Introducing....ME!

I am a mother of three wonderful girls. The eldest of which is nine years old and the youngest is only a tender five months old. The gem in the middle recently turned four.

Heading towards my mid thirties I am a stay at home mum who dreams of being an accomplished writer. While waiting for this dream to reach fruition I dote on my girls. Mothering was never something I thought would be part of my life and yet now it is the most natural path for me to have taken. I am a mother for life and my life is mothering.

Like many teenage girls my dreams were of a corporate domination that yielded great power and responsibility. Essentially I guess you could say I dreamed of a power so amazing that if I wanted to I could take over the world. I never had any idea how this would actually occur or the form in which my success would take or any of the other finer details. I was just certain life would awesome. The kind of awesome they make on TV. Ok maybe not many shared that same dream but I am sure you know what I mean...

It took a while for the dream to actually fade and before it did I found myself questioning whether, even if I could, would I really want to rule the world? After all that kind of thing takes hard work and dedication. The hard work is not so much of the problem as hard work is what makes the world go round. It is essential that we work hard so to ensure we are fully appreciative when life is not so hard, but I digress... well sort of... as I was trying to say I am not very dedicated...I am let's just say easily distracted...oooooooohhhhhhhh shiny.... If you know what I mean.

As a result of my short attention span and to a certain extent laziness I have come to the realisation that the corporate world need not worry about any impending take over from me.


So moving right along...

The world of parenting has always been exceptionally kind to me. I never struggled with sleepless nights of crying or a failure to bond or anything like that really. In fact the first year of a baby's life to me is by far the easiest. Most problems during that initial year are easily fixed with a cuddle, nappy change and a boob not necessarily in that order but that is pretty much all it takes. Of course if you are and EC'er then the nappy change is replaced with a trip to the toilet.

In fact the first nine years of being a mum have been relatively easy for me. The actions required have varied a little but It has only been recent months...actually maybe even only a couple of weeks (time, as you will learn, is something of a blur at times to me) that I have began to question exactly what it is that my parenting instinct is supposed to be saying. As a rule I guess you could say my parenting style is basically instinctive. I take each and every matter on it's own and assess on a case by case basis follow what my gut tells me too.

Sounds good in theory but does not really assist with issues of consistency which according to many "experts" is rather necessary and also another post further down the line...

I am not sure what has gone wrong or which part of the universe has shifted but suddenly I seem to be unable to find what is needed to guide child number one. Part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, she is experiencing the start of hormonal changes, but then this other part yells NOOOOOOOOOOOO, not yet she is still to little. Despite being the oldest of my loins she is still my baby.

So in an effort to maintain a clear head as I wade through this new phase of life I am here. For the first time ever, baring my parental soul with both fear and trepidation plus a whole lot more. There are many reasons, that only time will reveal, for my anxiety to share, and by share I mean truly share in an open frank and honest manner but I hope you stay with me and enjoy the roller coaster that is my life.

A new begining

I have been toying with the possibility of starting a new blog for some time now. As with most things in my life though I have put it in either the too hard basket or I will get to it later list. Since I was unable to log into Facebook tonight I have decided to put an end to the thought and make a new blog a reality.

So what will my wonderful new venture entail I hear you ask? Well if the name hasn't quite given it away yet then I am not sure you should even be here. As if there are not already enough thoughts and views on parenting I am now going to add my two cents worth. Well at least that was my initial intention.

When I typed the blog name into the google blog creator I envisaged I would create a whiz bang essential hand guide to parenting. On deeper reflection I now know that will not be the case. Slightly disheartened (can't explain why) I have been unable to write till now. You see I realised that my blog needs to be more than just my point blank opinion of how to raise a child. Sure that at times I need to state my case but I need not fear getting it wrong. After all we learn from mistakes...of course when it comes to raising children there is no real room for mistakes, well at least irreversible ones.

I have in the past shared many of my opinions in regards to the matter of raising children. (Anyone interested can check some of it out here)

So for those that don't know me, and I hope there are many as that would mean lots of new readers, here is a bit of an intro.

Nothing like a coat of paint

Or so to speak.

Repeat visitors will notice two things. The first is glaringly obvious, and is related to the layout and design and all that jazz. The second is perhaps not so obvious on the surface and is actually of no surprise as it relates to the frequency in which I post. Which is, well, less than not very often.

