At the half way mark of the last week of the school holidays I find myself filled with disappointment and despair at the prospect of what next week will actually bring. To say I am not looking forward to the return of school is somewhat of an understatement.
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These holidays were supposed to the ones that I implemented life long positive changes that would see us in good stead for the days to come. All the organisation and routine that we so desperately need yet just as desperately eludes us was supposed to take form during this break.
Exercise, reading, writing, chores, all that type of thing was supposed to be carefully allotted into a time slot ensuring that it would be done at the appropriate time. None of which happened. Or even came close to it for that matter.
It feels like I am hitting my head against a brick. Only worse.
Generally I am all fine with the "I am less than perfect, let me embrace my faults as I work towards a better me" attitude but right now my faults and areas for improvement feel so overwhelming I am not sure there really is any other type of me, let alone a better one.
Deep down, deep, deep, deep down mind you, I know that there is. I know that if I take enough deep breaths and just get on with it, eventually it will be done. Or at least closer to being done.
In my head I know all the right words and actions. I know all that needs to be done and even all that should be done. Yes there is a slight difference. None of that makes it any easier to actually start doing it though.
Being torn between wanting to blurt stuff out here and knowing it doesn't really belong on the Internet doesn't help much either. Using all my energy to fight the urge to download all my crazy thoughts to here does seem like a waste of such a precious resource but my inner voice tells me it is for the best. Instead I will struggle with finding the balance between what I want to say and what is ok to say. Vaugeblogging at it's best.
This time next week normality will be in full swing. Though how making lunches before breakfast is even finished equates to a sense of normal is a little beyond me but that is the joy of having to take a packed lunch to school.
Unlike most mothers preparing for the back to school rush I am yet to organise school shoes, bags, uniforms and lunch boxes. It is part of my head in the sand disorder. I was hoping by not getting organised time would somehow stop and next week would not befall upon us for at least another month.
Apparently though that is not quite how things work.