Friday, October 21

Please just make it go away.

Or all better.  Just rewind the past twenty four hours back to when things were fine.  Back to when I hadn't opened my big mouth.  Back to when I hadn't spent the day in tears resulting in a near head exploding thump that will. just. not. stop.

If you know me personally you will know with what skill and consistency I can beat my self up with.  I right now let me tell you I am taking a battering.  I think the fury that I have unleashed within myself today were to be translated into cyclonic terms we would be talking a category five storm.  If I don't let go of this soon it may well even be capable of destroying the measuring equipment.

So what has happened I hear you ask?

Well sadly I must keep the majority of the details to myself.  Actually what I mean is I can't share them here as that would not be a positive step forward as some of the people involved are not really on board with the whole share your life with the world thing and I do actually respect their wishes.

So here is what I can share.  Hopefully it will be enough to ease my burden without escalating the disaster further should those involved ever happen to have nothing better to do than read my blog.

Deep breath in, slow release out. Look at empty glass and realise a refill is in order, if yours is too you should go and do something about it.  As I am.  Which is unusual for me as I only ever have a drink if hubs makes one for me, but since he has a small part to play in my current state of affair I will not give him the pleasure of seeing to my needs. (Storms off to fridge to fix drink)

I must pause for a minute to point out that this will actually only be my second drink, I would hate for my dear reader to feel like I would ever drink and write as we all know the danger in that.  Thankfully the drinking/writing levels are much the same as the drinking/driving ones so I am still under the limit at this point.

Ok so I did have my second drink (some hours ago now but still not on to the third).  Dinner is now done and children are sleeping.  More tears have been shed and my head has eased a little.  Sort of.  It may actually have just moved round to a less sensitive side of my head where I can't feel it as much.  Either way I am glad for the current reprieve.

So where was I?

That's right I was just about to share some of the drama with you.

In a nutshell someone I love has been expressing their concern over the state of their feelings.  They are in a slightly messy state as a result of some actions (or lack of) by other people I also love.  Being the caring concerned person that I am (who is also at times slightly delusional at times) I thought I could make amends and fix the whole problem by sticking my unwanted nose in the middle of it all.

Even as the words were leaving my mouth I wished that I had of just stayed away.  Kept my mouth shut.  After all it had nothing to do with me.  Nothing. At. All.  Sure my feelings were also a little tender due to a variety of reasons but really I didn't need to say anything when I did.  If at all.  I have nurtured these feelings for a while now, I could have kept them for a little longer (ever)?

Anyway what is done is done.

Things got blown out of proportion and it all spiraled out of control, plunging quicker than a downward slope on a roller coaster ride.  All so dramatically portrayed and felt that you could have easily mistaken it for some prime time soap opera.

My head hurts again.  So many tears.  So much said.  So much to say.  So much left unsaid.