As we travel through life there are times when we suddenly awake from the daze that is our perception of reality.
Generally this awakening is rather sudden, possibly even considered by some as rude. While that may be so, it is in fact irrelevant, as generally speaking, such reality checks are more than needed if not long overdue!
Recently (today) I was given such a call. I don't really like sharing great personal details so please be with me if it seems sketchy in places. I was informed that people don't like the way I speak. Naturally, I was hurt and instantly became defensive, however imagine my pain when I stopped and heard myself the next time I spoke.
This person was right I had not been speaking very nicely to them. While I felt pressured and uncomfortable to even be in the same room as this person (and others), my current situation prevented me avoiding contact with them. I thought I had been making the best of it, but today I find out that I had been making them less than welcome.
I tried to defend my actions by explaining how I felt.
In case you are interested, I feel very hurt by these people, well one in particular. If our relationship was a business transaction, they have everything to gain, while I only lose. The problem is winners don't care what other's may lose, that's what makes them a winner. I must make sure I am the winner. Oh no wait, this is not a race, there doesn't always need to be winners and losers. We want win-win.
Then when I thought about it some more, I realised with an attitude like mine, I deserved to feel bad. I have been behaving in an unbecoming manner. I haven't really given these people a chance to let them put their cards on the table. A chance to show they may have something to offer in the exchange.
Maybe there is no need be so defensive, perhaps it doesn't really hurt to let people in sometimes.
Further reflection led me to the awareness there are actually a whole range of different people in my life that when I think about it are currently complaining about the way I speak to them. I know that life has been a bit rough for me lately but I really had no idea how poorly I was coping.
The great news is that now I am aware of a need to change I can. So when I have to meet with these people again I will just take a deep breath, let down my guard and show a vulnerable side so that we can all be reminded that I am, lucky everyone else, only human.
I may even find a way to entwining this new attitude with the Quit Club