I thought I knew best
Oh how I was wrong.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
I made it all worse than ever before.

Once words are said they can not be undone.
They are out there forever, never to be taken back
What was meant does not matter for it is what is heard that counts.

Why oh why did someone not step in and say shut up and stay the hell away?


Thursday, October 20

Trying something a little new

I know that last week I was questioning whether linking up with all these memes was really what blogging, or at least blogging for me was all about.  Ok maybe I wasn't questioning as so much as complaining because I couldn't think of anything decent to write.  Either way for the first time in quiet a few Fridays I didn't share what I knew and really wonder whether my giving thanks was worth sharing.


At the end of the day I need the memes for a variety of reasons.  The biggest of which being they actually get me writing, even if it is at times questionable.  Why do they get me writing?  Well quite simply because I know that they are guaranteed to get read.  Sadly I don't seem to write just because I want to.  I am a mother after all.  I don't have time to just do things because I want  to do I?  I need purpose and reason behind all that I do.  Even when it comes to writing.


So with that in mind I thought I would try something a little new just to shake things up a little.  This week, well today actually, I am linking up with InkPaperPen for 



Write On Wednesdays




Write On Wednesdays Exercise 19 - Sunshine in a cup. Write the words of Emily Dickinson: "Bring me sunshine in a cup" at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Don't take you pen off the page (or fingers off the keyboard). Stop only when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.


Bring me sunshine in a cup
And be quick about it as well.

I've had enough of this dreariness, I am sure you can tell.  The grey the dark the somber.  I want no more of any of it.  Be gone I tell you and don't come back.  I want no more tears I want no more pain, there is very little in either to gain.

Instead bring joy and happiness too.  Bring me love and bright colour and bubbling fun.  That is all that want.  Some sunshine in a cup.  

Sure that is not too much to ask, or too much to hope?  I want to bath in some sun glistened rays.  that is how I want to spend all my days,  So pleas I ask you now, please can you bring me my sunshine in a cup.

For many long months I have not seen the sun.  not a glimmer or shine or little ray of hope.  Nothing at all and that is not fair.


And apparently that is all I can get out in 5 minutes.  I could go making excuses about how maybe I started a little after the timer and I did a few little typo edits that should have waited but I just can't stand the red line and if I turn it off I forget to turn it back on and then I think I am an awesome speller (which I am not, I mean I am not terrible but my fingers still do not type fast enough for my brain so there are always lots of errors)  I am also a terrible self editor as I just see what I think I was trying to see rather than what is actually there.  (I am however an awesome editor or other's work so feel free to hire me in that regard)

Now I am not really sure what happens next, this being the first time I have joined in on a Write on Wednesday  I think that there more be more to come out but right now I need to change a few things first.

Bring me sunshine in a cup


And be quick about it as well.

I've had enough of this dreariness, I am sure you can tell.  
The grey, the dark, the somber.  
I want no more of any of it.  
Be gone I tell you and don't come back.  

I want no more tears 
I want no more pain
There is very little in either from which I can gain.

Instead bring joy and happiness too.  
Bring me love and bright colours and bubbling fun.  
That is all that I want.  Some sunshine in a cup.  

Surely that is not too much to ask, or too much to hope?  

I want to bath in some sun glistened rays.  
That is how I want to spend all my days.

So please I ask you now, please can you bring me my sunshine in a cup?

For many long months I have not seen the sun.  
Not a glimmer or shine or even ray.  Nothing at all and that is not fair.

Please can you bring me just a little sunshine in a cup?

Ok so there you have it.  

I am no longer a Write on Wednesday virgin.  

I have to stop looking at this now as I am suddenly feeling like I don't like it, which may (or may not) be a little harsh.  Either way I had fun and I hope to be back again soon.  For now though I thank you for any comments you may like to leave.  If you are new please put up your feet and have a poke around.

For now I am off to sleep as technically Wednesday is over if you know what I mean.  I will check other WoW posts in the coming days.  I haven't checked any out yet as I wanted to make sure I was influenced in anyway.  Here is where they can be found if you want some more as well.  


Wednesday, October 19

Wordless Wednesday - Cairns Fish



Once again I am joining in on WW with the ever lovely Trish over at

My Little Drummer Boys
click the drum to head on over

and the equally lovely Faith Hope & a whole lotta Love


Tuesday, October 18

10 Things You Probably Didn't Know and Possibly Didn't Need to Know

Yep that's right I am finally getting around to this highly anticipated posts.  It has taken me so long that I am sure Karlee over at TME forgot she even included me in on the fun.  Which I am really sorry about because when I read that I was on her list I was pretty darn stoked.  I felt like there was hope for me as a blogger after all, but enough of that for now.

