Insight to my mind

A little over twelve hours from when I awoke this morning I find that not much has really changed. That is not to say everything has remained the same, for it hasn't. Despite my efforts to maintain some degree of order, it appears as if chaos clearly reigns in my home.

After many attempts my lounge room floor still has toys strewn all over it. Much like it was when I first came down stairs. The pile of dirty dishes that adorns my kitchen sink and surrounding bench space has grown slightly. While the kitchen table is now covered with bags of shopping patiently waiting to be put away.

It is fair to say that my life is a shambles.

I know that the term life my seem some excessive to most. Many housewives and mothers struggle with the constant battle to maintain order with their domain. Washing, tidying and general chores are just part and parcel of daily life. Well for me they are my worst nightmare.

Almost everyday it feels like I look around the inside of my four walls only to be greeted with a sight that resembles the aftermath of a cyclone. My life is a day by day kind of existence, so based on this I am justified in saying my life is a shambles.

While I would love to continue sharing right now, my duties as "head chef" are required. I must provide food for the starving massed (aka 2 children) who need their nourishment before bed

A few words

Life is a constant barrage of activity. There is always something that needs to be done yet there rarely seems enough time to get it all done. (My lack of entries here is testament to that)

Some might say that my journey through the ocean of life of late has been rather choppy. It certainly has not been smooth sailing of late. However it was nothing a harden sailor, such as myself, couldn't handle. Just between you and me though I probably could be doing a slightly better job.

I mean sure I have not been a messy bundle curled up on the floor but I certainly haven't been standing strong at the helm directing my boat as needed. I have just left it to steer itself! Which on the whole hasn't been to bad but it is fair to say that my boat has veered slightly of course to say the least.

The good news is that I am slowly clawing my my back and the waters appear to be calming a little. I just need to remember that it is all about perspective really.

Credit for the photo must go to Marco Caliulo His great shots can be found at stock.xchng

Ramble

As we travel through life there are times when we suddenly awake from the daze that is our perception of reality.

Generally this awakening is rather sudden, possibly even considered by some as rude. While that may be so, it is in fact irrelevant, as generally speaking, such reality checks are more than needed if not long overdue!

Recently (today) I was given such a call. I don't really like sharing great personal details so please be with me if it seems sketchy in places. I was informed that people don't like the way I speak. Naturally, I was hurt and instantly became defensive, however imagine my pain when I stopped and heard myself the next time I spoke.

This person was right I had not been speaking very nicely to them. While I felt pressured and uncomfortable to even be in the same room as this person (and others), my current situation prevented me avoiding contact with them. I thought I had been making the best of it, but today I find out that I had been making them less than welcome.

I tried to defend my actions by explaining how I felt.

In case you are interested, I feel very hurt by these people, well one in particular. If our relationship was a business transaction, they have everything to gain, while I only lose. The problem is winners don't care what other's may lose, that's what makes them a winner. I must make sure I am the winner. Oh no wait, this is not a race, there doesn't always need to be winners and losers. We want win-win.

Then when I thought about it some more, I realised with an attitude like mine, I deserved to feel bad. I have been behaving in an unbecoming manner. I haven't really given these people a chance to let them put their cards on the table. A chance to show they may have something to offer in the exchange.

Maybe there is no need be so defensive, perhaps it doesn't really hurt to let people in sometimes.

Further reflection led me to the awareness there are actually a whole range of different people in my life that when I think about it are currently complaining about the way I speak to them. I know that life has been a bit rough for me lately but I really had no idea how poorly I was coping.

The great news is that now I am aware of a need to change I can. So when I have to meet with these people again I will just take a deep breath, let down my guard and show a vulnerable side so that we can all be reminded that I am, lucky everyone else, only human.

I may even find a way to entwining this new attitude with the Quit Club

The Good and The Bad

It is a well known fact of life that with good comes bad and vice versa. I have always been a big believer in the two going together. If there were never any downs then we would never know when the ups are about.

For the most part of my life I travel along in varying levels of up. Without bragging or being conceited I feel that my life is truly blessed. It is full of goodness, love and happiness and I don't really think there is much more I would ask for.

