Taking a deep breath she began to wade on in, assessing where the best starting point for the day would be. Even though this was not exactly new territory for her, some days she just didn't now where to start.
It would be so much easier to just turn around and run. And honestly there were days that she wanted to do that. More than anything there were days where she wished for a magic wand that could make it all disappear. Turn back the hands of time, erasing what was once and replacing it with something new.
Or at least something different.
It wasn't so much what she was faced, but more so the fact it was always the same. Each and every day. Always the same. It didn't matter what she tried, where she started, how she thought about it, it just didn't matter. The outcome was always the same.
There would always be clothes and dishes that would be waiting to be washed, dried and put away. Only to be used again. Sometimes barely even making it to the next stage before it is need once more. She couldn't believe that maintain wearable clothes for everyone was so time consuming. Between that and providing food on the required regular basis she barely had to get it all done, let alone herself. She was certain that this was not what she had signed up for.
Pausing for a moment she wondered exactly what she had signed up for? What was it she was expecting when she agreed to walk down her current life's path? She knew that it would be like nothing she had experienced before. That was part of the attraction, something new was supposed to equal something exciting, perhaps even better. She had heard others talk of it's great rewards and at the time she thought she was ready. Famous last words though, at the time, given the fickleness of time and all.
Not wanting to dwell on the past or what might have been for too long she went back to finding her starting point for the day. Only it was still too hard. Realising that what was really called for was a nice cuppa she left playroom in the disarray that comes with toddlers and headed for the kitchen. It's not like the mess was going anywhere. She had long given up on the cleaning fairies helping out.
As she waited for the kettle to boil she prepared the dishes for washing. Ensuring that the water was too hot to put her hands. The dishes could soak for a while without making her feel too guilty. Wistfully she stirred the milk into her coffee. Her mind wandering off to other paths she could have chosen.
Years ago, when she had first entered the academy, the procreation and reproductive studies had been her least favourite. It was all presented in such a clinical and non emotional way. Not to mention the emphasis on responsibility. She had always felt the pressure of the responsibility involved with child creating was too great for her. Yet somehow here she was.
Her plans had been to study hard, try her best and hopefully find her way on to a government team. That was where all the big money was. Though it was the prestige and attention that she sought as much as the money. In many ways the money was just the icing on the cake, the thought of being at the forefront of policy making and changing the world at large was really what she was after.
Instead here she was, single handedly raising a bunch of snotty nosed rascals that no one else wanted.
In the early days she had tried to convince herself that the work she was doing with these kids would one day make a difference. Even if only to the children. Now she was worn out and jaded. The system was wrong, it needed to be changed but she doubted it was something she could bring about herself.
Looking at the clock on the microwave she knew it wouldn't be long till the early rises would be up. Ending her peace and quite for at least the next ten hours. The daily grind was about to begin and the monotony of life about to hit full swing.
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i really enjoyed this - you have such a gift for words, and painting the scene so vividly.ReplyDelete
I enjoyed it too, when I started reading I was thinking about myself.ReplyDelete
So well written. Real emotion and soul searching.ReplyDelete
I think most mothers could go through the same phase as your protaganist. I know I went through it when I was transitioning from an individual person to a mother. Great fiction, I really enjoyed reading honey and thanks so much for joining in!ReplyDelete
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing. Rachel xReplyDelete
I think we can all relate to this.ReplyDelete
Oh I have so many questions that have been left unanswered.....will there be more? I think many of us can relate to the woman in this story - but there's more to it. There is isn't there? The talk of Academy, government, policy, procreation and reproductive studies......I can feel a series coming on......more more more please.ReplyDelete
I like this story, it's very descriptive. I was also intrigued by talk of the Academy, government policy, etc. I'd love to hear more about this world.ReplyDelete