Now we need to get on with working out which 10 riveting snippets I am going to share with you.

My sister and I, she features in one of the riveting snippets
You will have to read on to find out how
  1. When I read that Karlee had passed this on to me I actually felt like I did when the cool kids at school asked me if I wanted to eat lunch with them.  Sadly that was short lived as apparently back then I didn't really cut the mustard when it came to cool.  Thankfully now I realise I am as cool as I want to be, I don't need others to tell me whether I am cool or not. (Though if you think I am feel free to tell me)
  2. Before I actually had more than one child I wanted 7 in total.  My reasoning was 7 kids plus 2 parents makes 9 which means, you can have two sides of four plus a referee for your back yard sports games.  Four is enough players on each team to have a decent game of most sports.  Now I think I am good with just the three kids.
  3. I use to be a smoker.  I started on my 21st birthday.  I gave up before my 32nd birthday and think I am more than just a little bit awesome for doing so.
  4. I have little to no hand eye coordination, particularly in reference to catching balls.  I once helped out my brother's volley ball team because they were short on players.  It was only a social comp but some of the other players (including my brother) had represented the game at state level.  After the first break the umpire called me over to his chair, lent down and said the following "I think you might find it easier to hit the ball back if you have your eyes open when the ball comes to you"  Wise words really.
  5. Despite my current aversion to people I used to be a competitive public speaker and debator.  I really miss both.  There is something particularly appealing about talking in front of people knowing you have their undivided attention
  6. When I was 17 I won a writing competition and got a free trip to Canberra to have dinner with the PM and a whole bunch of other important people.  Since I was under 18 (by like 2 months) I had to have a parent accompany me.  I didn't mind so much though as it was Dad that came with me and we had the best time ever as we managed to scam a bit of a holiday around the country at the same time.  Some of my fondest memories relate to that trip.
  7. The day before my ninth birthday was one of the saddest ever.  My pet dog had to be put down.  All I can really remember is going to a friend's house rather upset (in the hope it would cheer me up) It didn't.  Neither did everyone telling me at least it was happening today and not tomorrow on my birthday.  Really?  When you are that age that kind of reasoning really doesn't work well.
  8. My sister and I share the same birthday.  No we are not twins, there is seven years between.  She will always and ever be the best present I ever receive.  Unfortunately now that she lives interstate my birthday is just not the same.
  9. I am a gunna rather than a doer though I am slowly changing this.  The going to list is always much greater than the actual done list.
  10. I spent more time thinking about this last point than all the others
So there you have it ten things all about me.  Now I do believe that I am meant to name a few other bloggers to go and share their own then things.  The only problem with that theory is that I am sure I am the last blogger to get around to doing this (as is so often the case with me, maybe the last point should have been the term last but not least often applies to me).  If by chance you haven't already done one of these then you should.  Well only if you want to.

Since today is Tuesday, and I blogged I am linking up with the super duper cool Jess over at Diary of a SAHM She has a pretty funny vlog up today well worth checking out

And because it is Tuesday and because this is a 10 thing list I am also going to be a tad on the cheeky side and add it to Sif's link up as well over at
  Photobucket

Monday, October 17

Me and YOU Monday - The Finale

Image credit
*sniff sniff*

Yep that's right the lovely Karlee over at The Mother Experiment, host of the personal improvement and life changing Me and YOU Monday, has said this will be the last ever week of Me an YOU.

I know, sad right?  Though I do totally understand her reasoning and the fact that it will now be a monthly link up offers me some condolence.

Deep sigh

It's just that I was really starting to feel that I was making some awesome headway in maintaining the house in an acceptable manner.  I know that just because Karlee's not hosting it any more doesn't mean I have to stop posting weekly updates of my continued struggle with housework but it just doesn't feel like it will be the same.  *runs off crying*

Ok.  Big breath in and start again.

