Thursday, December 31

A new day is dawning


After nearly six months of laying here dormant I have decided to to reinstate this little corner of the interwebs. For one reason or another Rhianna Writes just hasn't taken off like I expected it too. I had expected that I was going to be writing more fiction but that just hasn't happened.

I am still not really sure what is going to happen I just know that having this space back is a move in the right direction.


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Wednesday, December 9

The bar opens at what time?

It's one of those days where shortly after lunch time you find yourself seriously considering whether it is an acceptable time to crack open an alcoholic beverage. Actually, truth be told, it is one of those days where you have been wondering whether it is too early to start drinking not long after dropping the children at school. School which apparently still needs to drag on for yet another long week.

Oh the sighing.

It is fair to say that I am currently feeling rather incredibly run down. I have had a nagging headache and aching body for two days, though it feels like so much longer. Not to mention the constant feeling of exhaustion that comes with going to work as the rest of the world is sitting down to dinner or going to bed in the case of children and then still getting up at the regular time to take children to school.

Are you sure there really is still another week of school to go?

I feel terrible  not having been here for so long and then when I finally manage to ignore all the things that need doing so I can sit and right I seem to just purge a long list of whinging.

I do profusely apologise, honestly I do.

In fact only being able to get out complaints and unhappiness is one of the many reasons I have not been here. Last time I tried to write it went a little like this...

You would be forgiven for thinking that I had fallen off the edge of the world. It has after all been quite some time since last I shared anything here. Rest assured though I have not succumbed to any such fate. Instead I have just been consumed with the busyness of living life.

I would like to say that the busyness of living life has been one of excitement and adventure but sadly that is not the case. In fact a more apt description is one that involves a combination of treading water and furiously...

See what I mean on why I thought it best if I just stayed away?

So what made today different I hear you ask?

Well today was the day that had the straw that broke the camels back. So to speak. Today I realised that I just had to get it out or I would internally combust and there ain't nobody that wants to see that.

Today I remembered how that writing is where I make sense of things. How I piece myself together when times are tough and somehow manage to keep going. And right now times seem incredibly tough and I am not sure how I am going to keep going.

Of course that all sounds much more dramatic than the reality of what I am facing but perspective can be hard to come by at times.

We currently don't have any plans for Christmas day and it is troubling me greatly. Our best buddies here will be coming over for dinner but having always been a luncher for Christmas day waiting for dinner seems like waiting forever.

As much as this is our second Christmas without family and shouldn't be such an issue it is. Last year we were taken in by such a loving family that we felt like we were with family. Christmas has never been about presents here, only family so when you don't have a family to celebrate with it kinda doesn't quite feel like Christmas.

And that makes me a bit sad.
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Monday, October 26

The Grandmother

She had always known that life wasn’t meant to be easy but she could not understand why it had to be this hard either. Sure having to struggle made you appreciate what you had but was it really necessary for everything to be a struggle? Had she not already done her fair share of hardships? Weren’t these later years in life meant to be full of enjoyment and relaxation? Apparently not. According to her life path there were still at least a dozen more tussles through life that she had to face and that was just in the next week!

The grandchildren were coming to stay with her. Thankfully that awful daughter in law, Melodie, couldn’t make it so she would have a chance to talk to her son alone. Perhaps she might even be able to teach those ratty children a thing or two about manners. She had long given up trying while their mother was around. Useless waste of space that she was.

It had been nearly ten years since that Melodie had married her son Jack and Rose still failed to see what the attraction was. Right from the moment she first lay eyes on her she knew that she was up to no good. There was just something that alerted Rose to the possibility of Melodie not being all that her son thought she was. Something in the way she acted and spoke screamed to Rose that Melodie would never love Jack the way he truly deserved.

Poor Jack. He had such a hard time growing up. Always friends with all the girls, yet no one ever managed to see the real boy behind the front. So caring and attentive he was always there to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts. Not that any of them deserved any of his attention. They just went to him when their egos needed a boost. They were all floozies, well all except one. Rachel. Such a beautiful person both inside and out. She had so much in common with Jack, yet for some reason they never really had a chance to connect in the way Rose wished for. Mind you their time together was only brief. Rachel’s young life was tragically brought to an end much too soon. Just another of life’s unfair blows.

Rose often thought back to Rachel and it was always with great fondness. She was by no means a catwalk model but she did have all the right bits in all the right places and the personality of an angel. Again though, few people ever took the time to really get to know her or understand where she was coming from. She was such a quiet girl and more times than not would just get lost in the crowd. Much like Jack. Perhaps that was why the were drawn to each other. Even at such an early age they recognised the kindred spirits that they were. Or at least the kindred spirits that Rose thought they should have been.
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Monday, October 19

The joy of running (away from chores)

Monday seems to be the only day at the moment where I can actually make the time to make myself sit down and spew out a few words. Probably not actual writing, but better than nothing.

I pass by these beauties on my run, they always make me smile
This morning as I was pondering over how this post would pan out I thought it would go along the lines of explaining how I am just not coping with the whole being a working mother thing. Despite my hours not being full time and only being of a night. The house is somewhat a lot, shambolic. If we were still living in the topics you would be forgiven for thinking that there had been an internal cyclone. Since we don't live in the tropics you will probably just assume (rightly) that I am a terrible housekeeper.