Having said that though, when the downs come, I swear it is the biggest roller coaster dip you have ever been on. I am currently in the process of a down at the moment. Any way the point today is not to whine about how crap I feel my life is at present, but rather illustrate how even simple activities can be full of both good and bad.

1. It was good that I managed to get some washing done today. It was bad however that a tissue managed to slip in with the dark clothes.
2. Again it was positive to do the washing (we are all down to our last pair of knickers), however now it all needs to be folded and put away!

Ok so it is not an extensive list yet but at least it is a start!

Credit and thanks for the photo go to LadyAustin who can be found at stock.xchng

Pig Personality Test

So by drawing this pig I was able to gain insight into my personality. Very exciting! Here are the results

Value Your Parents

So today my dad was taken to hospital, nothing serious just one of those things that take you by surprise. (Well not really a surprise as he is a 79 year old with many serious health concerns but anyway...you get my point)

Naturally such an event makes you stop and consider various aspects of your life. Not being really ready to deal with these thoughts just yet I thought I would seek refuge online.

Needing to boost traffic to my parenting site I registered with link referral. The first site I am sent to review today had this beautiful piece a daughter had written to her elderly mother. It was all rather touching, so much so I have been prompted to share it with you.

edited 22/11/12
I am going through and fixing any broken links, which this post had a few of.

Fantastic Site for Children

One of my fellow writer friends has just launched a great new blog full of original children's nursery rhymes. They are hilariously funny and provide a refreshing change from the standard rhymes that currently fill the minds of out little ones.

Have a look and check it out Funny Rhymes

Smoking Cat

I wish I could give a credit for this photo but unfortunately I know not the mastermind that created it. A friend of mine sent it to me in a email entitled what happens when computer get bored.

Unfortunately my limited computer knowledge permits me from being able to transfer the image here in it's full glory. In the email the paw actually moved making the cat inhale.

Aside from the sheer coolness of it I wanted to share this due to my recent decision to quit the terrible habit myself. While I have made the decision that I plan to quit I haven't actually put it into action yet. It is however quickly approaching the top of my To-Do List so I imagine that Quit Day is not to far away. I will certainly keep you posted!

~may in every way this be a special day ~

Wind and Kites

The following is a product of a Little Blue Book entry. It is an attempt at creative writing. Not something I do often so please read and enjoy

So here I am again. Time to myself with nothing to do but write. And yet again this freedom of mind leaves the written page blank. Which is such a shame.

I thought that this would be the perfect scenario for writing...

Sitting high up on a balcony. Over looking the sea.

Through the tree tops I can watch the foaming white waves gently crashing about. They never even make it to the shoreline.

I am not contactable and there is no one here to disturb me. The phone is on silent so I won't even hear it ring.

I pause for a moment, taking it all in. Hopefully deep breathes of air and the wind on my face, will bring inspiration...

In the distance I can see a kite surfers kite. There is just enough wind to raise it and hold it in place, but not enough to make it move out of position. The strings holding it in place can not be seen. Neither can the person holding the strings for that matter. It looks like it is just suspended in air. Held by the magic of wind.

This place, this balcony that I am looking out from. I have been here before. It is familiar yet unknown. I know that I have been here before. I remember coming. I don't remember exactly when it was. Some time in the distant past. Ten years or so I imagine, maybe less. I guess it doesn't really matter now.

In fact it is questionable what really matters at the best of times. Life can be such a fickle experience.

Of course love matters. Love always matters. For without love, what is left?

Love is the glue of life, it holds us together. And tears us apart.

There are two kites now. The new one is red. The wind has picked up now as well. It keeps blowing them out of site, behind all of the trees.
I wish I could be blown away. Not that I am unhappy here. I just think it would be a nice feeling. To be picked up and blown around like a fallen leaf. Lifted and carried from one place to the next. Stopping every now and then for the wind to catch her breath.

Even the wind runs out of air sometimes.

Australia smashes into Tri Nation Finals

Australia has again stated it's dominance as a force to be reckoned with in world cricket.

While the Indian team fought a tough battle, they were unable to with stand the Aussie onslaught. With the entire team in form tonight they showed just why they are the number one team in the world.