I am not sure if I will keep the current settings on a long term basis but for tonight they will do.

Much is about to begin....stay tuned

Be thankful

All to often we get caught up in our lives and forget to take the time to be thankful for what we have. We wander around in our own little bubble of self pity or sorrow or what ever emotion lets us feel like the poor bugger me. I know that of late I have probably been rather guilty of such actions. Or at least to preoccupied with myself to find the energy to care about others. Actually I am not really sure what it is that has been occupying my time but I recently realised that I have been self absorbed to say the least.

There is a chance that some of this is slightly justified, given dad's passing and all that but I am not really sure how long that can be used as an excuse. Especially given the fact that I think for the larger part of my emotional being I am still neglecting to really acknowledge his death, but that is a story for another day.

The story for today is heartbreaking. Actually heartbreaking is an understatement. I can not begin to explain how this has effected me. Now that the tears have finally dried I am able to type and try to share with you what I discovered.

Deciding to spend some time at Linkreferal I stumbled across a blog which in turn led me to discovering Anissa Mayhew. Now to cut a long story short. This woman is a mother to three beautiful children, the youngest of which was diagnosed with cancer. Twelve months after her daughter recieved her final treatments Anissa had not one but two strokes leaving her paralsyed.

Now I know the Lord works in mysterious ways but......

Does that not seem a little harsh? Anissa is still in hospital and while making some progress it is still only small and her family has a long, hard road in front of them. Reading about not just this woman's but her entire family's strength, courage and determination was more than uplifting. Despite the world just throwing them hurdle after hurdle they all just keep on going. Never giving up, never complaining, just trying to survive.

So if in the near future your life seems harsh or unfair, stop by here and have a read.

Oh me oh my

Going about my daily life I constantly seem to have brilliant ideas on what would make a good post. Interesting little thoughts that seem more than worthy of being shared with the wider world. Naturally though when I actually have the time to write about what ever brilliant idea I may have had earlier in the day, it has of course totally gone.

Now I know that a smart person would possibly have a notepad and pen handy at all times so that the brilliant ideas could easily be jotted down as they occur however I fear that this would still not be of much use to me. I am at best absent minded. Most of my best thoughts seem to occur when I am carrying out rather mundane activities, like hanging out the washing, or doing the dishes, possibly driving or, well I am sure you get the picture. Chances are that what ever it is I am doing, regardless of how mindless it may actually be, it it is not something I can just stop doing. If for example I walked away from the washing line to jot down my amazing idea, the chance of me returning to complete my chore would be smaller than small. It takes every once of being to get me out there in the first place I can't take the risk of leaving once I get there or my family may never have clean dry clothes.

Anyway...

The other afternoon, after dropping the kiddlie winks at my mother's I managed to take a quick peak at the shops in a bid to eliminate some of my Christmas present list. Which by the way did not really happen. It turns out that the shops I looked in were full of over priced crap that would possibly only be played with till the first week of the new year. If that. What however really disgusted me was the treadmill and exercise bike targeted at 4-8 year olds. What has the world become???

Now don't get me wrong I am all for leading a healthy active life, and I understand that childhood obesity is at an all time high and ever growing, but is this really the path we want to send our children on? Surely it would be of more use to get a ball and go and play in the park with them than purchase a piece of exercise equipment that was at least a couple of hundred dollars?

Carols

The other night the family and I went along to the Carols by Candlelight. Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year and each year Carols signify the start of the wonderful festive season.

As we entered through the gates with thousands of other happy families we were greeted by the sound of the pipes and drums band. The sound they can create is truly magical and I could listen to well played bagpipes for hours on end.

As I walked past I admired their kilts and wondered from which clans they were from. As a descendant from the Campbells I am always interested in the various tartans and the family behind them. I briefly thought of my dad.

We got ourselves settled and started eating our picnic dinner while we waited for the show to begin. Looking down from our seats on the hill I could see the pipes and drum band reassembling and preparing to march on stage. They truly are talented to be able to play and walk at the same time. They started playing Waltzing Matilda. I could feel my eyes start to well with tears. One because it sounded so beautiful and two because I was reminded of my dad. I knew how much he would have loved to have heard it. I wanted to tell my girls how much he would have loved it but I couldn't. The words would just not leave my mouth, unlike the tears that were now rolling down my cheeks. I really miss my dad. No like really, really, really miss him.

