Sunday, June 30

Nothing like a little drivel to get the juices a flowing

There approximately five thousand, seven hundred and sixty three billion things that I should either have done or actually be doing at this precise time. Deciding which one needs to be done first is no easy task and is possibly why nothing actually gets done.

The current silence is almost deafening, though complaining I am not, just surprised. But then it always surprises me how things can change in an absolute instant. A mere ten minutes ago there was all kinds of ruckus which so me drafting a very different start to this post.

With the fist week of the school holidays behind us, there are still three weeks to fill with fun and laughter. Lovely has gone to hang with some family on the east coast for the better part of three weeks leaving Zany, Teapot and myself to make the most of the wonderful weather and free time at home.

Mr Awesome has taken the last week of the holidays so we can hopefully escape to Umbrawarra Gorge for a few days. To say I am looking forward to that is an understatement. There is nothing more soul soothing for me, than hanging out in the bush with the ones I love.

In the meantime though there so many post that I keep thinking I want to write yet for some reason just never actually get to do. A story that I am positive will be never ending, particularly if I continue to write fluff such as this all the time, despite it all actually being part of the process.

As I try harder and harder to be more serious about this writing gig I am discovering a few interesting points about myself. For example I have found that my brain likes to drivel for some time about nothing before getting to the point at hand. Therefore when I really want to do some serious writing I need to allow and extra half hour or so to get the lead up  drivel out the way so as to free my mind for the important words to flow from it.

The downside to this is that I can barely get the time to write anything, let alone something that needs a half hour lead up time. First world problem I know. One that I am sure would be fixed with a bit of successful time management and organisation. If only you could just duck down to the local super market and pick that  up?


Anyway with that in mind I might leave you here for now and go and see if I can't get something out, because clearly I got the drivel part sorted for today!

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Saturday, June 29

The Inspirational Man in Pink

There was a time where I once dreamed of being a hotshot journalist. Reporting the news, as it happened, where it happened and before anyone else. As it turned out life had other plans for me and before long I was in the throws of motherhood with all journalistic hopes and aspirations thrown out the windows that were never getting washed.

The uprise of the Internet brought with it the perception that there was perhaps hope for a life of writing after all. Before long I had created my own little corner of the world wide web quenching, yet at the same time increasing, my desire to actually be a writer.

Last year in the lead up to the London Olympics I was given the opportunity to chat with the mothers of two Olympians. It was all kinds of amazing and left me feeling like this whole writer thing was not just a delusional creation of my imagination. Back in April I was fortunate to be given another opportunity to play journalist for what felt like for real.

Months ago now I responded to a callout for bloggers interested in sharing the Love Your Sister story

I jumped at the chance, not just in the hope of talking to some hunky media personality that I may or may not have a ridiculously large crush on, but also because I was genuinely interested in cause. 

Just before Christmas a mum at school was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is the third woman from the school community in recent years to be receive such a diagnosis. And they are just the ones I have heard about, I am sure there are actually more. Not long after I heard of this news a close family friend was given the same news.

Women every day, from every walk of life are discovering what life with breast cancer is like. To many woman from too many families are losing their fight with breast cancer. We are told a cure is just around the corner, but that corner will never be found without research and to research you need funds.

By riding his unicycle around Australia, Samuel Johnson is hoping to help raise some of those vital research funds. As well as creating more breast cancer awareness and remind women, young and old alike, the importance of being breast aware.

His message is simple, 
check your lumps and bumps

For those unaware of Samuel and his cause, his sister Connie was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. Connie is in her mid thirties and the mother to two young boys.

Sam had been on the road for over 100 days now. In that time he has travelled over 8000km on his unicycle and raised just over $500,000. Both of which mark his halfway targets.

The support that has been given to the Love Your Sister (LYS) team as they pass through each town has been phenomenal. They are currently down towards the bottom end of Western Australia. To find out more about where the LYS crew is or where they are going all route details can be found here Donations can be made here

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Friday, June 28

Things I Know About Red Nose Day and SIDS and Kids

Happy Friday fellow Knowers!!

As always I know plenty and I am sure you do to so make sure you head on over to the ever so lovely The Miss Cinders and join on in the fun that is Things I Know.