However since that point in time, when we were invariably running late for school, unable to find a missing shoe and goggles, all while foraging through a rather empty cupboard in the hope food would magically appear because who has time to go food shopping amongst everything else that is expected of them? My outlook has changed a little.

You see while we were terribly late for school, it was pretty much the first time all year, and most definitely the first time this term. Which compared to our efforts prior to #ouradventureofalifetime is a major achievement. Not only that but after depositing late children at school I took myself off for a run. A run that saw me do 5km in 45 minutes. By no means a land record but I was actually able to not walk for a huge portion of that distance. I did a five minute warm up walk and then ran for a solid ten minutes, at which point I gave into my gasping lungs and allowed myself to slow down and walk for an entire minute. After which I got straight back into it and huffed and puffed away for a further ten minutes. The next twenty minutes saw me walking for thirty seconds every five minutes, but man did I feel all kinds of awesome when I was done.

There was certainly no denying that my coffee was earned today.

Any my point is that the awesomeness of my run led me to forgot all the crap I was feeling about all the things I hadn't done.

All those dastardly chores are still waiting to be done. The house still appears to be a disaster zone but I no longer feel so terrible about it all. Eventually the kitchen will be clean, the floors washed and all the washing will be neatly folded in the cupboard rather than strewn across the laundry floor waiting to be washed.

For now though I have probably wasted enough time and should actually get to doing at least some of  the things that need to be done.

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Monday, October 12

Procrastination at it's best

I sat down at least half an hour ago. The plan had been to write a list of the things I needed to do today. Lord knows there are plenty of them and more than anything I want to be organised and productive. It is the only way I am going to even have a chance of staying afloat and getting done all that is expected.


Mind you after taking far too many selfies with #SummertheBird who desperately wanted me to share my coffee with her I seem to have forgotten exactly what I thought was worthy of writing down. It goes without saying that there is washing to be done, because there is always washing to be done, be it washed, folded or put away, it is always there in some form if not all.

Much like the constant need to prepare food to feed the hungry and rarely satisfied masses with.

Sigh.

Oh and the dishes. How could I forget the dishes, another constant on the list of household jobs that all too often seem to consume our daily life. Or mine at least.

Cue even more sighing.

Much later in the day. Ok maybe not much just later, a little after lunch to be exact.

After scrawling the above in my notebook and flaffing about with a stupid dragon game The Little Two introduced me to I managed to do a few things that mildly resembled being productive. There was washing sorted and folded, some even made it to the cupboard, most didn't though, it is patiently sitting on my bed waiting for the girls to come home from school and see to it.

I also managed to sweep, clear most of the bench and lounge room as well as walk around in a daze not actually doing anything. All up I manage a good twenty minutes of work evenly spaced out over two hours. Not a bad effort really.

The last thirty minutes probably saw me achieve the most as hunger started to take hold. I had made a deal with myself that I couldn't eat till it at least looked a little like I had done something. The things we do hey?


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Tuesday, October 6

Looking back and moving on


I had thought that yesterday's post would have been enough to get me through today. I thought that I had dumped enough of my feelings enabling me to sail through today almost oblivious to what it marked.

Apparently I could not have been more wrong.

Thanks to Facebook and it's lovely 'you have memories from today' feature I was swiftly reminded of all the pain and sadness I have felt on this day over the last six years. Of course some might say that is what I get for checking Facebook before removing myself from the comfort of my bed but whatever.

So much sighing.

Proving that I really am a glutton for punishment that quite possibly wants to wallow in a pool of my own tears once I had finished torturing myself with my heartbreaking Facebook memories I trawled through the archive of my old blog to see what I had to say about it all over there.

The thing that I really love most about blogging is the record that it gives me. All the moments in time that I manage to capture and freeze for all eternity. Even on the saddest of days.

Over the past few days I have been thinking a lot about my writing and my blogs and what I want from it all and where I think it will go. Sadly a part of thinks the answer is nowhere.

As much as I may have a way with words and a story to tell, it is quite possibly not something that will ever be seen by the masses. And I think for the first time in a long time, possibly even ever, I am ok with that.

I haven't given up completely on the notion I will one day be a published author, just the notion that this space will break the internet, because it won't. This space is for me. For me to reminisce, to make sense of my thoughts, to save for years to come.

With that in mind here the collection of all the other posts I have written on this day. 200920112012201320132014. My mind is going into overdrive trying to work out what made me not write in 2010 and why the posts from 2013 actually talk about it June rather than now. My guess is that my grief in June was so great that by October I had figured I had gone on about it all enough.

With my new found attitude towards blogging, which will hopefully see me writing more, I have decided to step down from #teamIBOT. Unfortunately the last few months commenting on other people's blogs has felt somewhat of a chore. Which is not the way that it should be.

I want to get back to leaving a comment because the post touched me in some way not because I feel obligated. I just don't have it in me anymore to be the old blogging me that commented all over the place in the hope people would come by and do the same. I want readers who want to be here to see what I have to say rather than dropping by on account of some implied obligation to return comment love. This also means that I will not be joining in linkies (well after today) or hosting Thankful Thursday anymore.

Joining in with Jess for the last time for a bit and hoping that you will still keep popping by once in a while.





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Monday, October 5

Just another not so manic Monday


It's Monday morning. In a few short minutes the clock will be ticking over to nine. Which by most accounts is still relatively early. It does however feel as if I have been up for hours upon hours. Time is currently going painfully slow for me and I do not like it at all.

