Dear Me (The soon to be second time breastfeeding mum who thinks she has it all sorted)...

So you think you have this all worked out do you? 

This being a mum and breastfeeding and what not, is walk in the park is it? 

Don't understand why some people go on about it being hard work and hurting?

Living with a warm and fuzzy memory of being a breastfeeding guru on account of such a text book and perfect experience the first time around are you?

Well sorry to be the one to break it to you sweetheart but all will not be as expected and you will quickly be reminded of the fact that no two babies or breastfeeding journeys, are ever exactly the same.

Oh and yes, breastfeeding is actually a learned experience, one that each baby must learn, regardless of how much mum may think she actually knows. And on that note regardless of how much that mum does know nine times out of ten there is still more that she doesn't know.

Sure you may have managed to blitz through the whole breastfeeding thing the first time round with Lovely being a total booby fiend and suckling like there was no tomorrow the instant a nipple was anywhere near her little mouth, but that doesn't mean this next one is going to be like that. Especially since Lovely was just a natural sucker, given how much she loved her thumb and all. 

This next little baby will test and try your breastfeeding love in ways you could never imagine. Those first few days where you are still in that total new mum haze might seem blissful, enjoy them while you can, because once your milk comes in things will change in ways you never imagined. In those first few weeks months, your new little bundle of joy will enlighten you to the pain, trouble and difficulty that you have heard others speak of. The pain, trouble and difficulty, that somehow you managed to escape the first time round. (Or perhaps remove from memory? Five years is long time between drinks) 

Thankfully though due to some determination, magic cream and the wonders of time it will change and you will reinstate the belief that breastfeeding is pure bliss. The burning electricity that runs through your breast during those first few sucks will eventually start to fade. The cracks will start to heal and slowly but surely feeding your baby will be just as picturesque as it should be. Only now you will have greater compassion and understanding for the many women who don't find it as natural as the postcards make it to be.

You will slowly evolve into an experienced feeder who will be able to do all manner of activities while baby is attached. You will learn the wonders of feeding and laying down at the same time, something that somehow you never thought of the first time round. You still won't bother too much at all about expressing and putting into bottles so Dad or Big Sister can have a turn but with hindsight there will be a part of you that wishes you did. Mind you that hindsight won't kick in until well after you have finished breastfeeding and baby making.

You will also go on to feed babies for a total that exceeds seven years. Each baby staying on the boob for around two and half years. The third time round you will enter the journey more prepared than ever before. A good balance of reality and optimism in your hand. As well as magic nipple toughening cream to lessen the damage of those almost inevitable cracks.

You will also feel rather special when an Online Breastfeeding Cafe set up by the Australian Breastfeeding Association asks you to write a letter to yourself as part of a Dear Me Campaign they are running to help women who may be feeling ambivalent about breastfeeding and encourage them to share, discover and chat about breastfeeding via a supportive online forum and resource centre. They also have a wonderful Online Breastfeeding Cafe's Facebook page to help such discussion.

Love Me.

The dairy is officially closed.

A reopening is not expected. At all. Ever.

I found this photo here. The closed was all me though

The jury is still out on how I feel about it all. Right now due to some ridiculously strong menstrual cramps combined with my no longer ignorable toothache it is hard to feel anything but the discomfort they bring. The cramps only worsened by the fact there is no need for a monthly cycle. My baby making days are over. If only there was a button to turn the biological clock off when ready.

When my next birthday rolls around in March, I will turn thirty five. Not old I know and certainly not too old for some women to have children at. It is however plenty old enough for this woman to declare herself as past child bearing age.

It's not like I haven't already done my part any way. I have had a child to replace Mr Awesome and I as well as a spare. Or one for the country as some might say. There is no need for me to continue to procreate.

Sure I love having babies around the house, they bring with them a certain aurora that is hard to find elsewhere. Only they do grow up. And that is more what concerns me. Babies I can handle. They cry you give them a boob. They don't want the boob, then change the nappy. Still making a noise then cuddle them to they sleep. Easy. No arguments or complaints, it is a time where the simplicity of life is truly embraced. Or at least for me that's how it was.

Not like when they get older and can talk and tell demand the life they see fit for themselves. Or try to argue reason with you till you are both blue in the face. All of this before they have even reached the doorsteps of puberty. My poor little head feels like it is going to explode when I am forced to acknowledge that my eleven year old baby will have finished primary school in just a few short weeks.

