How Art Thou Spunk Rat?

Ok so this post is a bit tricky. I actually started it on the 22nd of October. Today is actually the 24th of November. Between then and now I actually have a totally of five posts that I started but for one reason or another never actually got around to posting. Part of my own personal blogging rules for this blog is that no post will go unpublished regardless of how long it may at times take.

I am currently partaking in a writing challenge (of sorts). While the rest of the participants are feverishly trying to write at least 50,000 words that will form a novel I am just trying to get out the number totally oblivious to what the words may actually form. As such I am able to include the drivel which you are currently being subjected to (thanks for reading by the way).

The reason for my adaptation to the official rules is the fact that rather than try the novel feat in a month I have left myself with little under a week. I have recently passed the first thousand mark so at least I am on my way. The thing that I will struggle most with I think is finding the time to stay coherent. See I know I can make some time in my day but it is not without interruption which is the tricky part.

See this morning I was flying along, I had the first few paragraphs of actual fiction out but then the baby woke, the washing machine beeped and before I knew it, it was time to pick up cherub number two up from her transition trial. By the time I returned to write any idea that was once stored in my head had successfully disappeared.

So here I am.

Trying to come up with some meaningful words but unable to think long enough to get an idea. To me though the most important thing is that I write. As long as I can get something, anything really, it has got to be better than nothing!

So why the title? A long time ago, it feels almost like a life time ago actually, I had a significant other that would affectionately refer to me as his spunk rat. It was a very complicated time in my life and I will save you the detail for now, as a result of it all though I tried my hand at poetry and How Art Thou Spunk Rat? was one of my first pieces I felt I could share with the world.

When I first began to delve into the world that is Internet writing I had it published on a site called Triond (runs off to find link) though I titled it "Torn within a love affair" I also used a pen name Campbell Ray. I had forgotten how much I actually like that name. Those who know me very well in the real world will know why the Campbell, and as for the Ray, well I guess I just like the way it sounded.

Well once again my time has run out so I will bid you adieu

1553

Flash Fiction Challenge

Some time ago, while idly whittling the time away on FB, I stumbled across an ad that caught my attention. It was calling for entries for something known as flash fiction. Having a deep aspirations of one day making it big in the world of writing I decided to investigate.

I found myself being taken here, where before I knew it I had filled in the entry form and began not so patiently waiting for the first challenge to be set. Finally the long awaited day arrived. And when I say finally I mean a good 14 hours after the date set out on the website. (One of the many joys of living in Australia is that for the most part we are ahead of time)

Anyway for the next 24 hours I pondered on what I was going to create. For the past month I had been dreaming of creating a literary piece that would leave the judges blown away with the prize money all but in my pocket. Now that the time was actually here I struggled to even conceive a notion of a plot that was set in a homeless shelter, mentioned a fishing net and was a mystery.

Not wanting to be a quitter (or waste the entry fee) I managed to submit a charming little piece which I titled Sally and the Psychic Not exactly the most imaginative title I know, (actually the judge's comments were the title is to literal and thesis like) but it was the best I could do at the time.

While on the one hand I felt some sense of achievement in being able to produce something in under 48 hours, there was also a part of me that felt I had not done enough. Truth be told I probably only spent a total of 8 hours creating my work of art and at the end of it all I realised it would possibly not be the winner I had been dreaming of.

For the following weeks while I waited for the results to be posted I tried not to beat myself up too much. What was done was done. All I could do now was make sure my next attempt was an improvement.

As it turned out I had my efforts were worse than I expected. I failed to score at all. You could only imagine the disappointment that I felt. I tried to let it all go though as it was only 24 hours till the next round began. With all the best intentions I was certain I could still make it to the top five. These best intentions were quickly shattered when I saw I need to come up with a court room drama that mentioned a remote control car. One hour before the deadline for submissions closed I some how managed to send of Death by Accident

This time there was no pride. Just shame I had not been able to come up with something better. I felt my efforts were nothing more than just an entry. I was glad it was an electronic submission as it really would have been a waste of paper to enter such tripe.

I felt no anticipation for the results to be posted this time as I was certain that I would again fail to reach a score. There was a little disappointment when I received the email saying the results posting was delayed as I did just want it over and done with. However there was much surprise when I discovered I had actually been assigned 12 points. In the scheme of things this means out 22 writers I came in seventh place. Which given my effort levels I think is not too bad.