It is hard to believe that it has been nearly three months since this project first started.  Yep 3 months.  I wish I could say that in that time I became a new person, one that resembles something of a domestic goddess but alas that is not the case.  I am still me (which I am a bit glad about as on the whole me is a pretty cool chick) and I am possibly never going to be a domestic goddess but I have slowly found myself developing a new attitude towards housekeeping. (See I even have a new term for it, keeping rather than working sounds a lot more appealing)

Over the past few weeks I have come to the realisation that the biggest hurdle I needed to overcome was actually my own poor attitude and habits.  Neither of which can exactly be easy to change but they not impossible either.  I honestly feel that if I just keep plodding along I will get there.  Who know's perhaps I might actually be able to increase the plod to a bit of a run and get there even quicker?

When I first read Karlee's post about Me and YOU going monthly I was horrified. Part of me wass concerned that flying solo without the link up each would mean that I might get distracted.  Lose sight of the bigger picture and somehow lose not only my way but also my motivation.  Then I realised that in many ways by going monthly I will be tackling the bigger picture rather than just looking for it.  Though I am a bit glad the first month is only actually fifteen days.

So from here until November 1st


  • I will ensure my house is clean and tidy
  • All washing washed, folded and put away as needed
  • The sink will be free from dirty dish towers and the floors will be regularly swept and mopped
  • Tables and bench spaces will be left clear and clutter free
  • Blog posts will be regular and awesome
All sounds pretty straight forward and easy really.

Only it's not.  There will  be ploys on my time and inclination.  My motivation will wax and wane with the moon.  Even my continued determination my ebb a little.  But I will not given in to it.  I will stay strong and focused.  I will get all of these little gritty things in order so I can get on with this thing called life.  



UPDATE - Pleased to say that Me & YOU has returned to weekly posts.  Here is the return if you are so interested


Sunday, October 16

Grumble Grumble...Happy

So today has been horrid to say the least an it is not even lunch time yet which also means that apparently it is too early to start drinking. Unless of course you have a drinking problem, which as tempting as it sounds at times I don't.

Deep sigh

Actually if the truth were to be told the horrible morning didn't really start this morning it was a continuation of the bad mood we all went to bed in.  Yes yes I know you should never take upsets to bed but sometimes it just can't be helped.

Really it wasn't just last night that was the problem either.  There has been a slow gathering of lots of little things all building up like the awful weather that surrounds us at the moment.  The whole change of season thing is a bit tough at this time of year.  

After the heavy rains at the start of the year and the record breaking dry season that followed I am quietly expecting a horrendously hot and sticky build up. Oh joy of joys.

As a long term local I am aware of the perils that come with October.  In fact I am sure that is why mental health awareness week is found in October. The weather just sends everyone crazy, which makes understanding mental illness rather easy.

I wrote that on my newly acquired iphone 3 while at basketball this morning.  Yep iphone 3 not 4s or whatever the latest rage is.  I am more than impressed to say but the least.  Seriously you can not begin to imagine just how cool I felt this morning typing that out, letter by letter on the teeny tiny screen with the even teenier and tinery little buttons.  I was only doing it when DD1 wasn't playing though so I wasn't one of those totally obsessed iPhone users that drives me up the wall.  

Anyway where was I now?

I am having trouble keeping up, Kenny is playing in the back ground and right now at this very moment in time all seems right with the world.  The troubles that I was trying to share here earlier have all been and gone.  They were worse than expected but some how bearable with the end result being no serious damage was done and life will continue on as per planned.

I could do a whole post on the awesomeness of Kenny and Johnny and the joy they bring to me.  Seriously as soon as I start listening to them I fee any worries I a may have been carrying quickly drift off.


Of course an awesome evening sharing a bottle of wine and some awesome pizza over looking this view with a wonderful friend also helped me forget of the earlier troubles of the day.  Without being too picky on the actual day I would imagine it be a good 18 months since I last ate a meal without there being a child to steal share it with.



Saturday, October 15

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

Thankfully this is not something I feel I can write with much authority but I there are a few things I want to try and say.

They say that 1 in 4 women have experienced baby loss at some stage.  Most of us know at least one of those 1 in 4 women.  My husband's best man lost their first born two weeks before our wedding.  I remember his wife (who I barely knew) saying how glad they were to have a reason to get out and have fun.  I remember watching her in awe as she was able to go on with life.

I was already a mother at that stage and could just not comprehend how it would be possible to on with life after the loss of a child.  Actually even when I was 12 and my Aunt lost her nearly 18 year old daughter I wondered how life was meant to go on after such a tragic loss.  Apparently it just has to.