The first thing I know this week is that it is the last Friday in June. Which means only one thing.


Red Nose Day started way back in 1988. Organisers were so thrilled with the awareness and money raised that they decided to make it a national annual event. Since then it has grown from strength to strength raising vital funds to support families in their time of heartbreaking loss.

The good news is if you are not into being silly for the day and donning a red nose I know a few ways that you can be a part of this great cause.

You could donate to someone like Kristie, who sadly knows only to well what a wonderful service SIDS and Kids offers, and is returning the help she received in her time of need and fundraising for this great cause.

You could purchase some of these little beauties
They are available online here. You can get 9 packs of 100 wipes for just under $36 at the moment. Australian made, scented or unscented and the only environmentally sustainable wipes on the Australian market these wipes tick all the boxes and they help raise funds for a vital part of our community.

If you don't want to order online you can also call 1300 4 WIPES 

I know that if you have no need for wipes there are heaps of other cool products available at the SIDS and Kids online store. Include cards, bags, drink bottles as well as heaps of baby products.

I know that if you did buy a red nose you should totally go here and enter to win a super cool prize. And even if you didn't buy a red nose you should still go there and check out all the great photos that have been shared there.

I know that I am sending out lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to all those families affected by the sudden loss of an infant and so thankful that there are wonderful organisations such as SIDS and Kids to support them in their time of need.

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I know that in the interest of getting this out as far as possible
I am also going to flog it

Tuesday, June 25

I must confess and blog on Tuesday all at once.

My Home TruthsIt feels like forever and and a day since I last joined in with Kirsty and the gang for a bit of confessing.

Sadly my days were beginning to overflow with commitments and activities that left me with little time to no time to idly sit around on the computer commenting on blog posts. Regardless of how much I may actually have wanted to have sat around idly all day reading and commenting on blogs.

While I was able to squeeze in enough time to post it didn't seem right to keep on linking when I knew I had no intention of returning some comment love. Apart from IBOT and TIK I have barely linked up for anything else of late.

With today (which is actually now yesterday because it turns out I was more time poor than I realised and this post took forever to write) marking the first official day of the four week break I am confident in in my comment ability. (That and the fact that it is now Tuesday and I always make time to blog and comment on Tuesdays) There is nothing grander than being on school holidays I tell you.

So in the interests of killing two birds with one stone (so to speak of course) and in honour of the true linky whore I once was, I am going to confess while I blog on a Tuesday.

This week's confession prompt was about bad habits. Of which of course I have many. And seriously who doesn't? Which made me think that listing mine could possibly be rather boring. And by boring I could very well mean depressing.

Given that no one needs depressing I decided that perhaps it was best if didn't share my bad habits and instead confessed to a little secret about my toilet.

Certainly not my bathroom. Or anyone else's that I know for that matter.
Photo thanks to Arjun Kartha
Recently a friend had her third baby, which was born via cesarian. This rendered her unable to mop floors, clean toilets and a few other things. When she came to me and said "Rhianna I know you don't like cleaning but if I pay you will you help me out for a few weeks?" it was kinda hard to say no, even without the payment offer. Especially when she got to the part that mentioned baby cuddles.

It was during the first week as I was squirting some smelly yellow chemical around the inside of her toilet bowl, that I realised I wasn't actually sure  when I last cleaned my own toilets (yes that s is meant to be on the end, The Shoebox amazingly has two loos despite it's small size). After a bit of thought though I remembered when the last toilet cleaning I did took place.

It was the morning of Mr Awesome's work Christmas party. Last year in November. I wanted to make sure that if by some crazy chance either Mr A or myself felt the need to relieve ourselves of the inner linings of our stomach due to excessive alcohol we would be greeted with lemon freshness.

As it turns out my efforts were in vain. (In case you were wondering and I am sure you are) While we had an entire 24 hours child free were remained somewhat responsible and refrained from drinking ourselves into a complete oblivion.

Now it is at this point I must point out a couple of things.

The first of which is that I don't really have a drinking problem, regardless of what impression a few of my comments my give. The second is that just because I haven't cleaned my toilet since November, doesn't mean it hasn't been cleaned since November.

There is a very valid reason why Mr Awesome is fondly known as Mr Awesome.

