Not exactly a lighthearted topic and generally not something that dinner table conversation is privy to. In fact, there are not many times when death is a welcomed topic for discussion. For me death is often in the forefront of my mind and has been for as long as I can remember.
I guess I should take a moment to clarify a few minor details.
When I say that death is on the forefront of my mind I actually mean that one of my first thoughts everyday is I wonder if today is the day he will finally be put to rest. I refer of course to my father.
I can not really recall the first time I had such a thought and I must say that it is only in recent times that it has reached near daily appearances. Which when you consider his current state of health is not really surprising.
When I was younger I guess it would have been fair to say that I feared the answer. My father is much older than my mother. In fact my father's first born is actually two weeks older than my mother. Not understanding the complete workings of the world I just assumed that old people died and I my dad has always been older than most.
Now however I think the day that the answer becomes yes would be a relief.
Don't get me wrong I love my father more than words here could ever explain. Not seeing him every day will be hard to adjust to and there will be a huge hole in my life for a while when he does finally pass, but watching the pain and suffering he is currently enduring is worse.
I can not begin to explain what it is like. Watching the man I have idolised for life become decrepit and frail. The one person who I truly saw as unbeatable. A tower of strength and power that few would ever be able to attain, slowly, and painfully fading away and falling to pieces.
Photo credits to Dimitri Castrique who I found on stock.xchng after searching the term death