Sadly the blogosphere seems to be like a collection pool of women suffering, coping and living with the loss of an infant or child.  I say sadly in that it is heartbreaking what some have been through I think it is awesome that they share their stories.  I can only imagine that knowing someone else has experienced something similar is something of a comfort.

So today October 15th, at 7 pm parents around the globe will light a candle in remembrance of their child.

Trish over at My Little Drummer Boys (who inspired me to write this post when I read this) said that

It is my sincere wish that those touched by the loss of a baby are well supported, able to process their loss and hopeful for the future... (not my words but heartfelt wish)
I would like to echo that wish and add

Image credit

To all out there who have suffered, 
and been touched by such loss

I send out an endless supply 
of love filled fairy wishes and butterfly kisses.  

I know not of your grief and have not felt such pain
and I wish that no one did, ever again 

But alas that will not be the case.
The Lord for some reason, and I don't know why,
will always be needing these precious souls by his side

May as each day pass, for those that hurt most
I pray for it to hurt just a little bit less.   


International Baby Wearing Week

Today I ventured to the neighbouring city to attend an International Baby Wearing Gathering.  You know coz it's like International Baby Wearing Week at the moment.

It was particularly nice because it also meant we got to hang out with The Besties that we don't get to see nearly enough.  The kids, as always had an awesome time playing with each other and we weren't really there nearly long enough, but that is just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

Back to the Baby Wearing.

Naturally we got there late but thanks to a toilet pit stop the group was delayed and we were able to slip on in.  Now before I go too much further I must stop and point out that so far I have pushed my comfort zone more than a few times.  So feel free to give me a pat on the back.

You see the neighbouring city I speak of is not one I like very much. (Sorry to all who live there)  I lived there once and let's just say that it was far from the best time of my life.  Though a few good things did happen there I guess.  All of that is for another post though.  For now all you need to know is that for me the twenty minute drive to get there is not my idea of fun.  Don't get me wrong it is not the driving as such I have a problem with.  In fact I love to drive.  This place just makes me shudder and cringe.

As a long term local I can remember when this particular city was born.  I can recall the type of things that the paper and news would report when on there.  It wasn't nice.  I remember going there and not feeling safe.  The six foot fence in every front yard did little to convince me of other wise.

It wasn't so bad when I was living there (years later).  I had trouble shaking my preconceptions though.  On top of that it always felt hot and dusty and dirty there.  It is only now I am realising why.  But again that is another post.

So here I am off to a gathering of people in a place I don't really like.  Hang on.  Did I just say a gathering of people?  Not just fellow baby wearers either mind you, who might I add were mostly strangers.  The gathering I speak of was held at a fairly busy market square so cue noise, loads of people and chaos.  None of which really rate on my list of fun.

So why had I gone to such much apparent discomfort?

Well it was another lovely friend who was organising the gathering.  I don't do it nearly as much as I should but whenever possible I like to support whatever exciting thing she is up to.  I find her incredibly inspirational and always so full of energy.  She is like a ray of sunshine and always positive.  Plus she has two children the same age as my younger two and they play beautiful so it is nice for them to catch up every now and then as well.  I don't believe that the only friends should be through school.

As it turned out I had a nice time (which I guess I kinda expected because otherwise I wouldn't have gone)  Sadly there were not many other Baby Wearers there but it was a bit of a last minute gig with an even latter last minute time change.  On the up side though with there only being a few women there we were all able to chat more intimately.  Well as intimately as you can yelling over some terrible noise trying to be passed off as music.

Despite all reservations about going I am rather glad I did.  I was able to have a wonderful conversation with another lady who turned out to also be rather inspiring.  When she said I am not much of a consumer I thought I want to spend more time with you.  When she said that she lives on rural block of land I thought I want to spend more time with you at your house.  Naturally though I kept these thoughts to myself.

Are you a Baby Wearer? Was there a Baby Wearing event near you?

Friday, October 14

Thankful Thursday - Fellow Bloggers

When I first linked in with Kate Says Stuff  and her Thankful Thursday I would generally have my post written earlier rather than later as I liked to make sure I 'got in early' if you will.  It was almost like an internal race with myself to ensure I got as close to the first link in as possible.

Now I have no actual idea where that hair brained idea came from but I had it nonetheless.  And it worked really well for me because it meant that I would have a post prepared by Thursday morning.  Ok sometimes lunchtime but that was the latest.  And I loved it.  I loved that I was about to confidently say I was finally regularly writing.  For this I was truly thankful for.

