Saturday, April 25

A Writing Frenzy

Since I already have a few sites that I regularly neglected I decided to add a new one to the list. Though naturally I have every intention of not neglecting it.

A very old and dear friend sent me a link to a site called kidspot social. She thought that the members there could be within my readership target and I have to say I definitely agree. This site is great. I strongly recommend that as soon as you finish here you check it out.

Anyway within an hour of having my first post up there I had a comment! Regular readers would know that this kind of thing really means a lot to me. I need confirmation that I am being read or I feel no inspiration to write. which is just crazy as writing always makes me feel better and helps puts things in perspective.

So I now have another post ready to put up as soon as my eldest reaches the expiry of her computer time which I am thinking is right about now!

In keeping with the tradition of recent posts I had planned to include a photo but unfortunately my beloved stock.xchng is currently down. In all the years I have been using them though this is the first I can ever recall facing such a problem so I guess I can't really complain. I am sure there is somewhere else I could go but I really can't be bothered. Instead I give to you this yellow bird who frequents my back garden. I don't know why but it is heavily attracted to me dead tree.

Monday, April 20


Not exactly a lighthearted topic and generally not something that dinner table conversation is privy to. In fact, there are not many times when death is a welcomed topic for discussion. For me death is often in the forefront of my mind and has been for as long as I can remember.

I guess I should take a moment to clarify a few minor details.

When I say that death is on the forefront of my mind I actually mean that one of my first thoughts everyday is I wonder if today is the day he will finally be put to rest. I refer of course to my father.

I can not really recall the first time I had such a thought and I must say that it is only in recent times that it has reached near daily appearances. Which when you consider his current state of health is not really surprising.

When I was younger I guess it would have been fair to say that I feared the answer. My father is much older than my mother. In fact my father's first born is actually two weeks older than my mother. Not understanding the complete workings of the world I just assumed that old people died and I my dad has always been older than most.

Now however I think the day that the answer becomes yes would be a relief.

Don't get me wrong I love my father more than words here could ever explain. Not seeing him every day will be hard to adjust to and there will be a huge hole in my life for a while when he does finally pass, but watching the pain and suffering he is currently enduring is worse.

I can not begin to explain what it is like. Watching the man I have idolised for life become decrepit and frail. The one person who I truly saw as unbeatable. A tower of strength and power that few would ever be able to attain, slowly, and painfully fading away and falling to pieces.

Photo credits to Dimitri Castrique who I found on stock.xchng after searching the term death

Getting ready to explode

I have decided that my struggle to write is based firmly on the fact that I am a bottler. I bottle everything up. Much easier to get it out the way then. By tightly jamming it all into a bottle there is no need to deal with the struggles that often comes with life.

Like most people of the world I try to avoid struggles at all cost. They can be painful, if not arduous. Unfortunately though hardships and tough times are sometimes an unavoidable aspect of living. They are thrown in our direction to test our strength and make us stronger.

Depending on the struggle and the person in question, as well as fifty thousand other variables, the difficulty may or may not be successfully overcome. In the instances where the battle is not won it is more often than not just bottled up. Or swept under the carpet. Pushed out the window and otherwise ignored.

Over the years this has worked well for me. When things get too hard or I don't want to deal with whatever of life's tussles I am faced with just ignore it. I am left oblivious to any negative outcomes and I continue to sail through my existence in a self created sea of semi false happiness.

As with any container continuously filled with explosive or pressurised material there comes a time when enough is enough. When the limits are reached and the already overflowing bottle can take no more.

I fear I am at that point. Ready to explode. Unable to stop all my enclosed struggles from breaking free and forcing themselves not only to be recognised but dealt with as well.

Today's photo credits go to Caetano Lacerda I found this shot after searching the word explosion on stock.xching

Friday, April 10

It is easier to just play games...

That is why I haven't been here, writing away, pouring out my heart and soul to an anonymous audience that may or may not actually exist. Instead I have once again been suckered into the realms of virtual card collecting at Pack Rat.

The creators, Alamofire, are truly ingenious. Especially now that they have worked out how to get people to pay for the pleasure of paying. Whether or not they are actually making a profit is another question and quite frankly not the point. I assume that these people are doing something that they love, are enjoying themselves and quite possibly getting paid for it. Which in my book is essentially living the dream, so well done Josh and crew.

Some times I blame my lack of motivation or drive on my parents, particularly my mother for making my life to easy for me. I never really remember having to try to hard to do anything. Nor do I recall ever struggling or not being able to have or get something. While we were by no means a 'rich' family I had enough to remain on the outskirts of cool. I certainly never went without any of the teenage necessities, however what I had was never quite just right.

Academically I made adequate grades. Enough to show promise but at the end of the day only slightly above average. With hindsight I see that I never really exerted or challenged myself. Peers would spend hours studying to achieve the same results I achieved in half the time. For some reason though I seemed to lack the ability to push myself to really shine. A feeling that is still current in my life. I seem to have an innate ability to just accept mediocrity, actually it is more than just accept. It is more like embracing the average. Near enough is more than good enough. Any where within a 5 km radius (or thereabouts) will do.

I guess by now you are wondering what my point is.

Don't worry so am I. Random tangents seem to be my specialty, unfortunately though I have no more to offer now. Some new cards have been released so I must bid you all adieu

Today's photos caused me much angst in there insertion. I am still not completely happy with the way that they look but enough time has been wasted so am letting go and moving on.

The tiger is from my own personal collection while the African Pancake Tortoise comes from Penny Mathews who can be found at

I was searching for photos tagged with laziness, there were only a few, some bears and kittens and a lady floating on the water. (which I really loved but unfortunately had issues uploading, always next time I guess) It was the animal shots that reminded my of my very lazy tiger.