Last night went on forever.

After nearly two weeks of late nights and adjusting to night shifts I thought it would be wise to take the opportunity to have an early night and play sleep catch up. Dumbest idea ever. Apparently my body has decided that it doesn't need sleep for more than two hours at a time. Fun times right there.

Despite today being the start of the second week of school holidays, meaning I could have stayed in bed longer and prolonged the already longest night on earth, I rose with the sparrows, or at least Mr Awesome, as he does not have the blessing of school holidays and doing whatever it is his heart desires.

Tomorrow marks the six year anniversary of Dad's moving on to a better place. The end of his suffering as a mere mortal on this god for saken planet that lets the elderly linger on for what must feel like eternity for them as their bodies ever so slow stop working and start to shut down.

Death is such a funny thing. Especially in the elderly. 

I remember back to that fateful day and even through all my heart ache I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I was so glad that his pain had come to an end, that he would no longer have to suffer through each day wondering if it would be his last. Nor would I. 

For years my thoughts each day had been consumed with whether or not this would be the day that I had been dreading for as long I could remember. It was at times rather exhausting to say the least. Not to mention pointless but I it was a hard thing to shake. Fear is like that.

I was born when Dad was forty eight. A time in most people's life when becoming a parent is the last thing on their mind. 

Not my Dad though. 

He was forever saying he wasn't like everyone else. He was right. Over the next seven years he would go on to father two more children.

At the current tender age of thirty seven and with three children safely tucked under my belt, having more children is the last thing I want. I can't see that changing over the next ten years either. In ten years Teapot will be fifteen. The thought of starting over with the whole baby thing again then makes me shudder and want to curl up in a ball.

Not my Dad though. 

There was never any doubt as to how much he loved being a parent, even at that later stage in life. What's more is that it wasn't until I was well into my teens that I really started to realise just how much older he was compared to all my friends' fathers. 

He had always joked you are only as old as the woman you feel. For a long time I had just giggled not really understanding what it meant. My Mum is twenty one years his junior.

Generally speaking I go about my days not giving much thought to the fact that Dad is no longer with us. It is a part of life I have learnt to deal with. An inevitable part of life that I waited for, for so long that when it happened I just kept keeping on. At three and a half months pregnant I refused to feel grief for the fear of my unborn child having a sad soul.

Each year though as September draws to an end and October slowly gets underway I feel myself become somewhat consumed with an all encompassing sadness. All I can think of is my dear old Dad, how much I love him and how I will never ever get to see him again. Tears constantly well in my eyes begging for permission to roll down my cheeks. Rarely do I let them.

Except for when I write.

Writing is my solace. The place where I can truly be me. It gives me the chance to unravel my mind and find a place for my feelings to fit. It is my one true friend that lets me say what needs to be said.

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Monday, September 21

Fifteen minutes

There are approximately seventeen and a half minutes till I need to depart for school pickup. Possibly twenty three if I committed to walking super fast and maybe even twenty five if I ran or rode the bike.

So obviously it is the perfect time to sit and try writing a blog post.

I think about blogging and writing all the time. Finding the time to do it is another story altogether.

I think back to my time in Darwin, before #ouradventureofalifetime and wonder how I ever managed to make as much time as I did to be online. Deep down I know the answer mind you.

It happened because there were so many other things I let slide. Namely relating to housework and tending to the every need and whim of children.

Now that we are renting, which means living in somebody else's house, I feel somewhat obliged to be a more dedicated housekeeper. After all, I am now responsible for their most valuable asset. Talk about pressure. And stupidity. Surely I should have been able to apply the same logic when I was responsible for maintaining my own most valuable asset?

Sigh.

Thankfully winter has passed and the onset of spring has well and truly put a spring in my step. It feels somewhat similar to the dry season back home. The air is filled with a freshness that words can't describe. Gentle breezes make sure that the clouds continually float on by leaving the sky a sparkling shade of light blue. I feel energised and ready to take on all that may be thrown my way.

I snapped this little guy yesterday while I was out in the garden bird watching and enjoying some sunshine

And that is how much I can write in fifteen minutes
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Wednesday, September 9

Thankful to be getting my groove back


For regular readers playing along you would be only too well aware of the fact that the old Thankful Thursday posts have been a bit few and far the past month. Thankfully it has not really been because I couldn't find anything to be thankful for but more so I have just been flat out and unable to make the time to sit down and blog.

This week however, a change has come over and somehow I have found myself with a little more time on my side. Which I must say has been all kinds of lovely. For the first time in I don't know how long, I feel like, at least for the moment, I may actually have my act together. And it feels incredibly awesome.

What also feels incredibly awesome, and also a little strange, is that I feel more like me than I have for the longest time as well. The strange part is that I didn't even realise I had stopped feeling like me, but I must have because right now I am almost overwhelmed with how much I currently feel like me. And boy does it feel good.

I guess the fact that I am sitting here, in my bra and shorts so the purple hair dye I just put on doesn't stain my top rather than doing dinner preparations is testament to just how me I am feeling. It is has only just gone past lunch time so there is still plenty of time for dinner to be prepared, I just wanted it out the way as I have my first bootcamp session this afternoon.

But back to being thankful.