Some posts such as this really made me feel that I have hope as a writer.  There is a chance that I may actually be able to emotionally affect a reader, even if only for  a moment.  For that I am thankful.  It is for similar reasons I am thankful to Gemma over at My Big Nutshell who posted this which prompted me to write this Medication, Housekeeper, Nanny, or All of the Above? Which again provided me with a glimmer of hope if I am willing to try just a little, or a lot depending on desired outcome.  What I am truly thankful though is the kind words about me she shared on her FB page.  That brought more readers in an hour than I have had on some whole days.

Lately though coming up with a thankful post has been a bit trickier.  It is not that I have had less to be thankful for, because I haven't.  My life is incredibly blessed in many ways and I am constantly thankful for all that I have.  But  for regular readers I have been wondering if they are bored with what I feel like is just the same old same ole.  I have also been a bit worried about my thankfulness being superficial.  Being something I was just quickly trying to spit out so that I could link up quick in the hope of snagging an extra hit or two.  Not exactly in true thankful spirit now is it.

It is now Friday afternoon.

Clearly this post is still not finished.  Nor is a Things I Know post, both of which are normally done and dusted by now so I can spend the rest of the afternoon reading all the wonderful things that others know.  I know that I don't have to join in with them and that I can still read all the posts others have written without having one of my own, but I just don't want to.  I want to get these posts out there because as long as I keep regularly joining in it means I am regularly writing and getting that little bit closer to becoming discovered.

I wish I could say that I am thankful for the kind sponsor who recently approached me and begged me to come on board with their awesome project but alas that is not the case. (Hard to believe I know, maybe tomorrow it will happen?) Instead I am thankful for some more lovely bloggers who have made me feel a little bit special of late.

Firstly the fact that Modern Day Redneck has added APL to his sidebar of blogs he recommends is more than just a little awesome.  More than just a little bit awesome was also the way I felt when the lovely Karlee over at The Mother Experiment included me in the 10 Things You Didn't Need to Know About Me thing she had just been tagged in.  Then there is the equally lovely Tammy over at Broken Hearted Mummy who included me in her Versatile Blogger Award.

As tiny as these things are in the real world they really did mean a lot to me. I am truly thankful that these people, who really do not know any more of me than the words I have written, took the time to mention me.  After all there are thousands, if not a million other blogs out there that they could have referred to, but they didn't.  Instead they choose little old me.  And for that they are awesome and I say thanks.

Speaking of awesomeness and bloggers I am also thankful for my Monday Mention recipient this week, Diary of a SAHM.  Who with her Thankful Thursday post this week proved she was more than deserving of the mention.

Finally I am also thankful for you dear reader.  I really appreciate the time you have taken to read what I write.  You, the reader make it all seem like a good idea so thanks :)

So what about you? What are you thankful for?  Head on over to Kate Says Stuff and join on in or find out what others are giving thanks for this week

Wednesday, October 12

Tuesday, October 11

Peace and Quiet

That is what I have right now and I am just loving it!  Absolute bliss I tell you.  After much nagging all afternoon hubs finally decided to take the kids out for a swim in the pool.  Despite having spent the morning at the water park they still wanted an afternoon dip.  Given how hot and sticky it is I can't really blame them.

The build up appears to be nearly here.  According to a friend via fb it was 35 degrees today with 78% humidity.  (read sticky sticky sticky)  The kind of sticky were your body has sweated so much there is in fact no more sweat left.  Yep I am sure when you live in the tropics you can run out of sweat.

A few suburbs have had rain but as yet where ever I am has been dry and I have just about had enough.  As much as I love the Dry Season I by October I am ready for some rain.  Ready for that cool fresh feeling that is in the air after a shower.  Inhaling in all that newness and fresh life that comes with rain.  Everything so green.  Lush.  Vibrant and strong thanks to nutrients falling from the clouds.  A somewhat visible cycle of life.

But back to the silence.  The only sound to be heard is the whirring of the fan and my fingertips upon the keypad.  Total. Utter. Bliss.

There is so much I want to be doing with this time.  So much I am doing with this time.  Catching up on blog reading and commenting, solving my own commenting issues.  Thanks to a quick Tweet response from Little Hero Hosting I seem to be able to post comments on people's blogs again.  Mind you I also receive an email from every comment I leave on APL so I still need to iron out a few creases.

