Today proved to be a very interesting day for me. One that I am yet to fully comprehend, understand and translate.
I was invited to lunch by one of my neighbours to celebrate her birthday. She did not mention it to me at the time, but I had a feeling it was for her fortieth. (As it turned out I was right)
When she invited me last week it went a little like this...
Her : If you are not doing anything next week would you like to come to lunch with me for my birthday?
Me : Sure that sounds great
Her : Fantastic, don't take it the wrong way but I don't have many friends here and it would be nice to have a few people with me on the day
Now while some may have been taken aback by this last comment, I was not. I actually replied with "that's ok neither do I and my birthday is coming soon too"
When I arrived at the venue for lunch today I was relieved to find that I had arrived before the guest of honour. However I was horrified to discover that her loving husband had managed to organise her four best friends from interstate to fly up and celebrate with her. Yep, he's a keeper.
Needless to say, unbeknown to my neighbour my presence was not really needed. None the less I stayed. Why I am not sure. I guess self punishment is needed by us all at times. Well, that and the fact it is not like I go out to lunch all the time. I was dressed, hair brushed and there seemed silly to just go home, especially when I was hungry and all.
As it turned out being surrounded by people I didn't know, who hadn't seen each other for years wasn't as bad as I expected. All in all actually, the whole ordeal turned out to be ok. Sure I forgot the present and card and my bankcard wouldn't work and did I mention all the people I didn't know.
They were nice friendly people though, and in the end I managed to transfer some money so I could pay my share without anyone being aware I had difficulties. Not only that there was another lady that lived locally that my neighbour had invited so I wasn't alone in my discomfort amongst all the besties. Actually as it turns out the local lady was a gorgeous fashion designer that I got along with quite well.
However, the entire time I sat there, smiling at their fond memories they shared, pretending to be having a great time with a bunch of complete strangers that weren't really interested in me, I couldn't help but be overcome with jealousy.
These women had been friends for around 20 years. They had shared amazing (and terrible) times together. They had watched each other change and develop. There was not much they did not know about each other. It was amazing to see the bond that they shared.
It was heartbreaking to know I have nothing similar and probably never will.
Why this is I do not know, but for some reason friends just don't stick to me like they do others. Maybe it is me, maybe it is them, I have no idea. All I know is no one ever stays long in RhiannaLand.
Generally speaking I am fine with this agreement. I have never really felt the need to be surrounded by people. I find that most people are not what they seem and while it may seem harsh, not worth the effort.
I believe that I give myself to people openly and honestly yet rarely is it returned. I do acknowledge a special intimate circle of friends, but it is very small in size. Which usually causes me no concern.
People can be cruel and sometimes it is best to limit experiences with them. A belief I have always held without any true justification.
I know how selective I can be. I realise that reasons for limitations on my friendships are self imposed and I blame no one but my self. That doesn't mean I don't get lonely sometimes.
Even though these women all have at least ten years experience on me, I seriously doubt that when I turn forty, my husband will be able to organise an event such as the one I attended today. Nothing against his skills, I just question where he will find the people to invite!