Friday, July 22

Three days ago

That's how long ago I sat down to start this post, three days.

I mean obviously I haven't been sitting here all that time because I am a mother and as such in that time I have had to feed and tend to the family, not to mention working on top of that as well.

Ok scratch that.

It is now some nine days since this post first sprung into creation, yet failed to actually grow into anything of publishable worth. Though it feels like so very much longer. This whole working nights thing is really cutting into my writing time and ability. Still it must be done.

Anyway here is what I managed to get out when I first sat to write this.

I swear not just two minutes ago my head was filled with a thousand different thoughts. All of them totally amazing and ready to drastically change the world as we know it. Or at least my world and how I know it.

Of course by the time I manage to open a browser and get to the insert-a-post page on Blogger, my brain has suddenly become void of any coherent thought pattern and is instead filled with a thousand. or possibly even more, distractions. I am not to sure why this surprises me because I have always said that I have the attention span of a gnat. If of course you assume a gnat has an incredibly short attention span.

Easily distracted is certainly an understatement when referring to me.

There just always seems to be so much on the go at one time that I feel the need to do it all at once. Clearly prioritising may not be a strong point of mine.

big breath.

And bang fast forward some three months till today. That's how long this draft has been sitting in my inbox. I don't like having drafts. I like to just put it out there as quick as I can. Raw and unedited, straight from brain to screen.

In reality little has changed between then and now. Well apart from it getting colder. The cold is so consuming. I just constantly feel numb and frozen.

At least when you are sweltering in the heat you can go and jump in the pool and cool down. The cold just makes me want to curl up and hibernate till spring. Just over one more month. It is my constant mantra. Soon the sun will really start to shine.

In the meantime I just need to remember to make the most of it when it is here.

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Tuesday, July 5

Getting out there

Earlier today I was out wandering the streets and somehow managed to write a rather long Instagram post. Which I must admit it felt rather cool. My brain felt like it was slowly returning to life as I once knew it. Where I only had to think about starting a new blog post and before I knew it words would spew forth at knots seen only on the stormy of seas.

I had more ideas in that half hour walk to school and back than I have had in a whole year. Or at least that was how it felt. Mind you fitting all them into one little Instagram post was beyond impossible.

Oh hi there! I'm Rhianna and it is so nice to see you stop by. 
Though I know heaps of you already know that but I just wanted to introduce 
myself to any newbies that might have joined me. 
Anyways I am currently locked out of my house and therefore roaming the streets in the search of keys. 
Not that I really need to search as such because I pretty much know exactly where they are. 
Hiding in Zany's school bag (which is naturally with her at school). 
Which is exactly where I told her to put them this morning. I just didn't realise I would be going home this early. 
It's all good though because I was meant to get up early and go for a run but I didn't. So this will kind of make up for that. 
I would have run down here had it not been for the fact I was wearing old crappy sneakers 
that hurt last time I wore them running. 
My particularly #awesome #pt #fishlockedjo has given me a little workout session to do so 
I will bang that out as soon as I get home. 
Changing the topic slightly, can you see that white van in the background? Looks suspiciously dodge to me. Agree? Originally this post was supposed to be about that van 
but I got so busy rambling away I am now totally side tracked. 
On another side note hands up who knew I once had a blog called Rhianna's Random Rambles 
but I changed it because I thought it was to long and ramble?
 Anyways for a micro blogging platform I am pretty sure this post has gone on for far too long. 
Which is kind of a good thing because it means words are finally flowing for me which has not happened for a while now. Maybe it's time for a(nother) new name?

For example I never got to explain how uncomfortable I was sharing that particular image of myself because I didn't like the look of my chin and neck. But it was the only photo in which I would have had the white van in there as I didn't think of having it photo bomb my photo until it was nearly out of sight.

So I stuck with the photo that made me slightly uncomfortable to look because I knew no one other than me would think ill of it. Plus I really wanted to show off my pretty braids. I was expecting to be doing some grubby yucky work today so I thought it best to keep my hair neatly out the way. I didn't think anything of it till I bumped into a man I met early last year. He was with some mutual friends who went to introduce us but I told them there was no need. Turns out there was though because apparently having my hair done in such a fancy way made me unrecognisable from last year.

Having the white van in the image was important because I wanted to talk about how judgey I felt thinking it was up to no good or perhaps even watching someone who was up to no good. Because obviously a white van like that is either undercover surveillance or criminals. People don't just have big white vans with super dark tint because they like it.

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Wednesday, March 16

And breath and sigh and...

There are a million if not trillion things that I want to try and spit out right now. They are all vying for the opening in my brain that allows them to become thought out enough to form the right words to be able to then form coherent sentences. The fact that I have to type on the world's most slowest responding bluetooth keyboard does nothing to assist in this matter either. There is no denying that I am a bit of a fast typer. It comes with sitting in front of a computer and writing as many words as what I have written over the years I guess, anyways, as a fast typing touch typer it makes for very hard writing when the letters you are pressing are not actually the ones that are being displayed on the screen in front of me because the stupid $10 fluro keyboard (that was better than having no keyboard at all) can't seem to keep up with the speed at which fingertips are tapped upon it. Grrrrr....

