Sunday, June 16

Tears and Vodka

The last few days have seen me be anything but happy. Tears have flowed every day. And generally more than once. Long heavy tear drops constantly streaming for minutes on end. 
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Minutes that actually felt more like hours if I am completely truthful. I can not remember a time when I last cried so constantly. Strangely though it has felt kind of good in some ways. A draining kind of good mind you that has consumed more of me than it possibly should have.

Last night I tried to replenish my tears with vodka. Possible not my most cleverest of ideas, but I wasn't sure of how else to escape from myself. There was somewhere I had to be, people I had to be around and I just didn't know how else I was going to survive it. Terrible I know.

Thankfully Mr Awesome was by my side. He ensured I was safe and unharmed as I quickly threw responsible drinking out the window and began to drown my sorrows in a drunken oblivion. Not a particularly pretty picture I know, but not one I create all that often thank goodness.

There was a time when alcohol was my go to answer for many a question or problem. In fact getting rather drunk was just my go to for anything. Good bad or otherwise. Having a drink was the answer to it all. It took a while but eventually I learnt that this was far from the case. Every now and then though I tend to lose my way. Last night was one of those times.

Super deep sigh.

Needless to say today has been a bit of a nothing day. Mr Awesome escaped to a boys day at the Supercar racing and the girls and I have lazed around and moped for the best part of the day. My brother and his family leave town today. They are moving interstate and the girls are are less than impressed with no longer having any cousins nearby. 

We are pretty much a household of sad sacks at present. In a bid to brighten everyone's mood we hung by the pool for a couple of hours this afternoon. Which was lovely. It is amazing what sunshine and children's laughter can do for the soul.

I couldn't face the cold water so I sat by the edge and crocheted. Which is also amazingly wonderful for the soul. Now it is time for a quite movie while we wait for dinner and bed times to arrive.

Tomorrow is, as always, a brand new day. One that I will let fill me with hope and happiness.

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