Monday, October 6

Dear Dad

It has been five years since we said goodbye. I could be all dramatic and say they were five hard long years but the reality is they have flown by in almost the blink of an eye. You always said life would go on without you and so it has.

There have been days when thoughts of you have not flitted through my mind. They may be few and far between but they have been there. Days when I haven’t felt like the pain in my heart might just break it into thousands of little pieces. 

None of those days have been recently though.

In fact these last six weeks have had you in my mind almost as much as the days that followed your departure.

Lately we have been to some truly beautiful parts of the country. Seen amazing bush landscapes that I just know you would have loved. In a few of them I swear I felt you right by my side.

But it has been more than just the landscape that has made me think of you. It has been this whole way of life. Living on the road, making do with as little as possible, the freedom of it all. No place to be or time to be there by. All of it, reminds me of you.

Then there are the other travellers. Particularly the men, that remind me of you. From the shoes and clothes that they wear to the colour of their greying hair. It all just makes me think of you. Especially the ones who have big bruises on their legs from their poor circulation and subsequent medication. Or the few that look like they have cataracts in their eyes. Weird I know but I just can’t help but notice all the similarities.

I don’t know why now, but the other day on our way home from a gorge my sense of loss at never seeing you again was so overwhelming silent tears began to roll down my cheeks. How I stopped myself from sobbing I know not. I think it was the thought of sharing my grief with the girls. 

The two oldest still miss you terribly as well. Lovely still holds it against me for not bringing her to say goodbye on that fateful day. Something for which I imagine I will be eternally sorry for. There was just no way I could have left you at the time. And really it was no place for her to be. Hopefully as the years pass by that will be something she can see.

As I typed this my eyes started to well. Though I promised myself I wouldn’t be too sad today. I know that is the last thing you would want. Anyway just before the tears started to roll this little fella flew in and started walking around my feet. Needless to say the tears were quickly wiped away and smile began to grow.

Oh dear daddy how I love you so xxx

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Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you, thanks for stopping by, it really means a lot, you taking the time so say hi. I try as much as I can to write a reply but if for some chance I don't get to it please know that I always read them.