This week I am thankful for

* timing my shopping at the same time there were heaps of meat specials. I was able to pick up a whole week's worth of meat at half price
* having had some dear family members come and visit for a few weeks
* being able to take said family members to the Valley of the Giants and hang out in the big trees for a few days
* weekend sport having come to an end
* warm and sunny weather. My pasty white legs love being in shorts
* finding a surprise flower growing in my garden
* having some writing I didn't like being well received. Though part of stupid brain keeps saying people are just being too kind
*getting some blogging mojo back

What about you?
What are you thankful for? 
Do share, leave a comment or if you have blog write a post.



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Tuesday, September 8

A day at the beach

For the most part of her short life, Raysia had been like an odd sock. Tumbling around the washing machine of life on a quest to be reunited with her mate. Eventually she had found what she had been searching for. Trevin. She knew the instant she first saw him that he was the one for her. It was like he had been sent to earth just for her.

Given all the people on the beach that day it was a miracle that their paths crossed. Though that is how fate is supposed to work. Love itself is a miracle so perhaps it was inevitable that time would have eventually drawn them together.

If you combined eternal optimist and a hopeless romantic the end product was Raysia. While she may never have exactly planned her dream wedding per se, she had never for a moment doubted the fact that she had a soul mate who she would eventually meet and fall in love with. 

She just had no idea that the fall aspect would be quite as literal as it turned out to be.

It was a typical dry season Sunday morning. She had woken up at her usual Sunday time of half past seven. It was late enough to feel like a sleep in but early enough to not waste the day ahead. During the week Raysia would greet the day well before six. While on some levels she may have been inherently lazy she was also disgusted by the idea of wasting the day away on something as pointless as sleep. Especially if the alternative was laying in the sun and reading a book.

Raysia loved the simplicity of the seasons in Darwin. Wet and dry. As their names suggested the wet brought with it endless rain and the dry sees not a drop. In between the rains of the wet would come heat, a sticky clammy atmosphere that made the air thick and heavy. Clothing would stick to damp bodies and tempers were short as the scorching sun sucked life from all it shone over.

The dry was the complete opposite. Just a glimmering blue sky under a sun that still shone brightly, just a lot gentler. How Raysia loved that sun. The powerful goddess that could be invoked from the sun helped Raysia maintain her happy disposition. It was the reason she still lived in the tropics. She needed to be near the sun. She loved watching the golden ball sink into the distant horizon as the day come to an end. Some days, when her mind was still enough she was sure she could even hear it sizzle.

Grabbing her sunglasses, book, favourite sarong and a big bottle of water she shoved them into a bag and headed for the door. The beach was only ten minute walk away but she much preferred to ride her bike. 

It wasn’t long before Raysia hit the foreshore. In totally it stretched out for around 7 kilometers and and Raysia could always find a part of it that suited whatever mood she was in. There were cliffs to sit on and watch waves crash about on when she was sad or angsty. There were sand banks and rock pools to explore when she wanted to take her mind off things and even a few little alcoves for when she wanted to hide from the world at large.

Today she felt like being around people. She had felt very removed from the world of late and just needed to gently blend in for a while. Be in a crowd but not actually part of it. There was a nice flat part of the beach that was popular with sunbakers so she headed towards there. 

It just so happened to be the same part of the beach that the surf life savers patrolled on the weekend which meant there was the prospect of some eye candy for Raysia to enjoy. It had been a long time since she had been on a date and she was starting to long for some male company. She never for a moment doubted that she would one day find Mr Right though she was a little curious as to when he might show up. There were only so many more terrible dates that she could tolerate.

Locking her bike up to the railing she looked down at the beach below the cliff. Scoping out how busy it was. It was still fairly early so except for a few dog walkers the beach was nearly empty. The surf life savers were just setting up their shade structure and flags. It appeared as if there were a few promising glistening bodies for her to admire while she pretended to read.

The tide was on the way out and the sun on the way up. By all accounts is was going to be another day in paradise and Raysia was pleased to be spending it at the beach.Slipping off her shoes she started walking out onto the sand. Before long she could feel the dampness of the sea seeping through from the receding tide. 

Raysia carefully selected a spot not too far from the surf life savers and began to spread her sarong out. Giggling about the fact that there were surf life savers despite the fact there was no actual surf to be seen. Unless there was a cyclone coming the water was always as flat as a pancake.

Spreading her sarong out on the sand she started to set herself up for the morning. Slipping her singlet and shorts off, she felt a little daring standing there in her bikini. As much as she was comfortable with her body she always felt a bit brave wearing so little.

The sun was slowly starting to warm up and little and the rays felt delightful as they engulfed her bare skin. While the tide was still relative high she decided to take a quick dip in the water. It wasn’t until the water was up to her waist that she became aware of just how chilly the water really was. It had felt quite mild when she first dipped her toes in, now not so much.

Diving into the water she sent tingling shivers through her body as every inch of her felt awakened by the freshness of the water. Just the kick start she needed. Pushing her body through the gentle waves she felt the freedom of the open water. Swimming towards the empty horizon she felt like the only person in the world.

Deciding she had swum far enough she flipped over and floated on her back for a while. The rocking sensation of the water lulling her into a sense of security she had not felt for a very long time. Closing her eyes, she let her mind wander.
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Monday, September 7

Just putting it out there

It is a most beautiful early spring morning. Early in spring rather than actually early in the morning mind you. The kids have all been deposited at school, well The Little Two have been, The Teenager is still at home in bed. She has been unwell for a week or so now though she assures me she is going to school today just after the first period. Normally I would be fighting with her and pushing her to go but today I just don't have it in me. Not when her body desperately needs to rest.

