Wednesday, March 14

Moving along, slowly getting it done.

When I sat down to write this post I had no idea what it was going to be about.  Part of me wanted to complain about how finding time to write was once again an issue, while another part of me screamed furiously Don't do it! That is BORING and no one wants to read trite like that.  Given I am nothing if not generally positive I listened to the scream and stared at the blank screen for a bit longer.

Once I realised I still had nothing to share I trundled over to trusty old Facebook.  As much as I love hanging out in Twitterland the never ending appealing of mindless clicking games will always win.  Aside from that most of my time on Twitter is as an observer and right now I don't want to observe, I want to interact.  Not that swapping coloured 'gems' to make three of a kind is really interacting but it is slightly more mind activating that eaves dropping on the Twitter conversations of others.

Eventually I managed to spit a paragraph.  It went a little something like

It had been another long day.  Again.  In fact it felt like the days were just getting longer and longer.  Only Sally seemed to be getting less and less done.

Ok so maybe not quite a paragraph.  There was a little more but I deleted it all and this was all I could recall.  Clearly not quite best selling material so no real loss I am sure.  I have been thinking that I really need to get more fiction happening, naturally though it is easier said than done.  Anyone who has ever said anyone can write a book has obviously never really tried themselves.  Mind you I do have an 
e-course sitting in my inbox that states it can teach anyone to write a book so for the sake of the course perhaps I am wrong.

Anyway, moving right along.

Writing fiction for me is a bit of a struggle at times.  At other times it is not.  Actually there has only been one time when it was not a struggle and that was back when I did my first NaNoWriMo, which I believe was November 2008.  Seems like a life time ago now though.  In that time I have lost my father, given birth, welcomed a niece and a nephew in to the world and countless other things.  One of which includes losing the multiple copies of my novel draft.

Yep you read that right.

I have lost all the copies of my draft novel.  Fifty thousand words down the drain and not likely to ever be seen again.  Shattered is an understatement.

People have said in the past well if you wrote it once you can write it again but honestly I am not sure I can.  I know that it had some serious flaws in it.  As you would expect since it was written in only one month (yep one month, go me.)  But at least it was something.  It was a start.  It was a pile of papers that held promise.  A pile of papers that showed to me this whole trying to be a writer game was worth pursuing.

When I first realised that one of the copies had disappeared I did not worry.  I knew that I had a back up and I was pretty sure that I even had a back up back up.  When I discovered that the back up back up was also non existent my heart jumped a little.  I began to imagine what if the back up is gone as well.  When I began to look for the back up without much success I could feel the lump of fear growing in my chest.  When it was finally confirmed that there no longer was a copy of my novel in any shape or form I cried.  And cried.  In fact even thinking about it now for too long can bring about a tear.

There are a few snippets of it here and there but at the end of the day they basically amount to nothing.  Well negative nancy says it amounts to nothing, when positive pearl drops back in a bit I am sure she will see it in a whole different light.

Thinking back to some of my posts the last week or so I guess it might seem that old negative nancy has been in residence for a while and maybe on some levels she has.  However that is not all bad.  Like I was only saying to Miss Nearly 6 earlier today we need the sad so we know what happy is (we were talking about sad parts in the movie she had just watched)  I need negative nancy so I can appreciate positive pearl when she stops in.

On the whole I am actually feeling really good about life.  Which is nice.  I can feel myself getting better as a writer, just the fact that I am actually writing on a rather regular basis is an improvement from the way things were.  Regular exercise is slowly becoming a way of life as well which is also pretty darn awesome.  I have even dared to go out in public in leggings, because that is what runners do and I feel like I am well on my way to being a runner.

Speaking of running, it appears as if the sun may be peaking out from behind a cloud.  So on that note I will leave it here but I will be back in the not to distant future.  With my birthday only a little over a week away there is much I need to say.