Tuesday, February 11

Goodbye, so long, farewell

Darwin has long been touted as one of the most transient capital cities. As a long tern local it is something that I can personally attest to as well. For many years as I was growing up it felt as if all I was ever doing was saying goodbye to people. Families would get transferred here for a few years and then when their time was done, they would be sent to somewhere else. It was just the way things worked.

Of course we never got sent anywhere else because my parents had willingly chosen to be here. There had been no company transfer to prove your worth or anything like that. With the booming building industry of a city that desperately needed rebuilding and then continued to grow and grow Dad was never without work so there was never even a reason to consider leaving.

And honestly why would you want to leave a lifestyle like this?
On top of that he and my mum both loved the tropical relaxed laid back way of life. There was no way there were ever giving it up to return to the hustle and bustle of a big city. Which I can totally understand and relate to. The mere thought of a hustling bustling big city makes me want to go and hide in a corner.

As I got older I found myself wanting to join the ranks of leavers. If everyone else thought there was somewhere better to be then maybe there was something to it. So I studied hard, certain that acceptance to an interstate university was my only ticket out of town.

However before I got there, I had the chance to do some travelling of my own. Not a lot, but enough to let me know that I was already lucky enough to be living in one of the most wonderful places on earth.

Over time I said goodbye to every single one of my friends from school and my first failed attempt at university. Over the same time I slowly began to be more selective in who I would let into my inner circles of friendships. I didn't see the point in investing too much time or energy into someone who was only going to leave me.

Sadly this meant I found myself without any real friends. Which I acted like I was ok with. Who needs lots of people in their life anyway? By this time I had Mr Awesome so in so many ways I thought I had all that I needed.

Of course I didn't though.

By the time Lovely was five and Zany was on the scene I began to realise the importance of having friends. Not just for myself but for the girls as well. Slowly I began looking for some and opening myself up. It was a long and slow process. Not aided by my reluctance either.

In 2011 I decided to throw caution to the wind and actively sought to find new life long friends. It was a wonderful experience and I while I may not have discovered the new bestie I was hoping for I no longer felt alone or even lonely. It also gave me the confidence to keep slowly letting people in.

Somewhere along the line I stopped looking so hard and just let things be. As great as 2011 had been for finding and making new friends, there weren't too many actual keepers in there. I wasn't going to spend 2012 in the same manner so I backed off on the friendship hunt.

Only would you believe it? When I wasn't even looking I somehow managed to stumble across someone who I truly connected with in so many ways. In fact from our first catch up I walked away feeling like I had just spent hours with a best friend. If of course I was the type to have best friends.

Anyway I am sure by now you have worked out what comes next.

Yep she is now on the road out of town and quickly too.

Despite my total and utter devastation I don't really hold it against her. I know that it is in her family's best interest. I know that where she is off to she will be faced with great opportunity and a wonderful life but right now it is so hard to see past my own sadness.

Which I know is so, so so incredibly selfish. Especially since in six months time I would have been the one leaving her. But I just can't help it. The mere thought of saying goodbye to her sends me to tears. Ridiculous over emotional tears that I just can't stop.

And yes I have heard of Skype and all those modern fang dangled ways of staying in contact but they are not the same. Not when it is the only way to stay in contact with just about every single person that you love and care for.

joining Jess and the gang for IBOT
also part of the Digital Parents Blog Carnival hosted by Mrs D plus 3

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  1. Oh that is sad. I don't know what I'd do if my bestie moved away. I'm not good at the 'friendship' thing, and like you I do yearn for that one best friend that I really connect with (not that I don' with my bestie now but it's nice to have a couple don't you think?). I envy those who have really strong closeknit friendship groups of 4 or 5. Like in high school. It's different in the real world.

  2. Awww it is so hard to leave a friend or have a friend leave you. My best friend lives in England, when we do see each other we chat non stop and can barely leave at the end!

  3. It's one of the things that's really hard about living here - people are very transient and making friends can be hard :-( Hope you're ok x

  4. It's so hard to make friends when you're older. Many of my friends talk about making them through their kids (parents they meet at school or in the park) but I don't have kids. I left all of my friends behind when I left Brisbane.