The best part of all of this is that I think it may actually be enough to spur me on a little...after all Nanowrimo is only a few weeks away now....stay tuned...

Habits

For the most part it appears as if people think of a habit as something negative. By this I mean our habits are generally seen as things that we need to break as opposed to forming.

For example I put great effort into kicking the disgusting habit known as smoking. Which I must say is something I have proudly succeeded in. However forming the habit of writing on a regular basis is something that I am still to master... perhaps if were to think of it as breaking the habit of wasting my nights be idly clicking away on the old FB.

That is it for now... Sally Pearson is about to race in the 100 mts hurdles ... fingers crossed it works out better for her tonight

Childcare

Read with caution, one eyed opinion to follow...

Child care is something I feel rather passionately about. As I imagine many mothers do. To me the best person/people to care for children are their parents. Well at least most of the time, barring drunks, drug addicts and those who willingly neglect the blessings that are sent to them.

I do not believe that children, should be sent to child care centres and quite frankly I struggle to understand how a mother can return to the workforce and leave her six week or even six month old baby in the arms of strangers. Aside from the obvious lack of breastfeeding opportunity it just doesn't seem fair to either party.

I understand each to their own and all that and I know that not all mothers can or want to breastfeed and that is their right and blah blah blah but I am sorry for not truly being able to accept it. To me, part of being a mother is the selflessness. It is waking up at ungodly hours to feed, soothe a new little soul as it adjusts to this world without complaint or grudge. It is going without at times in order to meet the needs of others. It is a devotion and love that can be draining and at times hard but also beautiful and more rewarding than anything else life can possibly throw at you.

As I sat down to write this post, an ad for a forthcoming current affairs show came on the old box. I didn't quite catch all of it but I did manage to here a group of mothers complaining about the rising cost of child care. I could feel my blood begin to boil as I questioned whether these mothers really needed to work especially if they were going to then complain about the excessive cost of paying someone to care for their flesh and blood.

As a society we have been conditioned to believe that self worth is gained through employment. Value as a person is often based on employment levels and achievement. Not nearly enough credit is given to mothers who choose to remain outside the traditional workforce to bring up their children. Instead mothers feel forced to deposit children in mass produced cages each and every day while apparently qualified carers tend to the needs of up to ten children at a time.

Now I must admit that I do know some wonderful people who work in this industry and they are passionate and caring people who genuinely feel for the children that they look after. However they are still not the parents of these children. I guess my biggest gripe with childcare is that to me it defies the point of having children.

Slowly, slowly ever so slowly

That is about the pace at which this blog is growing. Not overly surprising since that is pretty much how I progress at anything. Actually it is more like a slowly slowly ever so slowly, then a leap and bound before resuming the slowly slowly.

I think the biggest problem is the fact that I am not really sure what I want this creation to be. I have become so used to writing about parenting stuff that on the one hand it seems only natural to continue. On the other hand of course it feels slightly stale and boring and maybe time for something new. Then again the comfort of what I know makes it hard to break away...

Where to go? What to do?

I guess for the time being I will just plod away, post by post, come what may and see what grows. So far I have only shared the blog with one other person...I think it is nearly ready to be publicly unveiled... a few more posts first I think

A picture speaks a thousand words

Of course that is only the case if you pick the right picture.

I had planned to put a pic in this post but deciding on the right one became to much. Staring at the home page of the much loved stock.xchng I couldn't even think of a theme to search for to get me started and naturally nothing on the page was jumping out at me so I left it. After all it was late and I was tired and while it had been a while since my last post I just could be bothered to go through with it.

After many days, I have finally gotten around to completing this post (well I have finally gotten around to working on it again...only time will tell if I actually get to complete it this time round...she says as she steps away)

Tonight when I opened this post I thought rather than go through the whole stock.xchng thing again I would just use one of the scenic shots I recently downloaded. I am not exactly a budding photographer, but I do have a relatively flashish camera that every now and then provides me with a rather nice shot.

Anyways...when I went to check the link I inserted at the top of the page was working the following photo jumped out to me

photo credit goes to sundstrom click here for more awesome shots

It is titled the self absorb tree and it is the name as much as the picture that appeals to me. Right now, more than anything in the world I want to be self absorbed. I want to think only of my own needs, my own wants and desires, my own heartache and break... of course, as a mum, wife, possibly just caring female, this is not possible.

