Saturday, October 6

Sometimes things just need to be said

As a blogger, perhaps even just as a person, there are things that I just need to say. Things that if I kept to myself it is quite possible that I may just implode. This is one of those posts. It's strange though, because as much as I want to share, as much as I need to share, the words aren't easy to come by.

There is this little voice saying don't worry about it Rhianna. They don't really need to know.

Which is true, maybe.

Surely if I need to say this as much as what I feel I need to, then you my dear readers need to hear it?

Only it is not just you that need to know what particularly crazy notions are flying around my pretty little head. There are people in the real world that would benefit from the knowledge I am about to share. In fact anyone that I come into contact with today may be better off if they knew as much about today as what I do.

Naturally I can no more verbally say what I need to than I can get it out in writing. Every time I try the words just seem to get stuck at the top of my throat. My eyes begin to well and every inch of my being goes into overdrive to stop myself  from dissolving into a flood of tears. Instead a torrent silent runs down my cheeks.

Three years ago today, my life changed. And not really in a good way. It was one of those chapter changeovers, one ending and another beginning, if you know what I mean.

The day that I had spent many a years fearing and dreading, eventually occurred.

My Dad died. Today is the third anniversary of the passing of my muchly loved dad.

There, I said it.
Man it sucks.

Really really sucks.

To say I miss him is an understatement. As everyone who has lost someone dear to them knows, there are no words that adequately describe the emotions of death.

For the most part I can go around my daily life coping just fine with it all. He was an old man who had lived a wonderful life. His last years was full of illness and pain and his passing finally brought relief to all of that. As much as I miss him, I loved him more and watching him go through what he did I can find comfort in the fact that he is no longer suffering.

Every now and then it all gets a bit much for me though and the sadness of no longer having an earthside father tears me to shreds.

Today is one of those days.