Tuesday, July 26

The start of something

This is another of those sitting in my inbox since forever posts that I am not sure what to do with other than just publish.

The title is so fitting to so many aspects of my life though. I am always aware that I am at the 'start of something'. Sometimes I don't think I even know what that something is, I just know that it is something.

Anyway I am starting to ramble and since I have already done that once today I will refrain from any more. It is Tuesday and I have blogged and while I haven't for a while I am a bit excited to be joining in with #IBOT

It was hot and sticky.  The air thick and heavy.  The weather man said it might rain but what would he know?  He was only guessing anyway.  They all were. No one could predict the weather on a regular basis nor any other of life's daily events.  Apparently that was half the fun.  The unpredictability and uncertainty of it all, that was what was meant to keep people going.  Sure spontaneity and surprise had it's advantages but sometimes there was nothing better than a guarantee in life.  Of course these are few and far between but that is what makes them so great.  They are worth the wait.

If you waited long enough even the weather can be guaranteed.

In early October it is only guaranteed to rain if your car windows are down or your washing out.  This becomes void though if it is done on purpose.  Mind you the way the air hung so still there was no chance of rain tonight even if she had forgotten to get the washing in. Assuming of course she had actually managed to put a load on and hung it out.

It had been another long day.  Yet nothing was really accomplished.  She seemed to wade through life without ever touching the bottom or even the sides for that matter.  She certainly wasn't complaining though.  After all no one but herself was the master of her destiny.  Not even the fairies.  Sure they could lead her in the right direction but the choices to make were all her own.

Time and time again she had wished for them to just be able to tell her which choice to make but they never did. Nor would they ever.  It was always the same old answer.  "You must choose yourself, follow your heart"

How was she ever supposed to follow her heart when quite often her head was in disagreeance?

She got up.  Peeling her back from the plastic chair as she did.  How was it possible to sweat so much in such a short period of time?  She had only been sitting outside a few moments and already the sweat was pouring out of her like a leaky tap.

It had been nearly 170 days since it last rained.  Her body longed to feel the cool wet drops rain again.  Surely it wouldn't be to far away now.  It was a little late this year but not yet long overdue. They had gone much longer without rain before.  The year of '73 saw 203 days without rain.  When it did finally come though it didn't stop for a week.

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Friday, July 22

Three days ago

That's how long ago I sat down to start this post, three days.

I mean obviously I haven't been sitting here all that time because I am a mother and as such in that time I have had to feed and tend to the family, not to mention working on top of that as well.

Ok scratch that.

It is now some nine days since this post first sprung into creation, yet failed to actually grow into anything of publishable worth. Though it feels like so very much longer. This whole working nights thing is really cutting into my writing time and ability. Still it must be done.

Anyway here is what I managed to get out when I first sat to write this.

I swear not just two minutes ago my head was filled with a thousand different thoughts. All of them totally amazing and ready to drastically change the world as we know it. Or at least my world and how I know it.

Of course by the time I manage to open a browser and get to the insert-a-post page on Blogger, my brain has suddenly become void of any coherent thought pattern and is instead filled with a thousand. or possibly even more, distractions. I am not to sure why this surprises me because I have always said that I have the attention span of a gnat. If of course you assume a gnat has an incredibly short attention span.

Easily distracted is certainly an understatement when referring to me.

There just always seems to be so much on the go at one time that I feel the need to do it all at once. Clearly prioritising may not be a strong point of mine.

big breath.

And bang fast forward some three months till today. That's how long this draft has been sitting in my inbox. I don't like having drafts. I like to just put it out there as quick as I can. Raw and unedited, straight from brain to screen.

In reality little has changed between then and now. Well apart from it getting colder. The cold is so consuming. I just constantly feel numb and frozen.

At least when you are sweltering in the heat you can go and jump in the pool and cool down. The cold just makes me want to curl up and hibernate till spring. Just over one more month. It is my constant mantra. Soon the sun will really start to shine.

In the meantime I just need to remember to make the most of it when it is here.

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Tuesday, July 5

Getting out there

Earlier today I was out wandering the streets and somehow managed to write a rather long Instagram post. Which I must admit it felt rather cool. My brain felt like it was slowly returning to life as I once knew it. Where I only had to think about starting a new blog post and before I knew it words would spew forth at knots seen only on the stormy of seas.

I had more ideas in that half hour walk to school and back than I have had in a whole year. Or at least that was how it felt. Mind you fitting all them into one little Instagram post was beyond impossible.

Oh hi there! I'm Rhianna and it is so nice to see you stop by. 
Though I know heaps of you already know that but I just wanted to introduce 
myself to any newbies that might have joined me. 
Anyways I am currently locked out of my house and therefore roaming the streets in the search of keys. 
Not that I really need to search as such because I pretty much know exactly where they are. 
Hiding in Zany's school bag (which is naturally with her at school). 
Which is exactly where I told her to put them this morning. I just didn't realise I would be going home this early. 
It's all good though because I was meant to get up early and go for a run but I didn't. So this will kind of make up for that. 
I would have run down here had it not been for the fact I was wearing old crappy sneakers 
that hurt last time I wore them running. 
My particularly #awesome #pt #fishlockedjo has given me a little workout session to do so 
I will bang that out as soon as I get home. 
Changing the topic slightly, can you see that white van in the background? Looks suspiciously dodge to me. Agree? Originally this post was supposed to be about that van 
but I got so busy rambling away I am now totally side tracked. 
On another side note hands up who knew I once had a blog called Rhianna's Random Rambles 
but I changed it because I thought it was to long and ramble?
 Anyways for a micro blogging platform I am pretty sure this post has gone on for far too long. 
Which is kind of a good thing because it means words are finally flowing for me which has not happened for a while now. Maybe it's time for a(nother) new name?