Now where was I?

Oh yes that's right, madly trying to get out a post because school pick up time is fast approaching which means the peace and quiet I am currently experiencing will immediately becoming demolished. (Just for the record the majority of this post was written at this point, only it took some 11 days till I actually managed to get it ready to hit publish. I back dated though)


So much sighing actually.

I was writing an email to one of Lovely's teachers today and wanted to put in sighing but somehow managed to refrain. Actually I know exactly how I refrained. I often wonder if readers here actually feel my sigh when I use it, it is certainly not something I can just assume a HASS (Health and Social Science) teacher would feel with me.

yes even more sighing.

Possibly even a bit of an eyebrow furrow and face rub with one hand.

That dear child really does my head in some days. It is fair to say that I am not finding parenting a teen smooth sailing. Which kinda makes me feel like a bit of a failure. Not a complete one yet, but part of me feels there could still be time for that to change. Some days she shows so much potential for making it in life and then others...

deep breath out.

I know, I shouldn't be talking about such things out here in the public eye, but trust me there is so much more not being said that if I don't let just a little bit out I may well explode. And nobody want's that do they?

A couple of months back now I discovered that in her refusal to sleep at night she was passing the time by trawling through my old posts. I guess that is one of the reasons I haven't been here much.

Well that and the fact that working nights requires a lot more energy than I first realised. As much as it means I have my days free, it is in fact impossible to navigate through life without any sleep. Trust me I have tried.

Again with lots of deep breaths and sighs.

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Monday, January 25

Monday morning ramble

I started writing this post about five minutes ago.

It began as a bit of a ramble about how this was the start of the last week of the school holidays and this made me both happy and sad. Blah blah blah.

Then I deleted it and checked my email. Seeing those little red notification icons on my apps drives me batty I must rid them instantaneously. Lucky for me I don't get a whole lot of emails so it is quite easy to stay on top of. This particular one was a weekly newsletter from a fellow blogger.

But now I am just starting to ramble (again)

It is not long after 8am and once again the house is filled with quiet as children catch up on sleep from excessive late nights. Which to me is one of the joys of school holidays. A chance to break free from routines and rules and just do whatever the hell we please.

I had hoped to use this time alone to transcribe the next chapter of my novel but I am too scared of making noise and waking the baby (who is actually a five year old). I have a groovy headset and program that means I can read the hard copy that I have out loud and my computer will magically type it out for me.

Unfortunately a month or so ago I did something to my back which has resulted in it being rather sore since then. Especially after sitting in front of the computer for more than five minutes. Which as you can imagine makes sitting down to write even more difficult than what I was already finding it.

All the sighs.

I feel like a bit of a fraud complaining about it because as always I think of all the other people out there with real problems and pain they have been battling with for much longer and harder than mine. I don't know why I always seem to think my issues are not as justified as everyone else's but I do.

More big sighs.

Anyways moving right along.

I feel I must apologise for the disjointedness of my writing at this point. Having been away from it for so long it feels like I don't know how to do it any more. I am constantly battling inside my own head that all the ideas and words I have are just not worth sharing. It is hard to ignore but trying I am. Fingers crossed that if I keep persevering before too long something of worth will come.

I hope you stick around and keep coming back till then.

joining in with Alicia 

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Thursday, January 21

Don't wake the baby!

Despite being nearly the end of the second last week of school holidays I somehow managed to force myself out of the comfort of my bed at a ridiculously early and ungodly hour of the morn. Well actually it was only a little after six but given the fact it is school holidays and all it does feel incredibly early. Especially given that it is overcast and cold. Summer hear has a lot to answer for but I will get to that later.

The reasons for my early rise are many, though mainly revolve around the need for housework to be done. That shit is never-ending isn't it?

So I had planned to make a nice early start on the dishes and washing and all manner of things that a super mum needs to take care of in-between ensuring the children are adequately fed, watered and entertained. Only Teapot decided that today would be the day that she elected to forgo her crack of dawn awakening and sleep in. As such I am too scared to do anything in case I make a noise and wake her.

After a few later than normal late nights combined with the fun and frivolity of school holiday freedoms she is quite possibly on the brink of exhaustion and in dire need of some catch up sleep. Her obedience is most certainly commendable though because as I was tucking her and Zany into bed last night I strongly suggested that they aim for staying asleep for at least ten hours and she has done exactly that. Bless her little cotton socks. I guess third time is a charm because the other two are by no means so compliant to some of my wishes as what she is.

Sigh. The joy of parenting.

Though naturally as I was bragging of her sleep in she has now awoken.

Oh well at least now I can get the washing on and and the dishes done. Oh yay! Said no one ever.

In further procrastination against what needed to be done (because let's face it the whole sleeping child thing really was nothing more than an excuse to sit in front of the computer rather than do chores, I stumbled across a link up hosted by Finding Myself Young and Life Behind the Purple Door. It is called #thisparentinglife and I think this post is just perfect to join in with it.
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