Tuesday, August 21

What to do, what to do?

I know the beginning is always the best place to start but sometimes the beginning is not always that easy to find. Now is one of those times. My poor mind is in such turmoil it doesn't know if it wants to implode, explode or try and do both at once. Not exactly what you want at nearly 10 pm. Especially when the night before saw you sitting up to all hours. Followed by the broken sleep that comes with being a mother.

Deep breath


Miss Eleven left on her school camp on Monday. She is gone till Friday. I guess that makes this the midway point. While her absence brings a slightly calmer air to the place I naturally still miss her. Well actually we all do. Miss Six has been beside herself from the moment I picked her up from school on Monday.

As she opened the car door to climb in the tears started and have hardly stopped since. Which is crazy because let's face it Miss Eleven is not always the picture perfect big sister. In fact at times she is the polar opposite. She has little patience for her little sister.

This is not the first time she has been away from us for an extended period of time. Though it is the first time she has been away without any family members with her. I had wanted to go as a parent helper but was told by the little madam that I was not welcome. Apparently in her eyes I am too involved with the school and I should let others have a turn.

Given I wouldn't have like leaving Miss Two behind and I am not sure it would have been fair (or easy) to take her, not to mention what it would have done to Miss Six, I didn't put up much resistance to her pleas. Only right now I wish I had of.

The school was rather keen for me to attend, knowing the rapport I have with a lot of the other students already. Miss Eleven was right when she said I am too involved with the school. Right now though I wish I hadn't of listened to her.

The students were allowed to take a mobile phone with them, though it has to be in the hands of the adults apart from the ten minutes they are allowed to call home each day. Only Miss Eleven's phone is with the wrong carrier and doesn't work at the camp ground. Naturally.

Thankfully one of the lovely teachers let her send me a text this evening asking if I could call. After waiting all night last night to hear from here I didn't bother keeping my phone close to me tonight. It took nearly an hour till I saw the message.

Tonight was movie night at the campground so they were still up. I was so pleased to speak to her. Until she told me her tent mate had moved out. Apparently there had been a disagreement. She didn't really go into details. Luckily though another girl in a different tent wanted to move out.

Mind you as lovely as it was to be asked if I would go and visit her (a three hour drive) it also broke my heart. It means she is feeling very vulnerable. It means I am left with a rather hard decision.

Technically speaking I could go out there tomorrow. I don't have much on. It is however a three hour drive just to get there. It also defies the point of the independence that is supposed to come with the experience of a school camp. Especially after she fought so hard to convince me it would be better if she got to do this alone.

I just want to cry.

These are the times that being a mother really bites. Actually it might even be the time that being a mother sucks big hairy dog balls as well.

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