    However... when I first moved here just over a year ago I went to a few 'things'. I went to a business networking event, a women's meet-up thing, writers group AND I met a few people via Twitter! Indeed my closest friend here is someone I met on Twitter and we met up in person and get on really well.

    I'm not naturally a 'joiner' so it was hard for me but I've found it quite useful. I do need to get better at changing from acquaintance to friend though. (I was doing yoga and met some lovely women. I'm Facebook friends with some but keep turning down invites to catch up - out of laziness. I should make an effort cos if my other friends suddenly left I'd be starting from scratch again!)


  5. Very poignant, Rhianna. It's hard when friends move away and the older we get, the pickier we are, I feel. I don't think it's about the number of friends, it's the quality. :)

  6. Sad face ... I hate it when friends move away. I guess I'm lucky it hasn't happened to me too much. It is hard to open yourself up again to new friends when deep down you know that they too will move on one day ...

    lotsaluv Janet

    Visiting today from #teamIBOT xxx

  7. Oh lovey, I get it. In my profession, friends come and go so often with transfers. It's hard.
    Sending much love xxx

  8. It's always hard to say goodbye, my family has been in this situation all to often. Sending you love, prayers and the biggest of hugs xx

  9. It's always hard to say goodbye, my family has been in this situation all to often. Sending you love, prayers and the biggest of hugs xx

  10. You will find I am sure that when you do see each other again or talk on the phone that it will be just like yesterday, nothing will change you will just be in different spots. I have seen my bestie about 4 times in 27 years and when we talk it feels like we are carrying on a conversation like it was yesterday. That's true friendship xx

  11. I totally understand how you feel Rhianna... I miss my best friend, who is back in Canada, every second... Sending you positive virtual thoughts.

  12. Oh Rhi, hugs and hugs to you. I moved here about 7 years ago and knew no one and was told to meet up with a friend of a friend. Somehow I meet a few people and then I lost most of those last year, also my supposed BFF decided she could no longer be friends with me because of an incident involving my hubby. So I have one person I have really connected with in the past year, and if she were to leave too, I'd be devo. Thinking of you and you allowed to be gutted, you're only human xxx

  13. So I managed to get through this morning tear free until I read this, and then I've been pretty much useless all day.
    Hate Darwin making everyone leave at some point.
    Hate life throwing stupid curveballs and making people make stupid decisions.
    Hate everything right now.
    I'm so sorry.

  14. Sending you a million positive vibes. Did i miss something, what's happening in 6 months?

  15. My best friend moved to Tasmania (from QLD) when she was pregnant and then I got pregnant just before she gave birth. It was hard to be apart for probably the most important time in our lives. It doesn't look like she is moving back anytime soon either. We mainly stay in touch via facebook these days.

  16. My best friend lives 6 hours away and I miss hanging out with her. I'm going to spend the weekend with her next month and I cannot wait!

  17. Sorry to hear your friend is leaving Rhianna. If it is any consolation, I've stayed in the same place for the past 20+ years and friends have come and gone out of my life. We did make some really nice friends, one in particular, when we lived in Canada in 2011 and it is hard to keep up the long-distance friendship, but it is still there in the background. And we just holidayed in Japan with old friends (he was the Best Man at our wedding) and it was like we picked up where we left off, so I believe true friendships survive most things.

  18. You are so true, Skype and all other means are not the same. You always send such beautiful butterfly kisses to everyone. Life is awful with it's ups and downs. Besties take time to become more than lessties so hope your journey starts soon. *BumpyBear hugs*

  19. :' ( Teary here too. It does just plain suck, (hugs).

  20. A beautiful post. Your friend is lucky to have you.

  21. Oh, so sad, you poor thing :-(

  22. Goodbyes are never easy. I think I'm probably on the other end, i.e. the person leaving home, saying good bye to all things I love, the familiar places and the people I care about. During difficult times, I sometimes think of home and how much I miss the dear places I grew up in. It can be comforting to know a friend who is still back home, that there is a good friend there to see whenever I go back for a visit, and it's nice keeping track of those familiar places through the photos and updates she posts on FB. But I can understand it can be hard for her too sometimes, being back home with all us dear friends scattered all over the globe.


Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you, thanks for stopping by, it really means a lot, you taking the time so say hi. I try as much as I can to write a reply but if for some chance I don't get to it please know that I always read them.