Toilet cleaning duties pretty much fall in his court. Along with rubbish removal, lawn cutting, floor washing and every now and then, the cleaning of the kitchen.

Told you he was awesome.

I know at this point you are probably wondering what it is that I actually do do around this place. Well, I tend to all food preparation, as well as source and planning of all meals for at least six of the seven days in the week. I also do homework and reader duties, most of the child entertaining and managing and all of the washing pretty much all of the time. And if that isn't enough I do vacuum and sweep on a fairly regular basis.

Which to me all sounds pretty fair. I know that he goes out and works but the whole kid thing is hard going. I am honestly not sure my sanity would stand kid wrangling and a paid position elsewhere. At least not at the moment anyway. Plus when would I blog?

For quite some time I have championed against the division of labour within the household. I had this article published way back in 2008 The funniest thing about this whole toilet revelation though is that I can't ever remember a conversation that went, well "I'll cook dinner and wash the clothes if you clean the toilet and take out the trash"

Mind you as much as I am all for men doing housework, given that we do actually have two toilets, I have started to be slightly more proactive in pulling my weight in this department.

Who cleans your loo?

Joining in with Jess and Kirsty

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Sunday, June 23

Things I Know About Running Late, The Dalai Lama & Public Hospitals

 It all sounds pretty exciting when I put it like that doesn't it? Running late, Dalai Lama and pubic hospital visits...Let me explain a little more.

The truth is I know only too well what it is like to run late. I was late for my own birth and haven't been on time since. And as for early, well I have never experienced it so I can't comment.

I have however been trying to rectify that recently. After all lateness really is a form of bad manners and I just detest low levels of manners. Not only that it is not the best of examples to give the girls.

Slowly but surely I have become better at managing my time and reducing my tardiness. And just between you and me, it has left me feeling rather warm and fuzzy, not to mention pleased with myself. So you can imagine my horror when at 12.10pm I get a text from a friend telling me they will be at my house in a mere twenty minutes with the expectation of me being ready to leave not to long after her arrival.

Horror that was only amplified by the lady at the video store who had run out of paper in her printer and was unable to print out my ticket that would be needed when my friend arrived to pick me up. Being as desperate as I was to get my ticket printed I offered to return the crowds within the supermarket and purchase some paper. It never ceases to amaze me how everybody seems to do their shopping on a Sunday near me, but never mind.

Now it would have been quite feasible for me to lose my cool at the situation before me but I didn't. Instead I searched for my inner calm, whistled a little tune and away I went. Sure those surrounding me in the longest checkout queues in the history of all checkout queues may not have appreciated my efforts but there is just no pleasing some people.

Thanks to the powers that be I somehow sped through the long lines and was quickly printing out my ticket and heading home with there still being enough time for me to be showered, dressed and ready for my normally on time friend to arrive a little later than she said.

We were on our way to watch His Holiness, The Dalai Lama speak. Certainly something we didn't want to be late for. Luckily we had allowed lots of traveling time and still arrived with plenty of time to find our seats without feeling rushed. Which was actually a rather nice feeling. And gave me the opportunity to snap these beauties.

Ok maybe beauties is a little stretch. I am not really sure why when trying to get the perfect angle that flatters my neck the most makes my eyes go all crazy like but there you have it.

I was very interested watching all the lines of people coming in as well. As much as I live in a capital city, it is a very small one. One that was even smaller when I was growing up and I often feel more like a country town gal rather than city slicker.

To hear that people came to Darwin just to listen to The Dalai Lama speak blows my mind just a little. Had it not been for a very lovely friend who surprised me with a ticket as a gift I would probably not thought to have gone.

Having said that though I am glad that I went. It was an interesting experience and being able to say I have been in the same room as His Holiness is pretty exciting, based on the responses I have received from some people.

There was a part of me that expected to walk away changed forever. Naturally that part is currently bitterly disappointed. There was no instant life affirming change felt but there was some food for thought around kindness, compassion and letting go of anger. All simple and straightforward but not always things that we think about as often as we should.

Upon returning home to Mr Awesome and all the children, I was greeted with the news that Teapot's elbow had once again been pulled out and she either needed me to put it back in place for her or take her to the hospital. Yay.

