Thursday, January 24

Friendship reflection

Friendships are something that I spend a lot of time thinking about. Especially as I age. Friendships can be fickle if you don't make the right ones. However if you do manage to sow the right friendships seeds they can bring a life of love and happiness. As MultipleMum over at And then there were four points out we need the connection that friendship brings to help keep loneliness and isolation at bay.

For me friends are something that I have always felt like I struggled with. Even in primary school I can recall this awful feeling of just not fitting in. I wasn't overly different to everyone else, I just never felt like I had a secure circle anywhere. It was like people were always happy to spend time with till something better came along.

When I went to high school I purposely choose a school that I knew not many of the kids from my school would be at. I wanted a fresh start and a clean slate. I saw it as an opportunity to leave the struggles of the previous years behind me and create a whole new me. One that was cool and had a tight group of girls that would always have my back. The boys also thought I was a bit of alright and I would be the one that everyone would want to hang with.

Not surprisingly that is not exactly how things turned out.

Apparently being cool in the eyes of your peers as you are growing up is something you are born with. You have either got it or you don't. Much to my disappointment I realised quickly in my high school years that I was in the don't got it camp. It didn't take to long for me to realise that maybe I wasn't missing out on as much as what I thought.

Of course that is not to say I didn't manage to make some wonderful friends, because I did. And for most of the five years that I was in high school I was never overwhelmed with loneliness or isolation, but there certainly times when I questioned my place in amongst it all and there were many a time when I had the nobody likes me song going round in my head.

My first year of uni saw me out of home and living with my bestie. It was great, it was one of the first times that I started to feel a real sense of belonging. I loved it. I had wonderful boyfriend, a fantastic flatmate and a job at the coolest shop in town.

Life was great.

We lived in an inner city flat and were stumbling distance from the nightlife that is being a uni student. We partied, we studied, we were footloose and fancy free and the world was our oyster. It really did feel like a dream come true kind of life.

Looking back now I can't even remember what it was that made her move out, but move out she did and we practically never spoke again. She left town and I never heard from her again. It was all before the Internet and things. In fact, back then we didn't even have *gasp* mobile phones.

Do you know how old I feel right now?

Of course now that there is the Internet we are Facebook friends but it has only been within the last eighteen months and it was with great trepidation that I sent the request through. We messaged each other a few times but nothing more than super short updates. Which is pretty much the extent of all my interaction with those I went to high school with.

Just after few short months after my twenty first birthday I dumped my high school boyfriend and decided to move onto bigger and better things. The next few years blurred together and I suddenly experienced a whirlwind of incredibly intense romantic relationships, which would eventually leave me a single mother to a wonderful little girl.

So not what the magic ball had said when I asked as a teenager. But I digress.

This post was originally meant to be about all the beautiful friends that I have been blessed with. Especially of late. The last twelve months have really shown to me that I do have a place in this crazy old world. I still may not know exactly where that place is but I know there most definitely is one. What I do know though is it is a place that I am thankful to share with some wonderful people, both in real life and on Internet, thanks to this lovely little old blog of mine.

With that in mind I just wanted to say.

To all who left such lovely comments on Tuesday's post I am thankful.
Thankful that you stopped by and more so that you took the time to comment and show you care.

To all the lovely people who call me their friend I thank you also, I know that sometimes I may be slightly (or a lot sometimes) self occupied and don't seem to care, but trust me, when you need it most, I'll be there.

Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to one and all