There has been lots of discussions of late about sponsorship and the Digital Parents Conference in March. Part of me would truly love to go but I doubt it would really be doable.  I mean it is one week after my birthday so I could try and swing it as a birthday present, and if I bought the air plane ticket on sale (of course providing there is a sale before then)...maybe I could convince myself this would be an ok experience to try. (Ignoring palpatations in chest purely thinking about all that travel/time by myself)

Sigh.

Tomorrow is the return of school.  Ten weeks of the academic year left.  Doesn't seem long when it is put like that.  I am looking forward to just spending time with only DD3 again.  I have big plans on the horizon.  You know of being organised and stuff.  On top the housework and all that.  Being super mum extraordinaire.  I know it is possible.  I am already off to a good start with this post.  It is like the third in as many hours.  Though I will schedule this one for some random time in the future.  Which I might point out has been a plan of mine for a while.  Fingers crossed it will become a regular occurrence.

Well it has been a while since they left so it is probably not that long till they return.  Sensible Suzy says that I should go and get a jump start on dinner.  With all the water activity of today I am sure there are some hungry and tired little bodies about.

Actually on second thoughts I am going to link this up with Jess over at Diary of SAHM.  She has an I blog on Tuesdays that I always seem to miss!  Not this week though :)  Click the button below to share some Bloggy Love

Monday, October 10

Monday Mention - Diary of SAHM

Well once again it is Monday and once again I am linking up with the lovely Tammy over at Ramblings of a Broken Hearted Mummy for her Monday Mention link up.

This week I would like to introduce you to a lovely mummy blogger who is one of my regular reads.  One of the things that I love most about is that she actually lives quite near to me.  Since in the scheme of things I really live in nothing more than a big town (despite it technically being a capital city) I think it is pretty cool that I managed to stumble across a local blogger.  I am sure that there are probably many many local bloggers near me but as yet I haven't found you :(

So this lovely mum to four is open and honest in her writing.  As well as a little crazy (in that awesome kind of way) and highly entertaining.  She tackles the big issues head on and continually puts herself out there.  So without further adieu I would like to share with you

Click the little butterfly and it will take you straight over to the ever so lovely Jess at Diary of SAHM  Make sure you put your feet up, grab drink and have a good poke around,
 there are some great posts over there.

Me and YOU - Still in the right direction

Yep that's right the last week has been nothing short of disastrous.  As I sit here there are dirty dishes to be found, washing to be done and piles of clothes patiently waiting to be folded and put away.  Every bench, table and surface space is covered with clutter.  It aint pretty.

On the upside though the floors have been vacuumed a couple of times and the dirty dishes are actually rinsed and nicely stacked and not that old yet. Still on the whole this weeks productivity levels on the housework front have left more than a little to be desired.  I know that I have the old we were busy with school holidays line but it is still no real excuse for the current debacle that is my house.  Especially since last week when I posted I seriously thought I was on top of it all.

That was last night when I was trying to at least be organised in the blog world.

This morning is a slightly different story (emphasis on slightly).  There is still a pile of washing patiently awaiting it's turn to be folded and put away.  Just as a few benches a waiting for their turn to be cleared and wiped.  There is however less dirty washing to wash and no more smelly wet towels laying around.  The tower of dishes has been reduced to a single story.  Hubs very kindly said this morning on his way to work that he would do them tonight as it was his turn.  I pointed out that meant I would have to look at the all day.  To which he responded with well go out for the day.  Grrrrr....men

Despite hubs kind offer I got stuck into most of the dishes before the school run and will finish the rest off when I am done here.  Despite the current appearance of the place I know that for the most part it is only on the surface that looks out of control.  If I peer closer I can see that the foundations of my earlier hard work are still there as long as I act now.  That is the trick really.  Acting now, before it all becomes too much.  Taking the extra five minutes here and there to just do that little bit extra.  It all adds up in the end.  No, really it does.   Small things like washing the dishes as you go or folding the washing as you get it in.  Just little bits here and there really do help create a bigger picture that is much more manageable than in the past.

Now I must admit that in the past I have been a bit skeptical about the just doing little bits at a time but I am now starting to reassess.  So to really test the whole little bits here and there theory one of my goals for this week is to focus on doing little bits here and there to ensure that I continue in the right direction.