To top things off once the band made it on stage and finished the unofficial Australian anthem they began to play Amazing Grace. By now I was a blubbering mess. (Much like I am as I try to write this out) This was one of the songs played at Dad's funeral. And to the credit of the band they did a beautiful job, far better actually than the version we found for dad.

My darling angle of a three year old was the only person to notice my sadness. Bless her little heart. Her questions as to why mummy was sad just made the tears fall faster. It was all fixed though with the cuddle and kiss she gave me after I explained to her how the beautiful music made me think of granpa and how much he would have liked to have heard it. It never ceases to amaze me that even at her tender young age she can be so understanding. Children really are a treasure and often underestimated.

The rest of the evening was magical. It filled me with the warmest fuzziest feeling I have felt for a long time. There is something special about sitting around with candles and singing songs.

Credit for the photo goes to budog who you can find more about here

A few blank drafts

So in a bid to decide whether I should maintain Rambles or start afresh I have been looking through old posts. The first thing I noticed when I clicked on my manage posts page was that I had three entries that were only a draft. Thinking that they could be a good starting point for new posts (of sorts) I checked them out. Unfortunately they were not of much use.

One was titled Time is Fickle, which I must admit I thought was going to unveil some earth shattering discovery I had at one point made. Far from it. Apart from a title the page was blank and I am unable to recall exactly what it was that at that point in time brought me to the opinion that time is in fact fickle.

The next draft post didn't really prove to be much either. Though given it was titled Two Months!! it was not like it really held a great deal of promise. Here is what I found

And not in a good way

It has been two months since I last posted a blog. (she says with a deep sigh)

I read my last post (dated late April) before I began this post and I must say it made me chuckle, but perhaps not in a good way.

No wonder I never bothered making it anything more than a draft.

And last but not least, well in some ways it is I guess. This is what else I found

Once again I managed to spend a bit of time over at linkreferral checking out some of the great sites that fill the vast void that cyberspace can bring.

Aptly title More great links it is a shame I never managed to actually include the links.

So I guess it is no wonder that my poor old blog is struggling to maintain readers. Hmmmmm

Remember me?

Can't say I would blame you if the answer was no, after all it has been more than a while since I last posted. But hey that is life and at least I am here now.

I have been toying with the idea of starting a fresh new blog. I feel that Rambles may have become a bit stale and it is certainly disjointed to say the least. The only downside is that starting a new blog is not as easy as it seems. Sure it is just a matter of picking a template and then posting away but I want it to be a more than just your ordinary run of the mill blog. I want it to be something that is worthy of entering in blog competitions. Something that people will actually read and pass on to their friends. Something more than what this attempt has been and that all takes time and effort.

Sure I have the time, in fact I am of the opinion that I have too much time. This is based on the fact that I manage to waste such a great deal of the precious commodity. And without looking for pats on the back (though of course they are more than welcomed) it is the effort and ability that I fear my be my downside.

I guess I should clarify exactly what I mean by ability though. While it is always nice to have one's ego stroked by the hand of another I do actually believe that I have more than ample ability to share words in a manner in which is enlightening, entertaining and even informative. The trick is however in distinguishing what it is that will appeal to the widest audience and then reaching said audience. This is where I feel my ability may be slightly lacking. I have never been a writer that writes purely for myself. I write because I want people to read what ever it is I want to share. If I feel I am not being read then I find the motivation to write somewhat lacking (to say the least).

So my question for today is what can I do to get myself read? What steps (other than increasing the frequency of my writing) can I take to make this an award winning blog? (or even just something that gets read by more people)

24 Hours and counting

Well not really counting but that is how long it has been. Not surprisingly it has not gotten easier yet. I know that eventually it will, I sorta wish that was now though. Patience has never been a strong point.

We went to the funeral home today and began organising the service. It was a somewhat surreal experience and one I am glad I haven't previously been through and certainly one I hope I don't have to repeat any time soon.

Everything was quite fitting though. From the boney old man with the drawn out face to lounges with red velvet cushions and the dark wood finishing, there was no doubt as to where we were. Even the director fitted in perfectly with her black satin top and thin strand of pearls hanging loosely from her neck. Her soft voice with a slight English accent was soothing yet irritating at the same time. She failed however to give much direction. While I thought we were easily accommodating, I guess perhaps we were not really the ideally customers.

