I can't believe how much time I seem to spend thinking the same thing over and over. Thinking yeah that is a great idea! Yeah! I should do that for sure! Life would be great if I did things like that! Full of gusto and energy in thought. Only for some reason I never seem to actually make it happen.
My entire life feels like it is a constant struggle to make something happen. At times I have no idea what exactly it is that is meant to be happening I am just sure that something should. After all that is what life is about isn't it? Things happening all the time? I mean if things didn't happen then life would be rather drull to say the least. (For the spellos out there I meant to have the letter 'r', I am hoping to make a new word, drull, it means, really, really dull...drull...help me get it out there :)
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Right now I should be cleaning the house but I just can't face it. I hate housework and cleaning and all that domesticated crap more than anything you could possibly think of. Besides, how would I ever find time to write if I was forever doing housework? Oh wait...that's right apart from right now I haven't...(gets up to answer phone...loses trail of thought)
Anyway as I think I was saying right now sitting in front of my lovely iMac listening to some groovy tunes is a much preferred option to washing distugstingly dirty dishes (cringes as she changes song from heavy metal pollution...nearly 10 mins later...
Is it any wonder that I never seem to make anything happen? Sure plenty of stuff happens...but how much happened because I chose it to? Most of the stuff that happens to me is because I let it. Very little at times seems to happen because it was something I actively set out to do.
Let me try and give you an example..
Great. Nice time for my mind to pull a blank. I got nothing. This writing gig is not all that it is cracked up to be. I guess I will come back to that later...
For most of my life, or at least for as much of it as I can remember, I have been under the misguided impression that I am a talented writer. Somewhere deep within me I just know that I havewords of such wisdom that the world will look at me in awe...well may not awe but at least admiration or something cool like that.
The flaw with this grand notion of mine is that to be a writer I must actively write. And actively write is not just once every three or four times a month, actively write is at least five times a week. How else will these supposed pearls of wisdom be shared amongst the masses if I don't make the time to write? What better platform to spring myself to stardom from than blogging?
Only once again my plans are inherently flawed. My misconceptions and self created delusion set me up for the feeling of failure. You see I am of the opinion that I should just be able to get it right first time. Somehow my mind has twisted the facts to think that it is without error. In my mind I am a blogging superstar, one that is oblivious to the fact no one else knows that.
So when, after the first few posts and I have not reached a million hits in under a few hours, I get very disheartened and question all that I do. I am starting to think that I need to just bang my head against a wall a few times while someone stands there yelling “you just have to write you bimbo. Write and write and write.”
Over the years I have started so many blogs but for one reason or another they have never felt right. After much consideration and much doubt, I think I am going to stick with A Parenting Life, I think, oh gosh I don't know.....
Lately I have been thinking about creating a new blog called Fairy Wishes and Butterfly Kisses (another catch cry I am trying to create and get used by the wider community hopefully you might have already heard of it before now...)
Anyway I have managed to keep your attention for just over 720 words now and I don't really want to push my luck to much further. Not just with you as a reader but also myself in the real world. My house is in dire need of attention and darling hubs has been very understanding but as I am discovering everyone has limits and sometimes they do not need stretching, Which can be a contentious issue as modern ideology is often all about going beyond yourself but more on that at another time I think.
If you are still reading this, and boy I hope you are, please do me a favour and have a good look around. Click a few links, leave a comment, share a thought, whatever, I just like knowing people have stopped by.
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