Instead I have brought myself here. 


There is coffee and a gentle breeze. Though the gentle breeze I could almost do without. While the sun may be shining there is little warmth in her golden rays. 

My ears are filled with the sounds of birds calling img and singing out to one another. Willy wagtails and ducks are the only ones I can name though. The others flitter about in the tops of the tress making me unable to identify them. I manage to catch a quick glimpse of a very small olive green bird. The colours similar to one we saw at Warren National Park earlier in the year. Mr Writes said they were called a silver eye on account of their brilliant silver eyes. I can't remember now whether I took his word or checked in the book. 

It feels funny calling home Mr Writes now. He hasn't stopped being awesome just with the new blog and all I thought perhaps new names for us all was in order as well. 

Sigh. 

Not that it really matters I guess. 

I've had to leave my beautiful spot and start heading back towards home. My day is awaiting. 

When I first sat down and started writing this I thought it was going to be about how as much as I love being here I still don't really feel like I fit in. It's hard to find someone like me.

I mean I don't want them to be just like me because I love being unique, but just someone similar. You know, they like to write, have kids the same age, don't have to work every day...surely that's not too much to ask is it? If they liked to go for a run every now and then that would be even better. 

Just putting it out there

Friday, September 4

No more excuses


For the first time in I don't know how long, Tuesday saw me opening up the laptop with the intention of actually writing something. Somehow the day had found me with a few spare minutes and my thoughts seemed gathered enough to actually share in a coherent fashion.

In one of the many blogging groups I am part of someone had shared a post saying they had written a post about all that happened to them in August and they had included a linky if anyone wanted to join in. Of course now I have no idea at all who that may have been.

Since it was Tuesday and I was blogging it meant that I could have also linked it with EssentiallyJess for IBOT and had a double whammy for getting people to drop by. Especially since it was a text conversation with Jess the day before that had inspired me to try and spit some words out. She's good like that.

Anyway, there I was, laptop open, words poised to start flowing and suddenly I found myself trying to design a new header.

Yep. I know. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but there I was fluffing around with some stupid new drawing program that I had no idea on how to use and getting frustrated at it not doing what I wanted.

It is fair to say I can be more than easily distracted.

Much like right now.

You see when I thought about starting this post it was going to be a somewhat deep and meaningful. I was going say something about the tragedy of Aylan and the horror of what is happening in Syria. Only I can't.

My head literally starts to hurt the moment I start to think of it all. My stomach churns, who is to say that the blessed life I live here couldn't just one day disappear because of the decisions made be the powers that be. Though this time I refer not to the celestial beings I normally call the powers that be but instead the politicians who are meant to be in charge of the nation's best interests.

While fighting with what words to use and where to start my washing machine kindly keeps beeping at me. Reminding me that the towels still need to be hung out. They would probably be dry by now if I had of gotten up at the first beep.

I so wanted to say something of worth though.

I wanted to stop making excuses for not making the time to write.

I guess at least some writing has occurred now so perhaps I should just be happy with that. There is still a floor to swept and mopped and of course the towels to be hung out. Oh and the dishes. There is always the dishes.

There are probably many displaced women who at the moment would give anything to have all of that as their biggest concerns. Talk about perspective. She says as she flits over to a new window and starts filling out a form to join an exercise group...


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Thursday, August 13

Thankful Thursday - Words

clouds and thankful quote

As Thursday rolls around once more I find myself in a somewhat different place to last week. And really quite a few Thursdays before that. And it is quite a nice feeling.

Where the words have failed to come in most weeks, this week I have been able to pump a post every day. I can't remember the last time I was able to do such a feat. Sure the words may not have been the greatest but they were better than nothing and for that I am thankful.

I am particularly thankful to Lydia because whether she knows it or not she does an incredible job at motivating me to try and get some words out once a week. She has been the only regular linker for Thankful Thursday and for that I am super thankful. She also nominated me for a Liebster award which is one of the reasons I have been able to post every day so far this week.

Other things I am thankful for this week include

*  getting a heap of housework out of the way so I don't feel so overwhelmed by it
*  finally finding a pattern for a beanie that looks like it might actually fit me, my last two attempts      have been far too small for my apparently big noggin. Not that the little two have complained because it has meant they have each got a new beanie
* Lovely attending school each day without too much of a battle
* the power bill not being nearly as high as I expected despite using the heater a lot.

Now you, 
What are you thankful for?






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Wednesday, August 12

Liebster Award

The other day as I was flapping about in the land of Facebook I noticed that someone was sharing the joy that they had been nominated for the Liebster Award. I let out a bit of a sigh and wished that someone would be so kind as to nominate yours truly for one.

Sure I have been nominated a few times before in the past back in my APL days but it is always nice to know that someone is thinking of you when these things go around. Technically though I figured that would never happen again because I thought that one of the requirements was to have fewer than 200 followers.

As it turns out though I was wrong. On all fronts.

Firstly the ever so lovely Lydia over at Where the Wild Things Were kindly made my day and nominated me. In the process of writing this post I was curious to see if there were any 'official rules' as such for the Liebster Award and as it turns out (not really surprisingly) there is a post stating what the official rules are.