In a game that went down to the wire, Brett Lee snared the final wicket on the first ball of the last over. Finishing with outstanding results of 5/58 the Australian fast bowl showed just how much he is worth to the game. In light of recent bids at the Indian Premier League auctions a players value can now be seen in monetary terms

Captain Ricky Ponting found himself at the crease a little earlier than planned, with crowd favourite Adam Gilchirst making a quick fire 16 before being given out. The early arrival however gave Ponting plenty of time to reach a total of 124.

Along with Andrew Symonds (59 off 49 balls) and Matthew Hayden (54 off 62) Ponting displayed form not seen much in recent matches among more than a single player.

While it looked like Ponting was there for the duration, the final overs saw India's bowlers break through. Taking a spate of quick wickets. Even if it was a case of too little to late.

Australia finished 50 overs with a total of 7/317. The highest score for this tri nation series. One that has been plagued by rain and all round weak performances.

India's openers started shakily with Sachin Tendulkar falling after only facing three balls. After a few more quick wickets it appeared as if India was without a chance.

However thanks to a strong middle order and some massive baseball style hits, they were able to recover and the win was again within reach of the Indian team. Expensive overs from Michael Clark had the Indians knocking on the door of victory.

In a bid to achieve the big shots necessary to reach the target the Indian batsmen paid the price of taking on the Australian fielders. Eventually losing their final wicket 18 runs short with five balls remaining.

With only two games before the finals Australia is a assured of a place. Their opponents are yet to be decided and are dependent upon upcoming games in the week.

Sri Lanka must win over both India and Australia in order to play in the finals, otherwise India will go through.

Update

I know you must be wondering what has caused the delay in my posting. I assure you, I have a very worth explanation for my absence.

I have had nothing to say. I have tried a few times to sit and share and write but I was unable to create anything but garble so I thought I would spare you the pain.

When I was younger and experienced this, I would ban myself from writing as I thought it was a waste of paper. Being a bit of a greeny I could not fathom the thought I wasting a single sheet with garble, so until my words would be great my pen lay still. (Luckily back then I had a lot of thinking time so it all worked well)

I know that today it is difficult to use such an excuse. The Internet is full of garble at times so why not add mine? Also there are no trees losing their lives to make paper for my garble to be written upon. I am able for it to be sucked up into cyber space and locked away forever, safely stored on my hard drive.

However, I still feel in the interest of public sanity, if I can't find anything decent to write then it is best if I don't write. I also believe this ideology should be made compulsory for all writers! So that is why ladies and gentlemen I have been absent of late. (That and the fact I have been really busy!)

Signs are everywhere

Last week, after I was busy mourning my lack of a strong long term friendship club I received an email from an old high school friend!

If that isn't a sign of some sort then I don't know what is.

I have always held some thought that there are greater forces in the world than what most of us are really able to understand. I have never really been able to pin point exactly what they are or how and why they work, but I just know they are generally working in my favour.

I am really appreciative of this sign that was sent to me.

Unfortunately for me though I am not always able to interpret signs that these forces are trying to alert me to.

Take today for example.

I woke this morning from a bad dream about my youngest daughter. She had injured
her elbow. It was not overly serious, just very gruesome to look at. Anyway tonight she fell off of a stool. It was probably about a one meter drop and she landed on slate tiles.

There is no worse sound to a parent than that of their child's head and body against a hard floor. It shakes through to the soul.

Thankfully it appears as if other than a bruise and a bump she should be fine, though thankful is only a small part of how I feel at present. Part of me is angry that I did not see the sign in my dream. Even though the injuries and incidents were different the message was still the same.

Both my dream and reality were avoidable accidents.

I think perhaps I will whip up a quick article on child safety!

Friendships

Today proved to be a very interesting day for me. One that I am yet to fully comprehend, understand and translate.

I was invited to lunch by one of my neighbours to celebrate her birthday. She did not mention it to me at the time, but I had a feeling it was for her fortieth. (As it turned out I was right)


When she invited me last week it went a little like this...


Her : If you are not doing anything next week would you like to come to lunch with me for my birthday?

Me : Sure that sounds great

Her : Fantastic, don't take it the wrong way but I don't have many friends here and it would be nice to have a few people with me on the day

Now while some may have been taken aback by this last comment, I was not. I actually replied with "that's ok neither do I and my birthday is coming soon too"

So...

