Wednesday, December 9

The bar opens at what time?

It's one of those days where shortly after lunch time you find yourself seriously considering whether it is an acceptable time to crack open an alcoholic beverage. Actually, truth be told, it is one of those days where you have been wondering whether it is too early to start drinking not long after dropping the children at school. School which apparently still needs to drag on for yet another long week.

Oh the sighing.

It is fair to say that I am currently feeling rather incredibly run down. I have had a nagging headache and aching body for two days, though it feels like so much longer. Not to mention the constant feeling of exhaustion that comes with going to work as the rest of the world is sitting down to dinner or going to bed in the case of children and then still getting up at the regular time to take children to school.

Are you sure there really is still another week of school to go?

I feel terrible  not having been here for so long and then when I finally manage to ignore all the things that need doing so I can sit and right I seem to just purge a long list of whinging.

I do profusely apologise, honestly I do.

In fact only being able to get out complaints and unhappiness is one of the many reasons I have not been here. Last time I tried to write it went a little like this...

You would be forgiven for thinking that I had fallen off the edge of the world. It has after all been quite some time since last I shared anything here. Rest assured though I have not succumbed to any such fate. Instead I have just been consumed with the busyness of living life.

I would like to say that the busyness of living life has been one of excitement and adventure but sadly that is not the case. In fact a more apt description is one that involves a combination of treading water and furiously...

See what I mean on why I thought it best if I just stayed away?

So what made today different I hear you ask?

Well today was the day that had the straw that broke the camels back. So to speak. Today I realised that I just had to get it out or I would internally combust and there ain't nobody that wants to see that.

Today I remembered how that writing is where I make sense of things. How I piece myself together when times are tough and somehow manage to keep going. And right now times seem incredibly tough and I am not sure how I am going to keep going.

Of course that all sounds much more dramatic than the reality of what I am facing but perspective can be hard to come by at times.

We currently don't have any plans for Christmas day and it is troubling me greatly. Our best buddies here will be coming over for dinner but having always been a luncher for Christmas day waiting for dinner seems like waiting forever.

As much as this is our second Christmas without family and shouldn't be such an issue it is. Last year we were taken in by such a loving family that we felt like we were with family. Christmas has never been about presents here, only family so when you don't have a family to celebrate with it kinda doesn't quite feel like Christmas.

And that makes me a bit sad.
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