R U OK?
Tomorrow (Thursday Sept 15th) Is R U Ok? Day. Lots of my favourite blogs have been discussing the topic and sharing some very moving stories about why it is important to take the time to ask if someone is really ok. Head over to Gorgeous Gemma at My Big Nutshell for a full round up.
I have spent nearly two weeks deciding on whether I should write an R U Ok? post.
For the most part I really am ok and always have been, but notice I said for the most part. It is hard to explain but I almost feel as if I have no right to be part of the conversation as really my life is just so damn awesome, well aside from the odd pothole here and there, but nothing really to ever complain about.
I genuinely feel blessed with all I have. I have been fortunate enough to escape many of life's pitfalls and the troubles I have had have always been over come and left me feeling stronger than ever before. I have no right to not be ok. I have a husband that loves me, would do anything for me and just happens to be all round awesome (most of the time) I have three wonderful children that are happy and healthy and thriving with life. I have a wonderful supportive extended family, a fantastic community based school, a handful of close friends who I think would do anything for me and I haven't even started on the list of material things I have. How could I not be ok?
When my father passed away I felt so alone. Totally and utterly alone. My devastation was insurmountable. I had feared this day for more years than I care to remember. I was also 3 months pregnant. As a result I refused to let myself grieve. I was worried that my baby would come out sad if I spent my pregnancy crying over my dead father.
I also convinced myself that my mother, brother and sister's grief was of more importance than mine so again what right did I have not to be ok? Not only that but I had two little girls to take care of. Not to mention the growing bump. I just had to be OK.
Somehow I got through the next six months and my baby was born and appeared just as happy as what the other two were so ignoring my grief had been all worth it. By now however I was so good at not letting myself be sad about dad that I couldn't see the point in bringing it all up.
The start of October will mark two years since his passing. Naturally I still think about him all the time. In fact I have learnt not to do my shopping the same days as the old men in the neighbourhood as I generally come home in tears those days. On father's day I went to buy his favourite chocolate bar, only to find they no longer sell it. I came home in tears then. Actually I was in tears well before I got home. It was but moments away at the chocolate isle.
Does all of this not make me ok though? Or is this just the way I need to deal with a tough, unchangeable situation that at the end of the day is just a part of life?
I know that two years ago when he passed very few people ever asked me if I was ok. If they did I probably said of course and smiled and carried on as that is what I am like. I know that the person who would probably be considered my best friend in the real world never once mentioned it. Now I also know that is not entirely her fault, she was faced with a situation she didn't know how to deal with. She was faced with a situation she had never experienced nor really seen anyone else experience. But still what if she had of asked...just once.
So where does this all leave me now?
Honestly I am not sure. At least now I have an R U Ok? post I also feel a little lighter for sharing. Though I also have a small voice going this isn't even close to not being Ok. Not being Ok is when you want to slit your wrists and stuff like that. But you know what? Little voice you are wrong. This is how not being OK starts. Just because my troubles might not be as terrible as someone else's it doesn't mean they are any less worthy. That applies to everyone. Don't let little problems turn into big ones.
So please if you can think of anyone for any reason that might not be OK go and ask them. You could be the one that makes the difference. Which is much better than being the one that your friend makes excuses for.
If you aren't OK, which is more than OK go here for more information.
very true dude, being really not ok starts by ignoring little things. :) sorry to hear about the loss of your father. As the 2 year anniversary approaches I hope you receive extra comfort from the things you love most. Even if it means I have to send you some fairy kisses or however you word it. ;)ReplyDelete
Awe thanks lovely I always like it when people send me fairy wishes and butterfly kisses, I can't wait till it is so commonly used we can just go fwbk and everyone knows what it means lolReplyDelete
Being not ok doesn't happen overnight. It's a gradual process which snowballs from something small. You are right to acknowledge that you're not ok now.ReplyDelete
Thanks for adding your voice.
Sending squooshy hugs :)
Your post started out similar to my RUOK post. I didn't have a really hard story to tell, but it made me realise we don't all need a horror story to have someone care enough to ask if we are ok. Little, seemingly insignificant, things can snowball, and become a horror story, as you write at the end. But our posts did take a different turn mid way because obviously there is something that still pulls at your heart in relation to your dad's passing. If I were in your shoes, I would probably also have thought it was just one of those life experiences we have to deal with. But I guess the question, which might answer your RUOK question is whether you have dealt with the moment of his passing by allowing yourself to finally grieve. I think it'd be only natural to feel sadness each anniversary or special occasion but dealing with those days might be easier if the initial grieving was faced. I don't know. These are just some thoughts. I can't say I've experienced the loss of a parent but I know it's inevitable as my parents come into their 70s.ReplyDelete
I guess the question isn't really whether we have to deal with it or not but but rather how we deal with it. Thanks for stopping by VeronicaReplyDelete