Wednesday, March 14

In the Beginning


The blank screen just stared back at her. She could not think of a single thing to say. Her mind was far from blank but she just couldn't get the words together to form any sense. She 
sat there and let out a big deep sigh.

“Ahhhhhh” that felt better, even in it did only last but a minute.

She tried it again. This time straightening her back and holding her shoulders square. She tended to slouch a lot and the muscles in her upper body could notice the difference when 
they were called upon to work.

Of course it took a lot more effort to stand straight and tall.
That's probably why she rarely stood straight and tall. Rayisa was against anything that needed a great deal of effort. It's not that she was lazy as such, she just wanted to ensure that she got maximum results for minimal effort. Which really if you think about it makes a 
whole lot of sense.

The sighing didn't really work. She still didn't know what to say. She couldn't even think of where to start. After all it wasn't every day that you had to give a speech at your father's funeral.

Even just thinking about it she began to choke up. It's not that she couldn't deal with her father's death, she just couldn't believe he would no longer be a part of her life. At least not in a physical way like he did now. Deep within her aching heart and somewhere amongst her pool of inner tears she knew that he would always be a part of her life and when she needed it the most she would be able to call on his strengths.

They say there is no other love like that of father and daughter, and she new it to be true. Of course she loved her mother but she was certainly a daddy's girl. Everything with dad was so easy uncomplicated. Her did not seem so judgemental and if he did disagree he rarely spoke his mind. Her father believed it was up to the person to live their life and that meant living with the choice you made.

Lifting her head and looking at the blank screen she still felt no inspiration. How could she really think about what she would say at her father's funeral when he was still alive. Pushing towards eighty he had led a good life. Rayisa had always loved hearing stories from his past.

Initially she thought she could simply retell some of his more well known stories but then she realised she would never tell it as good as him. That and the fact that someone would probably jump up and correct her. Her family was like that. Always quick to point out a flaw in someone else.

Deciding this could wait a bit longer she turned the computer off. The shut down music blared through the speakers, making her jump but also reminding her to turn them off. She still didn't understand why he had asked her to get this ready now? But then he had been doing some strange things lately.

Picking up the hairbrush she ran it through her messy hair. Looking in the mirror she caught a few sparkly hairs. Some might call them grey but to Rayisa it was a sparkle. That was the way she liked to look at everything in life though, with as much sparkle as possible.
Reveling in her natural beauty she was pleased with the reflection she saw. In some ways she had more confidence than your average beauty queen, then in others she was still a shy and quiet seven year old that dreaded talking to anyone outside immediate family.

She decided that it was time for her to pull herself together and get into action! Her head had been throbbing for a while and she took that as a sign to go for a run. Maybe all the answers would come to her then. She started to braid her hair. While she loved the feel of a ponytail bouncing about as she ran, she couldn't stand the sweaty strands that would stick to the back of her neck. A braid was much more practical and where ever possible she liked to choose the pracitcal option.

Just as she was tying the elastic on the end and trying to recall where her sneakers were she remember she couldn't just go for a run anymore. She was actually amazed to think that she had forgotten. What kind of mother was she?

Not wanting to be too hard on herself Rayisa tried to console herself with the fact that she was still only a new mum. Little Tulip was after all only 17 days old. It was still hard to believe that the pregnancy was over. She had heard people say it was the longest nine months of your life, but she had no idea exactly what they meant till faced with it herself.
It was the running that she missed the most. She had kept it up till the six month mark, but since then she had limited herself to walking only. Having waited a life time to meet her creation she didn't want to jepodize anything in the final months.

She had expected to start running the moment Tulip was born. She had even gone and gotten one of those super duper extra flash jogging prams complete with it's own suspension for rocky terrain. Then the doctor said that there should be no running for at least six weeks. Apparently her body needed to heal.

Needed to heal? She hated the way that society put such a negative spin on a woman's body. She had not been sick or injured. There was no accident or wound she just had a baby. A very natural and non ill event. Rather than healing she liked to call it adjusting.
Her body (and mind) had to adjust to the new being in her presence. A beautiful little baby sent down from the fairy angels called Tulip.

As much as she hated to admit it though, the doc was right. Once she got home, running was not something she felt like doing. Up until now she had not even thought of going for a run. With broken sleep, milk production and washing nappies who had time for a run?
Plus till Tuesday she had still been bleeding. Even though it had been nearly 12 months since her last period she remembered enough to know that running at that time of the month was never great. Now that was done with she was feeling slightly more energised. Her milk production levels had also stabilised which was nice.

Now that she did feel like a run though, she was a bit disappointed that she couldn't just take off and go for one. This being a mum meant more change than she realised. Of course she had always known that it would be a lot of work but she thought that the first few weeks would have been a bit slower. But no. As always time just flies and there is no rest for the wicked. She wasn't complaining though, so far she loved every minute of motherhood, but then again she knew what a blessing she had been given.

Most mothers think that their babies are special but she knew that Tulip was destined to a life full of greatness. She wasn't completely sure what shape this greatness would take but she new it was there. Plus she had it on good authority.

Looking at her watch Rayisa decided that she probably still had an hour to herself. Tulip was a perfect baby, already settled into a routine and very predictable. Since she had already been asleep for just on an hour Rayisa knew she had some time up her sleeve.