For example I never got to explain how uncomfortable I was sharing that particular image of myself because I didn't like the look of my chin and neck. But it was the only photo in which I would have had the white van in there as I didn't think of having it photo bomb my photo until it was nearly out of sight.

So I stuck with the photo that made me slightly uncomfortable to look because I knew no one other than me would think ill of it. Plus I really wanted to show off my pretty braids. I was expecting to be doing some grubby yucky work today so I thought it best to keep my hair neatly out the way. I didn't think anything of it till I bumped into a man I met early last year. He was with some mutual friends who went to introduce us but I told them there was no need. Turns out there was though because apparently having my hair done in such a fancy way made me unrecognisable from last year.

Having the white van in the image was important because I wanted to talk about how judgey I felt thinking it was up to no good or perhaps even watching someone who was up to no good. Because obviously a white van like that is either undercover surveillance or criminals. People don't just have big white vans with super dark tint because they like it.

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Friday, April 1

Grumble, Whinge

It was the Easter Sunday eve and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.

Oh wait, wrong holiday.

Waves of exhaustion continued to sweep both through and over her body. Yet sleep still seemed to elude her. Or perhaps she just resisted the temptation to sleep? Either way, she was awake, a circumstance that did not appear to be changing anytime soon.

There was a part of her that longed so dearly to go and find comforting solace between the sheets of her bed, to rest her weary bones and shut down from the enfeeblement the consumed her, but it was just not to be. Her mind was filled with thoughts that were so busy jostling for attention that she feared it's neverending over analysing of ever little detail would never end. Ever.

Of course in reality there was never really a chance of that actually happening. The reality is that her mind was so good at distracting itself that it never did anything all the time. Sometimes she could get so distracted that things that needed doing would never actually get done. Often that which was started would not make it to being finished.

Much like these written words.

When I found myself in the early hours of Sunday morning actually managing to coherently string words together I was so incredibly excited that I just couldn't help but share my joy with my lovely followers on Facebook.

It is twenty to one on Easter Sunday morning. I should either be sleeping or hiding eggs. Instead I am writing. Like...
Posted by Rhianna Writes about A Parenting Life on Saturday, 26 March 2016
Only you know what?

By the time I had finished sharing that and returned to my words, they were gone.

Well the ones that I had actually managed to write weren't, I just suddenly had no new ones to add to them.

So so much sighing.

Anyway long story short my inspiration to write dwindled quicker than it had appeared. It has taken till now (Friday), nearly a week, for me to have once again found myself in a position to sit and write.

This makes me terribly sad.

I really do want to be a writer. I do.

Why I never make the time to sit and actually write though eludes me in the same way I can't find what it is to make me go and exercise.

Grumble, grumble, grumble, whinge, whinge, whinge.

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Wednesday, March 16

And breath and sigh and...

There are a million if not trillion things that I want to try and spit out right now. They are all vying for the opening in my brain that allows them to become thought out enough to form the right words to be able to then form coherent sentences. The fact that I have to type on the world's most slowest responding bluetooth keyboard does nothing to assist in this matter either. There is no denying that I am a bit of a fast typer. It comes with sitting in front of a computer and writing as many words as what I have written over the years I guess, anyways, as a fast typing touch typer it makes for very hard writing when the letters you are pressing are not actually the ones that are being displayed on the screen in front of me because the stupid $10 fluro keyboard (that was better than having no keyboard at all) can't seem to keep up with the speed at which fingertips are tapped upon it. Grrrrr....

Now where was I?

Oh yes that's right, madly trying to get out a post because school pick up time is fast approaching which means the peace and quiet I am currently experiencing will immediately becoming demolished. (Just for the record the majority of this post was written at this point, only it took some 11 days till I actually managed to get it ready to hit publish. I back dated though)


So much sighing actually.

I was writing an email to one of Lovely's teachers today and wanted to put in sighing but somehow managed to refrain. Actually I know exactly how I refrained. I often wonder if readers here actually feel my sigh when I use it, it is certainly not something I can just assume a HASS (Health and Social Science) teacher would feel with me.

yes even more sighing.

Possibly even a bit of an eyebrow furrow and face rub with one hand.

That dear child really does my head in some days. It is fair to say that I am not finding parenting a teen smooth sailing. Which kinda makes me feel like a bit of a failure. Not a complete one yet, but part of me feels there could still be time for that to change. Some days she shows so much potential for making it in life and then others...

deep breath out.

I know, I shouldn't be talking about such things out here in the public eye, but trust me there is so much more not being said that if I don't let just a little bit out I may well explode. And nobody want's that do they?

A couple of months back now I discovered that in her refusal to sleep at night she was passing the time by trawling through my old posts. I guess that is one of the reasons I haven't been here much.

Well that and the fact that working nights requires a lot more energy than I first realised. As much as it means I have my days free, it is in fact impossible to navigate through life without any sleep. Trust me I have tried.

Again with lots of deep breaths and sighs.

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