Mr Awesome, as awesome as he is, for some reason never got a look in at putting the elbow back which I think he is secretly glad about. As tempting as it was to try and shove the three year olds's arm back together I decided to seek medical assistance. That is after all what they are there for.

The lovely staff at the hospital confirmed my diagnosis as well as the fact I should have been able to just pop it back in myself if I had of tried a little harder. Which I certainly will next time and thanks for tips.

Thankfully I have never had too many personal experiences with the local public hospital but when I have, I really couldn't find too much fault with the service. Sure it might have taken nearly two hours to get in and out but that really isn't anything to complain about now is it?

So there you have it some of what I know about running late, The Dalai Lama and public hospitals.

What do you know this week?
It's not to late to join in you know

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Saturday, June 22

#30DaySquatChallenge - Day 1

Possibly not the best before photo
but for now it will have to do
Since completing the City2Surf at the start of the month, my running has really taken a back seat in life. Which is more than sucky. 

Somehow I have managed to find the motivation to get out for the odd run but something just didn't seem right. It felt like hard work. And not the hard work that leaves you feeling awesome at the end of it because you have enjoyed your strenuous activity and comforted by the fact you are looking your body and health in some way. But more like the have you cursing and swearing because your body is literally unable to find the strength to go on any further kind of hard work.

Far from fun times.

Of course there are all the old excuses, it is too hot, I'm too busy, blah, blah, blah, blah. Not to mention Mr Awesome working late  due to stocktake, and the mere thought, let alone action, of pushing the three year old in the pram just too much to bare.

Which is a shame because I have been inundated lately with compliments of how much weight I have lost. Not that my scales attest to such things but what do they know? My clothes all seem to have a little extra room so whatever is going on I am fine with.

As the school holidays kick off on Monday, I was hoping to find it easier to integrate some regular exercise into everyone's day. An old high school buddy's event invite through trusty old Facebook for a #30DaySquatChallenge that started yesterday seemed like the perfect way to kick things off.

For those not familiar with a squat challenge it basically means each day you commit to a certain amount of squats. The amount of squats gradually increases with each day and by the end of the thirty days I should be doing some 300 squats I think it is. Thankfully you are able to break it up into smaller blocks, which I am pretty sure will be my preferred option a lot of the time.

In order to track any changes I asked Mr Awesome to measure me up and will do so regularly through the 30 days of the challenge. Probably weekly, unless I can be super patient and wait till the midway point. Hmmmm.

Now not only am I measured but there is the added accountability of sharing it all with you here.

Today saw me needing to do 60 squats. Which I can proudly say I did. Not all in the one go but you can't win them all. I did 10 first thing this morning while I waited for Mr Awesome to get out the shower. I then spent the whole day thinking about when I would do my next lot and why had I only done 10 so far.

By the time I was getting dinner ready I decided to just drop everything and do another 15 squats. Why 15 I have no idea. But it brought my total up to 25. Which was only five short of the half way mark. I was clearly all over the whole squatting thing.

With the kids all safely tucked up in bed, the dishes patiently waiting to be washed and me snuggled up on the couch with my crochet, I suddenly realised there were 35 squats with my name on them. Jumping up I pumped them out there and then without a further thought. In fact I even did 5 extra just for funsies and suddenly I felt just a teeny tiny bit awesome. And when I say awesome I may possible mean puffed.

Tomorrow sees me needing to do 80 squats. I am thinking that I will aim for two lots of 40 but perhaps a little bit closer together than today's efforts. Hopefully tomorrow may also see me go for a little jog but only time will tell.

Have you done a challenge like this before?

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Friday, June 21

It's 3 am...

Actually it is more like 7.25am but 3am is much catchier. When I thought of the title it was 5.21am and since that was only a little over two hours after 3am I figured my writers license could cover the difference. Since then however I have been prevented from writing as I have been busy mediating two over tired and preventing them from causing harm to one and other. 

Two more days to school holidays.Actually scratch that, this has taken so long to get out there is now only one day left

Maybe that should have been my title?

I can not wait for this much needed break. The monotony of school routine has almost become to much to bare. Though by monotony I think I may actually mean frustration.

Speaking of which it is now well past 3pm. Where did the day go?