There are also a few other things that I will try and keep in the forefront of my mind.  Like time management and not being late.  Those who know me well know to add a good 15 minutes to any time I give before expecting me to turn up.  Being late all the time really is a sign of disrespect and does not set a good example for the kidlets so I am going to add that to the list of things I am going to work on.

To find out how the rest of the Me and YOU gang is going head over to The Mother Experiment

Sunday, October 9

Why wont you let me comment??!!

That is what I am screaming constantly at my beloved iMac screen.  For some reason when ever I leave a comment it fails to actually appear and it is really starting to BUG me.  Actually as the picture suggests I feel like pulling my hair out.

I love comments.  I love leaving comments as well because I know that others love getting comments.  I hate that my comments are not showing up and I don't know how to fix it.

I think that it has something to do with the intensedebate comment thingy I installed a few weeks ago but I don't want to take it away as I love being able to reply directly to comments.  It just adds such a nice personal touch and allows more of a flowing conversation if the need arises.

Have you had a similar experience? Are you are techno guru that knows how to fix such things? Can you point me in the direction of how to go about fixing it?

Image credit here

Medication, Housekeeper, Nanny or All of the Above

After surviving the Bunnings BQQ fundraiser I greet Saturday night slightly before exhaustion.  The constant late nights this week are the main reason for any real lack of energy though.  That and the fact it is the end of an action packed school holidays that has seen much excitement and activity, but that is all another post in itself.  Due to being to tired we are having a Saturday night at home (don't you love the way that sounds like most Saturday nights we have something to do?) Which means I get a chance to catch up on some of my favourtie blogs.


The first one I stopped by tonight was Gemma over at My Big Nutshell who was raising the question what would you prefer a Nanny or Housekeeper?  She had asked her Face Book likers what they would choose.  The resounding result was a Housekeeper, so they would be able to spend more time doing fun things with the kids.  


Gemma however would opt for a Nanny.  She makes some very valid points as to why she has such a preference.  After watching her Vlog I found myself longing for a Nanny as well, even if only for a few hours a week.  Which is a bit strange to hear myself say as until now I feel a little lost if I am not looking after little ones.


One of Gemma's main reasons for a Nanny was so she could housework without being constantly interrupted.  Which got me thinking.  Perhaps that is why I can't get any housework done?  The kids keep interrupting me.  Which then got me thinking how lovely it would be if there was a Nanny around to help out.  I suddenly found myself flashing into a Brady Brunch style life where Alice was there flipping the eggs for breakfast while I buttered the toast she just cooked and sipped on the coffee she had just made.


Oh deeeeeep looong sigh.........


Wouldn't that be nice?  An Alice.  Someone who was just there to get on with those niggily little things that really give life that super sweetness.

Then as I picked up the freshly made (by Alice) lunches and put them in the respective school bags, Alice would clear the dishes and tidied the kitchen.  The children and I would calmly and quietly walk out the door off to start our day with a full tummy and a yelling free morning.  Imagine the things we could do if our day started off like that...

Instead my reality is a mad search for matching socks after a ten minute hunt for all the other needed clothes for the day.  Of course before all of this there was a 15 minute discussion over what breakfast should consist of and trying to find a happy medium between what is actually in the cupboard and what they desire.  Throw into this bits of not done homework, unread readers and a pile of dinner dishes that should have been done the night before.

Arrrhhhhh.  No wonder some mothers scream.  Or drink.  Or both. A Nanny would ensure readers are read, homework is done, breakfast is served and lunches made all without anyone turning into a bluthering mess.

Alternatively, Gemma suggested we could be medicated to numb the burning desire to yell and scream and stamp feet when things don't go as smoothly as if they would if Alice were around.  Which I gotta tell you I have wondered about myself.  Some times, on those days when nothing has gone to plan, when the too hard basket is overflowing, the thought of cooking dinner (aka surviving the witching hour) is too overwhelming and Mt Washmore has now become bigger than Mt Everest and there is a little person (or two or three) pulling at your leg...wouldn't it be nice if there was a pill that would just make it possible to have it all fixed in a sanely non yelling kind of way?

If there were some ingenious pill that could take all of that away, or make it some how copeable, I would take one in an instant.  Yes yes I know that I should just organise it so that crazy type of environment is never created but no one is perfect, least of all not even me. (like the positive note there)


Hmmmmm....