Anyways without any further ado here are the answers to the questions from Lydia

What makes you happy?
Right this very moment the things making me happy include knowing I am relatively on top of the housework, the fact that I am writing something, the cool Jazz station I found on iTunes radio and the yummy fruit toast I just finished devouring.

Other things that generally make me happy include coffee, running, hanging with Mr Awesome, watching the girls interact, being on the road, the bush, the beach, actually just nature in general.

Why did you start blogging?
Gosh, I started blogging so long ago it is hard to remember the exact reasoning.

I have always wanted to be a writer. When I was about fourteen I just knew that one day I would have a book published. I had the feeling that it probably wouldn't happen till I was in my fifties though so I never bothered actually writing much.

When Zany was little I knew that I didn't want to go back to real work so I tried my hand at earning money online. Writing seemed like the easiest way to do that. Of course it wasn't. I did however make some money from selling online articles and from there it just seemed a natural progression to start a blog. I wanted a place to direct people to if they wanted to read more of my words.

What is the best thing anyone has ever said about your blog?
A few years ago at a blogging conference I was hanging out with a group of bloggers. We were discussing different types of blogs and their successes. At the time lots of the 'big bloggers' all had horrendously sad back stories. Someone was telling someone else how in her darkest days she would pop over and read my blog to pick herself up again.

My heart nearly melted.

I loved that my words could make someone feel better about things without me even realising it.

Mind you since then there have been times when I have felt incredible pressure (from my own stupid mind) to make sure that my words are still uplifting and positive.

What are your top three bucket list items?
I actually don't have a bucket list. Some of the things I do want to do though include finishing our lap of Australia and having a book published.

What is the one thing you can't live without?
I think a better way to word this question would be what is the one thing I don't want to live without. The obvious answers being Mr Awesome and the girls. Material possessions are easily done without in my book. Having said that though living without decent internet is incredibly sucky.

What is your favourite Australian travel destination?
Uhmmmmm....yeah...

Have you travelled Australia? It is a truly amazing place and picking a favourite is incredibly hard. If I had to narrow it down it would be a toss up between Ningaloo and the Valley of the Giants. Mind you the Wetlands of the Northern Territory still hold a special place in my heart and I would love to see the Daintree region and High Country in Victoria.

What two countries make you happiest to visit?
Honestly I don't have much of a desire to travel overseas. Sure it would be pretty cool to see France or Italy or even some of the Greek Islands, but I am also rather content exploring my own back yard for now.

What is your favourite and least favourite word?
Well my least favourite word is just awful. Thankfully it is not one that is generally used often and I dislike it so much I just refuse to say it. Even thinking about it now just makes me cringe. It starts with C if you really must know and that is all that I will say about that.

Obviously being a writer I am a bit of a lover of words in general but I am not sure I have a favourite. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is a rather cool word but I do not use it on a regular basis. Magnanimous is also on the cool list but again not something I actually use much.

If you found out that due to a mix up at the hospital one of your kids wasn't yours, would you give it back?
If I found out today no, not a chance. If however I found out after the first few weeks of birth then quite possibly.

So now the hard part.

Choosing three other bloggers to pass this award onto and share the warm ad fuzzy feeling with.

Drum roll please for....

I opened my mouth and it ran away without me

Nessville


Colours of Sunset

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Tuesday, August 11

I will make them come, the words that is.

As another Monday night slowly slips on by I am rather thankful to have had my laptop gently resting on my lap. While I may not have managed to get out any words as yet it has done a fantastic job of warming me up. It is fair to say the novelty of winter is wearing off.

When last we met I mentioned how the words are not exactly coming easy to me. They still aren't but I refuse to just walk away. I really want to be a writer. I want my words to make a difference. To me and possibly even those that do not know me.

I know that I said life hasn't really been tough lately, but it has. Sure my tough is not as tough as what I know others are doing it, which is why I tried to dismiss it as not being tough, but at the end of the day it is all relative.

Most of my toughness revolves around Lovely. She manages to challenge me in ways I never imagined possible. These challenges often leave me feeling somewhat shattered and even broken. Not to mention like a complete failure as a parent.

Since I am trying to move away from the whole parent blogging thing none of it are things I want to discuss here. Which is kinda sucky because if I don't discuss things here I don't really have anywhere to discuss things. Tis a sad and lonely life I lead at times.

Actually in all seriousness though I have realised that my shortage of people to discuss things at length with is probably related to my inability to make the words come out here. Before when I was regularly talking to a wide range of people, especially one or two that were fellow bloggers, ok so just the one really but whateves, my inclination to write was a lot higher.

The thoughts that flowed through the chasms of my mind seemed to stick around long enough to actually turn into coherent words. Whereas now, my interaction with fellow adults is so limited on account of still not really knowing anyone all my thoughts seem to bounce on by before I have the chance to work out exactly what they may mean.

The weirdest part of all of this is that I never before realised my need to talk to people. In fact, I had always thought I was somewhat of a recluse but perhaps not.

Anyway for now all that matters is I have rambled on long enough for this to be a blog post. A blog post that can be published on a Tuesday so I can join in with all the fun and games of IBOT with EssentiallyJess. Yay!

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Monday, August 10

Making the words come out

Life feels like it has been particularly hard of late. It hasn't been mind you. It just feels that way.