Sitting here now at 3.45pm I would like to say the day flew by in a flurry of activity, leaving me feeling productive and accomplished, but that would be kinda like lying. The day slipped away in a slow motion blur of my just going through the phases of trying to get something, anything done.

Would you believe that it is now preciously 24 hours since I first sat down to type?

image source
Time is such a funny thing. I think about time all the time. Always have. It both fascinates and scares the bejeezes out of me at the same time. Especially as a mother. I think that once you become a mother, from that moment that little egg is fertilised and begins to grow into an embryo and beyond, time starts to take on a whole new meaning.

I can remember a time, well it was a particular night actually. Actually it was probably the early hours of the morning by the time this memory took place, but really that is all a bit irrelevant I guess. Anyway, this one time, but not band camp, in my teeny tiny smaller than the shoebox I now live in unit, my love of my life at the time got so frustrated with my obsession with all things time, that he smashed his fist right through our clock.

It was horrific. It snapped me right out of where I was (which by the way was thinking I had the power to alter time, slow seconds and all manner of crazy things)

We were clearly of altered minds during this time. Something that I am not necessarily proud of but it is what it is. Or rather it is what is was. We were young and stupid and thinking we were living life. The upside to all of this is that when it comes to discussing drugs and alcohol with the girls I will have a little more to offer than what some brochure or book has to say.

But as always I digress a little.

I have had the following floating around for a month or two. It is written on the scrappiest piece of paper you ever did see. Children have doodled on it, the bird has poohed on the corner and my hand writing is so rushed and messy that it is all barely legible anyway.

Mr Awesome has gone to throw it out numerous times. Thankfully I have been able to save it just in time. I don't blame him really it does look like rubbish. On the surface at least. To me it is something else though. What I am not sure, I just know I want to be able to come back and read it whenever I want.

And now I can.

It's funny how moments just slip us by.
Moments that could be savoured forever. 
Moments that should be saved forever, slip by our hands almost like sands through the hourglass.
Seconds that just tick tock past quicker than we know.
Faster than what we can really see.
Taken and enjoyed all within an instant.
A heart beat before it is done.
Life offers so much more than what we think it holds.

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Wednesday, June 19

Topsy Turvy Cinderella Dolls

Poor Cinderella's want to go to the ball, 

but what are they to wear?

Hold the phone and wave your wands.

Looks like the ball gowns are sorted and dance cards are now filled and ready to go.

These gorgeous tospy turvy dolls were made for Teapot and Zany as birthday presents from my mum. The games they have had together with them have been nothing but heart warming.
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Tuesday, June 18

Happiness is...

Given the somewhat somber mood around here of late I thought that I would see if I could spark a bit of happiness and brighten things up a bit. Even though I generally like to think of myself as a Little Miss Positive always able to see the silver lining, there are times where the clouds of sadness are so dark that there is not even the slightest inkling of silver to be seen anywhere.

Thankfully though those days quickly pass and before long I can feel my happiness start to replenish. Sometimes rather than wait for my happiness to to refill itself I take steps to make it happen a little quicker.
image source

So in no particular order here is a collection of some of the things that help me create my happiness.

  • Listening to my favourite tunes. The tunes vary between a range performers and includes the likes of Johnny Cash, Kenny Rogers, Paul McCartney, and the Bee Gees. I actually have a playlist called Rhianna's soothing soul music with a few others thrown in as well but I wont bore you with all the details.
  • Pulling a few Angel or Fairy cards. They always know the right thing to say and help me think my thoughts over.
  • Going for a run. Need I say more? Those endorphins are for real and I love 'em!
  • Hanging with Mr Awesome
  • Sitting by the ocean
  • Getting some extra sleep
  • Blogging/writing
  • Cleaning. Yep I really did just say that. While I may not actually like the process, the end result from cleaning the kitchen or getting on top of all the washing does leave me quite filled with happiness.
  • Actively look for rays of hope and sunshine
  • Do something I think would make someone else happy. You know like bake them some cupcakes.
Naturally things like getting a massage, going on a shopping spree, having a night out, bubble baths, and all the other cliched happiness creators would also all work but I don't really do any of those. Perhaps if we had a bath I would give that a go, a steaming hot shower has been known to bring a smile on more than one occasion so I am sure a bath would work as well.

So what is it that helps you create happiness 
when you need it most?