This post was started last night, but due to waking children and stuff like getting them back to sleep getting in the way I didn't get it finished.  Which is a shame as now I have lost my train of thought.  Grrrr... and since everyone is waiting on me to get this finished so we can go to the water park I am crumbling under pressure and unable to think.  Grrr...grrr....grrrr....If I had a Nanny or a housekeeper or just an extra set of hands then the fruit for said outing would already be cut and in the packed ice bag ready for departure.

Sigh if only....




Friday, October 7

Things I Know - My Dad

Yay for Friday!  Yay for Home! and most importantly Yay for my Dad!  This week my TIK post is all about things I know about my dad.  The last few posts this week have all been about Dad.  Yesterday was the second anniversary of his passing and this was my way of coping with it all.

I know that I still miss dad much more than I think most people around me realise.

I know that I am glad he is no longer in pain and he has gone to a better place and all that jazz.  Still doesn't stop me missing him.

I know that people deal with death and remembering the dead in different ways and that is OK.  I hope that other people remember that as well.  I know that I have trouble being near some family members in times of grief as I want to be the saddest.  Selfish I know but some times we need to put ourselves first and this is one of those times for me.

I know that the photos I wanted to take last night were not nearly as good as the ones I took last year.  Last year when we went to have dinner with dad (chinese take away where we scattered his ashes) I took these stunners





This year I have none.  We got there late and missed sunset.  I also didn't have my camera, I had been hoping to try out the camera qualities on my new to me iPhone (used to be hubs).  I was particularly keen to try instagram only for some reason it all seemed not to work.

I know that helping DD2 come to terms with this whole death thing is not always easy.  She is always talking about dad and how much she misses him.  Last night she was devastated because all she wanted was a kiss and a cuddle from her grampa.  It.Broke.My.Heart.  What I would give for one as well.

I know that when I put my status yesterday as I like you a bit you know only my brother and sister would have known that it was something dad used to say to us.

I know that there is a part of me that feels a little guilty for carrying on about my dead dad.  After all, he was old and sick and had lead a wonderful life.  There are mothers out there grieving over their lost children.  Precious new little lives lost before they had a chance to live.  Thankfully there is another part of me that has the common sense to go yes those lost little lives are sad, but that doesn't stop you (me) from also feeling sad about no longer having my dad with us.

I know that this is probably enough for now.

I know that if you want to read more things that people know you should head on over to Shae's.  Click the button and it will take you right there



Thursday, October 6

Thankful Thursday - My Dad

Today is the second anniversary of dad's passing.

I remember thinking two years ago it will get easier with time.  I remember thinking last year I wonder when it will get easier with time?  This year I am not really ready to say it has gotten easier with time.  It hasn't gotten any harder but I am not sure that it is really easy yet either.  Regardless it is only fitting that today's thankful post be all about my dad, because Lord knows there is so much about him that I will always be eternally thankful for.

To start with I am thankful for the simple fact that he was my dad and he loved me with all his heart.  Something that I will never ever doubt.  Regardless of what happened I always knew he was there for me.  Always.

I am thankful that he (and of course mum) brought me up to be the caring, considerate and generous person that I am.  He was always there to help a mate in need and made sure that all his kids were the same.

I am thankful that even after a hard day at work he still had time to sit and talk and cuddle and play.  I am thankful that he had such a strong work ethic and always made sure that he had earnt his day's pay and instilled the same in me.  I am thankful that at some points in my childhood I got to go and help him at work.  It made me feel so grown up and useful.  I treasure those memories with all my heart.

I am thankful that I was able to have my dad walk me down the isle and give me away to the man I loved.  I am thankful also that our marriage had his blessing and when he went he knew that I was with someone who would love and care for me.

I am thankful that at least the two older girls got to know dad and were of an age when he passed that they will be able to remember him.  What I really am thankful for though is that he got to know them.  In the final years DD2 and I spent a lot of time with dad.  The look on his face when we would walk in the door was priceless.  You really could see it lift his spirits.  More treasured memories I will hold onto for ever.

As sad as I am about dad no longer being with us I am thankful that he was with us for as long as what he was.  Eighty years is a long time to walk the earth, I hope I get to last that long (and maybe a bit more actually).  I am also thankful that when it was time for him to go it was relatively quickly.  I am not sure I could have watched him suffer any more than what he did.

Finally I am thankful that now, two years on I am slowly able to talk about him without a flow of water works.  I still get teary but it is much better than what it was.

So what are you thankful for this Thursday?  Head on over to Kate Says Stuff and join on in