How can that be? How did those days years slip by?

Miss Two has taken the closure much better than I expected. She hadn't really indicated any keenness for the relationship to end but I felt the time was right. I selfishly wanted my boobs back. They deserved to be retired from the milking gallery, having served all three girls very well. For which I feel more than blessed.

The first time I was pregnant the only thing I worried about was not being able to breastfeed. To me this starry eyed twenty three year old amazed that my motherhood desire was actually coming true so soon, it was the most important thing ever. Thankfully my concerns were totally unfounded and baby number one took to feeding like a duck to water. We both did.

The next time round was a different story though. While baby number two was keen and appeared to be doing all the right things I was in a world of excruciating pain. The kind of pain that can only come with cracked and bleeding nipples. I couldn't believe I had spent so long looking forward to rekindling the beauty of breastfeeding.

It was the worst thing ever.

Well at least for the first three months. After that I seemed to have toughen up and it suddenly became beautiful. Miss Two was somewhere in between. I had braced myself for so much pain that what I got seemed quite bearable. Jedi mind tricks and all that.

How did you feel when your breastfeeding journey 

came to an end for the very last time?

Thankful Thursday - Breastfeeding

Last week I mentioned that this week I would be giving thanks for the wonder that is breastfeeding.  When I wrote that I truly expected that sometime over the coming week I would make the time to have the post all written in advance so that come 5am today said post would schedule post and all I would need to do is link it up with Kate.  Naturally though thad is not what happened and instead here I am Thursday morning without a post.  Since very few people actually read last week's post I did briefly consider giving thanks for something else but felt that would be a bit like cheating.

Source

If I combine the time spent feeding each child, the total is over six years.  At 20 months DD3 still feeds through the night and a couple of times through the day.  Basically whenever she feels like.  It was the same with the other two.  I can not begin to explain the thanks I give for being able to breastfeed.

As you may be aware I am all about ease and quick fixes.  Both of which breastfeeding is.  There are no bottles to wash or forget to take with you.  A boob is always clean and ready for action.  I seriously worry that if I was a bottle feeder I would forget at least on one occasion to take either the bottle or the formula with me when I went out. (Laugh not, this is the same mother who can go out and forget to take a spare nappy with her).  So lucky for me breastfeeding means one less thing I need to pack when going out.  For which I am super thankful.

When I was pregnant with DD1 the only fear I really had was that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed.  I am not sure where this stemmed from as there was no reason why I felt this way.  Within minutes after the birth however my fears were dissipated  as my newborn quickly attached herself and showed we were both naturals.  Being thankful doesn't even begin to explain how I felt.  This only grew in the coming weeks as feeding went from strength to strength and I watched my little blossom thrive on the milk I produced for her.

Being somewhat small in the chest department, breastfeeding a newborn had more benefits than just nourishment as well.  Which as you can well imagine I was pretty thankful for.  Now I am not saying I would really want to be a DD all my life but there was something nice about being one for a while.  (Especially after previously only just managing to fill a B cup)  The downside to this all though is that once feeding is well established and been happening for a while said breasts not only return to their former size but perhaps even shrink and most definitely sag.  Neither of which I can find a way to be thankful for.

What I am thankful for though is the confidence and knowledge that has come with my breastfeeding experience.  The first time round I didn't know that you could feed while laying down.  Nor did I know that you didn't have to lift your top up.  I can still clearly recall the first time I saw someone pulling the top of their shirt down.  That woman is a genius and has my endless thanks.  I cringe at all that time I spent exposing my flabby tummy rolls of post birth because I failed to see that tops can be pulled down just as easy as they can go up.

Of course over a ten year period fashion has changed somewhat.  Especially when it comes to the breastfeeding mother.  Back when I first started feeding there were none of the affordable easy access tops and singlets that today's breastfeeding mother is blessed with.  A development I am more than thankful for.  Mind you when I mentioned this to my mother her only comment was well imagine what it was like when I had you which is a pretty fair point.  I am thankful that today's breastfeeding woman has more options available to her than the mothers of years gone by.

So there you have it a few of the reasons why I am thankful for breastfeeding.  Joining in over at Kate Says Stuff who is today thankful for little things.  What are you thankful for?  Head over and join on in.