Joining Here

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Monday, June 17

Scream and shout and let it all.

That is what I have been doing here in this space for the last few days. Perhaps not so much of the screaming and shouting but most certainly a lot of letting it all out. Or at least letting some of it out. Being the public place that the internet is I can't really let it all out as there are parts I just don't want anyone to know. There are also parts that are not my story to tell. 

The worst of it all is over for now and I am confident that throughout the day I will slowly return to normal programming. In fact I am already well on the way. I have spent the last hour flufffing around on Facebook and replying to all the lovely comments I have received of late. Thank you for that as well. 

It never ceases to amaze me how I can wander around real life and feel so completely alone at times, yet the moment I step online I suddenly feel surrounded with love and support in all manner of ways. 

Mind you I have always found the written word easier to express. 

The moment you vocalise something it is there, it can't be taken back. When you write there is an  opportunity to review what you put out before it is actually put out. To check and make sure what you are saying is what you mean and all the rest of it. Of course the tone can be harder to hear and open to more interpretation but ultimately I feel you have more say in what the message is when you write.

Well, I feel I my message comes across better when written, rather than just spoken off the bat. My mouth has had a way of getting me into all sorts of trouble at times. That whole thinking before you speak thing doesn't always work well for me. There have even been times where I would write down conversations I needed to have with people and practise what I wanted to say before I actually had the conversation.

Anyway, enough of that. 

There are dishes patiently waiting to be seen to and washing in need of doing and folding and all the rest of it. Everywhere I turn there is just another disaster zone waiting to be returned to a more manageable level of disorder. I just wanted to pop in quickly and leave something slightly happier than that of the last few days.

image from here
What could me more happier than playing here?

Hope you are having a wonderful day and don't forget I have some awesome AntiOx Snack Bars and Chocolate to give away.

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Sunday, June 16

Tears and Vodka

The last few days have seen me be anything but happy. Tears have flowed every day. And generally more than once. Long heavy tear drops constantly streaming for minutes on end. 
image from here                                           

Minutes that actually felt more like hours if I am completely truthful. I can not remember a time when I last cried so constantly. Strangely though it has felt kind of good in some ways. A draining kind of good mind you that has consumed more of me than it possibly should have.

Last night I tried to replenish my tears with vodka. Possible not my most cleverest of ideas, but I wasn't sure of how else to escape from myself. There was somewhere I had to be, people I had to be around and I just didn't know how else I was going to survive it. Terrible I know.

Thankfully Mr Awesome was by my side. He ensured I was safe and unharmed as I quickly threw responsible drinking out the window and began to drown my sorrows in a drunken oblivion. Not a particularly pretty picture I know, but not one I create all that often thank goodness.

There was a time when alcohol was my go to answer for many a question or problem. In fact getting rather drunk was just my go to for anything. Good bad or otherwise. Having a drink was the answer to it all. It took a while but eventually I learnt that this was far from the case. Every now and then though I tend to lose my way. Last night was one of those times.

Super deep sigh.

Needless to say today has been a bit of a nothing day. Mr Awesome escaped to a boys day at the Supercar racing and the girls and I have lazed around and moped for the best part of the day. My brother and his family leave town today. They are moving interstate and the girls are are less than impressed with no longer having any cousins nearby. 

We are pretty much a household of sad sacks at present. In a bid to brighten everyone's mood we hung by the pool for a couple of hours this afternoon. Which was lovely. It is amazing what sunshine and children's laughter can do for the soul.

I couldn't face the cold water so I sat by the edge and crocheted. Which is also amazingly wonderful for the soul. Now it is time for a quite movie while we wait for dinner and bed times to arrive.

Tomorrow is, as always, a brand new day. One that I will let fill me with hope and happiness.

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Friday, June 14

Things I Know

I know I have already posted once today but if the truth be told I actually wrote it yesterday. Only I couldn't post it yesterday because I had already published a post.

Influx I know but emotional filled days will do that to you I guess.

I had planned on writing something later on today because sharing the things I know on a Friday is one of my most favourite things to do. However opportunity presented itself now so now I am writing.

I know that getting up before 5 am is very bloody early. Very bloody early.

As early as it was it did actually seem like a rather good idea. I know done five hours later it is still too early to decide whether or not it was actually a good idea or not.