After all we had no idea of what was supposed to happen or what the choices were that needed to be made. In fact all we really know is that our father/husband had passed and we wanted to get him put to rest as soon as possible. About the only thing we could agree on was the fact we wanted it all over with as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately for us dad left no indication as to any wishes that he had towards the matter. Actually that is not entirely true. He had made it quite clear that he did not care one way or another what we did, after all, he was dead, what did it matter to him!

Every new begining comes from some other beginings end

So the day that in some ways I feel I have been waiting for most of my adult life finally arrived today. One would think that after all the anticipation I would have some idea of what it would be like, but of course I had none.

I have spent many hours trying to imagine what it would be like, only truth be told no one could really predict such things, well not unless they were psychic and sadly I am not. In fact I am far from it. None of the scenarios my mind had previously created for the event bared any resemblance to the way in which it finally occurred, other than of course the final out come. And to tell you the truth of all the days I thought it would happen, today wasn't even one of them. In fact only this morning I was chirping at how well he was doing.

For those yet to work out what I am rambling about I guess I best just come out and say it. My father passed away this afternoon.

It is still all a bit of a blur really, which I imagine is only to be expected. You may in fact be wondering why after only seven and a half hours of coming to terms with it all I am even here. For me it seems the most sensible place to be. Actually ever since it happened my mind has been spinning with words that would create this post. Naturally now though my previously full brain is now not much more than an empty nest.

So on that note I might leave it for now, rest assured though I will be back. There is still much to share, like how I will adjust to life without my father. My days pretty much revolved around seeing him. Helping my two precious daughters cope with their grief will not be easy. They may not understand the concept of death but they know how much it hurts to be told they will never see their grampa again. Part of me thinks that as much as I will gain strength from them both, I will need it to pass straight to them. Time will tell and thankfully with time all will heal.

I'm Back!

OMG!!! It has been like forever.
I can't remember when my last post was so obviously it was too long ago. I would like to say that in my absence from Blogger I have been productively sharing my insightful wisdom in other formats, but unfortunately that is not the case.

I did briefly dabble at Kidspot, however there was little with much substance and it was rather short lived. Having said that though, I do believe there was also the odd gem, here and there (if you are interested).

Reverting to old fashioned pen and paper was a novel idea, and even showed a limited increase of frequency. Yet it by no means cure my constant writer's block. Actually I don't think it is even really writer's block as I can always think of something to drivel about, if only I take the time to sit down and try.

My inability as a writer is largely, if not completely dependant on the fact that I rarely take the time to sit down and write. It is like I enjoy the notion of being a writer, but the effort, nah, not so much.

If I was the kind of person to make other excuses for my laziness and motivation I could come up with a thousand reasons as to what has prevented my from writing, busy life, mothering, schooling kids, and all the rest of it. Perhaps to a certain extent that is the case but really at the end of the day, excuses don't cut the mustard.

Any way enough of all of that for now. I have included some of my recent photos hope they take your fancy

A Writing Frenzy

Since I already have a few sites that I regularly neglected I decided to add a new one to the list. Though naturally I have every intention of not neglecting it.

A very old and dear friend sent me a link to a site called kidspot social. She thought that the members there could be within my readership target and I have to say I definitely agree. This site is great. I strongly recommend that as soon as you finish here you check it out.

Anyway within an hour of having my first post up there I had a comment! Regular readers would know that this kind of thing really means a lot to me. I need confirmation that I am being read or I feel no inspiration to write. which is just crazy as writing always makes me feel better and helps puts things in perspective.

So I now have another post ready to put up as soon as my eldest reaches the expiry of her computer time which I am thinking is right about now!

In keeping with the tradition of recent posts I had planned to include a photo but unfortunately my beloved stock.xchng is currently down. In all the years I have been using them though this is the first I can ever recall facing such a problem so I guess I can't really complain. I am sure there is somewhere else I could go but I really can't be bothered. Instead I give to you this yellow bird who frequents my back garden. I don't know why but it is heavily attracted to me dead tree.

Death

Not exactly a lighthearted topic and generally not something that dinner table conversation is privy to. In fact, there are not many times when death is a welcomed topic for discussion. For me death is often in the forefront of my mind and has been for as long as I can remember.

I guess I should take a moment to clarify a few minor details.

When I say that death is on the forefront of my mind I actually mean that one of my first thoughts everyday is I wonder if today is the day he will finally be put to rest. I refer of course to my father.