Referrals

A dear friend of mine (I say dear because we have known each other for some 15 years) has a fantastic blog called from Highlights to Housework, it is still only in the early days but has some great posts. The latest of these is about female body image with special concern to mothers.

As a mother of three I am not actually a supermodel. But then I never really thought I was... well not super... I certainly had some sort of model qualities about me in my younger years, not perfection but everything in all the right places if you know what I mean. Which at the end of the day counts for a fair bit.

Since the birth of my third little angel though it has been brought to my attention that I am in actually fact far from the model qualities of my younger years...unless of course there is a new modeling look that resembles a beached whale. This is all rather concerning for me and since it is a relatively new awareness I am not really sure how to deal with it.

Apparently there are a couple of fads going around called diet and exercise perhaps I should give them a go...in the meantime I will just remain in my little bubble of years ago

Same old, same old...

Breaking habits is hard to do... be it smoking, eating, swearing, attitudes, or any other number of activities which we as humans seem to repeatedly take part in when perhaps we shouldn't. Change is never easy and hence the reason for the existence of the term "set in their ways".

Repeating the same thing creates a sense of comfort. There is something soothing about the sense of security that is created when one partakes in a repeated activity. Based on past experience we are fairly sure that the event will be in some way rewarding or pleasing (at least in the immediate to short term) otherwise we would not repeatedly carry out the act.

I think it is fair to say that I have a somewhat addictive nature. Though with enough effort I know that even the baddest of habits can be over come. Naturally these are the words of a reformed smoker. After being a nicotine inhaler for over ten years I take pride in the fact I have been able to give it the flick. I must say it took many attempts, one of which involved a failed blog (here if you are really that interested)

Often one bad habit is just replaced with another and while there is no direct replacement for my old nicotine habit, the fact I no longer have to get up from the computer means I am able to feed my addiction of mindless computer games for longer. Though as this old rambles post shows this is not exactly a new thing for me. Proudly though I say my attraction to PackRat has been replaced by the all consuming FarmTown which I have slowly been weening myself off with the introduction of Monster and Bubble Worlds....If only there was a way to make writing as easy and mindless as FaceBook games

Introducing....ME!

I am a mother of three wonderful girls. The eldest of which is nine years old and the youngest is only a tender five months old. The gem in the middle recently turned four.

Heading towards my mid thirties I am a stay at home mum who dreams of being an accomplished writer. While waiting for this dream to reach fruition I dote on my girls. Mothering was never something I thought would be part of my life and yet now it is the most natural path for me to have taken. I am a mother for life and my life is mothering.

Like many teenage girls my dreams were of a corporate domination that yielded great power and responsibility. Essentially I guess you could say I dreamed of a power so amazing that if I wanted to I could take over the world. I never had any idea how this would actually occur or the form in which my success would take or any of the other finer details. I was just certain life would awesome. The kind of awesome they make on TV. Ok maybe not many shared that same dream but I am sure you know what I mean...

It took a while for the dream to actually fade and before it did I found myself questioning whether, even if I could, would I really want to rule the world? After all that kind of thing takes hard work and dedication. The hard work is not so much of the problem as hard work is what makes the world go round. It is essential that we work hard so to ensure we are fully appreciative when life is not so hard, but I digress... well sort of... as I was trying to say I am not very dedicated...I am let's just say easily distracted...oooooooohhhhhhhh shiny.... If you know what I mean.

As a result of my short attention span and to a certain extent laziness I have come to the realisation that the corporate world need not worry about any impending take over from me.


So moving right along...

The world of parenting has always been exceptionally kind to me. I never struggled with sleepless nights of crying or a failure to bond or anything like that really. In fact the first year of a baby's life to me is by far the easiest. Most problems during that initial year are easily fixed with a cuddle, nappy change and a boob not necessarily in that order but that is pretty much all it takes. Of course if you are and EC'er then the nappy change is replaced with a trip to the toilet.

In fact the first nine years of being a mum have been relatively easy for me. The actions required have varied a little but It has only been recent months...actually maybe even only a couple of weeks (time, as you will learn, is something of a blur at times to me) that I have began to question exactly what it is that my parenting instinct is supposed to be saying. As a rule I guess you could say my parenting style is basically instinctive. I take each and every matter on it's own and assess on a case by case basis follow what my gut tells me too.