The upside to being up well before the sparrows fart was I got to read the book I received yesterday.

Which book is that I hear you say?

This one
Complete with a special message inside from the author herself. Having a friend that is a published author is nearly as exciting as being an author. Nearly by not quite though I imagine.

I know that ignoring my children so I could finish reading the book was probably not my finest parenting moment. Neither was the lateness with which they eventually arrived at school with.

I know that two days ago I may have been a worthy recipient of mother of the year with my cupcakes for Zany to take to school for her birthday but that award has since been rescinded after this mornings efforts.

I know that going for a run this morning did seem like a good idea until I was nearly done and realised that Teapot had fallen asleep.

On the upside though sitting here

while I penned this most of this masterpiece did make everything seem ok for a little while.

I know that I actually wanted to call this post Things I Know About Being Sad, because honestly the last two days I have managed to take sad to a whole new level. I didn't because as sad as I might have been the last two days I know there is also a whole heap about sadness that I don't know and quite frankly I am happy with that.

I know that tomorrow is a brand new day and while I would like to say I know I won't be as sad I know that is also just not the case.

I know that my reasons for being sad tomorrow and the next day are vastly different from my current reason for being sad. Sadly though now is not the right time to be sharing much about that as it involves a person who is rather against the whole sharing on the internet concept.

I know that come Monday or Tuesday I may not be feeling as sad and I can't wait to get there.

I know that means I pretty much want to fast forward through to the weekend and that is really just crazy talk. Who in their right mind wants to fast forward through the weekend?

I know if you know stuff you should totally come and join in the coolest linky ever over at

The day my Dad died

Despite me thinking I had covered every possible way it could have happened, when it actually did happen, it was nothing like I had ever thought it would be. Nothing. But then I doubt death or anything to do with it is ever really like anyone thinks it will be.

There were hardly any machines or cords. It wasn't in some special care ward or anything like that. It was just an ordinary day in an ordinary ward. In fact out of all of the times I had ever been through it all, this was one of the times when I was least expecting it to happen.

I had been up the night before and driving to the hospital I saw one of the most amazing moons I have ever seen. I remember thinking that it was a beautiful moon to die under and that perhaps this wasn't going to be the quick visit I thought it was going to be.

I then told myself off for thinking such ridiculous thoughts. As if it were that time this time?

I had always assured myself that I would just know when it was going to happen. Because you know, we were all close and stuff and I secretly fancied myself as a psychic some days.

From there I started to wonder if really the moon was that impressive? Perhaps I had over estimated her beauty that night? And in fact it was just an ordinary moon and I just happened to catch it in the right light giving a false impression of what I was seeing.

Maybe I had in fact seen many more a spectacular moon and dad had been just fine? Tonight would be no different. Everything would we A OK.

Of course it was already different though.

This time I wasn't racing up in the middle of the night after being woken up from one of those dreaded calls. This time I was just casually driving up after he had been taken up earlier in the day. 

It was of a time when flu of the bird or swine, I can't really remember which, were prominent. I was in the early stages of pregnancy with Teapot and wasn't taking the risks associated with hanging in hospitals if I didn't need to.

Dad had been up and down for quite a few days before Mum insisted he go to the hospital. When Dad didn't object we knew we had to get him there quick, but still didn't think it was anything to be overly concerned about. Hence why all agreed it was best if I spent as little time in the hospital as possible.

When I got to the hospital the nurse offered me a face mask though assured me that they were currently clear of any real risks. I declined and she ushered me to Dad. 

He had an oxygen mask, a heart monitor and a drip attached. All the usual gaff really. His eyes lit up the moment I was in sight. He knew that it was a tough time of night what with dinners and bed time and you could see he truly appreciated me popping in.

As much as I didn't like being there it was hard to stay away when you knew your presence made such a difference. 

I sat and chatted for a while. Repeating the mundaneness of my day and whatever may have happened with the girls. Idle chit chat really. Just our general daily download. Which is one of the things I miss most about Dad not being here anymore. He was such a great listener. Even if he never gave much advice one way or another I always felt better just for having told him stuff. Any old stuff as well.

It was starting to get late and I decided to go home. Everything seemed to so fine. Well not fine because he was in hospital but yet I don't recall feeling much worry either.