When I arrived at the venue for lunch today I was relieved to find that I had arrived before the guest of honour. However I was horrified to discover that her loving husband had managed to organise her four best friends from interstate to fly up and celebrate with her. Yep, he's a keeper.

Needless to say, unbeknown to my neighbour my presence was not really needed. None the less I stayed. Why I am not sure. I guess self punishment is needed by us all at times. Well, that and the fact it is not like I go out to lunch all the time. I was dressed, hair brushed and there seemed silly to just go home, especially when I was hungry and all.

As it turned out being surrounded by people I didn't know, who hadn't seen each other for years wasn't as bad as I expected. All in all actually, the whole ordeal turned out to be ok. Sure I forgot the present and card and my bankcard wouldn't work and did I mention all the people I didn't know.

They were nice friendly people though, and in the end I managed to transfer some money so I could pay my share without anyone being aware I had difficulties. Not only that there was another lady that lived locally that my neighbour had invited so I wasn't alone in my discomfort amongst all the besties. Actually as it turns out the local lady was a gorgeous fashion designer that I got along with quite well.

However, the entire time I sat there, smiling at their fond memories they shared, pretending to be having a great time with a bunch of complete strangers that weren't really interested in me, I couldn't help but be overcome with jealousy.

These women had been friends for around 20 years. They had shared amazing (and terrible) times together. They had watched each other change and develop. There was not much they did not know about each other. It was amazing to see the bond that they shared.

It was heartbreaking to know I have nothing similar and probably never will.

Why this is I do not know, but for some reason friends just don't stick to me like they do others. Maybe it is me, maybe it is them, I have no idea. All I know is no one ever stays long in RhiannaLand.

Generally speaking I am fine with this agreement. I have never really felt the need to be surrounded by people. I find that most people are not what they seem and while it may seem harsh, not worth the effort.

I believe that I give myself to people openly and honestly yet rarely is it returned. I do acknowledge a special intimate circle of friends, but it is very small in size. Which usually causes me no concern.

People can be cruel and sometimes it is best to limit experiences with them. A belief I have always held without any true justification.

I know how selective I can be. I realise that reasons for limitations on my friendships are self imposed and I blame no one but my self. That doesn't mean I don't get lonely sometimes.

Even though these women all have at least ten years experience on me, I seriously doubt that when I turn forty, my husband will be able to organise an event such as the one I attended today. Nothing against his skills, I just question where he will find the people to invite!

Success!

Last week turned out to be one full of success and joy (well at least in RhiannaLand it was). While I revel in the glory of being crowned a Channel Champion at Helium, there are many around me who are suffering through sadness and sorrow.

No I am not talking about the famine and droughts which plague the world, or the atrocity of poverty and war. These global pains are now just taken for granted and no longer need attention. What I am actually referring to is much more local.

Almost everyone I spoke to last week was having a bad week in some form or another. This was particularly true for those in my immediate circles (ie anyone who I wanted to share my joy with)
Thankfully I have discovered a very friendly community who were only to happy to pat my back as needed. I also have no ill feelings to those who were to busy, I know eventually you will get there and that is all that counts!

In particular I have one friend who is being forced to endure an enormous amount sorrow at present and my whole heart goes out to her. I wish I could share magic in her life but for some reason she at times seems immune. In many ways her life has been greatly blessed, but in others , her whole life seems to be nothing more than a series of bad events.

That is not to say that the sun never shines but, if something is able to go awry, then it will.

There is no simplicity or lack of drama in her life. There always seems to be worries and concerns, I wonder how she can possibly cope?

At times I commend her for her resilience. It is just amazing how much one person can subject themselves to or rather be subjected to.

Rainbow Mountain

As I finished my previous post (all of 2 minutes ago) I thought how fitting a photo of a bath tub or plug may be. In fact I thought it such a great idea that I went straight to stock.xchng to try and find one.

However before I even got close to what I was looking for I stumbled across this beautiful shot.

It's beauty left me speechless and compelled me to share it with you.

Our lives can be full of heart ache and sorrow at times, we can easily forget that such beauty can be found.

A big thank you to Christie Thomas for sharing this shot.