Sounds good in theory but does not really assist with issues of consistency which according to many "experts" is rather necessary and also another post further down the line...

I am not sure what has gone wrong or which part of the universe has shifted but suddenly I seem to be unable to find what is needed to guide child number one. Part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, she is experiencing the start of hormonal changes, but then this other part yells NOOOOOOOOOOOO, not yet she is still to little. Despite being the oldest of my loins she is still my baby.

So in an effort to maintain a clear head as I wade through this new phase of life I am here. For the first time ever, baring my parental soul with both fear and trepidation plus a whole lot more. There are many reasons, that only time will reveal, for my anxiety to share, and by share I mean truly share in an open frank and honest manner but I hope you stay with me and enjoy the roller coaster that is my life.

A new begining

I have been toying with the possibility of starting a new blog for some time now. As with most things in my life though I have put it in either the too hard basket or I will get to it later list. Since I was unable to log into Facebook tonight I have decided to put an end to the thought and make a new blog a reality.

So what will my wonderful new venture entail I hear you ask? Well if the name hasn't quite given it away yet then I am not sure you should even be here. As if there are not already enough thoughts and views on parenting I am now going to add my two cents worth. Well at least that was my initial intention.

When I typed the blog name into the google blog creator I envisaged I would create a whiz bang essential hand guide to parenting. On deeper reflection I now know that will not be the case. Slightly disheartened (can't explain why) I have been unable to write till now. You see I realised that my blog needs to be more than just my point blank opinion of how to raise a child. Sure that at times I need to state my case but I need not fear getting it wrong. After all we learn from mistakes...of course when it comes to raising children there is no real room for mistakes, well at least irreversible ones.

I have in the past shared many of my opinions in regards to the matter of raising children. (Anyone interested can check some of it out here)

So for those that don't know me, and I hope there are many as that would mean lots of new readers, here is a bit of an intro.

Nothing like a coat of paint

Or so to speak.

Repeat visitors will notice two things. The first is glaringly obvious, and is related to the layout and design and all that jazz. The second is perhaps not so obvious on the surface and is actually of no surprise as it relates to the frequency in which I post. Which is, well, less than not very often.

I am not sure if I will keep the current settings on a long term basis but for tonight they will do.

Much is about to begin....stay tuned

Be thankful

All to often we get caught up in our lives and forget to take the time to be thankful for what we have. We wander around in our own little bubble of self pity or sorrow or what ever emotion lets us feel like the poor bugger me. I know that of late I have probably been rather guilty of such actions. Or at least to preoccupied with myself to find the energy to care about others. Actually I am not really sure what it is that has been occupying my time but I recently realised that I have been self absorbed to say the least.

There is a chance that some of this is slightly justified, given dad's passing and all that but I am not really sure how long that can be used as an excuse. Especially given the fact that I think for the larger part of my emotional being I am still neglecting to really acknowledge his death, but that is a story for another day.

The story for today is heartbreaking. Actually heartbreaking is an understatement. I can not begin to explain how this has effected me. Now that the tears have finally dried I am able to type and try to share with you what I discovered.

Deciding to spend some time at Linkreferal I stumbled across a blog which in turn led me to discovering Anissa Mayhew. Now to cut a long story short. This woman is a mother to three beautiful children, the youngest of which was diagnosed with cancer. Twelve months after her daughter recieved her final treatments Anissa had not one but two strokes leaving her paralsyed.

Now I know the Lord works in mysterious ways but......

Does that not seem a little harsh? Anissa is still in hospital and while making some progress it is still only small and her family has a long, hard road in front of them. Reading about not just this woman's but her entire family's strength, courage and determination was more than uplifting. Despite the world just throwing them hurdle after hurdle they all just keep on going. Never giving up, never complaining, just trying to survive.

So if in the near future your life seems harsh or unfair, stop by here and have a read.

Oh me oh my

Going about my daily life I constantly seem to have brilliant ideas on what would make a good post. Interesting little thoughts that seem more than worthy of being shared with the wider world. Naturally though when I actually have the time to write about what ever brilliant idea I may have had earlier in the day, it has of course totally gone.