My life is one that is full of so many blessings I often feel that I should never complain. I have the most wonderful husband, three amazing daughters, a roof over our head and there is always good on the table. Essentially all our needs are met, yet there often feels like something is missing. 

Something I just can't seem to put my finger on which makes it rather difficult to locate. 

With Teapot at school now my days are free for me to fill as I see fit. One could be mistaken for thinking that meant our home is meticulously kept and words are constantly flowing from my fingertips since I have an abundance of time to sit and write. 

For the most part I guess the house is in relative order. Words however, have never failed me more than now. 

I have a terrible case of stage fright and writer's block. Which is essentially just another way to say I am filled with self doubt and fear. 

Last week I finally managed to pull out my dodgy manuscript and start re typing it. In a bizarre twist of fate I have lost all digital copies but was able to locate printed copy as we packed up for #ouradventureofalifetime last year. 

Naturally I brought it with us. I thought while we were on the road would be a perfect time to rewrite and edit it. Naturally I was grossly mistaken. I pulled it out once at the end of October and feebly attempted to look at it while supervising the kids as they swum.

The same thing happened to me then as it did last week. As my eyes tried to make sense of the words before my body contracted and cringed.

Whatever was I thinking? Wanting to be a writer...

Oh the sighing.

Thursday, August 6

Thankful for running and free videos

It has been another action packed week here in the Awesome house. So action packed in fact that I have not been able to find the time to blog. Well, that is not completely true. I managed to get this much out the other day

It's Tuesday and I am adamant that I will blog. I have a mere two hours and forty three minutes in which to tap something out so that I can join in with the ever awesome Essentially Jess for her IBOT linky.

Mind you I have been trying to get something out all day long and as yet I have been relatively unsuccessful. Of course sitting here watching The Interview isn't is exactly...

I closed the laptop on account of the movie looking like it showed the promise of being watchable. I was wrong. Oh so wrong. Thankfully though it was a free movie so other than my time nothing was lost. 

After getting my WA drivers license a few weeks ago, I got around to joining the local video store. Since Mr Awesome got rid of Netflix the only hope I have of finishing my How I Met Your Mother marathon is via DVD. 

I went to hire the season I had started but not finished only the guy at the counter couldn't get the case opened. Thankfully though the other store in town had a copy and on account of the inconvenience of making me drive five minutes to go and collect it, it was free.

For days, I waited for the right time to snuggle up in bed and return to my fictitious friends. The only DVD player we had was in the bedroom you see. When finally that time was found, late on a Saturday afternoon, it turned out that there was only one episode of the season I had not seen. I was rather thankful that it had turned out to be a free hire!

My other big thanks of the week goes to running. Twice this week I got the old joggers on and went for a run. Man it felt good. One run was all about seeing how far I could go without stopping and the other was to go as fast as I could. I am so thankful that I have the time, inclination and health to get out there and move.

What about you? 
What are you thankful for this week?





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Thursday, July 30

Thankful Thursday

My cup, it runneth over, and I know not where to start. Well that and the fact that I have been up for some fifteen hours and my mind is not exactly working at it's optimal level. I am incredibly full of thanks though so hopefully the words will find their own way out.

Today sees my first Thankful Thursday here in my new space. I am thankful that I was finally able to change the name of my Facebook page. It means that A Parenting Life is no more, well at least not for new posts, the site will still stay live it just won't be growing.

So it turns out that the words are not flowing as I would have hoped. Children that refuse to sleep are not conducive to the writing of words. Who would have thought huh?

As such I am making this super short.

This week I am thankful for

* having my mum come to visit over the last month, she was an amazing help around the house and it was just so lovely to see her

* signing up to a new DVD store so I could hire out How I Met Your Mother on account of Mr A cancelling Netflixs only the attendant couldn't get the security device off the cover so he organised for me to get a free copy from another store

* selling enough stock at the markets to not only make it worth our while but worth doing again

So what about you? What are you thankful for?





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Tuesday, July 28

Diving on in


Well as of today it is official. 

A Parenting Life is no more. 

Well it it technically still is still open for viewing but I will no longer be posting there. From here on in all new posts will appear here. Which is a bit exciting, and a little scary.

It is exciting because a fresh start is always exciting. It is a little bit scary because I have not had a chance to set up everything here just like I would like to. Mind you after nearly three months of waiting to set things up just right I am starting to wonder if I would ever actually get around to it.

So here I am, with things not quite right. 

Instead they are a little rough around the edges and not anything like perfect. Much like myself. Which I guess is in many ways incredibly fitting.

So here we are. 

A brand new blog just waiting to be filled with all my words of wisdom.

Sadly though my words of wisdom have been failing me of late. As I mentioned a little while ago back on APL, I have been struggling to come to terms with some of the changes we have been faced with lately which has in turn meant my words have slowed.

Sigh.

I am hoping though that has all come to an end now though. 

Mind you if I keep trying to blog while watching TV that may possibly never happen. Mr Awesome thoughtfully decided to cancel our Netflix subscription on account of being able to access Presto free for six months via our new fang dangled Telstra T Box. Which may on some levels sound particularly cool on account of being able to watch Presto without it counting towards our monthly download limit but since Presto doesn't have How I Met Your Mother it is actually quite a let down.