I can not really recall the first time I had such a thought and I must say that it is only in recent times that it has reached near daily appearances. Which when you consider his current state of health is not really surprising.

When I was younger I guess it would have been fair to say that I feared the answer. My father is much older than my mother. In fact my father's first born is actually two weeks older than my mother. Not understanding the complete workings of the world I just assumed that old people died and I my dad has always been older than most.

Now however I think the day that the answer becomes yes would be a relief.

Don't get me wrong I love my father more than words here could ever explain. Not seeing him every day will be hard to adjust to and there will be a huge hole in my life for a while when he does finally pass, but watching the pain and suffering he is currently enduring is worse.

I can not begin to explain what it is like. Watching the man I have idolised for life become decrepit and frail. The one person who I truly saw as unbeatable. A tower of strength and power that few would ever be able to attain, slowly, and painfully fading away and falling to pieces.

Photo credits to Dimitri Castrique who I found on stock.xchng after searching the term death

Getting ready to explode

I have decided that my struggle to write is based firmly on the fact that I am a bottler. I bottle everything up. Much easier to get it out the way then. By tightly jamming it all into a bottle there is no need to deal with the struggles that often comes with life.

Like most people of the world I try to avoid struggles at all cost. They can be painful, if not arduous. Unfortunately though hardships and tough times are sometimes an unavoidable aspect of living. They are thrown in our direction to test our strength and make us stronger.

Depending on the struggle and the person in question, as well as fifty thousand other variables, the difficulty may or may not be successfully overcome. In the instances where the battle is not won it is more often than not just bottled up. Or swept under the carpet. Pushed out the window and otherwise ignored.

Over the years this has worked well for me. When things get too hard or I don't want to deal with whatever of life's tussles I am faced with just ignore it. I am left oblivious to any negative outcomes and I continue to sail through my existence in a self created sea of semi false happiness.

As with any container continuously filled with explosive or pressurised material there comes a time when enough is enough. When the limits are reached and the already overflowing bottle can take no more.

I fear I am at that point. Ready to explode. Unable to stop all my enclosed struggles from breaking free and forcing themselves not only to be recognised but dealt with as well.

Today's photo credits go to Caetano Lacerda I found this shot after searching the word explosion on stock.xching

It is easier to just play games...

That is why I haven't been here, writing away, pouring out my heart and soul to an anonymous audience that may or may not actually exist. Instead I have once again been suckered into the realms of virtual card collecting at Pack Rat.

The creators, Alamofire, are truly ingenious. Especially now that they have worked out how to get people to pay for the pleasure of paying. Whether or not they are actually making a profit is another question and quite frankly not the point. I assume that these people are doing something that they love, are enjoying themselves and quite possibly getting paid for it. Which in my book is essentially living the dream, so well done Josh and crew.

Some times I blame my lack of motivation or drive on my parents, particularly my mother for making my life to easy for me. I never really remember having to try to hard to do anything. Nor do I recall ever struggling or not being able to have or get something. While we were by no means a 'rich' family I had enough to remain on the outskirts of cool. I certainly never went without any of the teenage necessities, however what I had was never quite just right.

Academically I made adequate grades. Enough to show promise but at the end of the day only slightly above average. With hindsight I see that I never really exerted or challenged myself. Peers would spend hours studying to achieve the same results I achieved in half the time. For some reason though I seemed to lack the ability to push myself to really shine. A feeling that is still current in my life. I seem to have an innate ability to just accept mediocrity, actually it is more than just accept. It is more like embracing the average. Near enough is more than good enough. Any where within a 5 km radius (or thereabouts) will do.

I guess by now you are wondering what my point is.

Don't worry so am I. Random tangents seem to be my specialty, unfortunately though I have no more to offer now. Some new cards have been released so I must bid you all adieu


PHOTO CREDITS
Today's photos caused me much angst in there insertion. I am still not completely happy with the way that they look but enough time has been wasted so am letting go and moving on.

The tiger is from my own personal collection while the African Pancake Tortoise comes from Penny Mathews who can be found at stock.xchng.com

I was searching for photos tagged with laziness, there were only a few, some bears and kittens and a lady floating on the water. (which I really loved but unfortunately had issues uploading, always next time I guess) It was the animal shots that reminded my of my very lazy tiger.