Making the words come out

Life feels like it has been particularly hard of late. It hasn't been mind you. It just feels that way.

My life is one that is full of so many blessings I often feel that I should never complain. I have the most wonderful husband, three amazing daughters, a roof over our head and there is always good on the table. Essentially all our needs are met, yet there often feels like something is missing. 

Something I just can't seem to put my finger on which makes it rather difficult to locate. 

With Teapot at school now my days are free for me to fill as I see fit. One could be mistaken for thinking that meant our home is meticulously kept and words are constantly flowing from my fingertips since I have an abundance of time to sit and write. 

For the most part I guess the house is in relative order. Words however, have never failed me more than now. 

I have a terrible case of stage fright and writer's block. Which is essentially just another way to say I am filled with self doubt and fear. 

Last week I finally managed to pull out my dodgy manuscript and start re typing it. In a bizarre twist of fate I have lost all digital copies but was able to locate printed copy as we packed up for #ouradventureofalifetime last year. 

Naturally I brought it with us. I thought while we were on the road would be a perfect time to rewrite and edit it. Naturally I was grossly mistaken. I pulled it out once at the end of October and feebly attempted to look at it while supervising the kids as they swum.

The same thing happened to me then as it did last week. As my eyes tried to make sense of the words before my body contracted and cringed.

Whatever was I thinking? Wanting to be a writer...

Oh the sighing.