Friday, December 29

An admission

I've been sitting here for over half an hour with the intention of writing. I no sooner opened the laptop and my procrastination went into overdrive. There were emails to be read, government agencies to check in with and old posts that kept grabbing my attention.

Thankfully I became aware of my predicament and was able to swiftly take action.

It is not easy mind you.

My mind, as always, is racing all over the place.

In a bid to avoid going completely numb as the early stages of what feels like hyperthermia set my body has taken shivering to Olympic Games levels. 
Which if I were to be sitting outside in the middle of winter I could understand. 

But I am not. 

I am sitting outside as the first month of summer draws to an end. Since when did 13.3 degrees and dropping become an approved summer's night temperature?

So why am I sitting outside when it is ridiculously cold I hear you ask.

Well that is a very good question, sadly with not the greatest of answers. 

About this time last year I started smoking again.

Yeah, terrible I know. It was only meant to be one, and then only one packet and then only for one month and now only for one year. I have to do whatever it takes to stop. 



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Wednesday, October 18

Well I'm till trying.

I mean I'm here so that is a start I guess.

The wind is blowing just a little to hard for my liking. It is probably only a strong breeze really, but there is an icy chill to it harshly reminding me just how close to Antartica I am. Which if you are new here I am not actually close to as such just closer than the tropical paradise I grew up in.

It turns out that the novelty of experiencing spring quickly wore off when I discovered that spring doesn't actually just magically appear because the calendar said she should. You would not believe how disappointed I was.

Though the sun is actually shining today so I shouldn't complain too much. Her appearances round here can be a very half hearted effort at times. Can you tell I love the sunshine?

Back in the Territory I just assumed that when the sun got up she always went at full pelt and tried to make it as hot as possible. Give it her all to send as much warmth as possible our way. Turns out down in the South West the sun is a little more lazy.

It's like she goes fine I'll get up and shine but I'm not going to put any energy into.

That's probably all of got for today. The chill is just too much for me to deal with. And besides that I'm starving and I only have 90 minutes before I leave to pick up Lovely, watch Teapot's school assembly and get myself to work. Naturally there are 5 million things I need to do in that time

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Tuesday, October 17

It's been a while...

Actually it has been more than a while since I last tried to share here. Well over a year in fact. And a for a long time before that I only only shared sporadically. I stopped feeling like I belonged here. It no longer felt like my space.

I did try and create new spaces but they didn't really feel right either. For a very long time it felt like I didn't belong anywhere. And by anywhere I don't just mean the online world. I was also having troubles fitting into the real world.

Truth be told I'm still a little scared about where I do belong but there is a louder voice yelling out to me that says of course I belong here so just write. So that's what I'm going to do.

Life is it's usually busyness. However it is filled with mundane everyday occurrences so it also seems there is a lot of nothingness. 

Working nights for the last two years has taken quite a toll on me. Which is something I have only recently discovered and I was quite frankly taken by surprised by.

Thankfully the universe had my back and the planets aligned so that a more day based position became available when I needed it most. A chance to learn a new department and do something different is always welcomed in my book.

So what else have I been up to I hear you ask?

Well, not a lot really. That is part of the toll that two year of working nights has taken. I was so burnt out and tired from only four to five hours sleep in a twenty four hour period I had no energy to do anything of interest. Life has merely been a case of putting one foot in front of the other and hoping that eventually I would get somewhere.

Somehow I have managed to squeeze regular exercise into almost daily life. It is probably fair to say that I am fitter than ever before. April saw me run my first half marathon. Sunday just gone saw me run my second. I may not have broken any land speed records, but I didn't come last either. I also didn't actually prepare for either event I just hoped that my body was up to it. Thankfully it was.

My brain fluctuates from having so much to say to complete emptiness in micro seconds.

Obviously it is currently in the complete emptiness stage.

Lovely is messaging me. Demanding if I want more help around the house I need to buy new furniture. That child drains me so some days. 

No wonder my mind is blank.

I promise I'll be back soon

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