Lately blogging has been tricky. Mainly because I have found it hard to actually make the time to blog and partly because when I have made the time ideas are few and far between. Which of course means I make even less time and it is all just one vicious circle.
On the rare occasions where thoughts have began to flow and sentences formed I have then proceeded to tear them apart and decide they are no where nearly good enough to warrant taking up precious time sharing with others. Enough to make me get back on the vicious circle ride that barely allowed me time to write. Only to get off write and whingy post about nothing except whine whine whine and wait for in line to return to the never ending cycle.
Actually it is not just blogging that has been a little tricky lately. Life itself feels like it is currently set in a quasi struggle town that has been sucked dry of motivation and enthusiasm. I seem to feel constantly drained and run down, unable to find the energy needed to happily coast through the day and adequately meet all the requirements before me. Let alone exceed expectations.
I know greatness is out there. I have seen glimpses so I know it exists. I just can't seem to grasp it.
More deep breathes.
When I first started blogging I would just write what was in my head. I never put much thought into it. I just wanted to practise writing. For whatever reason, keeping a hand written journal/diary thing never worked out to well for me. I struggled to make the time to do it. I thought that using technology would make it more exciting and maybe encourage me to write more regularly. Then I started to get the notion that if I was writing I should be read.
To a certain extent I was right. At least to start with. However the novelty of it all started to fade as I discovered all the other things one could do on a computer. You know things like Facebook games, or Twitter stalking, not to mention the likes of Pinterest. (Mind you back then Pinterest was no where to be seen but you get the picture I am sure) The fact that I wasn't getting read as much as I expected was also what you might call disheartening. The theory write and they shall read is not quite as easy as it sounds.
Sadly I didn't (and possibly still don't) have much idea on self promotion and the like. Back when I started I had no idea on how to attract readers. Sure I saw people talking about SEO content or something along those lines but I couldn't really see how it involved me. I thought that I just had to write and before long I would be a hit. It appears as if I have an ego that is in constant need of attention. The whole writing for myself doesn't seem to work all that well for me. I want to write to be read.
Of course if people are going to the trouble of reading what I am writing I want to ensure that they are reading something worth while. Or at least not left feeling like they have wasted their time. Which naturally starts to take me back to the never ending ride I mentioned earlier.
Not surprisingly I spend a lot of time thinking about what I may or may not write. This is actually the third post I have thought about today. The first I actually managed to begin drafting, which by the way, is a rather new process for me. It is not yet finished but all going to plan it should be ready to link up with the lovely Jess for #IBOT on Tuesday.
The next is one that I have been thinking about for a few days. It was going to be titled What ANZAC Day means to me, or perhaps ANZAC Day 2002, Ten Years On. I haven't got to it yet. It will be a hard story to tell. One that will take me through a bucket load of emotional crap and divulge a range of secrets I am still not completely sure I am ready to share but also doubt I can hold onto much longer.
I actually came here to start getting it all out. Given ANZAC Day is now been and gone I will probably need to come up with a new title. Anyway. Before I started writing it I fluffed around on FB for a while and reorganised the top sites window that appears when I open my browser. From there I thought I would check out a few of my favourite blogs. It has been a while since I did some reading and what better time to read blogs than Saturday night?
The first place I went to was Edenland. I have no idea when I first came across her but it is only because Jess said she was so lovely that I have started hanging out there recently. By the way lovely is a bit of an understatement. She is AWESOME. Truly inspiring both as a woman and a blogger. In fact in many ways she is the blogger I thought I would be. Maybe not with tattoos and rough as hell life but more so with the awesome.
When I read this post I felt like she was talking to me. Like directly to me.
So far I don't have a post to enter but there are still a few days.