As I left I promised to bring the paper and his glasses up first thing in the morning. It all seemed so ordinary.

Sometime after I left and before I returned Dad was transferred to an ordinary room in an ordinary ward because that is just how ordinary it all was. This also meant that first thing in the morning became more like 10am because that was the start of visiting hours on the ordinary ward.

When I got there at a little after 11. Dad was in a terrible mood. Grumpy at me because I had taken so long. I offered my feeble excuse and shrugged my shoulders. What was done was done and I thought no more of it.

Dad's mood got worse and I suddenly realised it wasn't because I was late. His pain had gone to whole new levels. Once that drugs couldn't take the edge off. Somewhere someone said to me that I should start gathering any family that was nearby.

I wasn't really sure what that meant but went and called my mother and suggested she call my brother. My sister now lived interstate so we decided it wasn't time to call her yet. I can't remember why but for some reason, even though it was only a little of three years ago, I didn't have my phone with me.

I distinctly remember scraping around the bottom of my bag looking for coins and hoping that the pay phone on that level worked. Which it did.

It felt like forever till Mum and Brother arrived. The joys of being gainfully employed I guess.

Before long we were moved to a private room. By this stage all the staff were kinder than kind. Soft voices, gentle smiles and light touches whenever they walked past us. A little rub on the arm or a pat on the back. Just anything to say there there it will be alright.

One nurse came in to say she was going on her tea break, would she like me to take my little one to the staff room so she could watch some TV and give us some space. She had been so perfect all day. Almost as if she knew.

Doctors and nurses would quietly walk in and out of the room. Not wanting to intrude on our final moments but also wanting to know when the last breath was taken.

By now Mr Awesome had also been called and Brother's wife-to-be was also there. We tried to make light hearted conversation but it didn't happen. Dad was drifting in and out of consciousness and there were no words that seemed right. We wanted him to know we were there but we didn't want to disturb him in any way.

Even though it felt like the whole day, it was actually all crammed into a few short hours. In fact it was all over by school pick up time. I am amazed at my ability to have just walked out of the hospital the same way I did any other visit and go pick up Lovely from school.

For now though this is one epic post and if by chance you have made it to the end thank you for sticking around.

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Thursday, June 13

32304 Hours

Today should have been my dad's 84th birthday. Instead it is 1346th day since he passed away. Which is 3 years 8 months and 7 days or 32304 hours. 
Yesterday I read this post.

It touches close to my heart in many ways. Especially on days like today.

Before dad died he had been sick for a while. Years in fact. Thinking back now I can't even remember when he wasn't sick. But then perhaps that is really just the joys of old age?

All things considered equally though dad had a great life. As much as the last ten years saw far too many rushed trips to hospital, emergency room visits and ambulance rides for all our liking, it also reminded us just how precious life is and what a gift it was to have dad around for as long as what we did.

Sitting in Intensive Care (ICU) next to someone you love dearly laying there with all manner of machines and plugs attached to them has a funny way of changing your perspective.

I lost count of how many times I made that trip to the hospital wondering, if this time were the last time?

How many times I stood there next to that bed.
My mother sitting alongside the bed.
My brother and sister awkwardly loitering on the other side of the bed.

And Dad on the bed.

Surrounded by those that loved him most and beeping machines, cords, drips who knows what else.

Each of us not wanting to be there, yet there being no where else we could be.

Dad had always made it quite clear that he would rather we put him out of his misery rather than prolong life artificially. Thankfully it never actually came down to that though we were asked on more than one occasion if we wanted medical staff to begin CPR if it were ever needed.

It is an awful conversation to have.

One that needs to be had though and not just with your dying father.

It goes hand in hand with organ donation. Your family and those that love you need to know your wishes should you ever be in a position that renders you unable to express them.

For a brief moment, I lived in place that legalised euthanasia. I was so proud of the bravery of the politicians and the voters for supporting such an important movement. Everyone has the right to die with dignity.

Sadly though I also live in a place that can have their laws overturned and the powers that be did so with the euthanasia bill. It broke my heart and I hung my head in shame. This post was supposed to talk more about that than my dad. Can't win them all though can you?

Do you support euthanasia?

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