Since I haven't been able to continue with my How I Met Your Mother marathon I decided to begin a My Name is Earl marathon. Well not at marathon as such but more a it is late at night and I need some background noise situation. I (wrongly) thought that My Name Is Earle would not be a distraction to my writing on account of already having seen so many episodes.

As much as I may have watched so many episodes in the past, I had forgotten how much the show warmed my heart.

It probably comes as no surprise that I love the idea of doing things to right wrongs and making life better whenever you can. There really are so many lessons to be learnt from such shows. Lessons that if it wasn't ridiculous o'clock at night I would possibly be able to go into more detail. 

However it is crazy o'clock on Tuesday morning and I have blogged so I can share with all the #IBOT gang
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The end of an era


After nearly three months of uncertainty and limbo I have finally made a decision. This is my last blog post here on A Parenting Life.

From here on in I will be publishing over at my wonderful new site Rhianna Writes.

My excitement and sadness are in complete balance. Which is a bit nice and probably makes the excitement topple the sadness just a little.

So what made me finally take the dive after all this time?

Well basically Facebook kindly decided to change my Facebook name, which was one of two things that was holding me back. The other was that I thought it was important get to my one thousandth post here.  This little baby will be post number 981. Normally I don't get anal about things but every now and then I do and this just happened to be one of those times.

Only since I suddenly had a target I my mind went blank and writing posts suddenly became impossible.

Sigh.

Thankfully though I am super good at making up my own rules and changing them as I need to, so after a bit of thought I manage to convince myself that the whole thousand post thing didn't matter so much and I should just take the plunge and get on with post over at my new space.

So without further ado that is exactly what I am going to do.

Thank you so much for reading me all these years and I hope that you will continue to do so over at my new home.

Joining in for the last time with IBOT as A Parenting Life
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Thursday, July 23

Thankful Thursday

The past few days have been particularly hard going here. As I mentioned on Tuesday we have just celebrated the one year mark since we left home. It has brought about a lot of mixed emotions that we have all had a lot of trouble dealing with. Combined with the return to school for term three stress levels have reached an all time high.

Actually that is not completely true.

The Little Two are super happy to be back at school. They both have a love of learning and are excited to be hitting the books once more. Which is incredibly wonderful and something I am eternally thankful for. I hope that it is something that stays with them for life. More than anything I long for the girls to what to be life long learners. Having a desire to learn is the most important aspect to learning.

Lovely however is a completely different story. There is no love or even the slightest desire to learn within that child. In fact as far as she is concerned school is merely a social occasion.

Sigh.

All of that is for another post though.

Back to the thanks.

In one of my hardest days in well over a year. One that I was left feeling mentally battered and bruised from the joys of parenting a teen, I received the most lovely little golden envelope in the mail.

The most ever lovely Tasha over at Of crochet & life sent me the most gorgeous little love hearts for no reason other than she wanted to make me smile. Which it most certainly did. In a huge way in fact. I am so thankful that someone could think to do such a lovely thing for little old me.

Other thanks this week include

* Finding some awesomely cheap yet tasty wine
* Finding some cheap but very beautiful and lovely to drink from wine glasses
(yes I do notice a slight trend but if you had lived my week you would be slightly wine obsessed as well)
* A secret stash of chocolate
* A most lovely long run, that included all three of my favourite spots


* Being able to get this post written well before first thing Thursday morning. Given that school is back and I have to work trying to tap something out in the morning just probably wouldn't be a wise or feasible idea.

What about you? What are some of the things you are thankful for this week?

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Tuesday, July 21

Coming to terms with the changing of the times

As much as possible I like to look forward rather dwell on what happened in the past. After all the past is gone and done. It has happened and can’t be changed, so why waste time thinking about it for too long?

The past few days however it has been easier said than done. Yesterday being the hardest of all.

My mind is currently in overdrive trying to come to terms with the difference between now and twelve months ago. So much so that finding the right words to explain it all just makes me head hurt even more.

This time last year we were finally hitting the road and beginning #ouradventureofalifetime. We were filled with excitement of the unknown of the open road and whatever lay ahead. A new life was waiting to be discovered and we couldn’t wait to get discovering. 

Well a new life for the next twelve months lay ahead of us. 

The plan was to take twelve months to do our lap and then return to normal life.

We all know about plans and the best of intentions though.

Twelve months later and we have returned to normal life, just not as we once knew it. We went from being on #ouradventureofalifetime where it felt like we were living each day to the fullest to what feels like just scraping by under the pretence of #oursouthwestadventure.

Sure there is still a hashtag and our life in the South West is in some ways completely difference to that of our life back in the Top End, namely the temperature, but there are also too many similarities. Far too many similarities.

The rigmarole of school each and every day. The having Mr Awesome go to work each and every day. The cleaning, the washing. The mundaneness of daily life. The feeling of surviving rather than actually living.

I just don’t like it.

At all.

And that makes me sad.

Life is too precious to be living an unhappy life. Each day deserves to have the most made of it whether you are actively adventuring or not. At the end of the day life itself should be the adventure.

Yesterday, the last day of the school holidays after our first term back at school in nearly twelve months we went adventuring. Sure there was also some shower scrubbing and washing to be done before we left but once I was out in amongst the trees and driving alongside a river nothing else seemed to matter. Not even the fact that it was a particularly wet and miserable winter’s day.


Life it is for living. And blogging. Especially on Tuesdays with EssentiallyJess

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