Now I know that a smart person would possibly have a notepad and pen handy at all times so that the brilliant ideas could easily be jotted down as they occur however I fear that this would still not be of much use to me. I am at best absent minded. Most of my best thoughts seem to occur when I am carrying out rather mundane activities, like hanging out the washing, or doing the dishes, possibly driving or, well I am sure you get the picture. Chances are that what ever it is I am doing, regardless of how mindless it may actually be, it it is not something I can just stop doing. If for example I walked away from the washing line to jot down my amazing idea, the chance of me returning to complete my chore would be smaller than small. It takes every once of being to get me out there in the first place I can't take the risk of leaving once I get there or my family may never have clean dry clothes.

Anyway...

The other afternoon, after dropping the kiddlie winks at my mother's I managed to take a quick peak at the shops in a bid to eliminate some of my Christmas present list. Which by the way did not really happen. It turns out that the shops I looked in were full of over priced crap that would possibly only be played with till the first week of the new year. If that. What however really disgusted me was the treadmill and exercise bike targeted at 4-8 year olds. What has the world become???

Now don't get me wrong I am all for leading a healthy active life, and I understand that childhood obesity is at an all time high and ever growing, but is this really the path we want to send our children on? Surely it would be of more use to get a ball and go and play in the park with them than purchase a piece of exercise equipment that was at least a couple of hundred dollars?

Carols

The other night the family and I went along to the Carols by Candlelight. Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year and each year Carols signify the start of the wonderful festive season.

As we entered through the gates with thousands of other happy families we were greeted by the sound of the pipes and drums band. The sound they can create is truly magical and I could listen to well played bagpipes for hours on end.

As I walked past I admired their kilts and wondered from which clans they were from. As a descendant from the Campbells I am always interested in the various tartans and the family behind them. I briefly thought of my dad.

We got ourselves settled and started eating our picnic dinner while we waited for the show to begin. Looking down from our seats on the hill I could see the pipes and drum band reassembling and preparing to march on stage. They truly are talented to be able to play and walk at the same time. They started playing Waltzing Matilda. I could feel my eyes start to well with tears. One because it sounded so beautiful and two because I was reminded of my dad. I knew how much he would have loved to have heard it. I wanted to tell my girls how much he would have loved it but I couldn't. The words would just not leave my mouth, unlike the tears that were now rolling down my cheeks. I really miss my dad. No like really, really, really miss him.

To top things off once the band made it on stage and finished the unofficial Australian anthem they began to play Amazing Grace. By now I was a blubbering mess. (Much like I am as I try to write this out) This was one of the songs played at Dad's funeral. And to the credit of the band they did a beautiful job, far better actually than the version we found for dad.

My darling angle of a three year old was the only person to notice my sadness. Bless her little heart. Her questions as to why mummy was sad just made the tears fall faster. It was all fixed though with the cuddle and kiss she gave me after I explained to her how the beautiful music made me think of granpa and how much he would have liked to have heard it. It never ceases to amaze me that even at her tender young age she can be so understanding. Children really are a treasure and often underestimated.

The rest of the evening was magical. It filled me with the warmest fuzziest feeling I have felt for a long time. There is something special about sitting around with candles and singing songs.

Credit for the photo goes to budog who you can find more about here

A few blank drafts

So in a bid to decide whether I should maintain Rambles or start afresh I have been looking through old posts. The first thing I noticed when I clicked on my manage posts page was that I had three entries that were only a draft. Thinking that they could be a good starting point for new posts (of sorts) I checked them out. Unfortunately they were not of much use.

One was titled Time is Fickle, which I must admit I thought was going to unveil some earth shattering discovery I had at one point made. Far from it. Apart from a title the page was blank and I am unable to recall exactly what it was that at that point in time brought me to the opinion that time is in fact fickle.

The next draft post didn't really prove to be much either. Though given it was titled Two Months!! it was not like it really held a great deal of promise. Here is what I found

And not in a good way

It has been two months since I last posted a blog. (she says with a deep sigh)

I read my last post (dated late April) before I began this post and I must say it made me chuckle, but perhaps not in a good way.

No wonder I never bothered making it anything more than a draft.

And last but not least, well in some ways it is I guess. This is what else I found

Once again I managed to spend a bit of time over at linkreferral checking out some of the great sites that fill the vast void that cyberspace can bring.

Aptly title More great links it is a shame I never managed to actually include the links.

So I guess it is no wonder that my poor old blog is struggling to maintain readers. Hmmmmm